Goddammit am I frustrated and confused. I really love life, but I'm fucking lonely and lost. I have one great friend, but he's far away and not enough. I want more intimate human contact, but I feel like too much of a weird person to take the necessary steps. See, I spend so much time alone that I've grown a little out of touch, socially. I don't think I'm autistic or anything; in fact, I think my emotional intelligence is pretty strong, and lots of people that I've known closely, whether my few past friends, or teachers, or coworkers, have described me as some combination of kind or smart or interesting or funny (sometimes remarkably so). But at 24, I've never had a girlfriend, I don't make any new friends, and I don't go out at night. I can count the number of parties I've been to on one hand. I simply don't connect with many people.
What's the deal?
Yeah, maybe I have some of the garden-variety millenial mental illnesses--mild depression, social anxiety, general anxiety, etc. (I'm certainly an introvert, not that it's an illness), and I've considered (at a former teacher's suggestion) getting medical help. But I know there are crazier people out there functioning better, and I feel like I should try changing my life circumstances before resorting to medication.
Maybe I just really need to get laid? Maybe I just need healthier habits (diet, sleep, exercise, etc.)? Maybe I need to find artistic outlets? (I have talents but can't find ways to exercise them). Maybe I need to find a more fulfilling vocation? I've tried doing these things with varying success.
cont.
pt. 2/2
My one source of pride is that I recently moved out of my parents' and into a new city in a new state to start a new career (US merchant marine) that is very challenging but that I've done pretty well in. It took a lot of planning and determination (I had no connections or experience), but I did it and it's worked out. I work a rotating 4 week on 2 week off schedule that I hope to use more for travelling in the months ahead. Of course, having this unusual schedule doesn't help with my isolation, and I plan on probably trying a new career in the next year or two, but at least I have something cool to talk about with people.
Anyway, if you're still reading my blog post, thank you. I'd love some honest feedback and am ready to answer questions if there are any. I'd love to know if any of you can relate to my issues and what related advice you might have.
I feel like I could have a really great, interesting, meaningful life, but things just haven't clicked, and I'm afraid that if I don't deal with my loneliness soon (assuming it isn't already to late), I'll never overcome it.
>>16925341
stop being you and be a normie like everyone else. you'll have friends and gf but you'll hate them the moment you think about it enough.
but seriously, it's hard to find people on your wavelength if you're a bit odd. personally i just enjoy being alone and on the off chance i find some good company then it's all good. got some decent friends, 6 of them. then maybe 20 or so "friends" that i could have fun with at any time. personally i'd rather have more of the former. but really, these are broad categories. the fact is you'll have different dimensions of friendship with different people. you might be expecting too many people to have a lot in common with you. that's when you have to adjust. you won't be as close with them as you would be than with people you could be yourself with, but it'll get you parties and some company.
your biggest problem is that you can't handle being alone. you've got to make that sturdy base, then you can make friends comfortably and fuck whoever. enjoy being you, really.
>>16925416
Thanks man, and good to hear from you.
I strongly agree about being comfortable with solitude. Maybe my post was misleading, but I *am* comfortable with being alone. Most of my hobbies (reading, walking, biking, cooking, gaming) are solitary, and I really like them. I'm perfectly content spending a day by myself.
But I *do* think I would benefit from having some more friends. It's just that, as you may know, not having friends can make it hard to make friends. I'm trying to break out of that cycle, but it's hard, and I wonder if these other issues in my life are to blame. (Maybe I'm just a huge pussy afraid to make himself vulnerable).
>>16925341
I am in a similar position in that I have moved countries except I'm a year older and I've dated girls. I have new friends but I still feel a bit lost and even isolated from them. So this year I’ve decided to give my life more meaning. That means I’m going to pursue a few goals.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m struggling. Last night I came home to my apartment and played games for 3 hours while my clothes sat gathering mildew in my washing machine. I went to bed feeling very disappointed with myself. But hey! Today is a new day and I’m 4chan. Just joking. I’ve actually been researching and planning for one of my travel goals. My suggestion is to do the same.
As for making friends you need to get yourself out there. Make new friends even if the friendship is a bit hollow. Who knows? Maybe that person can introduce you to someone new. Everyone will tell you making new friends outside of college is hard. Hell, making new friends in a city where you don’t know anyone is even harder!
> if I don't deal with my loneliness soon (assuming it isn't already to late), I'll never overcome it.
Dude! You sound like a teenager who thinks his world is over because his crush rejected him. Life is big and long. You will overcome it and it is never too late.
>>16925680
it's really about circumstances man. every friend anyone's ever had was a stranger before that. you don't just find people you've got something in common with like they have a sign on them. maybe you meet them at company parties. maybe you crack a joke and get a couple guys laughing, maybe it's the other way around and some guy did something you agreed with. but there's always a bit of a push you need to do to get a bit closer and sometimes it doesn't work out. there's always that awkward, unfriendly feeling that comes with interacting with new people even if you are a people person.
you can't just talk to someone once and expect them to be friends. you've got to follow up, ask them about what they're doing, put yourself in more situations where you can hang with them, and monitor the situation. at an instinctual level both of you will be able to tell if a conversation's been enjoyable or if it's been a drag. you really just get a feel for that, cut it off when it gets stale, then talk some other time. at some point, you'll be able to tell that you weren't really going to get along with this person anyway.
personally i just picked the autists in my class. usually open like this
>what you doing sitting in the corner? no friends? you got autism or something?
then for some reason, it goes well from there. we laugh a bit, shit on someone else, then establish some sense of camaraderie. and if it turns out they aren't that autistic, then great. i'm a funny guy, so it works. but it's not like there's just one way to make a friend. really just talk to people you're interested in. in more social situations like a party or at the gym, you can make a lot of friends, but those are on a different level.
go to a gym, eat lunch with some other guys, D&D, running groups, hiking clubs, etc. these are opportunities to get friends ASIDE from the plethora of chances you have in your daily life at work or when commuting. make simple connections and just keep it up.
