I don't know what to do
I am alone in life, I have 1 best friend (thank god) but she lives back in my home state, my family is shitty so I can't depend on them for anything, emotional support or otherwise.
I moved to a new area for a job over 4 years ago, made decent amount of money, but I'm now planning on going right back home because I've managed to make no real friends or figure this place out.
here are some complicating factors: social anxiety, nothing to do in the west suburbs of "chicagoland", hate going into the city, am a lesbian, don't want to date though because I don't want a relationship just yet and I don't want sex (don't want to call myself asexual either), no gay/lesbian scene within reasonable distance, don't like bars anyway, afraid to meet people online even though apparently it's the only way left to meet people anymore. I drink too much, and I've been alone for so long that I'm afraid I'm too weird to ever connect with people ever again.
I feel like I missed something, like there should be more here, but every pathetic attempt to just get out of my apartment outside of work just results in emptiness. I don't share any of my personal life with my co-workers (I don't want to, they're normal, I'd rather just stay home, play video games, do drugs, shitpost, whatever)
I just think I'd feel way more comfortable at home. easier to find a place I'd like to live at, not everything is concentrated in one hellhole of a city (there's some sort of gay scene/bar always close enough, you can drive and don't have to rely on the train which leaves just after midnight)
I was talking to a therapist for a long time (at least 2 years) but in the end I realized I got nothing out of that (no i'm not going to try again, I've tried others too many times I'm done)
>>16912849
I guess my biggest problem with the potential of meeting people from the internet is I don't trust people. Why are they looking online? are they doing this just to "borrow" money? are they someone trying to dig up dirt on other people? Are they a would be stalker? are they casing me/my joint for a future robbery? I'm super closeted. sure my family knows (that whole thing turned me into persona non grata, real character building experience there) but I don't want an employer knowing, I don't want strangers knowing, yet thats what meeting people online like this is: you reveal this super personal thing about yourself to a total stranger.
and I know what you're going to say, that it's not a big deal anymore and it's 2016 and bla bla. Listen, I don't want someone stalking me, I don't want someone going around saying things about me behind my back, I don't want any things like this happening outside of my control. I don't use facebook because everyone thinks its ok to mix family, friends, and professional life for some reason.
mostly, why the hell would someone who doesn't know me want to talk to me? and nobody goes on these sites (where you can actually filter people for certain criteria) just to find friends, so even if you tell someone you're just looking for friends, they'll still try to rope you into a threesome with them and their boyfriend.
Trust issues can come from many factors, they most usually form in childhood. Professional help can help regarding that (I wonder if there is anything other than therapists?)
The problem is, even if you decide to trust an internet person, or not, that doesn't guarantee somebody won't start randomly stalking you. Just because you decide to not do certain things in order to avoid risk, that still doesn't 100% surely help you evade all problems in the future.
You have to make yourself strong and confident in yourself that even if that kind of problem does arise, you will be ready to face it and solve it.
Then you will be able to better trust others as well.
Also, internet people aren't your only choice, you could try meeting new people through your connections (that one IRL friend or your family)
