Hi, /adv/. I have a complicated relationship/general problem.
My husband has been suffering with a drinking problem for the last several months. I have tried to be there for him along the way.
One afternoon, we were in the car together. I didn't know he had been drinking (and taking benzos) that day. He'd been moody, and his driving became erratic. I suggested he let me drive. He became enraged, his driving got worse, and I ended up jumping out of the car. I planned to call a friend to pick me up. He threw the car in reverse, got out, and started dragging me toward the car. A witness pulled over along with an off duty cop. My husband got arrested for DV and a DUI. I bailed him out the next day after pressure from his family.
He has court in a few days, but I have to work. After all of his bullshit, I've missed enough days of work that I would actually get in some pretty serious trouble, in addition to making my co workers hate me.
If my husband ends up facing jail time, I know his family will think I'm a cold bitch for not showing up for support. He and I have a no contact order (not that we've been obeying it).
Am I even legally allowed to go? I feel like at this point, I need to prioritize my job and myself. This would be his first offence, and I did not file a report or press charges against him. Could he face jail time?
>>16860893
>Am I even legally allowed to go?
no
>>16860925
I guess that simplifies things, a little.
I felt damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I were able to go and attended, I'd be screwing over my job and potentially getting close to being fired. If I didn't/couldn't go, I'll be worried about the outcome the entire time, and his family might not even keep me in the loop.
He's staying with me and would text/call me if things went alright. But if things play out badly, I wonder if anyone would tell me.
I tried to make very clear to them that I didn't call the police on him, I made a point to not press charges or release a statement, and I bailed him out asap. But they probably still blame me.
You can't be there. If you go you can face jail time, and you'll probably lose your job over it. And yes, he can face jail time even if it's first offense.
Your husband is a piece of shit. I hope you know he's not going to get better if you keep enabling his ass.
>>16860989
Pretty much this. I came to this thread to post this.
>>16860989
Found out today we can get the no contact order lifted. His lawyer is working to get his court date pushed back.
You're right, though. I am enabling him. But I don't know what to do. If he's not with me, he's drunk on the streets.
His family loves him and all, but they're not about to take him in. That's supposed to be my job.
I just want him to get better, and idk what to do.
>>16862254
"Stand by your man" is often taken way too far.
If he wants to destroy himself with drink, there's not a lot you can do about it.
Don't allow drink to be an excuse for violent behaviour. I'm guessing it's not the first time, hence no contact order.
>>16862254
Let me start by saying that I think ultimatums are a terrible idea; but in your case it might help.
Can I ask, out of curiosity and without any will to derail the thread, why he started/keeps drinking?
Aside from that, just make sure you don't let him drag you down too much. And his family can go fuck themselves if all they do is pressure you into taking care of their failures. If they love him so much, they can take care of his sorry ass.
>>16862254
Let him be drunk in the streets then. That's what my family did for me, and i became willing to sober up right quick. I'm 2 years clean in march.
As long as he can manipulate you and count on you to save him, he'll take advantage. It's the alcoholics way.
