Hi /adv/isors,
I'm twisted up by a girl who said she loved me last night. She isn't in a position to act on those feelings as she only recently got out of a long term relationship and is exploring single life. But I won't bore you with the details.
I want to look out for myself. I'll still be involved with this girl for a few months, but I want to do stuff for me in spite of what feelings I have that are still hung up on her.
So I guess what I'm asking is: what's the best way to put yourself out there? I'm a bit of a blank canvas. What I know is that I'm not a clubber, but I have played a couple of open mic nights recently. I'm starting to get out there, but I find myself restless. My brother told me I need to exercise my curiosity for this stuff, but I don't know how to invoke my curiosity, if that makes sense.
I know this is a vague request, but I'd appreciate anything you have to offer. If you need any more info about me, just ask. Thanks.
bump
>>16925142
first and foremost, she either wants to be with you, or she doesn't. there is no 'OH I WOULD IF I WASNT JUST RECENTLY SINGLE'
if she actually wanted to be in a relationship with you, she would be. she said what she said because she wants to keep you as a supporter without limiting herself to you.
the minute she finds the right guy she will no longer want to explore being single.
that being said, go put yourself out there. clubs arent everything, they arent even close.
open mic night is a good step. the best thing you can do is sit down and make a list of all your hobbies. things you like. yes, even just reading or other 'introverted' activities count. then you reverse engineer them.
generally speaking the best ways to do that are
>school clubs
>local hobby shops / groups
>meetup.com
meetup.com has something for everyone. even managed to find a geek hangout in israel for an anon. so whatever your interest, its there. and if its not, you can make one.
>>16925193
Yeah, I know it's bullshit, but the feelings I had for her don't. I'm trying to work around that.
That's good advice, though. Thanks for giving me some direction.
>>16925232
no problem mate. dont be afraid to try and invite people into your hobbies. my best friend loves board games. thats about all we ever do these days. but we keep coming back.
you never know what people will open up to.
>>16925248
Yeah, I think I ought to be more open to people. I'm a bit self-conscious about small things, like my speech, but that's holding me back less and less these days. I am afraid of making myself vulnerable to others, but fear is also becoming less of a inhibitor for me.
I'm not sweating the small stuff as much as I used to and I'm learning to embrace that attitude so that I can focus on what I need to do rather than get bogged down by my petty anxieties.
>>16925286
there is a balance. its okay to be put yourself out there without being vulnerable. i can go make a total fool of myself, and be fine the next day. but i dont let people get too close cuz thats just kinda what happens when you grow up military.
so you can go and do all the things like meeting people and having fun without giving someone the chance to hurt you. inviting a friend over to game wont break your walls down.
>>16925302
That's true. To be honest, I'm embarrassed by how inexperienced I am when it comes to this stuff. Thanks for your efforts, anon. They're appreciated.
>>16925319
keep pushing yourself and you'll get there.
i like to remind people that doing these things is like going to the doctor. you go in, you know you're probably gonna need that shot he mentioned, you're all nervous until it happens. it hurts, but its not as bad as you thought. you feel silly afterward. in ten minutes no ones thinking about it. in 24 hours everyones forgotten this happened.
except with these things you have potential fun, and shots are just shots.
