How do you deal with inequalities in a relationship?
I've been in a relationship for about a year with this girl and it's amazing. I really do have an amazing time with her, trust her, and ultimately I want to be with her for the rest of my life. However, she brought up a few inequalities that favor me and it got me thinking of how many inequalities that favor her. We live together but the housework is pretty shared, so not going to be complaining about chores. I'd say out of all of our inequalities/double standards at least 80% benefit her or allow her to do things that I'm 'not allowed' to. Some examples:
>I definitely put more effort overall in the relationship, maybe 75%-80%.
>She talks to her ex but gets pissed if I talk to girls she doesn't like or is suspicious of
>She can take hours to reply to a text message but expects me to reply within minutes
>In the bedroom I feel as if my pleasure is often regarded to as an afterthought and not as important. Not always, but maybe 5-15% of the time I either don't achieve orgasm or most of the effort is put into pleasing her and I'm an afterthought.
>I always have to walk our dog and feed/water him. It isn't that she's neglectful of him just expects me to do that stuff.
>If I'm not feeling well I still have to wash the dishes and do other housework where as she expects me to do her share when she's not feeling well
>She can act like she's ashamed of me like not introducing me as her boyfriend (and explicitly not wanting certain people to know) and doesn't want me to meet certain people
>etc
A lot of these don't particularly irritate me and I can live with them but it really irritated me when she brought up inequalities despite her having the most and biggest ones. Inequalities on my side are small and infrequent. How do I deal with this? I don't mind there being some inequalities and to a degree I feel like every relationship has them. But she has a lot more than me.
I know that if I bring up any of these inequalities to her there will be a bullshit excuse for them or outright denial.
>>16953498
what are those inequalities on your side? you listed all of hers but arent listing your own. to you they may seem small, but from an outside perspective they might be more or less equal.
>>16953503
>i know that if i bring up any of these inequalities to her there will be a bullshit excuse for them or outright denial
then delete your thread, cuz the only advice you wil lget is
>talk to her about it
or
>stop the inequalities as they happen
>>16953504
On my side
>When I'm upset I can sometimes copy what she did to make me upset, ex if she said something to upset me I'd say it back a few hours later
>I have more say when it comes to the dog, ex how to train him
>I can be like 'I don't want to talk about it"
That's really it.
>>16953498
>How do you deal with inequalities in a relationship?
Without reading the rest of your post, the answer is simply to stop looking for relationship equality, because it doesn't happen in the absolute sense, and "keeping score" is a toxic relationship habit that makes you frustrated and resentful towards your partner.
Stop seeking perfection in your relationships and start appreciating what you have. I know, it's not easy, but it's a big part of how long term relationships remain in tact.
That said, be honest. It sounds like there's a possibility that you are not informing your girlfriend when she does things that annoy you, and it's starting to grade on you. Stand up for yourself, and be willing to walk away if it gets to be too much.
>>16953520
I admitted that I'm fine with inequalities and recognize them as something every relationship has. It's just that she has so much more than me.
I have informed her about some of these things (some I'm ok with as long as I can have my own inequalities) and it usually goes like
>this annoys me
>"I think it's fun to do this" or "I'd feel uncomfortable if I didn't" or outright denial
>talks to an ex
>doesn't tell people you're in a relationship
Those things aren't inequalities they're just fucking bullshit
Relationships all require balance. If the relationship is imbalanced and it's too much for you, you have three options, progress down them in this order:
1. deal with it
2. negotiate for changes
3. leave her
If you've gone through 1 & 2; can't deal with it and nothing changes, then you need to GTFO.
>>16953498
She sounds like she's a princess.
If you haven't talked to her, do so but you have to do it WHEN SOMETHING IS HAPPENING. For example if she wants you to do the dishes even if you're sick, tell her you don't mind doing them but you did stuff for her when she was sick.
Or if you're in bed and she's getting hers, just take a step back and ask that she take care of you first.
Bring these things up when (a) they are not current and (b) en mass really doesn't help AND it lets you build resentment.
Better to address all these issues now otherwise it will be 5 years down the road, married and wondering why you married the bitch.
>>16953498
lol
anon, ive got some bad news for you
>>16953498
>tldr: my gf treats me like shit and expects me to do everything for her while she talks to her ex and probably other guys.
Leave that bitch
I always walk my dog too, and in fact use it as an excuse to go to the pub where my dog has a pint as well. When i get back the dishes better be washed as well.
>you putting in most of the effort
>her talking to an ex
>people in her life not knowing you two are in a relationship
these things need to change, the other things can stay but imo you two need to definitely change those
