Hey /adv/. Sorry about the whole
>I can't get over my ex
problem that this board has all the time, I know this gets annoying. Anyway (tl;dr at the bottom, might be a long one) I got lucky and hit it off with an older chick while underage (18 now just saying). She was great and I felt like we could of lasted a while together. Problem being she wasn't okay with my age at the time. Eventually this caught up with her and she cut it off after about a year of "dating". She said it's because we're in very different places in life and that by the time she'd want to settle down/have a family I'd still be too young for that. I told her she was right about that, I didn't want a family of my own for quite some time. That drove a wedge between us and we split some time later. That was in November. Its been a couple months now and I have a new gf who is happy with me and I feel the same. New gf is also much more open to things, I spend more time with new gf then ex gf. Over all things are simpler with new gf. Yet every so often thoughts of ex gf will pop into my head and I feel like shit because of it. I haven't spoken to ex gf since the break up, I went full cut contact. I still get urges to speak to her when I'm alone to see how she's doing. Hell it gets to the point where I've had a handful of dreams about ex gf guys. I don't feel like I'm giving new gf my 100% and that its unfair to her. I do feel for new gf and I want to make her happy like she has with me so any and all advice on how to remedy the situation or get those thoughts out would be much appreciated.
>>tl;dr ex gf will come to mind every so often. Don't want her there because I want to focus on new gf. Need to rid myself of these thoughts seeing that having hang ups isn't a good thing
Bump
>>16927437
Anon, it is normal.
You cared about your ex, you felt strongly for her and you had a strong bond with her.
It is fine to still think of her.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend 2 years ago and I'm happy with my new relationship, but sometimes I still get the urge to ask him how he's doing, or talk to him about the new video of our favourite youtuber, or about some book I've read. It will never go away totally, at least to me. The bond we had was strong and I doubt that time can make me forget how I felt for him.
It got better with time and now I think of him rarely. Invest in your relationship, shake those thoughts off when they come to your mind and be there for your girlfriend. Give her all your energies and enjoy what you have.
Don't feel guilty for having memories, or for caring about someone who is not in your life anymore.
>>16928420
Pretty much this. When a bond is extremely strong like that, it leaves a scar. The scar can heal itself with time and will. Just let it happen.
I feel like shit for not talking to my ex. She has a boyfriend now but for some reason she wants to still talk to me. It's sad that I don't share the same feelings. I pretty much ignore her. But things happen.
>>16928420
Thank you for that anon. Honestly I don't want to get rid of those memories and I think you're right about not having to feel guilty about having them, I just don't want it to let the past mess with what I could have with current gf. I will have to find a balance like you seem to have found with your ex. I'm still so inexperienced with relationships in general. Ex gf was my first real gf so that can't help, but I will give all of my effort and support to new gf. She does make me happy
>>16929167
Time is something I have plenty of. I just have to not be impatient with it then, which I can be so this will definitely test me in a way.
As for not contacting your ex, would you mind to explain why anon? Another issue that you could add on to OP is that I've overheard my friends say that ex gf asks about me once in a while and that she even had wanted (still wants to?) speak to me again. I'm not sure about letting that happen. I was a wreck when we broke up and continued to be for while which is normal yea but I haven't spoken to her because I'm afraid that if I do those feelings I tried so hard to swallow will burst out of me and waste all the progress I've made.
