I tried to be nicer with my dad, we talked for a while after I was here and weird things happened.
We talked about how he had never before understood why I had such hate for myself, and he said it might have been because of my motehr leaving me at 5.
He basically said he wanted me to come home for spring break and be with the family (its been a year since I ran away from home)
I started crying and he asked me if I felt better after we talked, I did and I rreally wanted to go home then.
I dont have my passport, and I was supposed to get it on time for spring break, but college has gotten in the way for most weeks and the rest of the time I honestly forget (more on taht leater)
He basically said I did not want to come home and I was being an ingrate, he started yelling and telling me I had nothing to complain about him, and he was an excellent father.
I told him that maybe if he hadnt slept around when he was married to my mother they would not have broken up, and I would have had a home...
He basically said to shut the fuck up about that, and that everybody cheats, and I had no say about who he slept with or not.
My mother apartenyl was not up to his speed, basically the way my fatehr describes her she was acting exactly like I was when I lived at home.
He told me that I better not catch him in a bad mood one of these days or he is going to tell us immigration my birth was a sham (I lived all of my life in a border city, but I was born in the US, and I lived in brownsville with my mother a little while), and they would deport me back to Mexico (I have no other nationality to my knowledge).
I told him, well, its better I dont go home then, if you keep threatening me like that its better I never come home.
He basically said I was a "son of a bitch", and I jokingly told him, well according to you, my mother WAS a bitch.
He then told me, well, maybe thats why she left you, maybe as a mother she saw womething was wrong with you and you really are bad,...(cont)
>>16889547
kid, and maybe we should have never given you a home after your mother left you (my dad and step mother).
He can be a very volatile person, and I did not want to go home in the first place because he can get violent if you dont agree with him.
He told me I was an extremyl irresponsible kid, and I never thanked him for giving me a home, taking me to school every day, and giving me food every day.
I didnt say nothin, I jsut told him, well, if you think I am such an ingrate, why the hell dont you leave me alone, cut your loses and stop suffering.
I cant because you are my son, but maybe I should, maybe I should tell you to go fuck yourself.
(He calls me an irresponsible because i always forgot to do my chores, I was and still am a very forgetfull kid, (I m getting tested for adhd) and he always thought I was doing it to get on his nerves.
I honestly forgot and took too long to do thigns because I was very easily distracted, I took forever to do quick things, thats basically it. I never did drugs, I never brought trouble with girls home, I nver commited a crime, and I was always an A-B student all through school)
He told me that he would give heart and soul for me, (yelling) and I was being a complete ingrate, I told him again, then lets both of us stop sufffering and just leave me alone.
He said, dont threaten me you basterd.
I said, I am not threating you, all I want is that we dont talk to each other anymore, and since we dont get a long at all.
He then told me I was a son of a bitch, and he was going to forget this whole conversation.
he said, I wish this could be the last time we speak, I said me too, and we said goodbye
(he also calls me an ingrate becaus ei wont come home and stay at home, I dont want to go because I AM SURE there will be fights, and things will get as ugly as they have in the past. He has hit me heavily in the past, and I eventually started to defend myself, and he thinks I was attacking him/ you never ...)
>>16889589
hit me becaus ei never let you you basterd, I said, bullshit, I never started hiting you, I only started to defend myself when your overreactions would get out of hand.
I am not going back home because of him, but I owe everything to my step mother, him partly too, but he has acted as an ass many times, she has never.
He says I am an ingrate for not coming home, I dont want to go home because of him, he says I dont thank mom properly because i wont come home, regardless of how many times I say thankyou and I act thankfull when they come over.
After that he hung up, and I was incredibly relieved.
I always dreaded when the phone would ring, in case it was him, I always dreaded when whatsapp would start, for it would hav ebeen him. Now I am kind of free.
Later that night he called again.
I want to apologize son, your mom talked to me and thold me she never told you many thigns about my first marriage, I would never do anything to hurt you (I called him out on the birth manipulation) and everything i have ever done I have done it for you.
I will stop reaching out to you, because I dont want us both to suffer anymore, your unapprecaition to your mother and I, and we give you stress as a family (I told them I did not want to be a part of the family becaus ehe considered me an ingrate, I wanted him to stopp suffering becasue of me).
I hear 2 seconds of crying in his voice, and I told him.
No, dad, (he went back and said, I am sorry I called you a moron and irresponsible, you really are not, I jsut had no other words, and you were a little irresponsible at home), I told him.
I need you to be consistent, stay fucking angry at me, you have said I am a moron 100 and plus times all of my life, I dont see why this time is any different.
Dont rationalize any of this, give yourself credit, I (like you have told me many times before) am a terrible son and I am an irresponsibl ingreate... SAY IT... YOUVE SAID IT OVER A MILLION TIMES... no... son.. lets...
>>16889619
lets justs end this here and lets stop suffering for th eboth of us.
I want you to know sin, from the bottom of my heart, if you need anything, if you ever need something you do not have, you know the house number, dont ever hessitate to call. When you need something I will be there in a day.
Take care son.
You too.
I deleted his number and all of his info from my records after that. I just cant stop thinking about what happened, I feel free, and I never wanted this to happen, he just wanted to bee "too much" of a family for me.
Am I in the wrong? am I being the terrible son?
story over
