Moving On
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
My ex told me she has a boyfriend.
At first I was fine. I just accepted it as it was. But then I decided to take a nap and wasted a huge chunk of my day. Its behavior like that Im afraid of.
Does anyone have any advice for building themselves up from situations like this? Any good ways to help move on?
I want to be free.
>>16785048
maybe cut her out. sounds like you can't handle having a casual friendship or aquaintanceship or anything with her if she can shut you down like this. i mean its only a chunk of a day, and even someone as schedule oriented as me will accept that.
but if it s something you feel you need to move on from, its just going to keep bringing you down every time you are confronted with it or any variation of it. so cut it out.
>>16785048
Have you tried anal?
>>16785053
ive thought about that a lot and when i do i look back to all the times i could have cut her out but didnt and eventually we did something that made us seem close again or hooked up or something.
but maybe that was all wishful thinking.
a part of me really doesnt want to give her up because i do like her as a person and have fun with her. idk man. its a hard decision to make.
i was considering asking her what she thinks of me maybe to see where we stand in relaion to eachother. not that i expect her to reveal some sort of deep hidden feelings for me. i only wanna know where i am.
>>16785095
she is your ex. you know exactly where you stand. she clearly had feelings to be in a relationship with you but decided they werent worht exploring further on that level.
she keeps you around because she likes you and those feelings persist, but because she not a male she does not need the sexual comitted aspect to feel validated by this. YOU clearly do.
so cut her out. women often lead men on just to keep them in their lives, giving just enough affection.
but she is in fact dating someone else. and you did in fact break up at least once already.
time to move on.
How does that kind of thing even come up? I only tell my close friends about my dating life, and I certainly wouldnt involve an ex in that.
>>16785048
Carpentry is always a good way to move on. It's a nice hobby, and it will help you to do something productive while you forget your ex. You know, one nail drives out another
>>16785107
yeah, youre right.
Ill do it.
Is there any way I could do this and remain on good terms with her? i want to move on but still not destroy everything, you know
>>16785126
i asked her how things between her and this older dude she used to hook up w were and she said they werent talking and started going on about her bf
>>16785141
you're asking how to basically stop having feelings for her. but truth is if you had no feelings for her, you'd have no reason to keep her in your life.
no matter what way you look at it you are contradicting yourself.
if shes in your life, she is hurting you, because you literally cannot handle her being with other guys. there is no way to force yourself to omve on while still clinging to hope (which you obviously are).
tell her you are sorry but you can't handle her. delete her on facebook. block her on your cell. remove her from all social media.
move on
>>16785160
so theres really no way for me to just handle it? i think distancing myself from her should help that but idk man.
i guess youre right. what is keeping me w her is my feelings for her.
and i think asking her what she thinks of me should help me get a starting point of where i can begin to move away
The process can be a long one. It took me a while before I over came my last break up. First thing I would do is cut off all contact. Get rid of stuff she gave you.
Don't rush back into dating. Work on yourself. Hang out with friends. Do stuff that wouldn't do if you were still with her.
In all honestly everyone is saying that's your first step to recovery.
>>16785176
>i think distancing myself from her should help that but idk man
thats like saying
>heroine ruins my life when i take it... so i should just atke it less
thats not a thing. you guys broke up and still managed to backslide into this co-dependent state. you either cut her out, or you remain her bitch.
>asking her what she thinks
who cares what she thinks? 99% of it will be a lie to keep yo uin her life, because like oyu shei s afraid to move on. UNLIKE YOU she gets the benefits of moving on without any of the bad parts.
you only get the bad parts. of each side of htis coin until shes gone
>>16785185
the idea is still unattractive to me but i guess thats because i still have feelings towards her
if i break contact then with that distance i could begin to work on myself. be someone should we miss and be able to be with someone better than her. those not being the goals but great effects of working on myself.
>>16785201
alright. im in.
im getting that a part of moving on is to get rid of this second-guessing what-if questions. i need to stop measuring my actions in relation to her.
i need to start living for myself. it wont be easy but itll be worth it.
>>16785240
extremely worth it. you should only ever live for yourself (and to some degree, your children). anything else that comes along can enhance it, but you cant build your life around them. all relationships are temporary.
and in the end, it wont matter much. after you cut someone out they become a distant memory fast. life always fills up with whats around you and you look back and realize it was silly fixating on her for so long.
good luck anon
>>16785126
>How does that kind of thing even come up? I only tell my close friends about my dating life
Try to comprehend a world where everybody doesn't think just like you....
It's easy if you try
>>16785255
thanks man. this has really been the push i needed.
a part of me is scared but a new part of me is excited for the change.
i really feel like the best is yet to come.
>>16785270
have you ever heard the phrase
>this is the best generation ever
>... so far.
kinda applicable here. the best is always yet to come. im excited for you. i love that fresh and exciting feeling you get when you're about to start over and figure things out all new.
>>16785267
>Try to comprehend a world where everybody doesn't think just like you....
Draw it to its logical conclusion. There's going to be no answer he's happy with, so why ask? By his own admission this all came from the fact he was asking his ex about a past fuck buddy.
