Hey there everyone,
I've met this really quiet, nerdy girl who matches me with nearly everything, and to boot she is STEM and college educated. We have extremely deep and long conversations that regularly last 10+ hours, and she accepts my past unconditionally. She's very affectionate, agreed to do an LDR with me, and is enthusiastic about waiting and our first meeting. She has also turned down other guys in real life for this already, and is prepared to cut contact with all her ex partners (and doesn't even like them). She's also pretty much open to doing everything I could ever want sexually as she is pretty kinky. She's also 24.
Thing is, she had five sexual partners before me, whereas I'm a virgin, and not all were strictly boyfriends. Her first relationship was in college and it lasted three years, and she says it was abusive where he would put her down. After it broke up, she slept with four other guys, close friends she had known for years, but she wasn't in love with them. She says she deeply regrets doing this, and that she would never do this again now but she was very depressed, lonely, and even borderline suicidal. She has told me that all those relationships ended badly for her, and that she has no desire/negatively thinks of her exes. She also did an ffm threesome once at the insistence of her boyfriend, but later the guy ended up cheating on her because of it. She was scared to tell me and it took a bit of prodding to get her to admit it, so I think she is telling the truth 100%, she has about everything else. She also says she is a completely different person from who she was before and has no desire to be anything but monogamous.
Coming from my perspective, I'm a virgin for various reasons (had a pretty fucked up childhood and college experience, girls were sort of the last thing on my mind. I had offers for casual sex, but turned them down because I wanted to be with someone I loved). So the 5 partner thing makes me feel a bit weird (cont).
>>16916996
Do you watch I, Claudius, OP? I only read your long ass story because of the Livia pic.
I don't know how to tell you to get over her past. Everyone seems to see sex differently than anyone else. If you view the physical act of sex as more than just that - a physical act - and place emotional value on it where she does not, then she will never be able to understand your discomfort with her sexual history. That said, I do believe you should try to understand where she is coming from if you love her and potentially see a future with her (you said she matches you on everything. That is a very rare thing to find).
>>16916996
Calm down, buddy. You're going to make her life a drag waiting around for you, you're going to bang, she'll find it underwhelming, you'll become obsessed with her and sex, it'll all be bad, you'll start to get jealous of all her exes, she's going to look for satisfaction, and within a year or two one or both of you will cheat on the other. No need for you to write a novel about getting into this type of meme relationship.
>>16916996
> Thing is, she had five sexual partners before me, whereas I'm a virgin, and not all were strictly boyfriends.
This is something that you suck up and move on with if you EVER want to have a functional relationship with an actual woman.
This insecurity that you young guys have about women being attracted to guys before you is stupid and childish.
You like this girl, you connect with her, you're attracted to her and she's attracted to you. That's all you need to know. The fact that she likes to have sex and has been attracted to people that weren't you is honestly none of your business because she doesn't owe you any purity or chastity, regret, or even an explanation.
I'm not telling you that you should be with a girl who doesn't respect herself or her body but this girl obviously does, and regardless of whether you're a virgin or not, she's a human being and before you came along she wasn't sitting in ivory tower waiting to give her purity to you.
Get over it. Its not important. Don't be a child and get cold feet about an obvious good thing just because you're insecure about the fact that this girl has been attracted to men that weren't you.
The fact that she's willing to be so apologetic to you about having sex with guys before you is a sad state of affairs about her mindset as it is.
You be a fucking man, swallow your pride, look her in the eyes, kiss her, tell her you don't think any less of her and that you're completely fine with it and you focus on your future with this girl, not her past.
>>16916996
But it doesn't feel like rage or disgust anything, just an uneasy something I would prefer to get out of my mind. I've talked with her about my own insecurities about this, and she said she understands completely, which is why she wanted to be so open with me about her past. Guys, do you have any tips for getting over this sort of thing? Is just not bringing it up in the future and trying to forget about it the best thing, or have you found other ways to get it out of your head entirely.
For women, do you think I honestly have a chance to be the most special person to her, given her past? She says we connect better than anyone before in terms of personality, interests, tastes etc in a way that none of the guys before me really were. It's sort of important to me that I become that in her heart.
Also another question for women, do you think I have a shot at becoming her best sexually She said she had a hard time orgasming with previous partners, and said that none of them were particularly great in bed. She said I was already leagues better than most other men because I have been asking her what she does and does not like, and how to best get her off (and asking if she would like to try some things that help girls who have a harder time doing that do so that she hasn't tried before) and sort of asked if she would be comfortable teaching me how to please her specifically for my first sexual experience. She also thinks I will be very, very good once I get some experience under my belt with her, and that she feels very comfortable with me and that's important for girls to achieve orgasm. I know it's sort of dumb to view sex as a competition, but I do have this sort of primal masculine desire to be her best. Input here would be helpful.
>>16917035
>>16917026
>>16917022
Lol, I wasn't expecting people to reply so fast, I was typing up
>>16917056.
I want to clarify I do want to get over her sexual past, I just want some suggestions on how to actually do that. I'd also like some perspectives from women the two remaining questions that are sort of related to this.
And yes, it is from I, Claudius, it is a great show.
>>16917056
>do you think I have a shot at becoming her best sexually
Don't worry about it. Be happy that she's with you now, swallow your alpha male pride wanting to be the best dick she's ever had and understand that she's with you. She wants to be with you. Thats all you need to know.
>do you think I honestly have a chance to be the most special person to her, given her past?
That doesn't matter. You're focusing on all of the wrong things. You don't have to be the best fuck, the best most special person she's ever known. This obsession you have with being her most best, special everything is childish. This woman isn't your mother.
She's the girl that has decided to be with you. All you need to know is that she wants to be with you. That's it.
You get over it by deciding what you want more; your pride and insecurities, or this girl.
>sort of asked if she would be comfortable teaching me how to please her specifically for my first sexual experience
This is the only thing you've done correctly in this entire thread. Focus on her. Focus on the moment. Don't compare yourself to her other partners, don't ask her if you're the best, don't ask her if you're the "most special". You focus. On. Her.
That's all you need to do. Everything else is unimportant.
>>16916996
>Tfw no Livia-esque gf.
>She's the girl that has decided to be with you. All you need to know is that she wants to be with you. That's it.
Not OP, but this is not true advice at all. A girl can be with someone for any number of reasons, not all of which are good and some of which could hurt him very well. Stop repeating this shit-tier advice.
>>16916996
Five haha.
I was expecting like 50 from the tone of the thread.
Get over yourself champ.
>>16917094
Given her long term batshit madness, that's a good thing
>>16916996
She sounds nuts OP
Get ready for heartbreak
>>16917104
Read the second part of the post, that's what I'm trying to do, get over myself and on to loving this girl without doubts or insecurity. Also, from the perspective of a virgin, five does seem like a lot.
>>16916996
Well, 5 people really isn't that bad. Especially at 24. Most girls in college have already had sex with a number of men reaching the double digits.
That being said, this girl as psychiatric issues whether you are willing to identify/confront them or not. It is very possible she has had this exact same conversation with every new boyfriend where she tries to convince them that they are real flavor of the month she is interested in. A woman who has sex with men because she feels bad about herself isn't a mentally healthy woman.
You seem to be genuinely interested in her, so by all means go for it. Just bear in mind that she has some clear baggage that will likely be along for the ride during the relationship. Hopefully she really has "Changed" or "is different now", but you won't really know for sure unfortunately.
Still, may as well roll the dice. I mean, what else do you have going on this weekend? If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out and the next time she tells her new boyfriend this story it will be about her SIX sexual partners that she is completely uninterested in now.
You won't know unless you try though. Worst comes to worst, you get some relationship/sexual experience and learn not to stick your dick in crazy.
Good luck mate, hope it works out in your favor.
>>16917138
She really doesn't seem all that crazy, honestly. I genuinely think she is telling the truth about how she has changed, she has about literally everything else, and is really just a kind, supportive, and understanding person in general. I've chased a few crazy girls before and that is not the vibe I am getting from her.
>>16917152
Well shit man, it sounds like you know what you want. Go after her, If she makes you feel this special when you aren't even in a relationship I can guarantee her previous partners won't even be on your mind once you are actually together.
As long as she is being honest with you and you genuinely trust her, I see no reason to let her previous experience hold you back.
And again, what do you really stand to lose?
Your virginity?
Even if it doesn't work out you will have both sexual and emotional experience which is invaluable at your age. Women are often times looking for more mature men during the college/graduate years.
Be the man she believes you are, and hopefully she will reciprocate by being the woman you believe her to be.
>>16917179
Thanks for the advice man, she really does seem like a keeper so I think I will go for it and try not to let stuff bother me. Like I said it's not something I obsess about, but I've never dealt with this sort of thing before and just wish it would go away entirely mentally over time.
