Something has been on my mind for a while and it hasn't been going away.
ALSO LONG AS STORY AHEAD
I've been with my current bf for 4 years and this past year all I can think about is breaking up.
the problem is i'm beta as fuck lololol
But really I tend to trap myself in long term relationships and never have the guts to end it.
So anyway, the reason why this is so hard for me is because it's not over some cheating scandal, liking another guy, him being a slut-twat or anything of that drama bullshit. Because that would be easy. at least it would mean our relationship was superficial.
unfortunately this stupid fucker is my best friend. We have a 7 year age difference too. What started as FWB turned into a four year relationship.
He recently proposed to me last year in front of his whole family, so I said yes, (obviously because you just don't say no in front of someone's family.) and that's when my mind got all muddled and fucked up. My family despises him because he tried to manipulate me into moving in with him the year before. They thought I was too young and all that bullshit and i acted bratty about it and it cause a huuuge grudge against him. The family fighting cause a huge strain. Unfortunately, his family loves me. They think I "fixed" him. (WHICH SETS OFF SOOOO MANY RED FLAGS FOR ME)
Him living with some shitty roommates caused a HUGE spike in alcoholism and we spent years together trying to help him overcome it together. Compared to how he was three years, he is much better, but I always have a sinking feeling, what if something bad in his life causes him to relapse? he was a very violent drunk, he never beat me or hit me, but he would break things, yell at me, threaten to hurt me or my family, etc. some real psycho shit. Like I said, he hasn't done that stuff in a reaaaaaally long time, but I'm always afraid it could happen again.
TBC in next post
>>16758869
OP here
anyway his alcoholism and the fact he's a poorfag with a lot of debt also fucks me up. He's trying his best to overcome the debt but I don't see it happening. Also the fact is I don't want to take it on, or worried about getting married then divorced because of financial problems.
also he sits home and drinks and sleeps all day. He's much different than the guy I started dating and he's hella boring now. He gets angry if I make plans for the weekend and I don't spend them with him, but like, i don't want to waste my young years doing nothing at the same time.
but then there's fact I love and care about this dumb motherfucker. we literally are best. fucking. friends. we make eachother laugh, each others health is always first on our list, he worships the ground I walk on.
which leads to another problem. he was diagnosed with abandonment disorder, and I know from he previous relationship, he doesn't take break ups well. I'm seriously concerned if I do break up with him, he WILL commit suicide. not threaten it to keep me with him, but actually 100% drink himself to death.
and I still love this guy ya know I don't want him to hurt himself.
IDDDKKK there's so much more to it for 4chan doesn't want a novel.
TL;DR
I'm conflicted about breaking up a 4 year relationship
are we allowed to bump? wasn't expecting /adv/ to move so fast off the first page.
Rip off the bandage and break up with him.
Yeah, it'll be hard at first. You'll lose so much security. Connections will be broken. Emotions will flare up. You'll regret your every step. But, in the end, it's what you want and need.
You're wasting the best years of your life as an unhappy slave. When you're 80 years old, would you rather look back on having a lot of stress for a few weeks and then relief, or look back on 60 years of commitment and slavery? And it would be 60 years, since your motivation to leave will only dwindle as time goes on.
As for his suicidal tendencies, this is a bit trickier. There are many ways to go about this. I'd reccomend fabricating some trouble in the breakup. If you don't care about superficial things like reputation and insteaf focus on efficiency, then cheat on him blatantly (keep in mind, you'll be universally considered a piece of shit if you do this, especially if the plan fails and he kills himself). You could also refuse to take his crap: do stuff on the weekends, enjoy your life, ignore his alcoholic rants, just generally say "fuck you" to him. Whatever you do, make sure to gradually (not so gradually to sink deeper in commitment, but not so abruptly to break his psyche) have his opinion of you grow more and more negative. Then, orchestrate a big fight and break up with him. For precaution, I'd reccomed throwing out all of his alcohol beforehand (this also serves as a way to start a fight, you could say yoy're tired of his alcoholism and he'd get all defensive). Just be careful to make sure he's not too distraught.
As for the whole "losing a friend" part, make this clear to him after the break up so he can change as a person and, maybe after the dust settles, you can be friends again. Tell him 100% honestly what you didn't like in him and in the relationship, he'll either change or you'll have a reason to forget him as a friend.
>>16758964
Hmm. Defintely not my ideal solution but I'll consider it.
I haven't been taking his crap if that helps (a aka living my life). It's what has been causing a big strain of fights between us lately actually. I thought maybe he'd get sick of me and break up with me first, but the motherfucker has been clingy on. Which shows me how in love he is with me and uhhhg it makes this whole thing feel so much worse.
I'm so timid. i literally wish i could be more aggressive idk how to even start.
>>16758981
Ask yourself: how do I want to spend the rest of my life? If you're a timid person, as I've said, your likelihood of breaking up will only get worse as the years go by, as will the chance of him killing himself upon break up (which will, in turn, bring more reason for you to not break up with him). It's really now or never, it ONLY GETS WORSE FROM HERE.
Find some way to tell yourself how crucial this moment and this decision is.
I think there's a section for gays
