My gf and I had a HUGE argument about each other's attitudes and now she's acting like a huge, cold bitch while I'm trying to make things better and how affection.
How can I best respond to this to ensure order is restored?
Who started the argument, who attitude sucks.
>>16685492
>to ensure order is restored
Lost
>>16685497
I made two threads about this already, so I'll make it brief on this one.
We hadn't seen each other for 18 days or so, I was getting anxious because I wanted to see her, we finally went out (with her parents), she was embarassed I think, didn't hold my hand, didn't kiss me, pretty much made no physical contact, and the entire time kept talking about how much she wanted to go home, after over half a month of us not meeting.
I got mad about this when I arrived home and we started arguing because she is generally cold and that's something I feel could change. By the end of it she said I was desperate for affection, thought I knew everything, was paranoid, this and that. I really felt like she hated me.
Now she says she wants to stay together but things are like this. I'm actually making an effort but it's pretty hard. She just told be she thought I was "arrogant and fucking snobby" when she first saw me.
arguments about "attitude" are always bullshit >muh feelings-fests; I'll be willing to bet the simple fact of your relationship is that she's not as interested in it (or; she's not putting as much effort into it) as you are.
Is she more valuable than you? Does she just *think* she is? Is she a spoiled brat cunt that doesn't know how to be in a relationship?
we need more details bro
>>16685509
What advice did you get on the other two threads?
Why do you think you'll get different advice this time?
>>16685517
The not knowing how to be on a relationship part is true. I'm her first serious boyfriend and apparently she hasn't had a lot of flings as well, she's mostly a lonely person.
I try to take all this into account but it's difficult.
>>16685519
The other threads were about the attitude and the arguing. So it was a different subject.
Since she wants to stay together and I believe I do too, I want to know now how can I pull a cold/distant person closer without suffocating them.
>>16685525
>without suffocating them.
Yes, murder is never the answer.
>>16685525
>she's mostly a lonely person.
okay, well then here's my diagnosis:
she's uncomfortable affection and you're not being respectful of that.
This is probably panacetic advice, but pull away from her a little bit. Either you'll achieve a more comfortable equilibrium for her, or she'll recognize that you're doing it and compensate to adjust.
People will probably tell you to dump her because that's /adv/s way, but I don't think that's necessary yet, unless you really cannot stand being in a relationship where that level of affection isn't immediately satisified. You gotta be careful with inexperienced girls, even if it doesn't work out. That being said, you have zero obligation to stay in a relationship that doesn't work for you (and I think the relationship you're describing would hardly work for anyone). But she may just have intimacy issue.
Crack the bitch open and get her to talk about it. and if that doesn't work, set her down gently and walk away.
>>16685541
We just spent two full days violently arguing. I'm afraid of talking about anything at this point, honestly.
Every message I send feels like a nuisance to her.
>>16685551
Two days of violently arguing with out make up sex...
damn.
sorry man.
>>16685559
Yes that's because WE AREN'T REALLY FUCKING SEEING EACH OTHER ALSO SHE'S A MEGAVIRGIN AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'LL SEE HER AGAIN HZKGHZKGAKAN
Sorry, there was still some anger left in there.
>>16685551
yeah, that's pretty unhealthy. If you've attempted to talk, and you can't come to a conclusion about how to fix the situation, then maybe you do need to think about breaking off the "relationship". If you don't do it now, you risk getting stuck in a shitty relationship. Maybe she just isn't ready for a relationship yet.
In any case, have you figured out the underlying reason for her disaffection? Is it some home life situation? she think she's ugly/doesn't want to open up and be "judged"? what is the core emotional cause (in your opinion)?
>>16685581
She told me it's because of the way she was raised. She has very rigid, controlling parents and was always made to think about her future and such stuff. She's very homely.
>>16685593
>homely
You didn't call her homely to her face did you? When homely is used to describe a person it means ugly.
>>16685608
No, she herself says that. As in, she's ALWAYS at home. Something I love. I also am.
>>16685614
Ohh then the phrase is that she's a "homebody," not "homely."
Anyway, semantics aside, >>16685581 is right in that if talking doesn't work, there's not much else you can do from here. If you already rarely see her, it's hard to fix the relationship, especially since verbal communication can only take you so far.
Do you feel sorry about any part of this? Or is it all pure anger against her right now? What's your current mindstate?
>>16685667
I felt really afraid of it ending after a while. I do think I was right in a lot that I said, but I might've gone about it terribly and I can see her being right in some points as well.
I feel very sorry, but at the same time kinda angry that she doesn't seem to. Somehow I'm the exclusive villain here.
With women is weird
they are all in or not at all They won't compromise their true beings if they are not in at their fullest.
You might ahve to come with terms that she is a cold bitch, she doesn't know what she wants if you are her first desu
Dunno, don't suffer much from it
>>16685593
you're dating my ex.
this isn't good, to say the least. the frigidity from her parents will be modeled in her, and her intense anxiety about the future will dominate her thoughts on you and your relationship. Honestly that kind of person will dump you the second they start feeling any doubts about the future and will do it in the most cold way possible too.
The only way for you to handle this now is to cut any contact. Don't talk to her. At all, for like a week. Then she'll have time to sort her shit out and MAYBE she'll want to work things out with you, but that shit she said earlier indicates a LOT of animosity and repressed emotion she was keeping from you.
tl;dr, she's a borderline personality disorder timebomb waiting to explode and you're going to be the first casualty
>>16685685
Nah, you're not a villain; it's just that you two don't see eye to eye on this issue.
Do you think the gap could ever be bridged? Or do you find it a lost cause?
Maybe send her a text/email explaining your side once you've calmed down a bit (it'd be better to explain how you feel w/o her interrupting/making you angry) and then explain what you don't understand about her side. Then keep an open mind for when she responds.
If she refuses to talk about it at all, then ehh, idk what to tell you, man. Communication needs to be both ways.
