does anyone else have this feeling, the feeling like the whole world and everyone in it, is a big club house, and your the only one not in the club?
I feel so disfranchised, like I don't belong anywhere. Maybe it could be where I live or who I am. I tried making myself look and feel more "white" but I seem to only be getting it wrong, and turn to plotting my own death and demise.
Why can't I shake this feeling. like i'm not apart of the world, Im just looking into it. like a satellite.
>>16890674
It happens. I'd say the world is more like a lot of small club houses, and you only have to get into one of them to belong somewhere. With 7 billion people in the world, there should be plenty of people like you. The problem is finding them.
Look for chances to chat with people at school or work. Go to events or do some kind of group activity that looks interesting, and you'll at least have that in common with the people there. It probably won't go well for a while, but it'll get better if you keep trying.
If you want to read about characters going through the same kind of thing there's The Stranger and No Longer Human.
>>16890746
i read no longer human. It only made me feel worse. fucking depressing book. it just feels like when ever Im around people, Im acting. Im pretending to he someone im not.
>>16890674
I feel the exact same way.
>>16890674
i felt like this when i was about 15. now i feel as though 99% of people have no idea what they are doing, including myself.
>>16890674
>>16890759
Hey! That's me you're describing.
You won't get any good advice from me though - I gave up trying already.
Good luck to you though.
>>16890674
I always got the feeling to be in the wrong place...
>>16890759
Why do you have to pretend to be someone else?
OP what do you mean you try to make yourself 'more white'? Are your feelings of exclusion to do with race or culture? Please explain so anons can ponder.
>>16890674
It's not uncommon, yet you cannot talk to anyone in real life about it. Whenever I go out or do anything I feel lost and alone, being disconnected, unhappy. But unlike you I am very much myself, with no luck finding people like me. My partner was the only one that seemingly understood things as I did and together these problems didn't matter, because we had each other to life for. Maybe you just never got close to someone enough that cared enough for what you are. Sometimes those who are lost the most, get the least appreciated, therefore don't develop sense in life. Living is all about learning and understanding.
>>16892108
not op but i think he means culture.
>>16890674
yes. therefore its not a big club house where you are the only one excluded. start your own club house
>>16890674
I'm half Asian and got made fun of by both groups growing up because I wasn't enough of one, but still not enough of the other in their eyes. Shit like "your (Asian) food looks like dog food" or "You got the minus in your A- because of your white half".
I overhauled my looks so that now I basically look white unless you have an exceptional eye for this sort of thing. Even other half Asians can't really tell I'm Asian any more, so I get questions from people when they hear me speak Chinese on the phone.
This never made me feel suicidal, so I'm not sure what you're dealing with anon, and I'm sure it's worse than what I went though, but I'm sorry being mixed is giving you a hard time. So many people are very insensitive. Tell them to fuck off. It's not like you did anything or asked to be these things you inherited from your parents.
>>16890674
Don't be white. I tried it. White people are miserable, boring, lifeless people. Turn to your culture and enjoy.
