What do?
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
So I've just had my last lecture of my degree. One of the girls on my course - let's just call her K - messaged me and said "This is gonna sound like really really unusual but you're like really really nice, one of the loveliest people I know. How on earth are you still single?". I'd helped her with one of our assignments in class the day before, and I'd never really thought she was interested at all - however, my ex (who I'm close friends with) said she always had her suspicions.
I shrugged it off/joked about it, because honestly I wasn't interested. She's an incredibly lovely girl, she's pretty etc. But she's kinda immature. Like maybe that's a by-product of her bipolar disorder, maybe not. But she just seems immature. She plays video games a lot and always dyes her hair very extreme colours - currently it's pink and purple. Now, I play games, so I'm not necessarily saying it's an immature thing, but it just makes her seem that way.
Basically, I shrugged it off because I couldn't see myself with her. But now I'm starting to wonder whether to see where it goes/see what she's like in a relationship IF she actually is interested as a) I'm curious and b) I'm lonely as fuck and don't get female attention often. My questions to you, lovely people of /adv/, is:
a) is what she said a pretty good indicator that she is interested, or am I reading too much into it?
b) even though I've said I can't see myself with her, should I see how it goes, or should I just go with my gut feeling? Or do you think I'm just considering it because I'm lonely?
Some help would be greatly appreciated.
She wants the D. Thats no lie. Bipolar girls are a handful. My mom is bipolar. Go for it if you think you can handle it but it will require patience and and self awareness that her mood can change at any given moment.
If it helps, how I shrugged off her advances/how the conversation went is (I'm not posting the entire convo, this is the jist of it):
Her: This is gonna sound like really really unusual tongue emoticon but you're like really really nice, one of the loveliest people I know. How on earth are you still single?
Me: I think it's because I look like a magician. No one likes magicians.
Her: I don't see that
Me: I do. Look at Derren Brown when he did the russian roulette thing. Plus I'm happy being single at the moment, especially as I'm starting a Masters degree in September and want to get that out of the way before I settle down with anyone (incidentally, this is a bit of a lie, as I would date someone during it!)
Her: So if anything comes up you wouldn't take it until the Masters is done?
Me: I haven't thought about it, why?
Her: I'm just nosey!
Me: Well I'm pretty boring, there are more exciting people to be nosey about!
Her: I find you really interesting, and like I said you're very nice.
Then I basically said thanks, and that I needed a nap (which I did). So as an additional question:
If I DID want to pursue it, with all I said to her, do you think I'd even have a chance to sort of backtrack, or have I basically ruined any chance that I might have if I wanted to pursue it?
a) Pretty obvious she's into you.
b) Go for it. Not like you have to be head over heels for her to have a great time.
>>16992673
A.) she is intrested. because she msgd you not the other way round
B.) see how it goes, bipolar or not. sounds like she really likes you.
>>16992679
>it will require patience and and self awareness
I'm pretty patient, and I'm generally really chilled and relaxed. Though, I do have depression brought on by social issues/phobias and am waiting to receive CBT, so while I'm not the most stable person myself I'm generally very supportive of other people's issues and shit.
>>16992681
Actually you accidentally handled it right by not acting needy. Now ask her out.
Holy fuck you're reading too far into this OP. Yes she's interested now the ball is in your court
>>16992673
You already turned her down, so stick with it. Just be cool with her at the most. After you're done with your Master's, think it through again.
Honestly, though, you're lonely and going for someone who's easy. Stop.
>>16992713
Is it necessarily that she's easy, or just that she's available? I mean I'd like to think I'm being realistic - I NEVER get female attention. Not on dating sites, not at uni, not...anywhere, basically. I know that part of me is thinking "She's the only girl that's expressed interest so why not" but...shit, you're probably right. But then like others said, I can always see how it goes. If anything it might give me a confidence boost.
A) No it's a good indicator, stop pussy footing around and ask her out, you haven't ruined it dont worry. If anything your total indifference makes her crave you more
B) I say see how it goes, you sound a lot like a friend of mine. I always tell him to just go by the signs she's giving off, and the signs are good. If it doesn't work out in the end so be it. At least you had a companion for a little while
Girl I like/ hooked up with is insane basically. She goes out all the time, takes a lot of drugs and is extremely spontaneous and temperamental.
Basically, should I pursue, and ride on the rollercoaster (I acknowledge it will be)
>>16992673
>maybe that's a by-product of her bipolar disorder, maybe not. But she just seems immature. She plays video games a lot and always dyes her hair very extreme colours - currently it's pink and purple.
First of all, what the hell man, don't perpetuate stereotypes about vidya, you know it's bullshit.
Second, yes, the bipolar will make her seem immature (all bipolar girls i've met are like that), it doesn't mean she actually IS immature.
>a) is what she said a pretty good indicator that she is interested, or am I reading too much into it?
It sounds like she's at least a little interested.
>b) even though I've said I can't see myself with her, should I see how it goes, or should I just go with my gut feeling?
If you can't see yourself with her, don't do it. Period. Don't waste your time, don't waste hers.
Think hard about whether your loneliness is clouding your judgement, since it'll immediately disappear once you get with her: at that point, will you be thinking "oh fuck, what did i get into"?
>>16992681
You didn't fuck it up, and it sounds like she's very into you.
You can take the next step if you decide it's what you want.
>>16992739
Histrionic is a lot of fun till you walk in on her having a foursome with 2 chicks and a dude
Though if you're the type that would smile and join in, you'll enjoy the ride
>>16992739
No. It can only end badly.
Good luck op.It's worth a try is it not? Plus being with her can change her for the better and you never know how it'll turn out.
>>16992811
>Think hard about whether your loneliness is clouding your judgement
Yeah I guess I feel like it is. Part of it, anyway. But then the other part of me is like "Am I just assuming she's immature because I'm basing it on her dyeing her hair and her bipolar?" because if she isn't then I don't really have a reason to not try. Like I said she's pretty, and she's nice to talk to.
I guess the only other thing I'm concerned about is that I'm not the most socially functional person. Don't get me wrong, I can chat to people, but I do have some social phobias/issues, mainly when it comes to like parties and shit - big groups of people and whatnot. And general; insecurities, that may/may not be because I'm alone. But anyway, I wouldn't want to put pressure on someone with my insecurities and problems and shit, especially someone bipolar - that's just not fair to her, let alone anyone, right? Like when I'm in a relationship I don't really notice any insecurities/lack of confidence because I'm like "Shit I have someone, that's cool" but...yeah I just wouldn't want to burden her with that shit. I dunno man.
