>>16945216
>he shot himself in front of his girlfriend.
I'd be mad at him too, he already sounds like a manipulative, dramatic asshole.

Best thing to realize is that your anger has absolutely zero impact on him at this point. A lot of times we hang onto anger and hatred because of a subliminal idea that it somehow hurts the person we want to hurt, but it doesn't, it's really just hurting yourself. And if he's the dramatic douche he appears to be that's what he would have wanted. Your best revenge is also the best thing for you - forget him and be happy.

Get counselling..or therapy.. Whatever.

Men are said to hold things in but IMHO women are much less capable of speaking about deeply troubling issues.

Try to think that the seed was in when his parents passed. It was just a matter of time. I think this is a good of way to think about everyone, so chill with people and be supportive.

>>16945231
>Your best revenge is also the best thing for you - forget him and be happy.
I don't want revenge, I don't want to forget him, and since he has been in my life for over 20 years I doubt I ever will.

I feel mad because he hurt his girlfriend, mostly, and my family and his friends in a way that I will never be able to explain. I am mad at him because he didn't ask for help. I a mad at myself because I couldn't do anything, I didn't notice anything.

>>16945237
>Get counselling..or therapy.. Whatever.
I am getting therapy. I feel a bit better, but I am still stuck.

>>16945216
It needs time really, the only advice I can give you is to realize it takes time.

My best friend killed himself when I was 16, it took me about 3 years to really accept that it happened, before that I woke op weekly with the idea to give him a call and ask how he was since it had been so long.

Meditation can help because it can help isolate your anger so you can really target it. Allow yourself to feel it though, pushing it away only delays the effect. If therapy is your thing you could try it, but it doesn't work for everyone.

Do you dream about him? Dreaming often means your subconscience(if you believe in such a thing) is handling the emotions of the day. You can sometimes tell him the things you didn't get to say irl. I know it sounds new agey, but it's an option.

Feel what you feel and don't make an issue out of it. Sorry for you and your family's loss.

>>16945250
Thanks anon, sorry for your loss.

I will try meditation, it seems what I need. It's hard to rationalize everything I am feeling right now, it just feels like a constant punch in the stomach.

I try to ignore the fact that he's dead. I still have his number in my phone, I even tried to call him sometime. I feel the need to buy a present for his birthday, or call him when I see something he'd like on tv. I never dream of him. Whenever I think of what happened, and it happens pretty often, I feel sick and I want to vomit. It's weird.

Therapy is helping, but I still feel like here's a lot I need to do and deal with.
His death pushed me deeper into the depression I was already dealing with, and it just became overwhelming.

>>16945216
Go to therapy or a support group. Seriously, OP. It will help you so much. If you can't afford it, search for "low fee therapy" in your area.

I lost my girlfriend to suicide. I would have surely killed myself too if I hadn't been pushed to get help.

>>16945258
Thanks anon.

>>16945309
I am going to therapy. It is helping, but I really need to get my life going and I still feel stuck in the past.
I feel like it is helping, but not.. fast enough, maybe?
I am deeply sorry for your loss, I can't imagine your pain. Hope you're doing better.

Cry, cry, cry. Sounds like youre un denial.