What a weird situation I'm in. I don't expect half of you to understand, but I just really want some advice.
I try my damnedest to not look at pornography for religious, moral, emotional, and physical reasons. I have an accountability partner with whom I share my struggles and victories with, and who does the same with me. We're pretty close friends with like-minded motivations, so I know I can trust him.
But I'm keeping one secret from him.
I look at gay porn about 50% of the time.
I'm not gay. I don't even think I'm bi. It's just that... the taboo and the... unfamiliarity with gay porn has a certain thrill to it. I can guarantee to you guys that I'm not so much getting off to dicks or asses or whatever, but the act of sex between two men is certainly something foreign to me, and that makes it exciting? I don't know.
I want to be completely honest with my accountability partner. I just don't know how to tell him THAT, though. I mean, it's a pretty big secret. Most people would judge me for it. I don't think he would, but damn, I'm terrified of letting anyone know that.
Any general advice for my situation?
>>16905795
>I have an accountability partner with whom I share my struggles and victories with, and who does the same with me. We're pretty close friends with like-minded motivations, so I know I can trust him.
>I look at gay porn about 50% of the time.
You guys should just be a couple
Be honest with him, give it to him slowly on a good day. If he's truly your friend, he'll be understanding. Best to tell him and have him hear it from you than to find out another way.
>>16905827
Haha, because of gay right?
>>16905829
I have a good week to figure out what I want to say to him - he's out of town for a while. I just felt convicted for somewhat lying to him. I know he'll be understanding and non-judgmental, but I'm super afraid he'll think differently of me afterwards. Like I really am gay or something, and the worst possible thing - that I'm attracted to him or something along those lines.
Just as another question, though, is what I'm doing typical of a person who may or may not have an addiction to pornography? It seems so weird to be into this kind of thing and not actually be gay. It's been going on for a while now - at least five years. When I was a teenager, I used to think I might've been gay, but when I realized I wasn't, it just left me more confused.
Now I chalk it up to the poison that is pornography and the way it twists the mind and sexuality, but that doesn't make it easier to quit. Hence my need for an accountability partner.
I don't know - I'm rambling. Thanks for the advice. I'll be honest and open with him.
Only thing odd about this post is "accountability partner". WTF is one of them?
>>16905880
Someone else who struggles with pornography that you talk to. Basically a friend who deals with similar shit that you do, and can hold you "accountable" when you fuck up.
>>16905795
>I have an accountability partner
>>16905795
>I look at gay porn about 50% of the time.
Just for the sake of argument, how relevant is this? Do you discus the specific content of any of the other porn you watch?
I would say for religious, moral, emotional, and physical reasons, porn is porn, and you don't necessarily have to go into the sticky details.
