Going on 30 now, most of my life I have been met with the same problem. Almost everyone I meet and try to get to know on a personal level share the same feelings towards me. Instead of getting to know me personally, they judge and assume the worst. I get told to smile more and when I do its that I have a "creepy" smile. Despite that, I have made attempts to improve my smile over the years by looking at myself in the mirror, no luck. People also hold the opinion that I am a violent person and quick to anger and they hold an irrational fear towards me.
This is killing me inside because I am not a violent person, in fact, I am quiet spiritual and rather calm and at peace. But I think because of this, because of my quiet, clam and collective nature that it throws people off when they look at me. I can deal with being ugly or funny looking, I am 30 years old and do have tattoo's over my body minus the parts I need to keep clear for professional work.
So what can I do? How do I approach these people to persuade them away from their ignorant judgement of me so that they no longer have to use these "afraid of me" tactics towards me. I lose jobs, gain no friendships, have no working relationships with anyone.
What am I suppose to do, change the person I am?
I thought people are suppose to like you for who you really are.
I'm never going to find internal peace this way with so much negativity thrown at me.
Every single person on the planet deals with some form of appearance-based judgment against them, stop caring about the snap judgments of others.
I kinda know where you are coming from OP.
I'm a very calm and playful guy. BUT, i have come to suspect that people take me for a very angry person. People never ever start convos with me, and when they do they seem almost scared. This has perplexed me. I myself am quite the introvert (well duh, i'm on 4chan) and rarely start convos with people. But the only convos that happen are the ones i start. I think people are afraid of me. My outer appearance doesn't match my inner personality. Oh well, i don't care much about that.
What can you do, except be more open about your feelings i guess? Speak the truth about how you feel when you talk to people, let them know you aren't angry on the inside.
I think you may be projecting here. I'm covered in tattoos including my hands and I've never experienced anyone "judging" me based on that. At least not anyone that matters. I'm blue collar. My girlfriend is older, a chief administrative officer of a pretty big company, has kids and a big family that is mostly business-type professionals. Her, her kids and family have welcomed me warmly over the past few years.
Maybe you want to believe people are scared of you. Maybe you are meeting the wrong people. I don't know, but something doesn't add up here.
>>16915578
In my mind, people tell you these things for a reason, whether its the truth or a lie.
Words don't hurt me but they way the act towards me does.
>>16915580
I do at times but there is nothing improved when I attempt to reason with them. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
>>16915586
I see where you're coming from and agree, something doesn't add up but I can't add anymore detail into what I already have typed. This has been an on going problem for quite some times and maybe I am projecting badly when I try to present myself in a more open, friendly way. But I assure you, I don't want people to be scared of me and its not something I am assuming when I have been told verbally that I scare people.
I have been raised by an over protective mother but don't want to place blame on her as I would just be making excuses. But at times I think that may be the cause of most of my troubles, never grew up knowing how to build relationships and make friends.
