I feel as though my personal preferences for myself make it virtually impossible to find someone compatible to be in a relationship with.
My preferences aren't even exotic - I'm not religious and I don't give a damn about kids or marriage. All I really want is a longterm partner. It makes dating difficult as I feel guilty that I'm wasting their time. I've had more than one relationship come to an end because our goals were very different.
Am I being unreasonable?
Broaden the topic if you like - career, school, lunch menu. What do you do when there isn't a whole lot of room for sacrifices/compromises and your choices are incredibly limited?
Wait what? Most people want a long term relationship when they date.
If you cannot go into a relationship without being assured that it will lead to a long term relationship then yes, what you are asking is not reasonable.
The crux of the matter is that you can't jump steps in relationships. It needs to follow a simple pattern. First you have a short term relationship and then, if you are compatible, you develop it into a a term relationship. There is no other way it can work. You can't pressure people to commit to a long term relationship when you haven't proven that you are pleasant to be with in the short term. It is a demand that puts on other people all of the burden of making the relationship work. The reason is because humans are lazy and we always seek the path of less efforts. Once you have pushed someone to "agree" to a long term relationship then you can be as unpleasant and unfriendly and demanding as you want, and even abusive, and if they say anything bad then you can guilt trip them into saying that they lied about committing to a long term relationship.
You can also see it like this: asking someone preemptively to commit to a long term relationship is just as bad as asking someone to promise you will have sex on a first date. Once a person is pressured to make this promise, their partner can lose all interest in being sexy and attractive or even attempting to make the sex mutually pleasant. That's why you can't ask for sex in advance. The same goes for long term relationships. In either situation it's something that needs to naturally develops after dating for a while and having mutually pleasant fun. If you cannot have a relationship unless it is promised to develop in the long term then you are purposely hurting yourself on purpose and have no one else to blame.
>>16922516
>>16922567
That's not the issue.
I don't want kids and I don't want marriage. That's the central point here. If a girl wants these things, eventually, she's not likely to invest the time being in a relationship with me
>>16923375
>wah wah wah I'm younger than 30 and I think I don't want to get married or have kids because that's what all the cool kids do now
I guess I didn't make myself clear, as my point was buried in my OP.
I don't want kids. I don't want to be married. I don't care about these things. Most people look forward to them. I am concerned that there are (seemingly) so few girls who feel the same way, I've severely limited my dating options.
Example: A few months into the relationship, a girl broke up with me when she found out I didn't want kids or marriage. It's not like she wanted those things right away; she just didn't think dating me was worth the investment if there was no "future"
>>16923385
Or maybe she thought you were being naive and thick headed about something very normal and fulfilling
>>16923389
Sure, I think that's fair. I don't doubt that it's normal and fulfilling. They just aren't for me, that's all
I get it
I don't want kids
I had a girl who felt the same way and finding one like it again wont be easy
>>16923710
Same. I met one girl who didn't want kids, even went so far as to have her tubes tied. There were some great things about her but a lot of red flags, which caused me to run far away
In my experience, girls who don't want kids aren't exactly well adjusted. Emotional issues and the like.
