okay 4chan, I'm intoxicated enough to think this is a good idea so let's go
>be me, 18 y/o guy
>beta as fuck, very quiet but book smart/nerdy type
>in first year at college
>play video games a few hours every day
>smoke excessive amounts of weed every day, also sell a decent amount
>say that it's self medication and it helps with depression/anxiety/sleeping problems/suicidality which it does but I'm still a delinquent
>virgin, only ever been in a relationship with one person so I have essentially no romantic experience
>basically I'm a waste of space and a lost cause
>can count the people I've been actually interested in on one hand, combination of the facts that I generally want an actual relationship with someone I'm connected to and that I've partially accepted my fate and don't really talk to girls as if I'm looking for a relationship
>have a huge crush on one of my friends from home (pic related)
>liberal college stoner girl
>met her through my older brother a while ago but she's my age
>very beautiful with long red hair
>she's honestly a 10/10 in my eyes
>WAY out of my league
>first started liking her last spring, around the time I started smoking (the first time I smoked was with her)
>sorta like her for a while but never do anything about it
>always look forward to seeing her
>at a party over the summer I was tripping balls stoned and asked her out
continued...
>she says no
>says she's going away to college in the fall so she doesn't want a relationship
>super embarrassed after I sober up
>she ends up going out with a mutual friend a short time later
>makes things a little awkward between us but we still talk
>I lie to myself and say I'm over her
>they break up before she goes to school in the fall anyways
>fast forward 6+ months
>she goes to a community college near home, college was too expensive
>see each other semi often when I'm home from school, usually with other friends
>always subtly (or not subtly) hoping something will happen between us and wanting to flirt with her when we hang out
>sometimes try to communicate this with subtle flirtation (i.e. "accidental" touches, being really nice/generous)
>she actually seems to respond sometimes, but I'm shitty at it and always assume she did it accidentally or something
>seems like she's more interested in casual sex so I'm not sure what to do
>saw each other somewhat often while I was home on break, until recently
>she's all I can think about
>normally I would only want a real and long-lasting relationship but I eventually realize if she just wanted to fuck me I might let her
>holy shit I'm a mess
>I really like her though
>lose sleep over it some nights
>don't have the slightest clue what to do about it
Do you think she might be interested in me after all or do I have no chance? How do I even start to do something about it?
>Nose piercing
If you manage to fuck her make sure to use a condom
I'm a girl, 18, who has been in almost this exact situation but from the opposite perspective. So, this is my advice, from someone who seems to have experienced the same stuff as your crush: Instead of expecting her to pick up on your little flirtatious advances, or trying to impress her in some way, for christ sake just talk to her about it. Just say something like "Hey I think you are super cool and I enjoy hanging out together, would you maybe want to go on a date some time?" or "I've started to really like you, do you think you could see us being together in the future?" If my friend had done that, and just had an honest conversation with me about how we both felt, it would have saved him a lot of over-thinking everything I say to him, and it would have saved me a lot of awkward attempts at being hit on. The worst that can happen is she says no, or that she doesn't feel the same, then you just move on. I am still friends with the guy, you will get past the awkwardness of talking about your feelings.
Also, while it may be tempting to let her use you for a quick fuck, I wouldn't recommend it because- A: you are a virgin (I'm guessing), and no one is any good at sex the first time, so it will just be a lot of awkward fumbling, and in the end it will only hinder your chances of perpetuating a relationship, platonic or otherwise, because it will be too awkward to see each other anymore. And B: Once she allows you to have her once, you will likely crave it from then on, and if all she is interested in is a one night stand, you won't be able to do it again. So it will only worsen your whole sleepless nights situation, because you have experienced how great it is, and then you are cut off from it cold turkey.
