Hey, /adv/, just want your opinion on something. So I have a very low libido, apparently. Or at least, one that needs a lot of work to turn on. This situation is partially what ties into my not really having a sex life with my bf. See, I'm not sexually attracted to him. Like, at all. He is really attracted to me, though.
I have tried helping him out in various sexual situations--although I have put my vagina and ass off limits, I try to give him oral, hj's ect.. However, a lot of them haven't resulted in him cumming or anything like that. He, most of the time, ends up going soft. And I'm pretty much disinterested in him trying to do anything sexual with me. I really like the kisses and stuff like that, but thinking about him putting his mouth near my vagina is not appealing. He's tried using his fingers but literally every time he's done it wrong--no matter how much I've tried to help him in that regard. That's getting kind of frustrating.
Anyway, regarding the sex stuff...he says that it's because he feels his body's waiting for piv sex first. Eventually, I offered to give it to him (We're both virgins, and I was going to wait until marriage but this issue has been going on for a while) once I graduate college in less than 2 months, but I keep getting cold feet about the whole thing. I worry about the possibility of pregnancy (I don't take birth control, for obvious reasons) and if I could support a kid--I don't want to do an abortion. My bf is kind of between jobs atm, but he's promised me that if anything happens he'd do his best to support me.
I kind of want to hear what /adv/ has to say about this. You guys have helped me out a lot. Should I stick to my moral principles and wait? Or should I give it up? Or should just I do my best to get better at oral/hand sex for him?
I really care about him, he's been like a best friend to me. I just want him to be happy.
Why do you have such a low interest?
>>16942031
Generally, I'm not all that sexually attracted to anyone. Some movies like Magic Mike have had an effect, and I do seem to get "the tingles" a bit when I look at nude women, but I've never "gushed" or anything like that over people in real life. Never wanted to ride the cock carousel, as /r9k/ would say, which definitely helped with my personal abstinence pledge.
But related to him, a good part of it is because of his appearance, I think. He's always been overweight (short too, but as I'm 5'2 it has never bothered me). He doesn't look like he takes care of himself all that much, I guess?
>>16942023
>See, I'm not sexually attracted to him. Like, at all.
That's weird, you know that right?
It suggests to me that you don't really see him as boyfriend material. When I read your story it sounds like you more see him as a cute needy kid than as husband material.
Are you older than him?
>>16942046
I do like kissing and cuddling with him though...I've always thought of him as really smart.
and I'm actually a year younger than him. He's 25, I'm 24.
In the past it has been really obvious when a girl has been wanting to blow me or give me a hand job because she doesn't want to have sex yet she feels guilty about this, sorry for me or is insecure about losing me.
This sort of sympathetic relief kills the fragile male ego which often just wants to feel confident and capable of inspiring genuine desire.
Like, sometimes you get so fucking turned on and filled with intense desire and lust. You have this energy built up which you can't express except with someone who matters to you in that way. It is a confusing mixture of love and aggression, anger but sensitivity, the desire to dominate but protect, render yourself vulnerable within the act by giving yourself to someone who as far as your subconscious is concerned might fucking bear your child.
Then it is like "oh I don't feel anything like that, but I can give you a hand job if you like? It is the same right?".
Like lol no it isn't the same. I was hoping for a clash of the sexual titans. Throwing myself again and again against someone who hums back with bestial sexual energy just as hard as me. That connection.
It sounds like you've both got some unspoken repressed shit going on mixed up with expectation and fears which have created an unhealthy mixture and unpicking the whole mess is going to require a bunch of communication and honesty from the pair of you. Central to that is going to be a desire to work it out and commit to doing things which put you both outside of your comfort zone to some extent.
I mean, you aren't going to be able to fix your sex life if you are unwilling to have sex because of a bunch of reasons which remove it from the list of options. Just accept that you've justified that it isn't fixable already or be prepared to explore those reasons.
>>16942059
tl;dr this guy's right. When a girl makes it clear she's not into giving you a sexual favor while she's doing it it's a huge turnoff.
>>16942059
>>16942077
I just got back from class...What you guys said is very true and i felt a little moved even by what you said. That would probably explain a lot about why he's not been able to finish, anyway.
I think we are going to need to talk a little more about where we are going regarding sex and things like that. At this rate, I don't think that even if I tried giving it up it would be able to happen.
Where do you recommend I start out the conversation with?
>>16942461
Do you intend to start finding him sexually attractive after marriage?
>>16942494
I don't know how.
>>16942816
See, if your problem was just "I really feel guilty about/don't want to have sex before marriage" I'd say you just need to lay down the law and tell him that. You have a right to determine your sexuality that way. And that sounds like it's part of your problem.
But if your problem is also "See, I'm not sexually attracted to him. Like, at all."
Then I cautiously suggest that you need to make him aware of that too. You might be able to both do things that will change it. But if you can't change that, and you lock yourselves into marriage, boy howdy are you in for a world of hurt and frustration.
If you're not sexually attracted to him, at all, the relationship is doomed. You need to talk to him about this, as painful as it may be, so that he knows to improve.
Sex plays a huge role in any relationship. Sexual compatibility is very important, and I would suggest sleeping with someone before you marry them; if you aren't comfortable with this, I understand, but it will make things difficult.
You need to explore your sexuality. Browse porn, find what makes you wet, and fap; relax, and focus on your pleasure. Explore with him, as well, and go slow. If you're nervous, a glass of wine may help you to lower those inhibitions.
