it time
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
it time
You've been drinking and wanted to fuck.
Good to know that seems to be the only time you text me. You probably don't realize it but it hurts a lot. A lot.
I don't want to see you tonight. I'm not going anywhere. You're not coming here.
I wish I could channel all the autistic energy and motivation I have for obscure and dumb shit into something practical that will help me get a job.
July 8th, 2015. First time I saw you
July 16th, 2015. Your birthday
July 18th, 2015. I got your number.
July 24th, 2015. You showed me your favorite song. It's this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_vaTlam9oc
Mid-September. You never came to the festival. I hadn't seen you in months and wouldn't for another few months.
October. You changed your mind last minute. Didn't see you then either.
November 18th, 2015. I saw you again, and we had a lovely time. I held your hand, you hugged me tight. I picked you up and spun you around, and you giggled and if I wasn't falling for you before then I was now for sure.
November 26th, Thanksgiving 2015. You told me about how you didn't actually have feelings for me and want to be with me like you had said. You didn't mean to, but this broke my heart
I also met your friend that day
December 6th, 2015. The last time you spoke to me.
December 13th, 2015. My birthday, that everyone forgot.
January 8th, 2016. Last time I tried to talk to you.
March 2016 still have nobody to talk to except an anonymous imageboard
fuck i'm lonely
I love you Sarah. I know it's crazy since we barely know each other but God I miss you so much. Why did I have to fall for you, I'm a wreck. I wish you were here.
I'm a coward.
>>16962768
Hearing your song tonight made me cry, even though I looked for it and all I could think of was how you wanted to play it on your violoncello
I wish you were here
I wish I could read minds. Only on command, though.
Holy shit, you are a total hypocrite, stick to your own words bitch if you are not going to apologize
You arguably cheated on me. At best, you monkey-branched in the shittiest way possible. If roles were reversed here, you wouldn't be half as forgiving as you're demanding from me right now.
The irony? We're only back together because I didn't manage to find someone else in the time it took for you to come crawling back. Guess I'm no better than you. And you're pretty awful, so.
I thought everything would be a lot clearer when I got here.
Once I figured out how to do it, I realized it wasn't as big as I thought.
Seems like a lot of needless suffering I endured for nothing.
I still feel confused as hell even though everything should be cool.
I mean I just have to show up now to succeed, just go to class, talk to people, do my homework and that's fucking it, I'm set, and I don't even care anymore.
Wtf is going on.
Everyone is a slave or a master and I don't want to be neither..
>>16962770
I love you. I think about you constantly. No one else even breaches the amount of attention I give to your mere existence and it is hurting me. I am as much of a coward, though. Please forgive me. I have been hurt a lot already.
Sarah
>>16962793
Everyone is a slave to the aspects of life we can't change: death, limited choice, etc. Some have better positions than others but no one can truly escape and call themselves the master.
>>16962748
It pisses me off that we've never banged.
It's become kind of bucket list thing for me at this point.
I don't know what precisely you did or said to give me these ideas, but I can't seem to let go of this theory that you're attracted to me and we've just never come across the right time to act on it.
It's flying in the face of all logic and reality at this point. I'm gonna be at your wedding someday still pondering whether you'd be interested in fucking sometime. It's that bad.
You broke my heart.
It's been some years, and yet the wound is still there.
The pain is always present, never stopping.
I hate you.
I fucking hate you.
I wish apes could graze
I need a lot of attention and I wish this girl liked me enough to give me what I need. I also wish I did not need all this attention. I need to grow up and stop crying. I'm too selfish.
I really just need to ask this girl out already. I'm proud of myself for finally getting the experience with people and ability to just start a with girls. Had no idea how to even start a year ago. I friended her on Facebook and started messaging her. Got her number and now I'm texting her. She's got a bit of a habit of not getting back to me very quickly sometimes. So I think we just need to meet up. She never seems uninterested, just gets caught up doing something and doesn't get back to me. Or that's what she tells me. I got no reason to suspect otherwise. I'll probably ask her tomorrow if she'd wanna hang out somewhere. She's also about the same age as me, which is a breath of fresh air from the 16 year olds that I always seem to get caught with. I need to start carding girls or something, because this is getting ridiculous. Last girl I got a number from told me she's a sophomore in high school. I made a joke that I am too, except I'm a college sophomore. Maybe I'm just bad a gauging people's age. It's also a product of looking like I'm 16 still. Maybe I oughta just grow a beard or something. I don't know. Shit gets itchy and I play with it too much. I'm just worried this girl mentioned in the beginning might be a little unstable. I could probably handle it, I just gotta figure out if I want to. And maybe I'm making assumptions and subconsciously sabotaging my own happiness by over thinking it. I'm creating imaginary obstacles and making it harder for myself when in all actuality it's much easier. Yep, im overthinking it. I can read it as I spill my thoughts onto a white comment box. I'll just ask if she wants to get... I dunno coffee? Is that what people do nowadays? A venue is about the only thing id have an issue with I guess. We got a lot of similar interests. Especially music and places to go hiking. Could find something relating to that maybe? I'll figure it out.
I felt like my dog was going to die tonight. If not then soon. She's old, shaking, and making a moaning/growl noise that makes her stomach suck in whenever she does it.
I know she's sick and I've accepted that she will not be able to live a whole lot longer. But tonight I just sat down beside her and cried. Something about losing dogs is just so heartbreaking. They're so loyal and unconditionally loving.
I thought of the last minutes with Oden video. I completely understand the guy, even though I've watched the video countess times before. Gets me every time.
I thought of you too. You showed me the video. Said how bad it was gonna wreck you when your pup passes.
I hope you and your dog are doing well.
I hope my Stella lasts just a bit longer.
I think I love you, but I don't know if you'll love me the way I do you.
I made a good acquiantance over the random videogame forum without knowing that this guy was browsing basket-weaving imageboards as well. We became pretty good penpals, we shared memes and interchanged information and knowledge, I felt like it's a type of person I can finally feel related to. We've been acquianted for 4 years. He told me he didn't want to exist anymore.
>last online: 71 days ago
It sounds like a sob story, but I can't get over these fucking feels. I am not good at writing as well.
If i think about women or look at porn with girls while I am masturbating then I always end up thinking about the woman I have a crush on.
I'm trying not to do this, so I've been looking at cocks instead.
I'm worried that I'm conditioning myself to find cocks arousing now. My wife is already concerned that I got a butt plug.
I don't know whether she'd be more upset to know that I fantasize about sucking cock, or that I am obsessed with another woman that I know. Maybe if she'd just fuck me once in a while this would be less of an issue.
"Sissy hypno" is pretty enjoyable for me at the moment, but I'm gradually starting to just look at cocks instead of that mixture of cocks and women.
I just want all the cocks.
Give me cocks!
Your out of my league, I admit that. I'm your typical loser who doesn't go out and is a virgin. But you fell for me because of my personality and humor, so I thank you for that. I'm a slow learner but I'm trying to become the man you want me to be.
I have a below average penis.
Just under 6 inches.
It's tearing my life apart.
Life is harsh, nobody cares about you. You have two options make enough money to survive or go to jail for vagrancy. You think some fling where you got way to attached matters, the other half has moved on. None of this emotional shit fucking matters, you get burned grow up. Rejection happens all the time you break up, she says no, you lose contact it happens now suck it up. The only thing that does matter is where you stand in society. Be aware you are constantly being judged by your education, your looks, and how much money you have.Those three things will get you somewhere in life. The last thing you want is to marry some bimbo and watch her grow up with the fridge. I've seen people marry there sweethearts and guess what she got fat. There are better options out there wait it out and quit being such a bitch.
Well, my grandmother gave me a good talking to about my parents and how I should apologize to them, mostly my mom, about me saying that I want to kill my mom and eat her and play with the shit afterward to her face. I hate her though and don't want to apologize. After cheating on my father in front of me, acting like a drunk slut throughout most of my childhood, warping my brain, telling me lies and subsequently helping me to develop a cuckold fetish, I'd like to see her suffer and be miserable. I want her cancer to come back and kill her slowly. I want to watch her waste away in hospice care and see her cry. Also, fuck the other slut too. My ex girlfriend used me and is now happily walking around campus with her newly acquired friends and being all cute like the fucking snake she is deep down. She used to be modest, shy, and genuine. Nope! It was a ruse. After everything she told me about being sorry that she left me alone that led to our relationship, she leaves me alone again. I fucking hate her and want her to be killed too. My weak fucking father, as well, deserves nothing but the worst for not growing a pair and leaving my mom. And my brother. His stupid macho man facade is a joke. He's weak and insecure deep down and he hides behind jokes and sarcasm. What a fucking lowlife and I'm glad he lives in a shitty apartment in the ghetto. I hate my family. I have no friends. I want to kill myself.
>>16963127
>t I want to kill my mom and eat her and play with the shit afterward to her face.
>I want her cancer to come back and kill her slowly
>My ex girlfriend used me and is now happily walking around campus with her newly acquired friends
Can you blame her though, if I knew you I would try my hardest to avoid you at all costs
>>16963143
Good.
>>16963152
get help, stop blaming others, you are fucking weird
I'm not depressed and it's not like I've ever thought about it, but the thought of death came up to me. This time. I dwelled on it too much and freaked myself out.
I worried about not existing mentally and what it feels like to be non-existent. I felt cold and started to shake afterwords.
I know there is real no answer, and it's the journey and not the destination and all that crap. But it still hurts to know that in the blink of an eye, I'm gone.
I'll just eventually cope with it, just to have to do the whole thing over again another time and live life normally by tomorrow, but I seriously didn't expect to be this scared of it.
>>16963165
Already went to therapy and talked to many people. Even went to a psych ward for care. Nothing helped. And the grudges I hold against these people will not go away. I don't care if I'm weird.
>>16963165
And you're a fucking asshole
I'm probably never going to get a girlfriend, not because I'm ugly or completely awkward (I am a bit though), simply because after 26 years of being alone my expectations from a girlfriend is just too high to become true. I feel like all the problems I have right now would go away if I had a girlfriend. While in reality she's just going to be one more person around.
In my dreams I watch things with her, I code with her, I design circuits with her, I walk around pointlessly with her, whenever I call her she is just happy to cheer me up and so on. The actual thing is just going to be an embarrassment compared to my dreams:
>Want to go for a walk?
>To where?
>Just walking around.
>Haha, you are funny, wanna hit the x club or y bar?
>Sure I'd definitely like to participate in modern mating rituals.
Man I'm a failure at social relations. But what's the point of maintaining a relationship with a girl if she's not something special? I have my friends around to do stuff with, I need to share my life and I have not found a person like that and with my quite impossible standards I don't think I ever will.
I wonder if I could find someone who would become the second voice for everything I do, in every failure, in every step.
>>16962735
Its just a prank bro
I bet I'll fuck up again as always, and I know I'll definitely give up sometime soon. It's just a part of me.
I'm so extremely depressed but nothing seems to help. All of my friends are doing their thing and focused and excited to move forward. I'm over here wandering around and lost, afraid to start, afraid of fucking up, afraid of moving on. I was stunted emotionally long ago, and you may not fully understand that, but I think I'm pretty normal considering where I came from and what I dealt with. Still, I'm starting to lag behind. And while I'll be going back to school, if it doesn't work out this time I might just end it all. I'm more of a burden than anything. I've always felt out of place amongst the group, and while you are still my best friend D, I feel like we are drifting apart slowly.
Why would you want my opinion? It means nothing, please please do what you think is best. Don't try to please me. I don't need it. I want you to be happy so don't worry about me. I'll try my best but I can't promise you I will make it. I'm still waiting for things to get better for me. I am replaceable, I know I am. I will never be the best at anything, I will never be the smartest or make a lasting impact. Even so, I want to find my happiness. I just don't know where to look for it. Don't wait for me, you go on ahead.
>>16963085
I don't know you, but your size is fine, honestly
>>16962894
There's a guy I keep giving attention to, and really I'm just in love with him but I hate it when he goes attention seeking from other women too, because it makes me feel worthless to him. He used to give me his undivided attention. I have make friends but I'm not flirting with them. FML
What the hell is wrong with me? I always get mad over small things and chase away people who come close. It's the reason why I have never been in a relationship. I think I need professional help. fml
I died, didnt I? If you see this, you should finally fucking reach out. I'm literally dead. How did this happen? Why am I dead? Why am i dying? I'll be gone very soon. Do you even know how to reach out to me? If you cared enough, you would find a way. I did everything I could to fix things, because I wanted you to be by my side in this life. I'm.. I'm exhausted.. I'm so weak and tired from all the trying.. I really am starting to die. I know that sounds like a joke, but in a few days I will probably be dead, and you never even said goodbye. When I close my eyes and sleep for the last time, I wanna hear your voice ...
I'm drifting away, man. I'm nearly gone, I'm nearly there. I give up.
I turned 22 today.
I'm getting old, anons.
>>16963445
>22
That's cute.
Happy birthday, gramps
I had such high hopes for this day. And she just canceled our date at the last minute. I feel bad for her that she's so sick, and wouldn't have wanted her to suffer just to be with me... but now I'm the one feeling bummed. She did set a new date, but now I have to sit out the day here doing fuckall because our plans were the only plans I had this weekend.
I fucking hate you so much. You fucked me over. You said it was for the best, but I know it's because you're too much of a pussy, worrying too much about getting along with everyone.
But I'm so in love with you it hurts.
Fuck you, K. I hope we eventually do get together so you'll be as depressed as I am, you bitch.
I love you.
>>16963434
Nobody is worth dying for or over, be true to yourself and let your love flourish in the world
>>16963434
bro y'all need some jesus
i'll call him up and he'll hook you up with the good shit
>>16962770
Initials?
>>16962768
you are sweet and perceptive anon I hope someone else can be loved by you
I'm basically worthless. Suicide is a daily thought. No one will miss me. Just a matter of when I'll do it.
>>16963510
That's deep.
you let me take your wamrth,
with you in bed,
I cant wait to come inside the door,
let me in,
we had been so close inside,
you let me in, I let you in
we had been so close I thought
>>16963580
First of all: you're not worthless. Nobody's worthless, and somehow I doubt you're the one exception.
No one will miss you? You have no family, friends, coworkers? Humans are social creatures, and the idea that nobody will have any social attachments to you whatsoever is practically inconceivable.
Generally speaking, suicidal people have depression or some other serious mental illness, and should be seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, not ignoring their problems and giving into their symptoms.
Here's a guide on how to find a mental health providers: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/mental-health-providers/art-20045530
Here's one on how to find a therapist: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/how-to-find-therapist
Here's one on dealing with suicidal thoughts: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
And here's a list of suicide hotlines, organized by country: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
Help is real, and it's lasting, and it's necessary. Don't give up on it.
>>16963589
You slip in, so close
So naturally to me
Whispers I've heard in the night
Stood beside in fractions of seconds
Seen by all
Before, we were before
In real time again
So easily we blend
Into the landscape
Like underground creatures
Of unknown origin
Rising to be known
>>16963593
Thanks, I guess, but I really see no point in carrying on. If we're all going to die at one point or another, what's the point in waiting?
>>16963616
...how about literally all of the life that you have left to live?
>>16963617
Is there really any point in it?
>>16963622
not the anon you're talking to, but is there anything you really ever only wanted from life? If your life is lacking anything at all, then there is plenty to fill it with
>>16963635
Well I'm building a PC for the first time soon. That's about it.
GF spreads propaganda about me wanting to hurt or kill her family. We get into heated arguments and our bloods start boiling, she mentions her brother(Not by blood, adoption) who drinks, sells drugs and is a thief. He's done many things to her and has even went as far as beefing with me even when I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
So now when we argue and she mentions him and her fear about him it just makes me want to go and crush him like a tin can. But when I mention so she tells everyone I am trying to hurt her family and friends and screams at the top of her lungs.
This really frustrates me because she made a thread on this board stating these things even and it's just a bunch of nonsense which really confuses the way I think of things now.
She has a few mental issues but damn, I've been dealing with this for over 2 years now and it is destroying me, I've given up on not only my friends, my family and my job, but I've given up on my own life and sit here worthlessly rotting away and cutting all social ties and soon her, so I can just finally fucking end it all
SOMETIMES I SHIT IN MY PANTS ON PURPOSE
wow, that feels good.
>>16963641
Leave her man. Then fix your life instead of "ending it all".
>>16963644
>not showering
>nagging
>rarely cleaning and asking for help when I do clean
>yelling
>generally being gross nose picking/farting
>even cheated on him and he won't break up with me wtf
Literally what she said; what the fuck man, I've only ever tried to be a good person especially to her. I knew long ago putting myself in this position would get me here and time and time again she has tried to crush me. I'm in so deep now so offing myself just seems like the easy option, you know?
>>16963657
Can't really say I know but you only feel that way because you are in it and can't see from an outside perspective.
There is a life outside of this hell. It's just going to get a little worst after the break up but you will pick yourself up. Trust me even though you don't know me.
I'm crazy about this girl, and I'm 90% sure she feels the same way. I just don't have the guts to to anything about it. It's not even about the potential of getting rejected. I'm actually scared that it might work out.
>>16962813
you left him girl
>>16963676
Actually, I didn't. Everyone treats it as though I did.
I love her.
I've thought about so much lately, now that I blew my chances at studying for the foreseeable future.
I've realized I'm the problem. I'm the cause for everything that went wrong in my life, from the lack of social life to the absolute mockery of a life I'm leading.
I hate myself. I have for a while. I didn't realize it, but it's so clear now - that is why I feel no different after it dawned on me. Even now, I see no hope. No point to fixing anything. I'm a failure as a human on every possible level, including physical.
The only value of a life is that which is subjectively assigned, but I find no value in my existence beyond what remains of my family bonds. Once those break, or once my mother dies, what is there to live for? At that point, no one would truly care. The rest of my relatives haven't even spoken to me in the past six years - well, none save for my grandmother, but she passed away by now.
I can't find a reason. I just can't. There is nothing I really want. I don't care for money - certainly, when I have it, I enjoy spending it, but not quite enough to pursue it. I don't care for social standing. I'm nowhere near talented enough in any field to change the world. The reality of being irrelevant makes everything else seem so pointless.
How can I ask someone to love me if I hate myself? And even then, how could I live solely for someone else again? It's pathetic.
Years go, and nothing to show for it.
And to think I was comfortable with living off disability money for so long.
The last friend I had. The last time they spoke to me was three months ago. After four years of silence. They're doing far better than they did when associating with me.
I'm a fucking parasite.
And now I'm stuck waiting for someone to die, just so I don't have to feel bad about ending it for myself. What the fuck is wrong with me.
Only a few more decades.
I wonder if I can actually hold out.
I wonder if venting will even help at this point.
i lover my ex and she hates me
>>16963673
I'll give that a 100%
What's the worst that could happen?
Girl X
>>16963578
thanks anon i hope so too
I'm afraid that he's going to forget me while he's away.
He probably knew there'd be no way we could contact each other.
He's probably already found/fucked someone else.
He probably doesn't miss me at all.
He probably hasn't even thought of me once.
He's probably so happy to be away from me.
He probably wishes that he was back where he was last year.
He's probably wishing he never left there.
He's probably wishing that he'd stayed with/within reach of her. And the rest of them, however many people he was with.
He probably wishes I never found out so he could keep doing it. If he ever actually stopped.
He's probably realised what a piece of shit I am.
He's probably realised that I don't mean anything.
He's probably realised just how worthless I am.
He's probably realised that I don't deserve anything.
He's probably realised I'm not worth it.
He probably doesn't want to 'be better'.
He probably never meant any of the things he said.
He's probably realised that I deserve his abuse and the way he treats me.
He's probably realised that I wasted over well over two years of his life.
He's probably realised that he only wants me for sex, if that anymore.
He's probably realised he doesn't 'love' me, if he hadn't realised that already.
He's probably realised that he was never actually 'in love' with me.
He probably doesn't even want me anymore.
He probably doesn't ever want to see me again.
He probably hates me and resents me.
He probably wishes he never met me.
I know for a fact that he (at least, a part of him) wishes he never fell in love with me. He, no doubt, probably doesn't even remember telling me that. But I do. I'll never be able to forget those words. Nor will I be able to forget the anger and resentment behind them.
He doesn't love me.
If he, miraculously, does love me, I hope one day I'll actually believe it.
>>16963177
Just kill yourself already then. Obviously everyone is better off without you.
>>16963768
Wow, you really remind me of myself. I wish the best for you anon, don't give up just yet.
>>16963977
I have given up long ago. But it means nothing. I can't die until I'm sure no one would mourn me. That's my last gift, in a way.
I considered ending it earlier, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. In the end, I still care, I suppose. Or perhaps it's the fact that, ultimately, that one last positive relationship I have is the only way in which my death would have a notable effect on others, beyond that is the inconvenience of having to dispose of my body at some point afterwards. Or not, depending on how it will all end.
Whichever it is, I cannot in good conscience commit suicide before my mother dies. It would break her. I am, after all, her only son. A failure, perhaps, but she doesn't seem to mind. I cannot fix myself to repay it properly, so the least I can do is spare her the sorrow.
Perhaps, in those decades yet to pass, I will find something to live for. Who knows. I've been stuck in a downward spiral for the last seven years, but things could change.
I'm just not holding my breath, you know? I thought about it all, and logically speaking, the chances are slim.
I could find something to care for, enough to better myself. But I've looked into and tried so much, and nothing holds my interest.
I could find someone to care about. I feel as though direct support, someone to lean on, would help. But I can't ask that of anyone in good conscience. To be support for a broken man is not a duty to be thrust upon someone. And yet, life is different from fiction. There was, is, and likely will not be an individual conveniently concerned for my well-being for no apparent reason, and to a sufficient degree to actually withstand the sheer bullshit dragging me to normalcy would be.
On the upside, it seems venting does still help, just a bit. And your reply did, too. Somehow with the entire thread, and others like it, with the knowledge that others go through shit like I am, a direct response still... worked better, somehow.
>>16962735
I am obsessed with sex and romance. Not only is this because I'm horny and alone, but I'm obsessed with theory, how sexuality works in society. I consider everything to be hopeless, I think we need another sexual revolution that brings back monogamy, but with freedom to choose partners and equality for both. Not even sure how that would happen.
I think we'd make good friends but it seems like you're easily influenced by brown nosers instead of getting to know me and making up your own mind.
I don't know why you almost refused to say hello to me at the event last night. As if I did something to hurt you? I haven't and in fact I've been far more supportive of you than you have of me and my own creative projects and maybe one day you'll realize that.
>>16964015
You seem to be a bit older than me, and I won't try to act like I understand your full situation, but you at least seem like a good man. I've definitely felt the same way you have. It's hard to keep moving and try and fix things, because that requires you to really want to change. And if you've tried and tried with no results, that can be extremely demoralizing. Just know that people have found happiness from lower points than you are right now.
And like you said, you wouldn't end it before your mom passed. It sounds like you want a meaningful relationship, but you know you aren't ready for one. Maybe that's just me projecting. There's still time to find peace with yourself and I really hope you do. I want that for myself as well.
If you want to be with me and not just play around, you need to tell me you're alive and you still love me when you're like this, it only takes 2 seconds. You can't just drop off the face of the earth anymore.
Those are my terms if you want me to actually be invested in you.
C
>>16964043
No, I think that's exactly it. I thought about it a lot, and I've spoken with many people in difficult situations. The majority stressed the importance of other people. That having someone - anyone - to rely on is tremendously helpful.
But as you say, I'm not ready. I think I'm too damaged right now for anything major - whether it's romance, or simply true friendship. For the former, well. As I wrote before. I can't expect someone to love me despite the fact I hate myself. And, with nothing but that relationship to live for... well, I don't think 'desperate' would even begin to describe what my attitude would be. I know myself too well. I would not be a partner, I would be either a leech, or the equivalent of a child or pet. Inequality of that degree is... well, I would never ask anyone for that, even if there were people who would be willing. Or, well. I'm sure there are, but I fear most would simply want someone to be dependent on them in ways they could exploit, or something.
Anyway, when it comes to friendship, it's really just that only a good friend could assist a person through so many issues, and getting to that level of friendship is the problem.
It's not even just the fact I'm socially inept, or have empathy issues - those are both fact, but they are not the core of the problem. That would be the fact I've lost... either the ability, or the will to pretend everything is fine at some point. And who would really want to hang out with someone who radiates despair?
I mean shit. I wouldn't.
Of course that's partially because the sheer depression circlejerk would end in disaster, but still. I'm essentially a walking buzzkill.
All said and done, the problem is that of motivation. Had I any reason I could find to better myself, any compelling enough to spur me to action, to do anything... well, who knows. Maybe I'd give up anyway. But at least it'd be a chance.
I don't think I'll ever fall in love again. I'd almost be cool with never being loved, but I honestly think I'm done with loving people.
At least respond when people give you feedback.
>>16964095
I don't really have any friends aside from acquaintances from work. I could be your friend. I am pretty boring though.
>>16964081
What the initials of the person you're writing to?
>>16964116
Well, it can't be worse than me, I'm sure. After all, I have no actual interests. Everything I do, I do solely to pass time and push away the thoughts.
Still, while I genuinely appreciate the offer, serious or not - what I wrote still holds true. A relationship started with the express purpose of being used as a crutch to fix myself is a terrible idea, whether or not the other person would get something from it as well.
>>16964139
Well, I have never had any real friends. They always used me for something they wanted from me while I wanted their company and acceptance. To be quite honest, I am the kind of disgusting person who would rather just be used. You can use me if you want as a supportive crutch, if that would keep you from thinking you need to kill yourself. I used to think a lot like you, but I still have things I want to do despite being heavily depressed. I have my parents and my pets.
I think I used to have interests and I piggybacked them into my only relationship. But I just want to be normal, I wanted to step away from the things I did to try and smother the loneliness and incessant boredom, but the person I was with only liked me because of what he thought I liked, and for the benefit of saying, "look, someone likes me". I was used to being used but after almost a year I couldn't take it anymore. I was letting him use me even though I got nothing but a crutch out of it, something to look forward to even though I knew I would be disappointed each day when I woke up. He thinks too much like a child while acting wise and old and I think too much like an old person while acting childish to feel the comfort of regression.
I am not a very good person, but I can still keep you company until you find someone better. I have done it for many already.
>>16963641
>>16963948
Man, whats with you anons here and abusive relationships? People could copy your stories directly into psychology textbooks / education pamphlets as example cases.
Though as an anon with no friends/relationships whatsoever, I have to wonder which of us is crazier.
>>16963768
>>16964015
>>16964095
Anon, this is textbook depression, go see a psychiatrist. Their profession exists to fix such problems. It's one of the most common diseases in the world, and very treatable.
Also:
>Anyway, when it comes to friendship, it's really just that only a good friend could assist a person through so many issues, and getting to that level of friendship is the problem.
>And who would really want to hang out with someone who radiates despair?
pic related (though i lost the good one, someone post it)
>>16964164
I still think that would go badly, for both of us. Is it really a good basis for friendship, or any sort of relationship, if the sole purpose is mutual exploitation?
Insert cynical comment about how every relationship is like that here. But really, I don't think it has to be.
>>16964166
See, it's funny. I know it is. And I know that my reasoning of "I don't think they will actually help me" is used by more or less every person with depression, and likely to be false. But it still doesn't change the fact I can't bring myself to believe it could help.
One could ask: What do I have to lose? Well, foolish pride and excuses, I suppose. I just loathe the very idea of spilling my problems to a person that cares only because it's their job. Well, no, that's unfair, many must have gotten into the line of work out of a desire to help people - but it won't change the fact I'll be simply one of many. The only reason I'm doing it here - and it isn't even the first time - are because it's anonymous venting.
Also, I'm... well. I can't say I'm averse to medication, it's more that I'd be too likely to develop a dependence. I haven't gotten addicted to alcohol or anything else solely because none of that actually helps. Drinking, for example, just makes me increasingly more morose. But any possible medication I might get to treat depression, well, if it works, then I'll ride that train straight into a clusterfuck.
You're exactly like me, and that scares me, because I know how cold you can be.
I trusted you when you told me that you no longer loved her, but I knew that you still cared.
Maybe I should have kept you at a distance until I was sure that I wasn't just a distraction, but we made each other so happy, I thought maybe I was different.
But now I feel you drifting away. I hear you say "I love you", but it's different. It doesn't feel the same way. It's empty. You say it because you don't know what else to say- If you don't say it, you know it's gone. Does her face come to mind when you kiss me? Is the only excuse that you're going to give me that you aren't feeling well? You weren't feeling well when you went to her house the other day. Is it the distance? It'll be gone soon, just a few more weeks. It's not even that far to begin with. I'd drive to you every single day if I could.
Why are you acting so strange? Why did you lock your phone- I never used it anyways. What happened to us?
Why her and not me?
>>16964262
I don't think being simple Internet friends is going to cause a serious issue. I don't want to exploit you for anything, but I understand how you might feel and I would like some company. What defines exploitation is the reason for which something is done. I don't think you have poor intentions.
>>16964300
I suppose I'm looking for problems at this point. In the end, it's a mixture of knowing that I'm a very boring person to talk to, on account of being a living buzzkill with no interests, therefore every day's summary amounting to essentially nothing happening; and the simple truth of internet friendships being ephemeral things, which wouldn't be much of help in general.
After all, when it comes to venting and discussion of problems, the board itself serves well. Perhaps better, for the variety of viewpoints.
My life plan will work out right.
I dont want to end up homeless.
So many homeless people walking around this city.
God.
Oh God.
I need someone to show me that I'm not the undesirable, 2nd best person that I feel like. I've taken chances and tried, but I always seem to get the short end and made to feel like I'm somehow inferior to everyone else. Unfortunately for me, I do have feelings.
It's 5am, and I'm so tired, but I can't sleep because I can't stop puking.
Every fucking Easter this happens and I never learn my lesson. Christmas lulls me into a false sense of security that I am a bottomless pit and can handle my sweets, then Easter comes and I happily gorge on chocolate, and forget that the reason it's easy at Christmas is because I'm also eating a shit load of top notch meats and salads. But just chocolate? That's madness.
I make a vow here and now that next Easter, I will make a big delicious salad the night before so I have no excuse to groan aimlessly into the fridge that anything worth eating will take too long to prepare. I will eat a nutritious breakfast after waking and not just immediately dive for that big colourful egg like a 6 year old. I will fit chocolate around 3 square meals, not accidentally replace those meals entirely by picking at the chocolate bowl until I'm not hungry enough to eat any real food.
But at least I haven't had room to think about any real problems for like 10 hours. And aint that what the holidays are all about?
Count your blessings, kids. And count your chocolates before you somehow manage to die from theobromine poisoning.
>>16963673
Fight the urge to run. Tell her this!
pls just order pizza today
I don't know what to do
my life is screwed
i can function socially and I have so much inner conflicts
i feel worthless
![7rKIO4o[1].gif](https://i.imgur.com/krZP9Pw.gif "7rKIO4o[1].gif")
All of my friends are either assholes, or are now dating assholes so I can't be around them.
College is so fucking hard and it's starting to really take it's toll on me.
The only person I have is my girlfriend. I love her to death, but I wish I had more friends than mostly just her.
Life's a bitch sometimes
>>16963824
Yeah, 100% seems right. The worst that could happen? Opening up, and then getting crushed again.
>>16964440
This hits close to home. That's exactly what I'm doing. Running away, sabotaging myself so that I don't have to take responsibility for failure. Because if it does work out, it can only blow up in my face.
FUUCK YOU ALEX YOU STUPID CUINT< ALL YOU DO IS FUCK WOTH PEOPLE AND MAKE THWEIR LIVES HELL you fucking used me to no end and then just blocked meopt of your life when it suited YOU i gave so much time and energy intop making you happy and helping you with youre issues and then i get treated like a door mat
You'll probably come back again and then ill just fold
like every other fucking time, so fuck you, and I love you
you fucking bitch
I'm so fucking confused sometimes. Broke up with GF of almost one year 3 weeks ago. She's in Taiwan now due to Exchange semester, almost two months there.
Sometimes I miss her so insanely. Sometimes I think we're better off like this. Sometimes I wish I didn't already book the ticket to visit her. Sometimes I say to myself to just say 'fuck it' and go there anyway. Sometimes I just want to know how she is doing and if she misses me too. Sometimes I just don't give a damn.
First breakup and I feel increasingly better about myself, but I also have doubts if I am 'suitable' for a relationship due to this one failing. I'm already 25 and almost graduated from Uni, what then? How to meet girls?
All this stuff.. IDK. I know that I can only do my best and try to develop and keep myself busy anyway, but time.... is time.. and it takes long.
>>16964343
You won't end up homeless. Maybe on the edge of desperation like nearly everybody, but you probably won't be homeless. But it isn't any better, the stress and uncertainty will gnaw at you as though homelessness is right around the corner, and you'll wonder where fulfillment or security is.
>>16964476
What's stopping you from making new friends?
I'm sorry for cutting our ties, but it seemed as if you weren't interested in me anymore, as you did before
>>16964500
You know that little voice in your head right now that's feeding your doubts and insecurities? It's a defense mechanism stuck in overdrive. If you listen to it, you'll be stuck wondering "what if?" for the rest of your life. Don't let it happen, anon. Things with this girl may work out, or they may not- focus on the moment and take that leap... nothing is perfect, after all, and if she makes you happy then it'll be worth it either way
Why girls need assholes?
like only because they're strong?
>>16964262
>I just loathe the very idea of spilling my problems to a person that cares only because it's their job. Well, no, that's unfair, many must have gotten into the line of work out of a desire to help people - but it won't change the fact I'll be simply one of many.
Look at it like going to any other medical professional, like a GP, dentist, optometrist, etc.
Sure, it's a little more personal/awkward, but so is a urologist/gynecologist visit.
We can't really help all that much over the internet, only a local doctor can do things like prescribing medication and referring to a therapist.
>it's more that I'd be too likely to develop a dependence
Not likely to be a serious problem with antidepressants (eg it's much more of a problem for people with anxiety and such, who are prescribed benzodiazepenes).
Antidepressants are taken daily and take effect over a long period of time (like 6 weeks), so it's not something you can pop or stop on a whim.
>Is it really a good basis for friendship, or any sort of relationship, if the sole purpose is mutual exploitation?
That's kind of the entire basis of friendship, it's not a bad thing. We help each other, give each other advice, etc.
>>16964121
If you think its you then message me so I know you're okay
>>16964606
Oh, don't worry. That reply made me certain I'm not the person you're writing to.
If I was competant to get a girlfriend I would stop wishing I was dead. My ex broke up with me over a year ago but I don't know how to socialize anymore. Also I had to drop the main class of my major because I was failing and now I don't know what to do with my life anymore and I don't know how to tell my parents
>>16964579
This. If we all only knew how short life really is.
I hate you for not sleeping with me after a year and a half, even though I know you had good reason, and so i hate myself too. I feel like I wasted all that time after you made me get rid of all my friends and then immediately broke up with me. Who the fuck does that? I strained so many relationships for you and I got NOTHING out of it. Now I'm even made fun of by my friends who thankfully forgave me because of YOU. I think the worst part is I desperately want to blame you for my social ineptitude, but I know it's actually just because I'm such a coward. I don't know if I hate you.
I just got back from a two week trip to Thailand. It was awesome, I did a lot of cool things and met some great people.
Maybe it's just post-trip depression, but I'm feeling like shit today. I met this amazing girl on one of the tours. We clicked really well and I haven't felt like this about a girl ever, that I can remember. She lives on the other side of the country though (California) and there's a good chance I'll never see again. Tried talking to her a bit on Facebook, but she doesn't seem that into it. I can understand why, she has her own life, job etc.
Now I just feel kinda jaded about human relationships in general. I don't really feel close or open with anyone like I did with this girl. I've been on a few dates with someone here but she's not nearly as interesting as the girl I met, and our personalities don't seem as compatible. I just feel generally directionless and depressed.
Maybe it's partly just jet lag and lack of sleep. Hopefully things will be better when I go back to work tomorrow and get back in a normal routine. I don't expect a response, but I hope someone reads this.
Holy fuck does it piss me off when people say "whilst". Just say while. They mean the exact same thing, one just makes you seem like you're stuck in the medieval ages. Same goes for saying betwixt instead of between, like goddamn just speak normally.
>>16964856
Whilst I see your lament over such words, betwixt you and I, there are rumors that you fancy other men
>>16964869
Just shut the fuck up, faggot.
>>16964879
Twas quite the favorable disposition you displayed around Marcus
Dost thou feel anger to thine own soul
Verily I remark such pleasantries on this very day foster warmth within this dark heart
C,
Thanks for including me. It means a lot to me
-E
>>16964890
Seen this before i think, do you post in every thread? Or did they find some new way to include you in things this week? Just curious.
>>16964579
>>16964656
Thanks guys. I need to get out of my own head.
>>16964954
I may have posted yesterday, but couldn't recall if I hit submit or deleted it for fear of the tiny chance of discovery. I have a lot of things I want to say but I'm afraid of C's ability to piece together information and what the results of that would be, so I've posted a couple small pieces in the past few threads with varied initials and other slightly-off details.
It's probably a common sentiment, though, so it could have easily been someone else. We all want to feel included, after all.
>>16964869
Kek
>>16964977
https://youtu.be/nMsZ6wkZWhA
Maybe she's your antidote? :)
Good luck, anon
Almost exactly 3 months after my divorce I've begun having nightmares about my ex.
>>16964081
Are you writing to A
>get constantly barraged from all sides with stories and examples of abusive relationships and less than stellar human beings absolutely cleaning up romantically
>fell for the 'be yourself' meme so hard I can't stop being who I am
>online sites say to act like a trashy faggot
>friends wonder why I've never had a gf in the time I have known them
>don't believe me when I tell them I'm too ugly and too nice
desu this is fairly damaging to my psyche
>>16965110
don't worry, dude. It gets better. You just need time. Just some friendly advice: avoid her at all costs. No contact whatsoever. Don't make a mistake of thinking you can be an adult about this and be friends/talk at ease. It will only make things worse. Avoid. Her. At. All. Costs. And keep yourself busy. Hobbies/friends/work, whatever. Also, don't blame yourself for the failed relationship or whatever. Don't forget - you have value, you're worth a lot as a human. Don't let her belittle or manipulate you into thinking otherwise. You'll find someone better, and YOU will become better for that someone. But for now - focus on yourself.
>>16965162
We were no contact but she sent me a text on my birthday.
And no, I don't have value.
A few years ago, when we first started dating, my boyfriend found out that I'm a recovered anorexic. He was sympathetic, but he did say that if I ever got disturbingly thin, he'd dump me. Which I still think is totally acceptable, even after we've been together for over four years.
I'm really unhappy with him most of the time these days, but a number of things make me feel guilty about wanting to break up (mainly that some of the tension in our relationship is my fault, and that we have two cats that we both love to pieces, and I don't want to lose them but also don't want to take them from him). I'm eating less because I'm unhappy and genuinely considering going back to starving myself because then at least I'll be skinny, and hey, maybe he'll be the one to break up with me if I get bad enough so I won't have to be the bad guy.
>>16965182
>two cats
>two people
>???
Breaking up always hurts, yo. No reason to stay in a relationship you want out of.
things are good this week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSyiOMg_110
>>16965190
We wouldn't want to split them up because they are siblings and genuinely love cuddling and playing with each other.
I just feel like it hasn't been fair to him. I have depression and anxiety, which is hard for anyone else to be with, you know? And sometimes I can't tell if I make him miserable and he's too scared to say anything because he doesn't want to upset me or if it's all in my head. This is a typical thing to say, but I think he can do a lot better than me, and I hate feeling every single day that I'm holding him back from being happy. I'm making myself unhappy because of it (and there are small things he does that make me unhappy, but it's mostly me). I don't know that I'm suited for a relationship, to be entirely honest. I might just need to live by myself forever because I'm so stressed out about not being good enough for him, and I think I've always been this way with the two other men I've dated, also for about three years each.
Sorry to ramble when I just meant to respond about the cats, haha. But what's a went thread for, after all? I know I sound like a crazy person, no need to inform me.
R
In your last message to me you told me "This isn't goodbye forever". Why would you lie to me like that? Why string me along with false hope? I'm trying to move on, but it isn't easy when you won't give me closure.
>>16965219
I'll let you in on a little secret: We are all crazy.
I hate that I'm so disgustingly in love with you, and yes, it is absolutely one-sided. I feel like I should hate you for leading me on, but I honestly just hate myself for falling for you
>>16965182
>A few years ago, when we first started dating, my boyfriend found out that I'm a recovered anorexic. He was sympathetic, but he did say that if I ever got disturbingly thin, he'd dump me.
what the fuck, who says shit like that
im imagining someone like pic related
>always spend my weekends doing nothing
>every attempt to hang out with my friends ends with them being really flaky or not even responding
>any day I'm busy with work friends decide to hang out without me
>tried to pick up a hobby
>end up losing interest or not even enjoying it at all
I fucking hate this cycle I'm in, I swear to god this shit happens every week and it's slowly driving me insane.
>>16965219
Get therapy. Get some self-worth. You clearly have some awful self-esteem issues. Talk with him about whatever he does that makes you unhappy. Communicate and take care of yourself. I'm sure things aren't as bad as you think they are, at least not from his point of view.
Because of you i am more confused than normally and fuck you because of you I dont want to leave
I look good and only getting better, reaching them goals. I feel good. I'm doing good stuff I like, great gramps and gramps I hope you guys are with me on this, hope i can do a little to fill those huge footprints. I never got to meet wither of you but one of you managed to actually reach the stars so I'm aiming high and far. bank account is alright. yeah this extreme level of stress and work is paying off... the best part is I'm getting used to going hard like this. little longer and it'll be habit. sweet sweet progress.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0M1L15hpphQ
this song and video is ridiculous.
I dont have feelings anymore I just want sex
So much unrequited love here... :(
If it's one sided, fuck em. If you haven't told that person how you feel, please tell them.
What do I have to get off my chest? I wish I could have done more for my terminally ill mother...I tried to get her the best care that I could, but I failed. I cared for her by myself for the last 4 months of her life with cancer and every morning I drive to work, I have flashbacks of the horrors that I watched her go through. I watched her melt away into nothing. She died two years ago at 51, two weeks before her 52nd birthday. As an only child I did everything I could for my mom...now I am just a motherless daughter and missing her every moment of every day.
Life is so short...make sure you tell those people that you love, how much you care for them. Don't wait before it is too late.
I have a feeling you're talking shit behind my back. Well, fuck you too.
>>16965341
Lots of jealous people talk shit. Fuck em. You don't need that toxic garbage in your life.
Laughing at your fatcunt faking a pregnancy over a football sized shit, fucking dumbcunt lolololol
>>16962774
:'(
>>16965350
I know right? All flowery lovey-dovey to your face, and then slander when you're not around or when you stop doing stuff for them. Fuck that shit.
I fucking love girls so much
>>16965369
People are cruel and they're users. They'll call on you when they need something and then ignore you when you need them most. Absolutely...there are people in this world that want nothing but the worst for you and will talk about you behind your back. Fuck those assholes. I've experienced this again and again. I'm done with that shit and I've cut ties. You need to do the same, too. You're too good for the jealous garbage talking behind your back.
>>16965128
nope
>>16965391
>They'll call on you when they need something and then ignore you when you need them most.
Oh boy, do I know that feel. Always 'me,me,me', always shifting the blame, never taking responsibility. Well, now I see through these lies, and will no longer be a tool.
Thanks anon, hope everything works out for you. And I hope it'll work out for me, 'cause I might be lacking in strength of spirit at times.
>>16962846
Male or female?
>>16965226
Initials?
>>16965438
I've experienced this for the last time when my mom passed away (post about terminally ill mom). Actions speak better than words. I gave so much to alleged "friends" and was given grief in return.
Be strong anon...you are better than they are. I learned the hard way to be wary of whom I can trust. These assholes are only passing through your life and you cant give them any more than what they're worth. You and I will move padt these assholes and find people whom are worth our friendship.
Take care anon and I hope you are given everything great in this life, because you deserve it friend.
>>16964017
It's up to us to make it happen
Man I can't wait to send you a letter in the mail soon after I do this college work. Hopefully this time you won't get barraged by a bunch of bullshit that prevents me from getting into contact with you. I do not really have anyone else and the time I am away from you makes me sad. Sure I have my family and like one other friend but they can not relate to the way you were able to relate to me. I miss you so much and I would be extremely upset if anything ever happened to you. I should get back to my work now.
-W writing to C
Nobody hugs me ever. I'm lonely.
I believe, that I don't like to celebrate my birthday, because my mother had a complicated miscarriage on my second birthday and used to sit in my bed and cry at nights.
I miss the gay friend I had in school. He was in love with me and could understand me at least a bit. Sadly, he exchanged his personality with his sexual preferences on the day he came out of the closet.
My parents don't earn that much money, but I wont get state support for my education, cause they make just enough. I feel terrible to be dependent on one hand and to have nothing to eat for days on the other hand, because my parents still tell me to find a job and talk bad about me behind my back. Even arguing about if I could be depressed.
>>16964500
And anything else is a loss. We could make it right this time. It feels so good. We could
>>16965473
hey, I know this sounds weird, but maybe you'd be interested in becoming pen-pals?
don't really have an e-mail account yet... but I'd create one, if you'd like to take this up as a little hobby.
>>16965511
Absolutely. Anon, make a throw away account to post on here and then I will email you my true email address.
I feel insecure when I'm around you. Made it worse when you told me that your ex boyfriend is a marine who is black. How am I a dorky loser going to compare with a black marine. Fuck, made it worse is when we first had sex. I was so nervous I couldn't get erect, at least you wanted to talk about it.
Honestly when we go out drinking at a bar, I feel jealous because so many guys try to get your number and I'm here being a beta cuck just watching. You tell me that it's just drunk exchange and nothing happens. You said you'll never cheat on me, but I can't get that annoying thought out of my head that you might be cheating. Maybe I'm over thinking it and you have feelings for me, but yeah. Fuck... I feel such a loser
I wish I had eaten that plump, succulent, sexy ass and pussy of yours when I had the chance last night. You're so fucking sexy.
>>16965518
[email protected]
Ok. I hope this works. If it'll work out, I'll message you in a few days. If not, I'll still be lurking /adv/ so we might run accross each other again.
>>16965465
Don't worry, you probably aren't them. It was a little over 3 months ago, and it was an exact quote, if that helps. They know I want to talk.
Sometimes I blast through money to fill a void in my life. I don't go overboard to the point of overdrawing from my bank account or anything serious like that, and I have no debt. But I throw money around constantly and I don't think it's healthy. I don't know what started me on this path but I should stop. At least I have a lot of nice things now.
>>16965518
your name starts with a D, right?
>>16965586
I do that too. Trying to fill some unknown void? Who knows. Maybe we just have too much disposal income.
>>16965610
Yes. Just sent you another email.
I wish I had someone that I could vent to about a lot of things in my life and talk to them on a personal level but I worry that I would weird them out. I dont worry about scaring someone away or boring them by not engagin in conversation but I just feel so lonely at times and I worry I get too emotional. I used to be so motivated in my life and was ready to take anything on but now that I am not surrounded by people that I could become friends with I now have few people I could even attempt to get into contact with and I feel like I am falling apart. I feel pathetic even reaching out for help instead of doing something about any of this. I lost my spark of motivation a while ago and I wish I could find a new one. I don't want to make a big deal of myself but I think i truely need some form of attention to operate which is why I was so fucked up as a child.
>>16965696
Are you D?
>>16965714
Imposter lol.
I keep fantasizing about someone just coming into my life and making all of my problems go away and that I'll be happy for the rest of my days. I wish it was really going to happen but it won't.
>"whats new anon?"
>Anon:...................................................................................................................................................
You know goddamn well nothing is new for me.
Technically my life is at it's "best" right now. I have the most money I've had in my life, I have a steady job, I don't feel the soul-crushing anxiety that I used to, I'm getting into better shape (even though I was already in good shape), and I haven't cried in over a week.
But I still miss what I had with my ex. I hate that I went 2 years seeing this girl almost every day, to at least talking every day, to not talking at all.
I feel like I need a rebound which feels awful especially considering I think she feels the same way.
I don't want someone to get to know me again. I don't want to get to know someone again. I told her every aspect of my life, in and out, and I don't want to let anyone in that close again. I don't like the idea of starting over with a clean slate and having to tell my life story over the course of months again.
We broke up twice before, now after yesterday, after I confessed, and the way we kissed... after you told me how you still felt; my heart is leaping, i need you in my life, i need you in my arms, even though im seeing you tomorrow.. I just love you
1) I'm drunk
2) you're drunk
3) sorry about any lewd snaps you might have received from me tonight, I usually am a good girl and don't pick your 'deep throat' train of thoughts but eh. I gotta stop getting in touch with you when I'm wasted cause I'm gonna do one day something either utterly lewd or embarrassing, possibly both
I have severe fucking wanderlust. Please send help.
I thought I'd been through heartbreak a million times but man, this is nothing like what I've experienced before. I was so damn sure we were going to stay in each others lives. This is so depressing, all I ever wanted was to make more memories with you. Even though you fucked me over, I reached out so many times to fix things... It's your call now man, it's up to you to put in the effort after I've done all I could. Throw away your pride and tell me how you really feel
I haven't had sex in 10 years and I'm fine with it.
I think I might finally be okay.
>>16965889
Gladly. I have the same issue and no one I know gets it, I just need to explore.
>>16965759
thats not how it works
>>16965949
>I think I might finally be okay.
IT'S SO GOOD RIGHT?!
>>16965889
I don't understand why you'd need help for this. unless its getting in the way of progressing in your life.
I want to travel too. next winter I hope to have things in a place where I can go to switzerland for some snowboarding. got a jolt of adrenaline thinking about it. I'm out, gotta work, ;D
I'm engineering, I'm drafting stuff, I'm working up 3d models... this doesn't even feel like work.
I want you to call me vile, horrible things. I want you to call me pathetic, a loser, an insignificant worm. I'm a degenerate slave, a stupid pet to you.
I want you to call me all the horrible things I think about myself, and keep loving me despite it.
I've been stressed an anxious since I was a child. I've had depression on and off for several years. My progress just doesn't feel good enough. I feel like I have no real energy or motivation. No pride or power. I feel emasculated or unwanted. Stress makes my mind foggy and I can't stand it. Makes me feel impaired. I desperately want clarity. I'm uncomfortable around my peers and with my own thoughts about myself. I need to make it through the semester but all I want to do is disappear.
>>16965912
I love you, and would give anything for us to start over. It has been over a year, and you have made it obvious that it will never happen. We will not have forever, there will be no more memories but those that plague me.
I was foolish enough to drunk text you weeks ago, and I don't even really drink these days. I regret that, even if I do not regret the cheese I sent.
I know you aren't her, but I needed to say it.
>I am a pathetic shy bastard who cannot get a girlfriend to save my life.
>I haven't had a girlfriend in four years.
>My dick is tiny when flaccid.
>I am a virgin.
>I have contemplated suicide.
>Sometimes I think about disappearing off of the map, running away.
>I often times think up situations that will never happen.
>I haven't ever kissed a girl.
>I am starting to get really depressed.
>My family asks me if I am okay, and I say yes. Even though I am dieing inside.
>Each day I get sadder and sadder.
The only thing that's brings joy to my life is /b/ and Wizard101.
>>16965990
I know, right? Technical Drafting is easier than the minimum wage jobs I've had. It requires me to learn/study/research things that aren't as practical in my daily life, though. Unless I started living... dat technical life. :P
>>16966187
Minimum wage job =/= easy job, sooo...duh?
>>16965912
Dude, I feel this so hard...
Stay strong, buddy.
>Learn to hide powerlevel.
>Blend in amongst the normies.
>Earn enough social status that my virginity is forgiven and ignored.
>Do well, hit it off, people care more about me than I care about them (if I'm just acting and they just like the act, then do they really care about me? Should I care about them?)
>Doin' well. Things good.
>Notice women noticing me.
>Cute manager keeps eyeing me up.
>Girl that looks like a total bitch but is hot keeps staring at me.
>Have a few girl acquaintances that a smile at and say "hi" to in passing. Occasionally, but rarely even talk to them. It's mostly a more-than polite smile and maybe a flirty wave.
>I'm freakin' horny and given up on love so all I want is to fuck some of these girls. Some of them are clearly interested.
>Years of being labelled a "creep" destroyed my ability to show affection or interest. I literally cannot make a move or even hint that I might like them.
>Funny thing is, these days I get labelled a "creep" for not approaching or talking to women now... and it really doesn't phase me. Their opinions don't matter to me - they're just normies who'll believe my act.
I worry if I'm too far gone.
I wonder if somewhere down the line I sold my soul for a silver tongue and suddenly became charismatic... The autist with social skills...
>>16966199
:^( It's so difficult. It is so. so fucking difficult.
Im at the point in this where I've realised i've done everything I could possibly do to fix things, and its up to him to realise he's lost someone special and reach out to me now. I'm at the point where I'm starting to move on, but it's so fucking hard. Knowing that a month from now this person will be in my past if things continue like this, it hurts. Cause I was really happy. And I don't wanna stop feeling this love, I don't wanna let go of the memories and all the hopes I had for the future. But I can feel it happening
I got what is basically my dream internship today.
I had an absolutely amazing Easter, celebrating the resurrection of Christ with my Church family.
I spent the rest of the day with my best friend, and his family even invited me over to have dinner with them, which was fantastic.
A girl I asked out yesterday said yes, and we have a date next week.
All in all, it was a 10/10 day.
But I am so cripplingly depressed tonight, I can't think straight. I don't know why, but I'm literally feeling almost suicidal. Like everyone'd be better off if I were dead or something like that. This happens whenever I have really good days. I get back to my apartment (which is not a bad place) and I just crash hard. I honestly have no idea why, but I need to see a doctor soon, I think. This isn't right. It feels horrendous. Nothing seems to alleviate it either. I feel awful.
>>16966180
Your craving female affection and contact. This is normal, especially for someone with no experience. Once you get older, this will fade and you will learn that it's not everything.
My advice is to not let it get to you. Develop positive habits and hobbies like fitness, a musical instrument, firearms, art, etc etc
>>16966220
>Im at the point in this where I've realised i've done everything I could possibly do to fix things
I've been there. My person, though? They never came back. You need to prepare for the possibility that this person is not who you thought they were. You may have misjudged them. Don't beat yourself up for it. When you are ready to move on, know that you'll find someone better. Because someone who really cares about you wouldn't leave you hanging like that.
I'm bored. I've changed myself so much to please you. Now. I'm here. I'm not mad at you or anyone else. I'm just here bored out of my mind with nobody to talk to. I don't know what love is but something tells me it shouldn't hurt this much. I'm pretty sure you're fucking fine and dandy right now. While I'm left here counting the number of days left until I can text you again because I'm too scared of being clingy. When we first met, I was the one you were drooling over. Now, the tables have turned.
C,
It's been a while. Yet it feels the same. That scares me. I'm far more cautious now. But I know somewhere in here I'm just as vulnerable. I want to risk it but I don't want to lose any more of me in the process. I'd probably risk it anyway though.
>>16966239
Hi anon idk of your on but thx for feedback. I do have hobbies, PC building or repair, cars, etc
Just text me. Jeez.
>>16966361
You first!
I've had social anxiety since middle school and I've been losing friends and sinking further into the lifestyle of just waking up, school, go home and game, chat online or watch anime. I decided I want to get out more, and maybe find a boyfriend. I lost the weight and fixed my hair, and now I want to start using makeup, but I'm afraid I will find someone I fall in love with because the thought of sex scares me. I don't even have a desire to do it. I'm hoping if I do find someone, he'll get me over this fear and light some desire in me, but what if that doesn't happen? What if I'm really asexual? I really hope I'm not, since I haven't met a single person who doesn't want sex at all except for when I go and Google asexuality. It'll really limit my choices if I am. But if I do get out more, I'll maybe get into a situation someday where someone will want to have sex with me, how will I react? Will I make an excuse and leave? Tell the truth? Or will I have gotten over it by then and trust my partner enough to go through with it? I really want to cuddle on the couch with someone at night watching our favorite shows or playing games, hold his hand when walking casually through town, other sappy shit couples do that used to piss me off. But I can't possibly imagine having sex with someone, it seems way too awkward and I feel no desire for it. Even if I get over the fear, what if I still find no desire and I just do it for him? Would I be happy just making him happy? Would HE be happy with that? Hell, I'm still a virgin, so maybe it's one of those "don't knock it til ya try it!" situations, so I'm worrying over nothing. But all I can do for now is look for the right guy and see what happens when that moment comes. If that moment comes.
>>16966361
I would. But you've conditioned me to feel like all my messages annoy you and will only lead to a response 25% of the time.
I feel like my generation has convoluted all benevolent causes. It is the new trend to be social media activists, but if you scratch a little deeper it most people are caught up in identity politics and lather their own selfishness diguised as being for the greater good. Bear with me here, but I feel like white males are the only demographic that it is acceptable to make sweeping generalizations about, and also the only demographic that is expected to be an ally to every cause in the world and doesn't have their own without running risk of being labeled a bigot. Men and women are different. 'Blacks' and 'whites' are different. This does NOT mean one is lesser then the other. Our differences are what make us beautiful as a species. Unfortunately others of my demographic do a good job of making any and every aspect of life as such *straight white male* impossible to not fall into a potential negative stereotype. I feel like the left perpetuates our differences in a negative light just as much as the right, yet obviously ignoring it and claiming there's nothing wrong or unbalances present in the world hasn't/will not work. I just want to wake up and be able to be patriotic without thinking of our invasion of native lands and genocide. I want to be able to have a relationship with a women who considers themselves a feminist where my initiation and pursuit of their attention isn't ironically one sided. I want to be able to research and take pride in my heritage *which is 2/3rds European, 1/3rd native* without running danger of being called a trendy fraud *I look super white* or even worse a white supremacist *would sooner die*. There is no winning position on these complex topics I feel for someone perceived as the winning horse.
I over analyze things like crazy, but I'm afraid of enabling injustice/being a stereotypical lethargic white male American. Most days I wish I had been born a minority.
I sort of want a girlfriend but I have too much fun being single and I wouldn't be able to deal with the whole "why are you talking to other girls?" stuff because a lot of my best friends are girls.
I've been toying with the idea of creating a Tinder account since I had fun when I used it last but I don't really have any good pictures at the moment. I usually edit mine for Facebook just to crop stuff out but then I'll mess with the colour levels and stuff out of habit.
I'll probably do it for a laugh and/or an easy fuck.
You still make me so sad.
I love you. More than I love myself, more than I've loved anything. I forgot what it felt like to just be happy to be alive until I first met you. The way you smile makes me want to live another day. The way you laugh is adorable and makes my heart stop. Making brief eye contact is enough to put a lump in my throat and forget to breath. I always thought that I understood that love was just finding someone attractive until I met you and felt it for real. Every day I try to talk to you only to be dismissed makes me hate myself all the more for not being good enough for you. It makes me hate that fact I ever remembered the feeling of being happy that much more. Each and every day that you take up all my thoughts makes me remember it can't last. I wish I could tell you how I feel but I know it'll just inconvenience you and I don't want to ruin what little I do have by making you think I'm some kind of creep.
Part of me wishes I never met you.
I love you, I wish you just felt the same.
Why did you put me through all of that /this? I thought you knew of my fragility. You're apologies for the "roller coaster" don't mean much considering the ride apparently hasn't ended. I've only ever been good to you and you know that...
>>16966443
Initials?
I don't know if you're lesbian or bisexual, but I suspect the former. Wish that weren't the case. I've never met anyone I get along with so well, so it seems like a cruel joke that it could never be.
Fuck off, mom. You're an asshole and I can't stand to be around you. Stop fucking clinging to your kids because you're just dead weight. We don't want to be around you because you treated us like shit and continue to be a toxic person in our lives. Why do you fucking wonder why we don't want to call you or spend more than a couple hours with you?
Maybe if you weren't such a piece of shit we'd have at least a semi-healthy relationship with you and actually WANT to be around you. The truth is that I only keep in contact with you because I feel so much pity for you. I don't do it because I CARE. I do it because I'm OBLIGATED to.
You just suck the happiness out of everything and you refuse to get help for your rage and severe depression. You just live every day mad at the world like everybody fucking owes you something and treat everybody like shit for no reason. You're just a disgusting, unhygienic person as well. Sometimes I almost wish you'd just kick the bucket so my sister and I can have this weight lifted from our shoulders and just be at peace.
Pls text me again like you did last night.
>>16966512
Hers or mine?
You are the most unfunny person I have ever met and yet I still find you cute... I guess your terrible sense of humor (and attractive looks) did some magic. God, I hate myself. How do I stop being attracted to awkwardly confident guys who also happen to be just so slightly out of my reach? Someone at god knows where must know that I don't have the guts to persue them. My love life is a disaster.
>>16966543
Maybe both ;-;
>>16966527
No.
>>16966551
What are your initials first?
>>16966551
TS&AM
=/
>>16966443
In the same boat right now anon, don't worry we're going to make it.
I was hoping I would get into another car accident on my way home tonight.
>CAPTCHA: cars
>>16966552
But why :c?
>>16966552
I miss you though. Please.
>>16966569
Why do you think?
If you really care then write to me how I wrote to you.
>>16966576
You don't act like it
Dammit Sarah why am I so afraid of chatting you up. I'm such a fucking coward, I'm sorry.
>>16966578
I give you so much validation and reassurance. You starve me of that. Except last night was a lovely change. It wasn't much, but it was something. Please just do it again for me.
I lied about having ED to someone who I knew would probably tell other people so I could maybe get sympathy points and be left a lone by any male of female predators.
>>16966596
That's the complete opposite and you know it.
I suck and I hate myself. Nothing more, nothing less.
fuck, my mind's gone blank and i dunno how to word this.
basically, what's a better way of saying "if i shit on something you're doing, im not trying to shit on your choice of doing that thing."
>>16966601
Please.
I mustn't be worth much if everyone treats me this way.
I'm scared of women. Not because I have trouble talking to them, or even trouble getting laid, but because I've spent my entire life being ignored by my mother or yelled at by my step mother. Any affection I receive from the opposite sex puts me on edge. I can't help but feel like they are trying to get me to let my guard down so they can just hit me where it hurts. I almost crave being treated by a woman, and it hurts to know this.
Shit, I tried a sugar baby arrangement not to long ago. The idea that she would just want me for my money actually put me at ease, but then she started texting me asking how my day was and acting like she liked me, and I got scared.
>tfw you fuck exclusively fuck prostitutes just because they kick you out when the time is up.
>>16966607
"I'm not shitting on you, I'm shitting on the things you're choosing to do"
>>16966609
What do you want me to say? What do you need validation on?
I've been dating a girl that I don't love for 3+ years, we've built a stable relationship, comfort and trust, but I don't love her. I do love someone, and she doesn't love me back, that's certain. So here I am. I don't even know how talk it out, I just want to be with this girl and that's it. I've never felt this way about anyone before and it's just so god damn convenient that it happened this way.
>>16966624
I just wanted you to ask how I am.. You never do. It's simple. I'm sure you don't think about me like I think about you.
Shit, man. I guess you really don't want to talk to me. Which is a shame, I really do want to hear from you.
It's been a trip learning how different people treat you once you've become a little "ugly." I could go back to how I dressed and looked but I feel like shit every time I think about it.
>>16966634
Initials?
I feel that everything i am and aspire to be isnt good enough.
i feel ill never be respected and my own self loathing will keep people from getting close to me.
I used to be fine with girls and had plenty of friends but now it seems i have no one and i dont think im capable of meeting new people.
Should I work on liking me better? or should i work harder on socializing
>>16966634
Why do you think I don't?
You're still the most adorable guy, C
So done with being a conscious being.
>>16966634
A
>>16966628
Looks more like you love the idea of the girl you've built in your own head. Of course, I could be wrong with little to no details. Have you dated her before?
>>16966660
Initials
I fucked Jenny twice and Sarah like 6 or 7 times over the course of two weeks, about a month ago. Sarah was easily the best sex I ever had. I also don't feel bad about it, and if I get the opportunity to do it safely I'll cheat on you again because I want to be with you, but refuse to be in a sexless relationship after 3 years at age 20. While I'm at it, I'm working out 5 times a week and gaining muscle but you've been exclusively gaining weight around your waist and have just been complaining that my body makes you feel bad. While we're at it, I only like you sometimes, and I don't know if I love you. I'm trying to but it's hard when you're so fucking crazy. You've been diagnosed severe bi-polar, take your fucking medicine and stop cutting yourself you are 20 years old it's time to be a fucking grown up.
>>16966666
fucking rights!!
>>16966527
>>16966634
Give details please
>>16966667
C's just a name he uses somewhere. N is a name I use in the same place. If he did read this, he'd know. Months have passed and I still think he's the most adorable guy
>>16966664
A.L.?
>>16966674
I am >>16966527, the other post isn't me. He just implied he was thinking of me last night and it felt so great.
>>16966684
Oh nvm then neither of you are him
>>16966683
Nope, sorry.
