So it really finally hit me why girls don't like me. The advice was right, I'm not confident. I'm afraid to talk to people and I have had massive problems with self hatred and I just can't hide it, I emanate it and I want to change.
So now I know I need to fix it, the question is how. How do I build confidence? How do I accept the things about myself that I can't change?
>How do I accept the things about myself that I can't change?
You start by breaking this paradox.
>>16944422
You don't want to talk to people who are too positive you probably think it's too cheesy and you feel like you have low self esteem but in reality you just have low self esteem for others although you feel this loneliness and think you need a partner. You probably need one but you have not found the right one, maybe what you look for is a girlfriend when in reality you need a friend that thinks at your level so you can both relate and fill in what you think is missing after being yourself with your friend you will be confident with yourself even if u let others down but you just care about yourself possibly the best way to go for when you care for yourself u care for others and then people will find you interesting in your own unique way....hang on tight with yourself or just losen up a bit for what awaits of discovering your own identity
>>16944422
There's a Rodgers and Hammerstein song "Whistle a Happy Tune". Listen to it.
In essence it says that if you act as if you're confident, you'll trick yourself into feeling confident.
Self hatred is self centered. Try to think a bit more about other peoples problems and feelings. That helps, it gets you out of the loop and gives you confidence.
>>16944955
Bullshit. Start not giving a fuck to anything but the things you enjoy. If you don't have anything you enjoy start getting smarter by reading books etc. You'll eventually find things you enjoy. You'll eventually find your own views on life and subjects. If you work on your own character there will be possible partners that find you attractive which in turn you find their character attractive.
Oh, look, another pansy-ass sissy who thinks /adv/ is just going to tell him how to magically solve all his problems.
No, we can't make you confident. No, we can't make you accept anything. We can't help you fix anything. YOU need to stop being a pansy-ass sissy first and foremost. If you can't even manage that, then there's no hope for you.
>>16945024
This. You don't become more confident from simply seeking advice. You need to find a way to incite an internal change within you.
You also need to grow some balls and learn how to approach, flirt, and talk to women. You need to get people to enjoy being around you and are your very presence noticed without attention-seekig behavior.
You need to become an interesting person. You need to have interesting experiences and have exciting stories to tell. You must take an interest in people besides yourself.
If you're afraid to talk to people then you are probably just shy. However, if your fear is because of an inability to relate then you must surround yourself and absorb yourself in the world around you.
I am not completely introverted, but I spend much of my time alone and in introspection. If you, however, are introverted like many of the people on this site then you must find a way to find some sense of self fulfillment and internal harmony. For me, I found it through talking about my feelings, studying psychology, and pushing my comfort zone and placing myself in unfamiliar situations.
Once you are able to emphasize, relate, and level with other people then it becomes natural. You're going to make a lot of mistakes, and you need to convince yourself that it doesnt matter in the long term because people are not focused on you and your shortcomings.
They know nothing about you or your thoughts. They know nothing about your past. The only thing most people see is the person that you are now. Once you are able to internalize this idea within yourself then you then you can really live.
>>16944978
fucking well said my man
This may sound autismo as fuck but the way i went from a cringy weeb to being able to talk to women is by watching Archer. Archer does whatever the fuck he wants and does not give a fuck, he is put in some of the most terrifying situations and even when he fucks up embarrassingly still manages to do it like a badass. The way i grew my confidence was just if a woman talked to me at a bar or something even if its something as mundane as asking for a cigarette lighter I'd think to myself "what would Archer do?" And then do it, sounds bullshit but it works and after time your confidence will be at a level where it will just become natural and you will have his level conference with your own personality.
>>16945211
top kek
I have the exact same problem OP
However I discovered (since getting my job) that having a job by itself mkes me way more confident. It gives me a subject to talk at the very least, everyone likes to shittalk their boss or whatever. And the money got me cocky. I'm still introvered but cocky if that makes sense, because I feel like I have the freedom to do whatever the hell I want. And it's true.
OP, get a job, any job, and I shit you not you'll feel great. It worked for me and it's no coincidence most people hit depression iat that point in their lives when they NEED to be financially independent butare not ALLOWED by the system (college, early 20s).
Or they get too stressed (work+college)
Or they feel worthess (neet)
Just get a job.
>>16945211
>This might sound autismo as fuck
Not at all. Your approach was to simply start off by imitating a role model of some sort, which is what I did to get ideas for approaches and approaches cations to take. For me it was a combination of Frank Underwood, Dexter Morgan, and a combination of many different people that I know in person who had character traits that I wanted to develop and took actions that I was once too scared to do.
>>16944978
I never thought of it that way, thanks
You need to do what so many other people on this board need as well: understand what advice means.
Advice is like asking "Should I get the soup or the salad?" What you're asking is literally "How do I accept my decision of soup?" For fuck's sake man, what does that even mean? How is anyone supposed to tell you how to accept something? It's not an algebraic equation. You just do it. You keep talking sense to yourself until the feelings follow suit.
You are who you are. You'll improve the things you can. But don't waste time expecting other people to explain how to accept something. That's such a retarded question that I can't help but assume it's a self-made obstacle you've erected out of anxiety or something.
Get off of /adv/.
>>16944978
based anon
>>16945211
same here, except I act like Geralt of Rivia
watch elliot hulse videos
get experiences and face problems
realize you are in control
>>16945211
I kind of do the same with Vegeta.
Confidence is a meme.
There is a bare minimum of attractiveness you must fulfill and that is 8/10.
>>16945387
This.
The first month or so may seem a bit worse, but when you settle in, it'll get better.
Finding a job also eliminated my fear of talking to qts.
>>16944422
>So now I know I need to fix it, the question is how. How do I build confidence? How do I accept the things about myself that I can't change?
Do something really well. Accomplishment brings confidence.
And you're right, lack of confidence is a huge ladyboner killer. Women really have no attraction to men that are not confident.
Also, you need to recognize who you are and accept it.
>>16944978
This.
If you be a good guy, people will see you as a good guy.
Eventually you'll believe you're a good guy too.
Just remember to keep yourself as a priority, so that what you do have to offer others is genuine and valuable.
>>16944989
Agreed.
OP, you need to start doing things in your life that directly benefit no one but yourself.
For example, I started going to the gym. This is literally benefiting no one but me. Only I reap the rewards of my work outs.
Because of this, it's now a rewarding hobby for me. I feel more confident and accomplished because I've given myself something of a treat that doesn't make me feel bad afterwards.
When you do good by yourself, you can better do good by those around you. Positivity starts at home, man.
>>16945211
Honestly yeah.
Archer, Spider-Man, Superman, Han Solo, Indiana Jones, Ash Williams...
It's a little autistic, but whatever works.
Be the person you want to be.
If you wanna be a snarky, confident, metropolitan kinda guy, then you act like a snarky, confident, metropolitan kinda guy.
Improve yourself physically and mentally become strong in these aspects. Youll notice your confidence change when you start getting stronger. The process is slow and you may feel like giving up but if you want your problems lessen do these things.
>>16945974
4/10 detected
>>16945974
i'm 4/10, fat, balding
but i make $90k/year so i have a 9/10 gf
looks arent everything
>>16945974
You're an edgy, jaded child and I pity you if you truly believe this.
>>16944422
Photo oughta help you a bit OP
>>16947870
Thanks man
>>16947862
What's your job?
My next problem is knowing where to look for women.
Where do I go to find quality women looking for quality men?
>>16945024
That`s mean. This is an ADVICE board. He came here for advice, and the least we can do is to tell him what we think he can do. Obviously he needs to do this on his own, but insulting him won`t help.
>>16945024
I didn't ask you to make me confident, just where to start so I can get to work.
>>16950144
Bump for this, id like to know as well
>>16944978
Seeing people like you who are insightful and people agree with infuriates me because I'm not that person. Fucking hell, I hate myself.
>>16951514
>muh starving children in africa
he's an idiot and so are you
only difference is that you know it and he doesn't
>>16945211
But what happens when someone shatters that false ego one day anon? What happens when someone sees through your ruse and exposes you for who you are? What then?
>>16951523
So what the fuck does that mean? Should a piece of shit feel like he's ahead because he knows he stinks?
>>16944978
How does feeling like you don't have it so bad give you confidence? That would just make me feel like a privileged asshole.
>>16944422
OP, I read your post and this movie popped into mind, hope this helps
>>16951539
I don't think shit is sentient anon
>>16945974
Let me guess, you also have to at least be 6'3" with a strong jawline and blue eyes.
>>16944978
Bullshit, that's entirely founded on the premise that the reasons one disdains themself are illusory, or more accurately not truly that much worse than the faults of others.
One may simply recognize that they truly are quite outmatched.
>>16947862
You can get a good deal if you provide and agree to an open relationship.
>>16951593
I am a Christfag but how do you ask out a girl at church? I'm very lax about religion and I live in a very non Christian area so I'm not used to dealing with people who may be more strict than me
>>16952564
Pray to Jesus Christ for guidance. Pray and start reading your Bible cover-to-cover for time is running out
http://www.biblica.com/en-us/bible/reading-plans/
>>16951557
Its not about comparing yourself, its about empathy for other people, thats what makes you feel good and stops the negative feelings.
>>16951638
Again, its not about comparisons. You have to love yourself the way you are. Empathy feels good and keeps the shitty feelings at bay. Yes, you may have it really bad, the thing is finding ways to feel good in spite of that.
>>16951525
It's not a ruse dumbass it's a tool to find solutions to your interaction problems.
Imagine you trained your neural networks with hours of confident talk so now when you think about archer (cool show btw) you use this accumulated experience to find something cool to say.
You go from 0% confidence in your words to nearly 100%
wanna now why ? Tv Shows nuke your fuckin neurones with carefully written scripts. We feel complete by watching it and thus our brain automatically rewire to process the same kind of cool things.
A bit like when you sucessfully defeat a pnj in TES, your brain is like "heh this is cool and way more important, I'll make a procedure for this"
t. expert in perceptrons
>>16952574
I can never tell if people saying that are serious when I see it on 4chan.
>>16952682
>>16952697
>empathy
>real
Empathy is useless for men, women don't like your empathy the only thing that they desire is arrogance, empathy and arrogance don't belong together
>>16951523
You're supposed to be gone
>>16952574
Just pray all your problems away. That should be the advice on every thread, amirite?
I try to respect others' beliefs but damn, I don't understand you bible pushers...
>>16954897
This is bullshit. Plenty of women value empathy, anon. Actually I'm pretty sure my sister would refuse to date someone who was an arrogant POS.
Actually I'm bi and my gay friend doesn't value arrogance whatsoever either.
>>16955036
Not him but they honestly seem to treat any man under a certain hight or below 7/10 as not human
>>16955090
I'm pretty sure I am under a certain height and below 7/10 and I've never been treated as not human by women.
>>16955030
Jesus answered them, “Truly I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also, if you say to this mountain, ‘Be removed, and be thrown into the sea,’ it will be done. And whatever you ask in prayer, if you believe, you will receive.”
Matthew 21:21-22
>>16944422
>>16955133
God created us in His image
If we hate one another, we are essentially hating God for we are created in God's image. That includes self-hatred and self-pity
This is why it is important to love one another, and more importantly, to forgive one another (forgive us of our sins, as we forgive those trespass against us)
God formed you in your mother's womb, He knew who you were even before you were born (Before I formed you in the womb I knew you Jer1:5a)
Cry out to God (O my God, I cry in the daytime, but You do not answer; and at night, but I have no rest Ps22:2). Seek out God's face (But if from there you will seek the Lord your God, you will find Him, if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. Deut4:29)
Jesus said take upon his yoke for it is easy and His burden is light. Be patient. Read the Bible cover-to-cover. Pray. Pray. Pray.
>>16953563
Time is running out
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2w63biYa54
>>16955156
>implying god will help you in your dark times
>>16955156
This is incorrect.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good" Romans 12:9
Also
"All have turned aside, they have together become corrupt; there is no one who does good, not even one." Psalm 14:2-3
>>16955036
I'm pretty sure your sister would be attracted to an arrogant bastard, it's a universal experience
