I could write pages and pages about this, so I'll try to keep it realtively short. A few years ago the closest thing I've had to a relationship ended. She was my housemate's ex-girlfriend and I've always been very private/defensive, so for these reasons I tried to keep my distance from her. But she was so insistent in trying to get to know me, and seemed desperate that I like her. And over time I did - she became my closest friend, the only person I felt I could be completely myself around. We eventually started hooking up, and things were perfect for me. It was the summer holidays after uni, we were talking every day, and I finally admitted to myself just how much I liked her. Then out of the blue she started fucking a guy she'd met on vacation, and told me we wouldn't be hooking up again in the new year.
Obviously I got angry/emotional, and demanded all sorts of explanations from her. At first she gave me the usual "You'll meet someone much better than me..." shit, but eventually she said that she just didn't have those sorts of feelings for me and never would. I couldn't reconcile that with the way she'd been acting (i.e. making the first move all the time, acting crazy over me) so I demanded to know if it had all just been to get back at my housemate, and she denied it outright. However, later on that year when the dust had settled a bit she did hook up with him again, it ended again, and she eventually met another guy who she's been with since.
It's been 3 years and I've asked her not to contact me again so that should be that, but I just don't feel any closure over the situation and it still fucks with me today. She answered all my questions, and I still have no idea which bits were truth and which were lies. I still have no idea whether she ever felt anything for me or if it was all an act. How can I stop being so affected by this situation?
That's the thing with closure, she answered all your questions but you still don't feel good about it. You meet so few people that this one had a more significant impact on your life than it normally would. I think she probably told you the truth, she didn't feel the same way and besides she was never your gf. Not to beat a dead horse but if you would of asked her to be your gf you might of known sooner. You still hooked up so you're better off than a lot of posters here. How to forget about her? It's been three years dog, meet some new people, you'll never know if you were a rebound or not and after all this time what does it matter?
I can relate to your story and here's what i learned
closure is a lie, you can't get closure
understanding women is impossible
in my situation i tried to contact her months later asking dumb questions seeking 'closure' and it did not even help at all. You will not get the answers you want
>>16943582
This.
Also, even if you do get answers, you won't know whether to believe any of it or not.
Later you'll come to a more balanced acceptance. It fades with time.
>>16943343
>How can I stop being so affected by this situation?
Why do you give a shit? I guarantee you that she doesn't have an "answer", and anything she says will not satisfy you.
She felt in the moment like fucking you, for whatever reason.
She already told you she will never have feelings for you. She means it.
Stop being suck a stupid autistic fucktard and move on.
You guys are never ever ever getting back together, because you were never together in the first place.
Let go.
>>16943582
>understanding women is impossible
That's not true. This chick had a REASON why she wanted to fuck OP, it might have been whimsical or whatever. But there was a reason.
It's just that OP doesn't accept it was a casual fling.
>>16943343
People are rarely introspective enough to know what drives them and if they are then it's even less likely they'll be honest about it when asked upfront. From her giving you the, "you'll meet someone much better than me" it sounds like she has patterns of self-destructive behavior and low self worth. Especially if she was trying to pad the blow, she's incapable of being straight-up. In this case, in all probability, it wasn't you. You were a stepping stone on this girl's confused path. She has some things to work out. You have some things to work out.
Its sad that you've been holding onto this for so long. Unrequited love sucks. You need to find a way to be at peace with this by working in yourself.
My best friend was in a relationship for a few years. It wasn't a healthy relationship. They finally broke up, and he started seeing a new girl that made him happy.
His ex had a hard time letting him go. She got closer to all of his friends, and by closer I mean she fucked them. Revenge sex is awesome so I couldn't say no, but for me it was just sex. But that's were the problem started. I was far better than she expected.
On the positive side, she forgot all about him, and left him alone with his new girlfriend.
But she became obsessed with me. I made it clear that I didn't want a relationship, this was just fucking 2-3 times a day and that's all.
She agreed that we weren't exclusive, I could meet other people, she just wanted as much of me as I was willing to give her. Technically she could only handle about 3/4 before it slammed into her cervix and she would cry out in pain, so I always had to hold back, but anal was another story, and she loved to ride for hours.
We had nothing in common except sex, and both had to shift priorities when I was doing my residency. I'm sure she met someone to fill her void, and I was happy when I came home and she wasn't on my door step.
The point is, women are fickle. She might tell you one thing and mean another one day, and then mean the opposite the next. There is no answer to your question. Women truly do not know what they want from one moment to the next. Just be glad you're rid of her once and for all.
Thanks for replies. I have met other girls who seemed interested in me, but for whatever reasons I just couldn't feel the same way about them that I did for her, so I didn't pursue anything (i.e. didn't want to do to them what she did to me). Not sure what I should do now, but either way it's pointless to keep thinking about this I guess.
>>16943343
>How can I stop being so affected by this situation?
By seeing the truth.
The truth is she is crazy. No one normal can act like she does. She has emotional issues. Also the truth is, maybe she thought she can love and have true feelings for ppl but she isn't capable of true love. That's just how crazy ppl are. She's the same as my dad. It is at it is and it will never be more or less.
>>16943582
Same goes for you:
>>16945013
>>16945013
I'd like to be able to rationalise it this way, and I used to, but I don't know if it's the truth. I used to think that the way she acted meant she'd just bounce around from relationship to relationship and never be reallly happy, whereas I'd have far fewer relationships but they'd actually mean something when I did have them. But then she got into the new relationship, and it was still going strong after a year. Worse, she seemed really happy. I was desperate for it to end and for her to be devastated by it, because I felt like it would be karma for the way she had treated me. Then I caught myself wishing all these horrible things on someone who used to be my closest friend and felt really bad about it, which is when I realised that I had to break contact altogether and ask her not to talk to me anymore.
The point is, I wonder if we just say that the people who hurt us have 'emotional issues' because it is more comforting to us. My biggest fear wass that she stays with this guy, gets married, has kids, has a happy life, etc, yet that started to look more and more likely. Maybe I was her last 'mistake' that made her treat relationships in a more mature way.
