Living is Hard
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Well, where to begin truly... I know from a young age my father had told me I was named after a cousin they knew who had been recently murdered, and that I was the product of a misused condom. Quite the kick starter of a good life is knowing that you are not only meant to carry on the legacy of this one person, but that you also weren't meant to be there in the first place. Flash forward to the awkward point of every child's life, middle school. I was in sixth grade when I came home to see my father packing up his car. Being young I didn't assume that what he was doing was leaving, but that reality struck when me and him sat down inside. He told me that him and my mom were going through a rough patch and that he needed to have some time away. He placed his hand on my shoulder and told me to be strong, and that I had to be the man of the house until he came back. The trauma that set down on me didn't fully set in until he was gone for a few weeks. Not only because I lost my father for the time being, but I lost a friend. A friend I gamed with, laughed with, and cherished every moment with. He just flashed out of my life in the blink of an eye, and he upset no only me, but my mother as well. After extensive months of my youthful rebellion, and being fatherless I began to find an escape for me that truly worked. Gaming. I gamed my nights away from dusk till dawn, and I assume the reason being was not only it disconnecting me from reality... but being a reminder of the friend that was gone. Time passed and my father finally came back home. I was eager to have the real friend I had finally back in my world, but he was different. He didn't wish to game with me anymore, every request to do so met with spite and reluctant "okay"'s, and my identity of him complete melding from a role model to somebody that I loathed. Somebody I didn't find joy in talking with anymore. My enemy in a way. I still loved the man, but he was much less of a role model than he once was. (cont.)
>>16984856
(Apparently I am Caleb Middleton now)
Time progressed on until Eighth grade, my father now furious with the only escape I had from the world, and the only joy I found from life. I was tormented at school and I was tormented at home. My items began to disappear as my joy for life quickly began to fade, and my grades plummeted faster than my own emotions. Life continued in this spiral for years. I gamed to get away from life, my family wished of me to no longer do so, I rebelled, rinse, wash, and repeat for years. The only utterance of a difference was me finding a girlfriend and a love interest. Truly, this one scenario is what kept me breathing and she one of the only people who I could turn to. Yet, as time continued, my father grew less fond of her, stating that her Catholic religion standings wouldn't favor well with my viewpoints (my view points being that I had no religion and still don't). I didn't believe him, and didn't wish to until 3 years down when she broke up with me because I was a spiritual midget. Her words not mine. Essentially I was a man perfect in every way, but I didn't help her spiritually. Man, the fact I had to admit my father was right was a trial on its own, but I accepted this and tried hard to move on. I graduate with some low A's and high B's, and before the graduation I had met a new woman. She was a good person from what it seemed since I met her through a dating app of all things. She liked what I did, she was funny, and she was a good person in all regards from what it seemed. I went to a graduation party with her and one thing lead to another... we did the nasty... with no condoms... and it was awful. I didn't feel right during. They say during your first time it is meant to feel amazing... life changing some people say, but it wasn't. If anything, I legitimately disliked it to a high degree, and shortly after I left her for the mere fact of me not wanting sex. (cont.)
>>16984865
I had contracted an STD from her, and what a lovely one at that. It was chlamydia (thank god), and after a cotton swab stuck in my dick hole and a light bit of medication I was cured, but my experiences didn't improve by much. Of course it wasn't long for the people that I worked with to find out what had happened, and I got renamed from "sir" to the "chlamydia wrangler". I laughed at it all to try and pass it off as nothing, but nothing seemed to help. I hated myself for what I had did, and nothing could change that feeling I had. After soul searching I figured that I was honestly upset that somebody like her had take something that I had held as a valuable. My virginity. After months of contemplating what to say, I finally tell my parents to see if they could help at all... long story short, they didn't. My father was angered at my leniency towards condom use, and my mother was worried I got her pregnant. However, once I brought up my virginity being lost, my father laughed and said "male virginity doesn't exist". I now realized that my father was now somebody I didn't know. He was a person I cared for no longer. Years have passed and our relations have lowered beyond compare. He yells for me not cleaning up my room and for trying so hard to lock everyone out, and I yell/retaliate for him never being there to help. My brother has begun to look up to me the same way I looked up to my father and I tell myself every day that I can't let him down like my father let me down. Yet, it is hard to keep strong when I work at Taco Bell, pushing hours from 7-5, waking up early for college, and coming home to meet a family that doesn't care for your existence. 4chan, I am asking what should I do now... I follow the same mundane patterns, I am tormented for my past, my life has revolved around trying to be the best I can be but I can't improve past what I am, my father has threatened to kick me out so many times but my mother rebels against it. (cont. Last one)
>>16984882
It was my fault that the wedded back when they were 19. It was and has been my fault for them having so many issues. I want to leave their lives, but I fear that if I do the only thing I would do is let down my brother. I can't do that to him. 4chan, I need help or advice... something to get me out of this hell... anything.
You lost respect for your dad because he won't play video games with you, and tells you to clean your room........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................white people
So your parents didn't use protection, and had you, which was your fault. Then you had sex without a condom, which was also your fault. For the latter, the only reason you're at fault is because you didn't get her pregnant. If you did, from then on it would be the child's fault for everything in your life.
Clean your room and quit being such a whiny bitch.
>>16984856
desu, telling me to do shit actually helped some. Thanks fags, you guys can keep saying for me to do stuff and I will save it for later.
yesterday is history
tomorrow is a mystery
life sucks, but you had a better one than 99% of people in the world, so it might be time to consider using those experiences to shape a better future instead of insisting its going to be bad because of things you had no control over growing up.
you are an adult now so video games dont need to be the 'only joy' you find in life, and neither should a girl for that matter. its rather silly to hinge happiness on the most temporary of all human relationships.
if you can stand to finish college than move out, do that.
but if you can't ditch and go start a life somwehre new. its rather fun.
but dont whine about how life sucks cuz your dad wasnt perfect and you had some break ups. we all had that. you're choosing to focus on the sadness of those relationships instead of the joy. thats your fault, no one elses. its literally refusing to acknowledge the good parts of life.
>>16984910
He lost respect for his dad because he abandoned him and missed a large part of his development...jackass.
The lack of playing games with his dad just helped him realize how they had grown apart.
>>16985096
>>16985021
Thank you both for understanding the things I was getting at and specifically thank you Tommy for the eye opener.
Symbolism isn't good for these occasions and I am sorry.
>>16985112
no problem mate, glad we could help. just remember that bad things dont have to detract from good things. remove things that make you sad, focus on things that are good.
good luck
