I figure this is a good enough place to post my dilemma.
Been with my GF 3 years. Met when we were 21. Always told me she was the only guy she'd ever been with. Always talked up how she'd never done anything, we were doing everything for the first time together. Took her virginity and all that. She's my best fucking friend and I love the shit out of her.
Just found out a week ago that she partially lied about some of that. One night a year before we met she got insanely drunk at a party and this douche bag bad boy exchange student was hitting on her. She ended up starting to fool around with him in a bedroom at the party and ended up giving him a blowjob. At first I found out through a friend of hers joking about the story. When I confronted her on it, since she had lied to me she broke down saying that night is the biggest regret of her life and she hates herself for it and it was so out of character and that she was so drunk and that he got really pushy and tried to have sex with her, but she wasn't comfortable and her vagina was lockjaw shut and he couldn't get it in and she just wanted him to leave her alone so she figured if she gave him a blowjob he'd fuck off and he did. And that she didn't even consider it a sexual experience because she hated every second of it, where as everything she ever did with me she did wanting it and loving it and loving me.
Now, I'm a little fucked up about all this. One I'm hurt she lied to me about it and, although I can understand why she did. But it's weird because I'm torn between two places. One part of my brain now feels like so many of our "first times" weren't "first times" anymore. Like she'd been through steps 1-9 so its not exactly a new experience.
I feel stupid and lied to and like I was deceived. I wonder if every time she said that she's only done this things with me, or that my dick was the only dick she's ever seen(in jokes and stuff) that at the back of her head she knew she was lying. And I won't lie, I feel like she's less I dunno pure. Before everyone jumps down my throat I know that's complete BS, I don't want to feel that way, I'm just being honest with my gut reactions right now. She had built up this idea in my head that it was only me and her and re-enforced it and I started to think it was special, and now im like "and now there
's this guy, she's had some experience with this guy and I'm the niaeve little virgin boy who's only been with her." And I get jealous and weird and get weird flashes of that night.
The other part of me wants with all my heart to just say "so what?" it doesn't matter. I feel terrible for her and that she had to go through that, I love her and I don't want her to feel this guilt and shame she clearly feels about it, I want her to forgive herself and know that I still love her. I understand that to her this was a shitty non sexual event. she wasn't even aroused. It can't be sexual if you aren't into it, that's like saying a dog sniffing your crotch is sexual. Until there's sexual feelings from both parties its just her being naked and uncomfortable, there was no actual penetration and she just gave him a blow job to fuck off. To top it all off it happened before I knew her and can not possibly change the wonderful memories I have. Everything we've ever done all the wonderful things still happened and she is the same amazing girl I've always known.
And the weird thing too Is I know she's not my property and if she had told me this when we first got together I'd have not even batted and eyelash, if she had told me she had 4 or 5 partners before me I'd have been like, ok cool. It was just this weird idea that has been enforced in my head for 3 years that suddenly got shaken the fuck up and is causing me internal struggle.
I just seem to be switching between these two mindsets and it's really bugging me. Like some stupid monkey brain keeps kicking in and refusing me to just let it go and move on.
If you guys could just give me your two cents, maybe help me be able to just lay the whole thing to rest I'd really appreciate it. Just being able to vent the whole thing on here makes me feel better as is.
Please don't think I'm a bad person, I know some of my fears and thoughts are irrational and the last thing I want is to ever hold this against her, which is why I'm trying to sort my brain out here, in a place where I don't hurt her.
What she did doesn't seem to be the issue, it's the mindset and your image of her over the years that's been "corrupted". That and the fact she tried to keep it a secret.
Personally I'd me more angry at her lying. However, your not entitled to her secrets and neither is she to yours, we all have them. We also all have our moments of stupidity and regret, growing up is built on them.
You seem to have a good thing going, I wouldn't let this ruin it. Maybe your image of a perfect, virginal relationship full of first times for each of you needs to come back to earth a bit and appreciate that your both human and both still have a lot to learn from one another.
You've still both got a lifetime full of first times to look forward to together, don't fuck it up man.
These feelings aren't incredibly rational but they're understandable. Finding out that the person you love has a past you may not feel comfortable is a tough experience. On the one hand you love what's in front of you but their past is a part of them too and that's difficult to reconcile.
If anything take comfort in the fact that she loved you so much she didn't want you to find out anything that might make her lose you. And clearly she loves you more than anything. Lies are borne of fear, and we usually don't lie to people we don't care about.
Forgive her, talk about it with her, and move past this together.
It's a fucking blowjob. She has never had an actual relationship with that guy, or had vaginal/anal intercourse with the guy.
Imagine if your girlfriend turns around and starts freaking out over all the amateur porn you fapped to, and starts assigning special meaning to all that.
I quite quite suspect that if you cannot get over this and break up with her because of this, the next girls you date will have uh, considerably worse and worse experiences and you will only find yourself regretting why you were so uppity about the first one.
If I was in your position, my biggest issue would have been the fact she lied, which is simple enough to approach.
I don't really look back on my firsts with a lot of kindness, but instead look back on experiences I may have already had, but were done with someone who was genuinely important to me. Maybe think again about what was really important, the fact those experiences with her, or the simple fact they were supposed to have been her first.
>>16776465
Thanks, and honestly what you said is something I keep coming back to.
I understand the image I had in my mind was well, stupid and immature, but it was warm and comforting, having it, not even really taken, but shaken was something I wasn't ready for since this blindsided me so suddenly. And yes I was angry about the lie. I do understand I am not entitled to her secrets, however I think that only counts for omissions of truth, not direct lies. It hurts me that she lied to my face knowing she lied. However knowing her feelings on the subject now I can understand why she did it and I would like to forgive her. I don't feel I have yet but I really and truly want to once I lay this to rest in my head.
But what I keep coming back to is this. What do I want more than anything? I want her. I want what we have, and what we have had. If this event happened before we met than clearly it didn't stop all the times we had and therefore, as it is something that has already happened it can't stop us from having more amazing times, only if I let it, and I do not want to let it.
Unfortunately right now despite my best efforts that little dark voice keeps whispering in my head, making me upset, giving me anxiety and making me uncomfortable. Will that go away? Can I just reinforce to myself that I don't care and eventually it will stop? I've never been good at controlling my brain so to speak, I have a tendency to rhumniate.
i dunno, i told my first bf that i was a virgin despite the fact I'd been raped a few years before then
it was the first time it meant something and i wasnt ready to accept that technically i had been penetrated before
so think of it like that, she had a horrible experience and wanted to write it off, not telling you in order to help herself feel better about it
>>16776402
>GF
That was your mistake.
Trust no one.
>I stopped reading at "GF lied"
>My point still stands.
"I like it when a guy chases me." Guy chases. Girl rejects. Guy walks away. Girl chases. Stupid or a cock-tease...
Honestly, I would just get a couple of consolation blowjobs out of that or try to get her to do something freaky in bed she wouldn't usually do. It's not like she fucked a football team, one drunk bj before she even met you and she was ashamed about it so she didn't tell you. Act all hurt and make her "make up for it" so that she remembers she shouldn't do it and move on.
>>16776520
>behold, the typical born again Christian
>>16776533
never been a religious person, why would you figure that?
>>16776500
I won't lie, them being her first felt special to me. Like I said she did a lot to re-enforce this in my head. Talked about how with her two exes she had a no below the belt rule. Stood her ground and didn't give in to their attempts for more. She told me that she felt I was the first she felt comfortable with, that she was so happy she waited for me.
She made me feel like I was someone worth waiting for. That even though other people before had tried and tried, I was the first person who was good enough.
Which again, I know is immature and speaks more to some insecurity on my part. Which is something I am trying to work though, I just figure if im here for advice better be as honest as I can be.
>>16776520
Thanks that's what I am trying to accept. That to her it was nothing. She wasn't really lying when she said those things, because in her mind it WAS her first time doing anything sexual.
I just need to shake that wordless anxiety trying to make this into something bigger or worse than it is. That somehow things are different now, or that the special times in the past are no longer special.
Honestly thank you all so much the advice thus far has been great. I was afraid it was just going to be people telling me how I'm a shitty person and for even being bothered by it I didn't deserve her.
>>16776540
Yeah its wrong of her to lie but the reasons for her not wanting to bring it up are ones I can understand
The only way you can get to the root of the problem is let her know your thoughts on this, sit her down and say to her you understand a bit more the motivation for her to hide it but it has still upset you.
>>16776525
Yes, this or she just wants to break your mind. You know, make you go crazy and enjoy your pain. These people exist...
Also I won't lie there is this little voice that is I dunno, disappointed with her? Like that's not the person I know, she would never do anything like that. We were so comfortable when we met because we were on the same page. We weren't the go out and get laid type. We were the, meet someone and only if you have a really really good connection then start a relationship type.
The idea of her getting charmed into this situation by some douche bad boy is kinda upsetting.
Then I remind myself that she thinks this too and is what is causing her so much remorse, that this isn't who she is and she can't believe she had such an out of character moment and hates herself for it.
And I mean who am I to judge I've made my fair share of stupid ass mistakes.
>>16776538
The logic of "I had sex but it doesn't count because of my feels" is common in people who become more religious, or regret the sex they had
>>16776558
I didnt 'have sex', someone forced an object into me against my will
I was penetrated but I had fingered myself before that anyway
clearly a troll anyway :^)
>>16776563
Was that object a penis or a finger?
>>16776520
hahaha you fuck off with your shite, you are either a virgin or not no amount of delusions will change it. Also rape is not the same thing as having bad sex you fucking delusional cow, sure you can say you are still "pure" if you want to call it that, since getting raped was out of your control, but she wasn't raped, she willingly gave a drunk bj to a stranger and she should just own up to it. No matter how bad it was she did it, it was her choice and it was her mistake that she lied about it. She should apologize, make up with her bf and move on, not delude herself that it didn't actually happen.
>>16776402
Oh yeah, I'm sure you can totally believe that she didn't enjoy it at all and that he only tried to put it in her and he totally failed.
If she lied about it in the first place why would you accept the details? She probably just doesn't want you to think she's a slut.
>>16776580
I'm not going to lie. This is something that occred to me. I find myself wondering if more happened. Inget upset thinking about her willingly getting naked and rolling around with some other guy.
But I know for sure she did not enjoy it. I have never seen her breakdown like she did then.
And as far as if anything else happened. I am choosing, or trying to chose, to trust her. If I want this relationship to work I need to chose to trust her that what she happened was all that happened. She swore to me it was.
I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend, who I found out was essentially a gigantic slut before me. She lost hers at 14, and apparently dated/fucked like 20 dudes before she met me (can probably multiply that by 2).
Made me feel like such shit, and so inadequate that I dumped her. Found waifu tier girl that I've been with for 3 years now. I know she isn't a pure virgin, but she is a huge step up from the first sloot.
It sounds like this wasn't even much of an "experience" for her. If she was that drunk, she probably doesn't remember a whole lot anyway. I doubt she really thought she was lying, just hiding an embarrassing regret.
You sound more envious and bitter that she's had an experience you haven't, especially when she told you otherwise. It sucks, but you either have to move on or break up with her. Don't let your bitterness ruin a good thing.
>>16776624
>You sound more envious and bitter that she's had an experience you haven't
that pretty much hits the nail on the head for how I feel. Which is weird because I know to her it wasn't, like you said, even an experience.
And that a half remembered, regretful, extremely uncomfortable night with a guy who pushed her to do something, is NOTHING compared to the treasure trove of sexual experiences we've had together in the past 3 years.
Just wish I could convince myself of these things fully and really really let go. But I guess that's a process. At least I hope it is and I hope I can look back on this in a few months and laugh.
>>16776465
This is true but he is entitled to honesty. She blatantly lied.
That can come from nowhere but a place of disrespect.
>>16776641
She lied to you about this. Think about what else she could be lying to you about.
Talk through everything. There's probably something else she's "ashamed" of.
>>16777102
Yeah this, I mean, if my girl banged 100 guys before me, I would definitely like to know that before we started dating. Lying is terrible.
>>16776402
Put your foot down, OP.
Rein her in. She doesn't respect you right now. She was planning on keeping up a lie for who knows how long. Maybe the rest of your life. Imagine finding that out after you got married.
Dominate her. Make her respect you.
>gf lied, but I get why
>but I get why
You either dump her right now or you deserve everything that's coming to you.
>>16777102
It's far more disrespectful of OP to basically blab about what was a traumatic experience for her (she literally said to OP that she blew a guy because she was afraid he would rape her otherwise) on a chinese pictogram board and start shit about "honesty".
If OP and people like you go about life the way you do with this misguided idea of "honesty" and "respect", you have a lot of hard thinks coming later on.
>>16777124
>because she was afraid
Bullshit.
>>16777127
>but she wasn't comfortable and her vagina was lockjaw shut and he couldn't get it in and she just wanted him to leave her alone
She was afraid and showing very physical signs of her fear.
>>16777124
OP here, please don't lump me in with those people bashing my GF and trying to turn me into some redpill faggot.
I have no doubt in my mind that my GF respects and loves me. However, she was dishonest, she did lie and that did hurt. Just as I'm not perfect and have things to sort though with the proper way to deal with this, neither is she. That said I can forgive her, just as she can forgive me for any issues I had in immediately handling this information.
As for "blabing" about her traumatic experience. Well, it was an issue that I very much needed to talk about, to vocalize for myself, to get outside opinions on. And the best way I could do that without actually blabbing it to anyone real, anyone she actually knows and interacts with, is to blab it on a anonymous image board where not a single person here knows who we are, in fact we probably aren't even in the same country as most the people on this website.
And thanks to many of the helpful anons I feel much more comfortable now. I feel like I've almost let this whole thing go and know what i need to do.
At least I know that the most important thing for me is making sure I take positive steps towards keeping our relationship and further nurturing the things that have kept us having an amazing relationship for 3 years, and not sabotaging it over an unimportant blip of the past, or beating her into the ground for making a mistake and lying to me once.
Yeah the lie hurt, and no it wasn't fair for her to do that. But I can forgive her. She's forgiven me in the past for mistakes I've made. Relationships aren't about being perfect all the time, but being able to both work together when things are rough. If you both want the same thing though it will work out. And we both want this to work.
>>16777124
What she did originally was not morally wrong.
The lying is the wrong part. If she never told him he was first then he wouldn't have a reason to be upset. If he told her she was his first and she wasn't he'd be a piece of shit.
She lied. That's wrong. Morality is not relative.
>>16777167
OP here, yeah thoughts exactly.
That said, I'm not trying to make her out to be awful for this. It was just important that I validate my own feelings while working through this as well.
Telling myself she did nothing wrong and everything is my fault is not a healthy way to see things either.
She did something wrong. I can forgive that. I also now have to process this information in a fair way and not give into my bullshit immature reactions. I have to trust her and realize that it was not really a big deal, they didn't have sex or anything, and in her eyes it was a non sexual experience anyway and does not take anything away from our first times doing things like oral and the like.
>>16777180
>bullshit immature reactions
It's not immature to be repulsed by someone I assume you trust your heart with betraying you.
There's nothing wrong with someone finding their 'firsts' special just like there's nothing wrong with someone not caring about stuff like that.
But she abused your trust and I assume your spirituality to some extent.
You need to rein her in. She's probably lying about something else too. A spade is a spade and a liar is a liar.
What I think you should do is in the spirit of honesty ask her to be honest to a fault and you reciprocate. In this nothing bad will fester underneath the surface and if either of you is hurt by the truth THEN you're immature.
Understand that people naturally want to hide details about ourselves that are "taboo, unfavorable, or would portray us in a negative light". Realizing the bias here (the bias of sharing naturally positive things, while hiding the negative), she know's that she lied to you, she could have sugarcoated the details of the events of that night (who wouldn't to soften the blow?) Playing up being upset about it, crying etc. I don't tell you this to say that she is being deceitful, but just to realize that she could have manipulated the details to support her cause.
This poses the negative side of things, but it really comes down to your relationship with her. Trust is such a virtue because we assume 100% confidence, until something (internal or external happens) then there is always that reversal in our mind that naturally thinks for the worst first.
What I think personally is that you guys have something good going on, relationship seems good. If you can live with the fact that your trust in her will never be as innocent as it was before, I would say stick with it. You could ask her if there is anything else (she will say no) and continue on.
her purity was spoiled by some douchebag that she was willing to waste it on, and then lied to you about it.
>>16777207
>>16777207
>You need to rein her in. She's probably lying about something else too. A spade is a spade and a liar is a liar.
This is a seriously fucked up mentality. She's a fucking person not a pet.
After she saw how upset I was she even said she swears there's no other secret she has and that she regrets keeping this from me and that she never intended to, that she hid it out of embarrassment, self hatred, wanting to forget it herself and because in her eyes I really am the only person she's ever been with in any sexual ways. And then any time she thought about sharing it with me, which wasn't often since she usually just tried to bury it deep down inside, she was horrified that if I found out I'd never trust her again.
I can 100% understand where her logic was going with this. She can get pretty emotional and has a bad habit of pretending problems don't exist, which I usually balance out of her by getting her to deal with issues in her life/personal life. So I don't doubt for a second she would bury something like this deep down inside.
I never mentioned it but she was raised very strictly catholic. Even though she only considers herself mildly religious, that kinda upbringing leaves its mark. She seriously hates herself for having done what she did, even if they didn't go all the way. That one mistake of getting too drunk and then getting in too deep and then in her eyes at the time the only way to get out was to get him off so he wouldn't push for more. It was an utter betrayal of her sense of self and her image that she holds of herself. She feels like she broke every tenet she ever stood by. So yeah she tried to forget it ever happened. Making a mistake does not define you. One lie does not make you a liar.
You can't berate and control people and try to dominate them. You have to learn to live with them. Trying to control everything like that will drive you insane.
>>16777231
>You can't berate and control people and try to dominate them. You have to learn to live with them. Trying to control everything like that will drive you insane.
If you come with a sword, intentional or not, justice is receiving one in kind.
>>16777231
There's your solution. You just solved your problem
>>16777231
>One lie does not make you a liar.
>One theft does not make you a thief.
>One murder does not make you a murderer.
It does, though. Albeit some are worse than others, of course, but know that she is probably hiding something else no matter what she says.
>>16777292
The term 'murderer' typically means 'someone who has committed a murder'.
The term 'liar' typically means 'someone with a tendancy to lie'.
It's not a good comparison.
>>16777296
She didn't lie once and then tell the truth.
She told OP the same lie over and over. Sounds like a tendency to lie to me.
>>16776402
She just wanted to save face in front of you because of what she had already told you - that she never did anything with another guy. Op, it doesn't matter if she was a virgin or not. You stop caring about these things by your mid to late 20's, when you actually grow up and live on your own. What does matter is that she can openly lie while looking you in the eye, about petty shit, that suspiciously seems to conveniently manipulate you into thinking she has higher value than she does. She thinks banging other guys lowers her value, so she lied to you about it.
Women always play this fucking card. "I didn't want to but he was really pushy and made me". She was at a party right? Couldn't she have easily yelled for someone to help her not be dateraped? You have seen how foreign exchange fags are worshipped by american sluts right? He probably was with her because she was all over him. He could have picked anyone else, and probably had other chicks on him. I highly doubt he was creeping on her. American girls are stupid towards shit like foreign guys. She probably sucked or fucked him because she was young and stupid. She needs to not lie about shit. I would say you should sit down with her and make it clear that if you catch her lying again, it's over. You have to mean this. Then, let bygones be bygones.
You will probably not settle down with her, and just keep in mind that you fucked other girls and shared every inch of your body with them, when you meet the next girl YOU fall in love with. This is life. You get over petty shit like sexual partners eventually.
You do realise that the biggest lie there isn't the fact she licked a guy's penis and never told you, but that she rather asked the guy to suck his dick, and she loved it, right anon? Also, she didn't think the guy was a douchebag but, instead, she wanted foreigner cock, and she bragged about her girlfriends about it and she probably still suck occasional dick.
She didn't tell you because there's something suspicious to it, and you shouldn't trust her anymore.
>>16776402
I dont think it really matters OP. The past is the past and you cant really change that.
Are you willing to throw all the emotional attachment that you gained by being with her away because, from what i interpret from your text, she was coerced into sex/ a blowjob?
I agree with the fact that her not having told you flat out from the start is a problem. But you have to consider the shame and disgust that she must feel when thinking back on it.
In the end its your decision, but i wouldnt really worry too much about it.
There is a movie with this message in it, called "chasing amy". I highly recommend it.
Sex is sex and people were having it bfore you and will continue to have it after you - i wouldnt blow its importance out of proportion.
>>16777231
That's all very well but what you forget is that she told her friends about it and its so 'old news' to them they joke about it openly in front of you. Were they specific about this guy or could it have been any of many? Did she pick that scinaro to exlpain to you?
Chances are this is one of many she is trying to cover up.
Its OK, relax, this is how women are. Some these days ate honest and tell all, some ate semi-honest and tell some. And a others lie and obscure and misdirect unless cornered like a rat by the loose mouth of a friend.
Did she drink much back then,? That should be a clue.
>>16776402
>>16776529
This OP.
>>16776507
>Unfortunately right now despite my best efforts that little dark voice keeps whispering in my head, making me upset, giving me anxiety and making me uncomfortable. Will that go away?
Sadly not..
In the good times you will overlook it and it won't be a part of you but when she rejects you, or hurts you then it will be back in buckets.
Once its broken then its glue and make best..
Is that how you want to live.. many do!
OP shit happens. Your gf sounds like a fucking keeper. Forgive her and hug the shit out of her and forget about it.
Example from my life:
I, a male, recently dumped my gf, went to a party. I felt lonely and forgotten. So I started to grind and grope this girl who was 7-8/10. It felt awful and awkward and disgusting and, yeah, I hated every second of it despite initiating it out of loneliness.
If I was asked about if I ever flirted with that girl, saying that I never did would be more truthful than saying I did. Because it wasn't flirting, it was an act of retarded desperation at its core.
I still shudder when I think about it.
>>16776529
Implying that what she said was true.
>>16776402
>she gave him a blowjob he'd fuck off and he did. And that she didn't even consider it a sexual experience because she hated every second of it.
if she had a better excuse... but this is soooo bullshit, if a girl said this to me i would dump her in a heartbeat
you're actual garbage. she didn't lie, she just didn't want to tell you that she was taken advantage of the first time she had sexual contact with someone and have you react like an entitled dick. and surprise surprise, you're behaving like an entitled dick.
dump her so she can go find someone who will support her and not make her feel guilty about a guy coercing her into using her body a certain way bc that's the only way he'll leave her alone.
i love coming here to lol at you total morons and listen to all the ways you ensure you will die alone.
>>16778834
The only reason I feel "entitled" is because she's the one who insisted for 3 years that she never had ANY sexual experience with anyone else and that it was special for us BECAUSE it was first times.
And I'm sorry I'm wasn't able to process this all immediately and perfectly accept it and be a paragon of human virtue. But if you read my posts I'm basically trying my damned hardest to support and trust her as best I can and trying to find the best and healthiest way for me to move on from all of this.
I'm pretty much at where I need to be. I understand the logic she and other anons are using. That it was a mistake, that she didn't want it to happen, that it wasn't sexual in her eyes because she hated it, and as her body as evidence shows she was in no way aroused, that they didn't have sex, and that although yes she gave him a blowjob it was not really something she tries to think about and it in no way impacts everything we have built together or sullies any memories for her. To her the first real blow job she gave, where she was excited and wanted to give pleasure and not just "close your eyes and hope its fast", was to me.
With all of this in mind I'm just about ready to forgive her for lying to me and move on with our lives. She's been the most trustworthy and loving partner in every other way aside from this, and her lie comes more from a desire to lie to herself and forget the experience than it did from trying to deceive me.
>>16778911
Her friend joked about it, right? Doesn't sound like it's as solemn and dark as she says it is.
If it was basically rape then her friends wouldn't joke about it.
>>16779132
Her friend was at the party and saw the two of them go into the room. After they left her friend was all excited and asked her if she slept with the bad boy. My GF humiliated, but couldn't say nothing happend just told her she gave him head and then realized she was too drunk to do anything else.
Her friend thinks it was super cool and awesome but doesnt really know the details and my GF didn't want to bring it up.
>>16776402
Man, this is easy man. Just forgive her and forget about it. There's nothing to be upset about here. This is obviously something she's just trying to forget about because she hates it so much. She didn't bring it up because it's a dark moment in her life and doesn't really effect you and your relationship. Are you going to judge her for being raped? Because that's fucked up with you.
And even if it was totally consensual and she enjoyed it or whatever, who gives a fuck? It happened a year before you even met. It's not like she cheated on you or anything.
Honestly, mate, just forget about it. Tell her it's okay and help her forget about it by creating new, better memories, because it's obvious it's a really shitty memory for her. Focusing on all this stuff and feeling sorry for yourself because she got raped a year before she met you just makes you seem like an ass hat.
>>16779150
It's a pretty common thing to when confronted to quickly tell someone what happened and try to brush it under the rug, make it seem like not a big deal when deep down inside you are dying.
She couldn't say nothing happened because her friend knew the guy, he could contradict it. So she told her what happened, tried to force a smile and hoped it wouldn't get brought up again.
Unfortunately her friend thinks sleeping with a cool bad boy is like the highlight of life.
She's a permavirgin who is way too obsessed with rom coms and is trying to live vicariously through her experience.
>>16779202
Again, to clarify the reason I have issue with it is because she had always told me that I was the first. She enforced the idea that being her first was special. So when I got confronted with the idea that I may not have been her first I suddenly started questioning things that were painful to me. I mean she put so much emphasis on it, and if me being her first was special, if I wasn't her first then it wasn't as special? At least that's what my brain was doing.
And I mean, yes I was still the first one she ever had sex with, this was just a blowjob, but it's taking me time to digest that. As I had believed, from her mouth, that before me everyone had a no below the belt rule. So suddenly my brain is thinking I may have been the first time she had sex, but not her first sexual encounter. Which like I said, due to the emphasis she put on that made me start thinking that what we had, and that I was no longer special.
I'm not trying to justify those thoughts, I know they are not correct. As I have stated earlier in the thread I am coming to terms with this all and understanding where she is coming from and viewing experiences as binary things is stupid and detrimental to all involved.
I just want to clarify where I am coming from because I personally feel many people in general seem to focus on if a person is good or bad simply by the thoughts they have, not how they deal with them and proceed. I am not proud of the way my brain dealt with this but I won't like and say I didn't think all of these things. The important thing is to admit I felt these things, determine if they are accurate and healthy and then decide which of them are valid and I keep and which are based in toxic mental habits and I discard. I strongly believe everyone has bad thoughts, no one is naturally perfect, its how we deal with them that defines us.
>>16776402
It's not a big deal. You're 24 judging by your first post.
Just about every girl you're ever going to meet at this stage, will have had sex or some sort of sexual interaction at some point. Being realistic, the chances are that it will be anywhere between 5x-10x. That's being generous. Chances are a lot more.
She didn't get fucked in a threesome or a gangbang or some insane slutty shit. It was a drunken party blowjob. It's not that big of a deal.
You have a right to be pissed at being lied to. You may even question if she indeed has only been with you. That's up to you to believe. But if you do believe it was that only that guy, you're blowing this out of proportion. Try take a step back and view this with clarity. It was a drunken blowjob before she met you, 21 years of age. At age 21 I'd already fucked about 6 girls, heck I'd already fucked 2 girls at age 16. You can go on about how its the being lied to thats the issue. You have a small point, but it's not that big of a lie. A drunken blowjob before she met you really isn't that big of a deal. If you do break up over this, you'll kick yourself in a years time for letting such a small thing matter.
>>16776402
alpha fux beta bux
