Could somebody help me understand what's going on with me? Maybe some of you saw my other post, but i'll explain the story again. I've broken up with my ex a month ago. She wanted me to come and live with her in uk, and 1 week before the flight she realised that "it's not so good of an idea", and that she wants to break. I've told her what i think i got a phonecall from her friend who threatened me. Month of no contact - we have a conversation. She tries to water my ear with "i know i can't change the way view me, and i don't want to because i don't deserve it. But i really didn't sent her intentionally, it just got out of control" Then when i told her i don't buy it, and i've been suspecting that she cheated on me she went full agressive on me. She questioned my sanity for that etc.
Now the thing is, i am 100% sure i have no romantic feelings towards her anymore. But for some reason i feel like i'm the one who suffers more than he should be, since it wasn't me who betrayed other person's trust. I'm mindfucking myself with "how the hell can you move on without problem after pulling a shit like that on somebody" Whenever i think she could be going around with other guys after what she did i get disgusted. All the time i beat myself with question "why?" and "will i be able to get my shit together? What if i won't?" I'm really scared, because i never had a problem with moving on. When my best friend died in a carcrash i was the one who kept everyone together. But right now i have no idea why i cracked and how to fix that.
You are in between conflicted emotions...
It seems like it.
Stick to the facts and accept them as they are. What are the facts? Well, you and your gf broke up. Thats one. This feeling you describe, it's a fact you feel it - it helps to give it a name. Is it anger? Pain? Sorrow?... You know it. You name it, even if it doesn't fit quite well.
Tell yourself that you accept those facts. Allow the feeling to be there, instead of fighting it away by fleeing to the 'why?' question. You don't need motive to feel stuff, at least not a logical one.
Now, back to the facts, there's this one: You will move on. It's not a choice, friend... There's night, and there's day. There's pain, and there's pleasure, and they all cicle up and down. Feelings also abide to that rule, meaning that you WILL feel better. Time heals it up.
Another fact is: you don't have to fix anything. From what I read, you broke up because you don't feel more romantic feelings. You are feeling bad because you think /heshe cheated on you, what's more normal than that? hahahaha.
That's why my advice is this: Whenever the bad feelings rise, and you feel like you need to do something, close your eyes and feel it in your body. Speak in your own mind what you feel like "I feel like I will never be ok again, that I'll never fix this emotion" and then you move in to the acceptance part "After all that's happened, it's perfectly fine to feel this way. I accept that I feel hate/anger/pain towards what's happened. I'm not that emotion, I'm more than it and by accepting it, I learn from it, and move on".
It's pretty much it... acceptance. You don't dwell in the emotion, but you don't push it away by looking for a reason, or imaginating a dark future. You just feel it in the NOW, accept it and continue your day.
Keep in mind i'm using examples up there. You should talk to yourself on your own words.
I know you'll pass through this bad emotion, friend!
Have a good night.
Just want to point out a fact here:
You are not sure she cheated on you, you think she did, but that ain't confirmed. "I accept that she might have cheated on me, if she did, or did not, it doesn't matter. I accept it."
Feel the emotion, let it roll.
