Over the last five months I've asked six different guys out:
Guy 1. Told me he was already seeing someone. My personal mistake for not knowing, but it still hurt a lot.
Guy 2. Friend of G1, G1 tried to set us up. Guy 2 liked me a lot and we talked/flirted for a week, I put off asking him out until exactly a week after we'd met because I didn't want to scare him off by moving too quickly. On the day I planned to ask him out he met someone else and made out with her right in front of me. They're still dating to this day.
Guy 3. We were friends a few months before I asked him if he wanted to come with me to an exhibition. He kept coming up with excuses and eventually just stopped texting me.
Guy 4. I met him on Tinder. We really clicked, he told me I was very attractive, a week after talking I asked him if he wanted to meet up any time, he said no.
Guy 5. I met him at a party, my friend told me he'd been checking me out all night. We talked a while and then he left. I texted him a week later telling him I had fun hanging out with him, and would he like to catch up sometime. He read the message but never replied.
Guy 6. Again, Tinder. He was really gorgeous and he told me he was just interested in a hookup (at the time, so was I). We agreed to meet up on a certain day but he never showed.
I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as if I shouldn't even bother trying because it just never works out for me. What am I doing wrong? I'm attractive by conventional standards (skinny, symmetrical face, slightly curvy, long hair) and I've been told I'm pretty by a lot of different people. Personality-wise, I've spent a lot of time alone so I've developed at least my own passions and interests. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here. :(
>>16935545
You seem to be going after guys the only care about sex
>>16935545
Bad luck by the sounds of it. I wouldn't worry too much. If you are a decently attractive woman with nothing particularly wrong with you then you probably have just been unlucky.
I mean maybe you are going for extremely attractive men who have lots of girls interested in them so you are getting cut out. But if its even Tinder hookups that are not working out then probably you have just been unlucky.
>>16935545
> but it still hurt a lot.
Can you stop being a cry baby? he was taken. Why in the fuck are you taking that personally? What do you expect him to do - cheat? I mean really woman, c'mon.
>I put off asking him out until exactly a week after we'd met because I didn't want to scare him off by moving too quickly.
Soooo you liked someone.... and had a good time with him... and then arbitrarily decided to "wait a week" out of some misplaced high school bullshit about "mandatory waiting periods" ? No. Just... no.
>They're still dating to this day.
So you should be happy for him finding someone he clicks with?
>He kept coming up with excuses and eventually just stopped texting me.
He sounds like a pussy. He should just have said no and that he doesn't feel for you like that. That ones on him. It happens, let it go and move on.
>a week after talking I asked him if he wanted to meet up any time, he said no.
That one is interesting. but again, if he says no, move on.
>I don't know what I'm doing wrong here. :(
We're not internet psychologists, but human interaction is pretty tricky. You could be loud and annoying. You could be one of those women who doesn't know how to shut the fuck up and and listen. Who knows? You should ask your girlfriends that are close to you. Chances are they know but perhaps are too afraid to tell you the truth because you obviously get hurt over literally nothing.... in fact... that could be it right there. No one likes a glass person for a girlfriend who shatters at a rock.
>>16935545
Hey OP. Want to go out for pizza sometime?
At least you are trying. I'm a dude in his thirties, have degree, a career, own a home, and have no outstanding debt aside from my mortgage, but am to much of a shut in to even try. Take comfort in knowing you are not as pathetic as I am.
It seems guys lose interest in you after they get to know you.
Think about it.
>>16935561
What makes you think that? None of them even ended up sleeping with me.
>>16935565
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
>>16935571
>he was taken
I am aware. I wouldn't want him to cheat on his girlfriend but the fact is that the rejection did still hurt heaps, especially because be led me to believe I honestly stood a chance.
>wait a week
I was scared of moving too quickly and scaring him off. I learnt my lesson from that, though.
>loud and annoying
No, and no. I know for a fact I'm not.
>shut the fuck up and listen.
In my circle I'm thought of as the best listener. Again, no.
>hurt over literally nothing
Lemme guess, you've never really been rejected by anyone you've asked out, have you? It may seem like "literally nothing" but dude, rejection is awful. It's pretty invalidating, especially after this many times in this short period.
>glass person
The fuck? No-one knows this is how I feel about what's happened to me. When I'm around people I shrug this off. Also, how the hell does that equal to people not being interested in me? How the fuck would I come across as a "glass person" in a week/over Tinder?
>>16935593
It's ok to be quiet and a shut-in. If it makes you feel any easier I prefer guys who aren't rowdy and loud. Quiet people are generally really great.
>>16935598
I guess so, there's probably nothing I can do about that, either.
:(
>>16935648
Maybe be up front with one of the guys and tell them you want honest feedback, ask them what they didn't like about you, etc.
>>16935545
People are shit OP. Sorry to say, but it does bring me a measure of satisfaction to know there are girls out there who deal with this shit too. Your stories basically mirror my own with online dating except swap guys for girls.
>>16935644
OK, first, let's slow our roll. I can see my blunt assholishness is affecting you, and I don't want it to. My apologies for being rude.
>Lemme guess, you've never really been rejected by anyone you've asked out, have you?
Lady, I'm a mother fucking man. I don't think you realize how often we have to endure rejection. And not the polite kind that you've experienced here either. Shit like so (saw this happen in a bar):
>Guy obviously likes my girlfriend's friend
>He's trying to talk with her, chat her up
>Friend is not interested, but instead of saying that, she's going "uh huh. uh huh. uh huh" to everything she's saying. It's so rude it's pissing ME off and i'm not even involved.
>Guy is finally like.... So, what do you do?
>Friend is a straight bitch, "Um, what does it matter?"
>Guys is confused as fuck at this point
>Says, "... oh... well.. uh... I guess it doesn't? I'm an author?"
>Friend, in the middle of the bar, goes "Get a load of this guy! He's an auuuthoooor! BWUAHAHAHAHA"
>Guy turns bright red and wanders off.
Nothing in your experiences comes even close to that and that's the type of shit guys have to deal with. SO, when I overreact to you getting so down about a few gentle "no's".... please remember that rejection for men is a WHOOOLE new world like Aladdin.
This is also why I'm thinking you're a glass house.
>How the fuck would I come across as a "glass person" in a week/over Tinder?
Because you came across that way in one post on an anonymous image board.
In conclusion, I really would just ask your friends, tell them you need honesty, and tell them you will be hurt but that you're a big girl and honestly need to know. I think you might be surprised at how your friends will nail it for you. Listen to a friend that you trust.
You have friends yes?
>>16935700
>my apologies
No worries, all good.
>bar anecdote
That's really brutal, poor guy D:
>one post on an anonymous image board
Well, that is because said one post was about how I feel about what's been happening. I'm not this way at all with people IRL.
>you have friends yes?
Yes. See, this is why I'm doubting you a bit; your assumptions about me are pretty way off. I'm pretty much a social butterfly in my circle. I internalise a lot of these kinds of feelings and instead reflect cheeriness when I'm with others.
>>16935700
>>16935697
>honesty
I have before, though. They told me I need to wait less and that it's not much within my control, it's just bad luck. 80% of my texts to these guys were suggested by friends.
>>16935685
Meant to reply to this one at the end of my prev. post, oops.
>>16935545
You should work on looking better
>>16935725
>They told me I need to wait less
This is what I think too, your timing is a bit off. Guy 2's story make this clear. Mind you each person has it's own timing, so maybe you are misjudging WHEN to talk/advance, not HOW.
Also, you really got unlucky.
>>16935545
>>16935586
PLS RESPOND
>>16935742
And I'd do this how...?
>>16935760
>timing
I know now that it's definitely something I need to work on. I was just worried if I moved too soon it'd scare him off, because I know that can happen.
>really unlucky
Yeah, I guess. It's pretty shitty to be honest. Makes me feel like less a person, but what can I do.
>>16935725
See I don't buy this "it's luck!" stuff. Men don't just call you attractive, respond to you, give you affection and then POOF gone into the night!
Some men? Sure. Sometimes? Sure. But literally like five times in a row? yeah no. You're obviously doing something to put people off and, judging by your emo responses, I'm guessing it's the emo.
I feel like I've seen your type before - cool, quirky, attractive... but it was obvious within five minutes that this girl was going to get hurt as fuck if I didn't play things exactly right. And that's putting a lot of pressure on people ya know? people can't be walking around on eggshells around your hurt feelings. You claim they can't POSSIBLY tell because why? You're a "social butterfly"? So what? Social butterflies can be emotionally charged social butterflies too lol.
And every one of your responses in this thread kinda point that way.
>your assumptions about me are pretty way off
Except that asking a question is not an assumption. It's a question. But how do you respond? By suggesting "I just don't get you". <---- lol? From asking you if you have friends when you're posting emo feels about men on 4chan? It's a fair question but... "I just don't get you" lol.
>I was scared of moving too quickly and scaring him off.
>I wouldn't want him to cheat on his girlfriend but the fact is that the rejection did still hurt heaps, especially because be led me to believe I honestly stood a chance
>I don't know what to do anymore, I feel as if I shouldn't even bother trying because it just never works out for me.
>It may seem like "literally nothing" but dude, rejection is awful. It's pretty invalidating, especially after this many times in this short period.
>>glass person
>The fuck? No-one knows this is how I feel about what's happened to me.
No one knooooows meeeeee!
it seems pretty obvious to me what the problem is. If you think men are clueless when it comes to emotional women... think again.
>>16935545
There's some pretty good observations in this thread already but I'm going to throw in my 2ยข because I hate witnessing this shit.
First of all, stop boyfriend hunting. Grow some self esteem and cut it the fuck out. The smell of needy will chase off anyone worth having.
2nd, make friends. Lots of friends both male and female, involved, single, "its complicated" whatever-- dating is a numbers game you want as large of a pool as possible to pick from. It's also about eliminating those that are NOT a match from that pool. You have all the control here, use it, and don't be a pussy.
3, thank the stars that you're only alone and not stuck in some totally shitty abusive relationship. Appreciate the fuck out of your freedom.
>>16935772
Thanks for the offer, but I don't know you at all. Sorry :(
>>16935700
I'd rather get that sort of rejection than have someone fake interest, so that way I don't have to feel guilty when I decide to quit wasting my time with her or just telling her to go fuck herself if she's rude enough. I'd rather get outward signals from people that they're not interested than fake interest.
I don't get this type of rejection in OP and why it would bother her so much, except for the curving from guy #5.
>>16935545
Most guys that are confident enough to talk to you don't just talk to one girl. If you want to find someone that will stay with you, then you might have to be the one that messages first.
>>16935792
Look, do you want to see an example conversation with one of the guys I talked to or something? Because dude, you have no idea how way off you are.
>>16935772
I'll get pizza with you.
>>16935545
>G1 - Shit happens
>G2 - Went about as well as a friend hookup could. But still, you kept him waiting so he moved on. Lesson learned.
>G3 - Hard to say with the given info. Maybe he's r9k-tier and can't handle the heat.
>G4 - Be better than Tinder + lack of chemistry.
>G5 - You waited a week when the getting was already good? Why? Maybe he googled your name and found bad shit. Maybe he was talking but not flirting, a mistake that men usually make but still maybe you read the convo wrong. Was there touching? Did it progress? Eye contact? etc. etc.
>G6 - Tinder is doomed to fail, as explained above. Be better than Tinder.
>What do/should I give up?
No. Work smarter, not harder. Delete TInder, go out alone to your sort of place/a place with your sort of guys. And this is the key part, right here. Make eye contact with strangers. Not timid, but really give it a proper go. And when you hold a desirable guy's gaze for a bit, smile, or raise your eyebrows. See how they react. If you start hitting on men that give positive reactions to shit like that, you'll find more success.
>>16935793
I'm not boyfriend hunting. I found people I clicked with and I took it from there.
>make friends
Been there, done that. I adore my friends to bits. I've met most of the guys mentioned through friends anyhow.
>stuck in an abusive relationship
Yeah, that's true. I am thankful for that, at least. Thanks for reminding me.
>>16935795
>I don't know you at all
It doesn't have to stay that way.
Maybe you're too picky.
>>16935797
>I don't get this type of rejection in OP and why it would bother her so much, except for the curving from guy #5.
What do you mean?
>the one that messages first
Again, usually that's what I do. I'm not afraid to take initiative in these things.
>>16935816
And just to clarify, set up the next date BEFORE they leave. Close the deal before you let them walk. If you let them walk away and do nothing for a week, they assume it's a bust and might even find someone else. Life is short and people won't always wait, so don't make them if you want more success.
How tall are you and how much do you weigh?
>>16935808
Where do you live?
>>16935816
That's really good advice. Thanks heaps! I'm gonna keep the body language things you mentioned in mind next time I hit on anyone
>G5
>a week
A combination of the three-day rule and then me going to a place with zero wi-fi for a number of days.
>googled my name
Literally nothing comes up, haha.
>talking not flirting
I barely remember, I was pretty drunk in all honesty. It's possible I misread him, though.
>>16935826
Thanks :) will do!
>>16935830
5'1" and 92pounds
>>16935822
How so?
>>16935545
>Guy 1
Did nothing wrong, shit happens
>Guy 2
You snooze, you lose.
>Guy 3
Also did nothing wrong, took the shot and whiffed
>Guy 4
Needs more detail
>Guy 5
Probably just wasn't as enthused as you, shit happens
>Guy 6
Just scored something better or had an errand come up. Didn't mean anything in the first place so he blew you off. No foul on your part
>>16935797
>I don't get this type of rejection in OP and why it would bother her so much
>why it would bother her so much
Exactly my thinking. She's pretty, social, etc. etc. etc. ..... and yet she's taking it super hard. Like, the guy has a girlfriend and she's still getting hurt from the rejection. Like really hurt.
>It may seem like "literally nothing" but dude, rejection is awful. It's pretty invalidating, especially after this many times in this short period.
A guy with a girlfriend rejects OP and... "IT LIKE REALLY HURTS AWFULLY DUDE"
... but no one can get OP.
>Because dude, you have no idea how way off you are.
I've definitely seen her type before. Something doesn't go her way? Depression. Tell her she's taking it too hard? "You just don't get me." Tell her it's probably the emo? "You just don't see me in public."
>CHOO DONT KNOOOOW MEEEEEE
Seen her. It's impossible to move forward with a girl like that because every time you do something that hurts her feelings she'll A) pretend she's not hurt (as she's admitted to doing here in this thread) B) get REALLY hurt and internalize it and then C) claim no one can understand.
Kinda hard to move forward with a chick under those conditions.
That's strange. I sort of have the same problem. I even got a tinder a few days ago and I have around 50 matches? Few girls respond and few girls even meet up, I don't know why.
I know how to keep a conversation going... I don't know, people just seem so dull. I don't get it, either.
Best of luck to you. You seem like a wonderful girl.
>>16935725
>>bar anecdote
>That's really brutal, poor guy D:
No it's not. That's his point, it's straight up normal.
Op seems like my perfect girl.
To be clear,I mean the image.
>>16935817
>I'm not boyfriend hunting. I found people I clicked with and I took it from there.
By my standards you probably are, but your mileage may vary.
The trick is to only pay attention to the people that click back. If they don't *call* and *talk* to you and work to connect with you and only text-- they aren't interested in you, at least not as anything other than a rebound girl, or the back up girl, or a groupie, or the coveted FWB. You seem to have a good enough sense of yourself that you've avoided those roles so far.
Personally, I'm only interested in a guy if he wants to put in some work to get me, even if I'm really really interested in a guy I know I can do without, and I'm pretty clear with him that I have no problem doing so. I know it sounds harsh, but every single time I've flatly expressed an equal interest in a guy I've ended up alone as he's moved on to someone more challenging.
Now that I have a solid reputation as a flight risk I'm treated much better and the time wasters don't even bother. My current bf had a reputation as a player but he knows he fucks up once and I won't have any problem showing him the door and finding another guy happy to fill his shoes or just enjoying my forever alone time with friends.
>>16935870
Thanks. Yeah, that's what I thought about G6's outcome too.
>>16935875
I wasn't "really hurt" by G1 having a girlfriend. I was just let down.
>"IT LIKE REALLY HURTS" etc.
My romantic life has not progressed for an incredibly long time. Longer than the time period I've said here, but that's another story. The point is, a lot of rejection in this time frame is pretty demeaning. It does hurt, not gonna lie at all.
>Something doesn't go her way? Depression.
I don't have depression. Stop saying you've "seen my type before," your assumptions about me are as incorrect as they come. Actually read what I'm saying to you instead of skimming and replying with a lazy "don't even bother disagreeing girl, I know your type"
>pretend she's not hurt
Again, you're totally clueless. I've never been in the situation with a guy where I've had to internalise feeling sad. That stuff comes AFTER rejection. During the time a guy and I text each other, those feelings are basically non-existent. I'm not fragile like you think I am.
>>16935881
Thanks. I'm sorry that happens to you, man. Tinder is a pretty shit app, to be honest. If I could search matches based on mutual interests then it might be a different story, but still. I dunno.
>>16935891
Okay, I see what you mean now. That puts my situation in a better perspective.
op, are you crazy? answer honestly
most people who have been dating for a while learn to spot crazy
>>16935939
please don't even bother responding to these people.
I'm not sure what is happening, sorry, may just be bad luck.
Continue using tinder and maybe other reasonable dating sites.
>>16935908
>pay attention to the people that click back
Right, I know to do that. It's pointless me wasting my time with people who don't click back.
>expressed an equal interest
Maybe I should stop doing that, then. In the cases I listed I my opening post, I was the one who bothered asking them out, not the other way around. Okay, point definitely noted.
>flight risk anecdote
I see what you mean. So you're saying that it works out a lot better if you show that you *could* do without them if they do fuck up. All right, I'll keep that in mind.
>>16935956
I'm not crazy, what do you mean?
>>16935939
>My romantic life has not progressed
In that case, maybe you should be open to new opinions. But no, you'd rather come get validation from 4chan and tell everyone who doesn't agree with you that they can't understand you.
>I don't have depression.
>My romantic life has not progressed for an incredibly long time.
> I feel as if I shouldn't even bother trying because it just never works out for me.
>Personality-wise, I've spent a lot of time alone
>It may seem like "literally nothing" but dude, rejection is awful. It's pretty invalidating
>It's ok to be quiet and a shut-in.
>I guess so, there's probably nothing I can do about that, either.
*Warning signs* of depression:
>Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
>Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
>Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
HMMMMMMMMMM. But OK! Ur so right, ur so 100, keep it 100 lady.
>pretend she's not hurt
>Again, you're totally clueless.
Not according to your own posts~!
>No-one knows this is how I feel about what's happened to me. When I'm around people I shrug this off.
So let's recap - you're a pessimistic shut in who gets really hurt about rejection, feels like there's nothing you can do, and pretends there's nothing wrong in public.....
but we don't know you. Are you trying to make me laugh right now? You really need to wake up. Not for me, I'm fine. For YOU.
>>16935964
>may just be bad luck
Seems to be the general consensus, my friends IRL said the same thing and a bunch of anons here have too. Guess that must be it.
>>16935980
This guy gets it:
>>16935956
See OP? I'm telling you... men can tell. WE CAN TELL. The men you're going after aren't your typical 4channers that are validating you up and down this thread. Actual men who have actually dated and who have actually gone through this stuff... WE CAN TELL. You're not fooling us.
>>16935976
i mean mental instability is the reddest flag known to man, and when experienced people detect even a hint of it, they run like hell. im not implying that this is definitely your problem, only that it is a possibility. when i ask "are you crazy?", i mean "are you in any way mentally unstable?"
>>16935565
I think this person has the right idea you are going for guys who have many options because they are the top dogs.
>>16935988
>>16935980
BTW the reason I'm going so hard with this is because I *have* met you before. You are your own worst enemy, as evidenced by:
>So let's recap - you're a pessimistic shut in who gets really hurt about rejection, feels like there's nothing you can do, and pretends there's nothing wrong in public.....
>but we don't know you.
I actually have a soft spot in my asshole heart for you and women like you that go on six month losing streaks and want to believe it's "just bad luck."
It's not bad luck. What, the guys just magically all decided to band together and act exactly the same towards you? C'mon lady. You're smarter than that.
>>16935545
>Personality-wise, I've spent a lot of time alone so I've developed at least my own passions and interests. I don't know what I'm doing wrong here. :(
Are you genrally a happy person OP?
Two possibilities I see..
-Your demeanour (facial expression and body language) might be coming across as negative. ie. Boring, upset, frustrated, angry.. Etc. People tend to shy away from those who seem this way because of potential drama. Could it be that you are pretty, but don't have an inviting expression because of your mood?
-Also possible is that these guys think you are out of their league. Perhaps your personal interests and passions are more exciting than theirs? Perhaps you come across as more intelligent or on a higher social status?
The above two somewhat apply to me (male) and I get very little luck with women, although I am handsome and have other valued qualities.
I have been told that I can be intimidating though. And I don't think that matches with my passive personality. I prefer to wait for things to naturally occur, but when I have asserted myself with women in the past it always works.
>>16935831
Not him but I'm in southern Sask. Come grab a slice if you ever run north of the border.
>>16936013
>a happy person
Well, I think so, I mean my friends tell me I'm the most cheerful and optimistic person I know, a lot of people tell me how happy my smile makes them and that they're glad to have someone happy around them. So I think so, at least.
>out of your league
If I asked them out, how would they think they're out of my league? Not sarcasm, just genuinely asking.
>>16936027
Aw shit. My passport is still processing. Some day.
>>16936063
You better, nigger. We can race tractors and do red neck shit. Talk about twingos and when frosty's getting out of jail over a nice slice of pizza made by an old Italian guy.
>>16935825
You both agreed to meet at a certain date, and he just didn't come without any explanation whatsoever.
>>16936090
It just seems really lazy and careless.
>>16936046
>If I asked them out, how would they think they're out of my league? Not sarcasm, just genuinely asking.
They think they will just humiliate themselves if you got to know them.
On another note, are you physically demonstrating that you are interested and available? Protruding chest, pointing body and/or feet at person of interest, exposing neck and inside of wrist, playing with your hair? Men are pretty dense when it comes to reading signs, so they need to be overt and repeated for us to pick up on them.
>>16936074
I didn't know you'd imported Italians into canuckistan. Frosty can get out of jail the day he learns to get good and hop on the hon hon hon train.
You sound like a very decent person to me. You might be doing something wrong, yes, but I also think you've just had poor luck lately. Don't let it get you down. Find out what it is you are doing wrong, and work on fixing it, but don't strain yourself too much either. Attraction is all subjective, and as long as you take care of yourself and aren't a monster of a human, you'll find someone. I believe in you OP
>>16935545
>>16936104
No, I don't usually do the physical things you mentioned. I will in the future though, thanks :)
>>16936090
Right, I gotcha.
>>16936159
Thanks for the encouragement and the kind words :)
>>16936132
We import everything. Pretty much a mixing pot. Mostly white community here so I get to be a racist drunk redneck most of the time.
>>16936191
All good, just keep your chin up and your smile on.
You also said your romantic life hasn't been progressing much even before the 6 guys mentioned here. Would you mind elaborating on that? It's fine if you don't want to, though.
>>16936209
I can elaborate, I guess. I didn't mention it because it's a different tangent to the thread, but aside from that:
Up until mid-last year I completed a one-year study abroad in Alaska away from everyone but my college colleagues. And before that, I didnt really click with anyone at college, nor had time for a relationship, and before that I went to an all-girls school from first grade to graduation.
Sounds like you are forcing this really, really hard.
Casual dates are really crappy and are on the same level as online dating and tinder. You are shopping for meat, its bad.
Have you tried looking more within your daily circle like your job or classes? There just might be someone that really likes you and you haven't caught on yet. I feel pretty apathetic towards women in general but I completely fell for a girl by just being around her presence for an extended period of time, I have no idea how it happened; I still dream about her.
Point is, someone who really likes you will give you the moon and not flake for anything in the world.
Hey, OP, you sound like a nice person. I hope you find yourself a nice boyfriend soon. I am having the same problem (guy here), so I can empathize a lot with you. Don't focus too much into it, though, as it will make you constantly disappointed until you find him.
>>16936221
I can definitely understand why you would feel very discouraged right now. Thanks for the insight. Don't worry, rejection is a part of life but eventually something good will come
>>16936241
>casual dates are really crappy
Yeah, I got that feeling from watching a bunch of friends go out with guys once or twice and then never really hear from them again.
>within your daily circle
Well, G1, 2, and 3 were pretty much those people. But the others were friends of friends of friends or Tinder people. But I guess I should stay with people I see every day, that's a good idea! I should stop thinking about it and see whether or not it comes naturally.
>someone who really likes you will give you the moon and not flake for anything in the world
I forget this a lot. Thanks for reminding me :) it's something I should keep on my mind, can't help but feel it'd help me pit things in perspective.
>>16936255
Thank you :) I hope you find someone lovely too. I'm going to do my best to not focus on it as much from here onwards, thanks for that nugget of advice!
>>16936268
It puts my situation in more perspective? Maybe I should have mentioned that earlier, haha. Thank you :) I won't give up but I won't seek it out either.
i feel like you're probably just ugly and need to lower your standards.
>>16935545
ooh yes nice thread topic!
guys most of the time go for the most attractive girl there is in a group. so they have one in their class, or from school, or from something outside of school whatever. there's always "the attractive one" somewhere.
you have to try to become that girl in every group that you're in. and when you have your appearence with you, you have that potential!
believe me or not, but your social skills are gonna be very importent here. more then you'd think in terms of you being a fem.
try to be attractive to guys in the same way you find guys attractive:
be genuine.
play around, joke around, touch guys you like in a teasing way.
create competition and jelousy amongst the guys. all of them, not just the one's you like. this will happen naturely tho so don't worry about who's gonna like you or not. when you do this good eventualy everyone will, trust me, it's a guys instinct to win from other males.
how to do this?
be playfull, act as if the guys you meet are already good friends of yours, and give guys the feeling they cAN have a chance with you, but don't give them anough. never give them enough, unless you want to give it to 'm. but still always wait and tease them.
but don't flip this too far into playing hard to get.
playing hard to get when you're a girl is just a bummer for guys. we will just 'move on' to the girl we dรณ have a chance with.
use alcohol?
try to kiss a guy somewhere, but don't make like a big deal out of it, and other guys will be like "hey this girl is open for guys maybe I'll have a chance".
we will be on your tail.
and please be in A M S T E R D A M
>>16936344
even as a girl you can do so much to be more attractive then most people realise.
>>16936347 this guy is kinda on point
>>16936347
wow this sounds like some reversed PUA for girls, well meme'd anon
>>16936347
Not sure if this is a meme or not (sorry) but this has some interesting points. I am a little shy IRL so it does sound like something I should take into consideration!
>>16936353
thanks othanon
to be honoust with you I became a pickupmachine (still a bit rusty though) some months ago, but not with PUA (fuck that).
ever since I can realy see what it is in a girl that is attractive and what isn't. and how some girls are indeed playing these games.
it's realy the realising how girls think that gave me the breakthrough, and now I also get how a girl can get me I gues :)
>>16935644
>hurt over literally nothing
>Lemme guess, you've never really been rejected by anyone you've asked out, have you? It may seem like "literally nothing" but dude, rejection is awful. It's pretty invalidating, especially after this many times in this short period.
guys tend to get rejected a lot more, and they become numb to it. it still doesn't hurt less. He's just lashing out
>>16936365
Alright then, I guess that must be what I have to work on. Thanks heaps :)
>>16935825
wow hey something Id ilke to add to my PUA for girls:
don't ask 'm out like "hey I wanna ask you out".
>>16936347
...>more:
just start a conversation like "wow man great party eh!" (I gues you already do that ofcorse)
but you can obviously only do this when you spoke to that guy on the party itself.
chat with them, in a friend's matter, but kinda flirt, and give them the idea that they have a chance again ofcorse, but don't get them in the:
"oh no I'm afraid to come across as desperate" zone. keep being assertive, but give them alot of freedom in what they want or not.
even we guys don't like to be tied down by a gril, even when she's the hottest. it realy can be unattractive (and I don't agree with that we think that way, but we just do).
and the best way to "ask a guy out" in the 'playfull' matter is
>"hey are you coming to that place on saterday night too?"
and if he says like
>"no! I'm at that other place" / "not going out tonight"
and then you can say like:
>"no? oh that's a bummer! maybe I'll still see you that night, or els next weekend?"
(sistip: use "?" instead of "!". holy shit that would make alot of difference: the question mark will again give him the freedom to say "next weekend I'll be at that party! are you coming along?".
and with the questionmark you'll keep the conversation going obviously)
... 2b continued (?)
Keep trying! And youre meeting guys in the wrong places. Try a group or club or something, even chat up a cutie at the bus stop but not fucking tinder or parties ffs.
>>16936430
This is so helpful!! I've been doing a lot of what you've suggested already haha, but that last bit about the "?" is something I never thought to do before! Thanks :D
>>16936454
Yeah, I've kept away from Tinder since then. Haven't regretted that to be honest.
>>16935972
>So you're saying that it works out a lot better if you show that you *could* do without them if they do fuck up
The word "could" should probably be replaced with "will happily" but that about sums it up.
The equal interest paradox truly bothers me-- I like treating my man the way I like to be treated and I'm not a rude person by nature-- it takes some effort, but it is what it is. I save "nice" for my friends now.
I'm not a 10/10 girl, maybe a 7/10 on my best day, with makeup and only to a guy who prefers my type but I walk into a room like I'm an evil queen runway model rock star and I own everyone in room. It's crazy that not being nice or even all that considerate works but it does.
>>16935545
This >>16935561 plus you seem to be waiting too long to ask them out. Be clear about what you're looking for up front.
>>16936584
That's where I can't really attempt to do what you do; I'm a kind person by nature. But I get what you mean, and it is pretty interesting that that method works.
>>16936599
Yeah, that's what I'll be doing in the future. Thanks!
>>16935545
>asking relationship/hook-up advice to a bunch of virgins on an anime image board
>>16936622
Do you own a dog? Lots of men hate dogs.
>>16936685
Actually this is the advice board
>>16936689
>he thinks theres a difference
>>16936686
I don't make it known that I have a dog, lol.
>>16935545
>>16935644
From these posts you seem really cool, especially the part about you liking quiet men. I wish I would run into you on Tinder, the only girls I ever see on it are country chicks into huntin' n' muddin'.
>>16935545
I don't believe you. Pics or gtfo
>>16936686
I thought people like me were a minority. I usually keep my opinion to myself because people act like I am Hitler when I tell them I am not really that crazy about dogs. I just like keeping my place clean and they tend to make a mess.
>>16935545
>woman
>having trouble finding a bf
nigga u even tryin
>>16936906
Aw, you're sweet anon :)
>>16936985
No way I'm posting photos of myself to 4chan.
>>16937194
Read the opening post.
no clue why you're having so much trouble op. i actually ran into the same thing before when i was single. i feel lucky to have ran into my boyfriend on tinder.
personally, i think i'm pretty conventionally attractive. mostly because i'm OCD/perfectionistic about that shit. the competition here amongst the girls are unreal. i live in a town that's the equivalent to beverly hills; so there's a lot of rich, blonde, smoking hot babes around.
when i met my boyfriend, he was the one who would initiate messaging me on tinder everyday. i had other guys who messaged me, but they kind of petered off later. they probably matched with someone prettier, which makes sense, because, like i mentioned; a lot of hot babes around here. i'm lucky to have even matched with any of the guys here and get messages from them.
my boyfriend though, was very depressing and negative when i met him... so i'm assuming that
1. most girls he talked to probably blocked or deleted him because he was so depressing lol
2. i was probably the only chick who tried to cheer him up (mostly out of pity and because i was lonely myself. helps that he was very cute too)
3. his choices were probably a lot more limited since he lived in the next town over, which is considered the equivalent of detroit lol
his attitude improved a TON after we started dating, so i have no complaints about our relationship. he's a very considerate, honest, hard working and sweet guy. again, i was very lucky he even turned out this way in the end. almost 11 months since we've been together now.
i guess my best advice is to give the most persistent guy you find a chance. he might end up to be a pretty cool guy.
>>16937402
>guess my best advice is to give the most persistent guy you find a chance. he might end up to be a pretty cool guy.
This is great advice! Thanks heaps. I have to keep this in mind, another anon mentioned it earlier too.
>>16936221
>I went to an all-girls school from first grade to graduation.
I feel like this may have affected your social cue jutsu. If you don't respond the way quote unquote normal girls respond then it could be throwing them off.
But it sounds like you should wait for some higher quality dudes to come around
Go to /r9k/ and ask them. Probably 50% of the posts will be L O N D O N which is their way of asking where you're from at this point. If you're as pretty as you think you are you should be swimming in dick.
>>16937448
Thanks. Yeah, to be honest I was thinking the same thing; if my schooling affected my social development a bit. Either way, not much I can do about that. I'll wait for someone, not seek anyone out :)
>>16937438
Don't do that. The most persistent will be the most desperate
Are you Aussie OP? You sound like my kinda girl. I'd date you.
>>16937575
American, friendo. Sorry :(
thanks though!
>>16937611
>she's in the right country
>still turned me down
Th-thanks... you, too.
>>16935870
>>16935816
>>16935797
>>16935793
>>16935697
>>16935586
>>16935586
>>16935565
>>16936347
>>16936430
>Girl trying to hunt for Chad
>Everyone gives support and actual advice
>Guy ask how to get gf
>He's desperate, a loser, and needs to stop focusing on girls because he is sexually and socially unworthy
Damn, I hate /adv/
>>16935956
This is true. If you're a bit neurotic and needy, even if it's masked by fake confidence men can spot that shit a mile away.
>>16937663
she sounds like she's stacy so she can be picky as much as she wants
>>16936007
This is true, there's only so much you can put down to coincidence and bad luck.
I'm in a steady relationship now but when I was dating if I got the slightest whiff of needy, jealous, depression etc then I was outta there.
Men can sense these things even after talking for a short time. Most people will feign interest while edging towards the door.
It may be possible that you're looking at these initial interactions with rose tinted glasses, you may actually be seeing something that wasn't there, wishful thinking is a powerful thing.
>>16937621
It's a big country, cowboy. Maybe you'll drive your truck down my way some day. Then I'll do the reverse fist pump at you, and you'll respond by honking your air horn. The neighborhood kids will squeal with delight. Mrs. Coggens won't like it because she's an old codger week hates noise and fun. You can regale us with stories about life in the road. Little Jim will stare upnat your truck in amazement. A single one of your tires is bigger than than he is! Mr. Lilten will set up the barbeque and start grilling for everyone while his wife cuts up a watermelon. When the sun starts to set, we'll sip on hot cocoa and watch the children try to catch fireflies.
Wait... What were we talking about?
>>16937672
>>16937690
I get your point, except the majority of my interaction with them happens over texting.
>>16937703
Maybe that's part of the problem? Things can get lost in translation. Instead of texting call them up, I've had text before and I was like what the fuck is up with this person. Turns out it was nothing, just trying to be sarcastic or jokey but it didn't read that way.
>>16937697
Thanks, m8. It's still hard to believe I've been grinding gears for 5 years now. Maybe it's time I give up on finding a waifu and a home and just keep trucking.
https://youtu.be/i3s9RgZFmEk
Probably for the tinder guys you were late, most likely they found someone else at the same time. Don't be a roastie, if you want a lifelong relationship you should look somewhere else than places that are widely known for one-night stands. What interestes exactly do you have? find forums or something like that, where you can talk with people who have the same interests; make friends there and you'll probably find someone you can have serious relationship with, among them.
>>16937714
I feel... strange (?) calling them? I feel like the phone call comes into play after the first date. What do you think?
>>16937721
Yeah, general thread consensus is Tinder is shit, I know enough to keep off it now haha.
I like the suggestion about finding forums, I didn't really think about that before. Thanks!
>>16936695
Maybe there isn't, how would you know? It's anonymous faggot
>>16937697
Topbeautifull
>>16937776
>I feel... strange (?) calling them?
>I didn't really think about that before. Thanks!
I like the way you say things, I'm shure I'd fall for you too!
You know what: calling right before the date can be a great boost! But you know you can do it in a way where you call him because you can't find him.
This way you'll probs both feel more comfortable with eachother sooner!
Remember that men are very practical. We go for the most chance, or the best chance, it can ideed be hard for a girl to be arleast one of both.
And don't push us, we're afraid to fall harder, our pride is alot more fragile then yours.
We cry after Gril3 man, we're soft losers and we wan't to hide it, don't trow us in the deep :)
>>16937893
This is really good advice! I never thought to phone a guy before meeting up with him. I'm gonna do that from now on!
>don't push us
What do you mean?
>>16935545
Stop looking so hard. Mr right will come just put yourself in social situations and you'll be fine (so long as you're not lieing about your appearance that is)
>>16935545
M here
You are looking for men the wrong way.
I do respect your right to remain anonymous but what is your age, the place you live (it could be a state or just the name of the country if it isn't too big) and how do you look like (describe yourself on a pessimistic way)? Those factors count a lot for males to choose someone for a relationship.
>>16939033
25, New York, and I'm skinny but have some curves, short, long dark blond hair, blue eyes, pale skin, thickish fingers, legs not slim but not chunky either.
>>16939578
There is no reason why men wouldn't be attracted to you physically, implying you have average traits on the subjects that can't be described with words.
Maybe it is your personality, maybe you are trying too hard to pull people into a relationship with you, maybe you are trying to find someone that has nothing to do with you.
I felt kind of sad about the cases you described, specially the G1/G2 situation and Tinder tryouts. By the way, I hate Tinder for that purpose, as it attracts people desperate with sex.
Atleast you live in New York, there's plenty to do in the city, you could create situations often. Get to know someone, have fun talking, and eventually you call him for something really casual, like going to a coffee shop or a walk in the park.
>>16939578
I have this weird situation with a friend of my ex-gf where she is pretty, she has a really nice body, beautiful brests, she's fun but she's too restrained to have a relationship with anybody. She sometimes mentions she wanted to have a BF atleast to know how stuff goes in a relationship but whenever I suggest her she should take the initiative to the guys she says she finds attractive, she thinks that's too shallow and she doesn't want to make a move. I already invited her to go out with some friends of mine but she stays on the defensive and keeps avoiding it.
She doesn't go out often, and when it does the crowd is younger than her because it's his brothers friends.
Sometimes the solutions and the problems are right in front of you. People run away from you when you get to talk to them. Are you conceding to peoples opinions when on a conversation? Being too hard is a immediate turn off. Laugh at funny stories and tell stories of your own.
