I broke up with my ex on Dec 2014, after a 10 year relationship. She wanted to know more men to see if "I was the one." She told me that I should do that too, I didn't want to do that, but in the end she convinced me. I was feeling awful and all, but it was more like stress because I wanted this to end.
In March 2015 she told me she had had sex with the only guy she ever met after telling me she wanted to meet other guys. I totally collapsed and my parents took me to a doctor, the doctor told my parents he couldn't treat me, that I needed a psychiatrist. The attack was getting so bad that they had to take me to the nearest Red Cross and they gave me Diazepam, and I fell asleep. After that day I've been having attacks that seem like seizures, although my psychiatrist told me I'm not epileptic.
After more than a year of anxiety and depression, my ex told me that we could get back, and it's something that I desire, but I simply can't forget what happened and forgive her. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing the love of my life, but other times I feel like I'm better without her.
Can anyone tell me some kind of advice, or tell me their story or anything that you think could help me overcome this? I'm truly desperate.
>>16925877
I want to help you, OP, but this is way out of my depth.
I'll just bump this thread.
>>16925877
I was in the exact same situation and we got back together........for a week. It's different now, there's no easy way to deal with this.
>>16925877
>but I simply can't forget what happened and forgive her.
If you're not able to forgive and forget, then don't even make an attempt. Try to move on with your life.
>after a 10 year relationship. She wanted to know more men to see if "I was the one."
There is no such thing as "the one." And if she was still undecided after 10 years, then she honestly didn't care for you that much. I've been with my partner for a bit longer than that, but I know that I would never in a million years find someone with the same level of compatibility that we have. I could never, ever hurt him in that way, because he means more to me than my own life.
>>16926081
Thank you, this helps me think it's a good decision not to get back with her.
>>16926082
But what if I can forgive and forget later on and I find out that the love of my life is now gone.
Thanks everyone.
>>16926101
>But what if I can forgive and forget later on and I find out that the love of my life is now gone.
If you can't move on within a reasonable time frame, you're just going to push her away anyway. You don't have years to move past something like this. The love in this chapter of your life IS gone, because she wanted something more.
>>16926082
>There is no such thing as "the one." And if she was still undecided after 10 years, then she honestly didn't care for you that much.
This.
>>16926101
OP, it doesn't matter what you feel for her now or in the future. She essentially dumped you while retaining you as backup. You are a placeholder to her. Move on. This relationship has already ended.
>>16926082
>>after a 10 year relationship. She wanted to know more men to see if "I was the one."
>There is no such thing as "the one." And if she was still undecided after 10 years, then she honestly didn't care for you that much. I've been with my partner for a bit longer than that, but I know that I would never in a million years find someone with the same level of compatibility that we have. I could never, ever hurt him in that way, because he means more to me than my own life.
I agree with this anon but I have also had a lot of life and relationship experience. Life is full of opportunities to experience new or different things.
My guess OP's ex-girl decided they'd been together from too early an age and she'd like to sample what other men were like - including some different dicks.
Because OP's ex-girl only had sex with one other dude (that she's admitted) in over 1 year she's obviously not that hot or doesn't have an attractive personality or isn't into sex. So she's wanting to get back with OP because he's a safe harbour. She's had a sail on the sea, found herself out of her depth and came back. I doubt she'll step out again.
Considering how hard all this hit you OP I'd say you're fairly insecure and not a very strong person. You won't survive being with a strong person. Take her back and this avoids both of you inflicting pain and suffering on others though your inadequacies.
>>16925877
Sounds pretty much like a person with boderline I know has, their distraughtness with that kinda info turned into physical symptoms. They weren't epileptic either.
Need some therapy definitely. Try learning to meditate until you get some CBT type therapy from a counsellor. Good luck
>>16925877
anon how old are you?
>>16926276
I'm almost 27.
Sorry everyone else if I'm not replying. I'm waiting for more posts so I get as many opinions as possible.
Thank you all.
>>16926178
This. Op's girl saw greener pastures and decided she wanted to see what they were like. But "the grass is always greener" is generally true, and the single life, especially for a girl in or close to her 30s isn't as amazing as they think it is. She felt like she wouldn't be hurting you as much cause she told you you could go fuck every girl you see too, thus removing from her the responsibility of hurting you (in her mind). She got out there, it wasn't easy or fun, she got some dick that was probably disappointing or unfulfilling, and she's back looking for the safety you gave her.
Looking past the fact that she seems to think that your feelings aren't a big deal, and she has/had no responsibility for them (this is a thing I've seen women do a thousand times), there's a couple ways this could go.
She could have had a realization that she was being fucking dumb. Girls are able to do this at times, and while she probably will never admit that she did the wrong thing, it may make her dedicated to the relationship. Again, one thing I've found out in my 35+ years on this planet, women will do ANYTHING to skirt responsibility for their actions. Doesn't mean they're awful, just don't expect her to own up to anything in a meaningful way.
Or she is just using you and you're fucked down the road.
Up to you whether it's worth trying or not. I don't know her.
>>16925877
>She wanted to know more men to see if "I was the one."
Fear Of Missing Out is the great cultural malaise of our time, but throwing away a 10-year relationship just because you're insecure about having only had one partner is FOMO on a scale far, far beyond the norm. And yet, if we assume that she takes FOMO to pathological levels, something else in her story does not make sense: only "trying out" one other person. If that was her stated goal, then she didn't do a very good job of it. However you slice it, her story doesn't add up.
Honestly, OP, I see another explanation that makes considerably more sense. This single episode of hers didn't happen after you broke up: it happened before. She cheated, and this year apart was nothing more than a cover-up. I am sorry. I know it hurts.
There is another possible slight variation on the theme: she got tired of your relationship, but wanted to keep you in her back pocket in case she had trouble finding anyone else. So she played the lawyer with breakup dates, allowing her to play the singles game without technically cheating even though she was acting on the same motives and with the same consequences. In this case she was technically not cheating, but you are being used. I am sorry. This scenario is also painful. Back-pocketing someone, whether or not there's an extant relationship, is extremely uncool.
>But what if I can forgive and forget later on and I find out that the love of my life is now gone.
That's the FOMO talking, not you. You're doing the very same thing she claimed to be doing, up to and including the fact that the only person getting hurt is you.
I am known to advocate forgiveness on this board, but I always try to advise people that it is not for everyone or every situation. Honestly, it doesn't sound to me like it is for you. Forgive her because you want to, not because you're afraid not to.
Nigga kick this skank to the curb
10 years and this bitch wanna start playin?
Nah g
Nah
>>16926178
Gf told OP she had slept with one guy after 3 months (Dec 2014 to Mar 2015) It's been another 12 months on top of that. Statistically she has probably slept with another 4 guys.
>I doubt she'll stop out again
Lol.. OP has changed since then. She won't be coming back to the same person.
>insecure and not a strong person
Or maybe just that he was in love and she broke his heart?
>>16926178
Fuck you ! Nothing better to say.
Op, I will not say again what other anon pointed out on the reasons of her attitude. But one things I can tell you, you will not forget what she did to you.
You can forgive her, though without good reasons I advice against it, but know that forgiving her dosn't mean you should go back together.
For my opinion, if you care, you should notgo back with her. As hard as it feel, you should move on. But more importantly, listen to your feelings. Even if you still love her (that I doubt, isn't it more like wanting what you had and lost ?), you feel wronged and hurt. There is a reason. You say you feel better without her, why ?
Answer all those question truthfully, without thinking about others appreciation. You should be able to make it clear and do the right choice.
>>16925877 seriously, in her head she's "settling" for you. The bitch is a bitch!! Get away from her nastiness bb and find a nice sweet girl that respects you! RESPECT! Know the meaning of it!
>>16926178
>I'd say you're fairly insecure and not a very strong person
I'd like to see you spend a decade with one person before they randomly fuck off with the most selfish reasoning possible, champ. Speaking on what you don't undersrand when it comes to matters of the heart is candid foolishness.
