Reflecting on a near-miss with a really cute coworker, and I question whether I did the right thing. This story honestly makes me feel sad whenever I think of it:
>in relationship with a girl who I'm not 100% happy with, and working hard to build our relationship
>my new coworker ticks off all my boxes and while I'm still in my relationship I secretly harbor a major crush on this coworker
>we spend nearly every morning together and get really comfortable with one another
>we finish each other's sentences, crack the same jokes, and start doing nice things for each other like secretly running out of coffee or leaving notes for each other
>perfect office romance
>we both are "okay" with our respective relationships, but don't talk about our significant others with each other much beyond "oh, they're doing okay, but let's talk about this hilarious thing I know you'll love instead!"
>major office party comes up and it's the first time our significant others are meeting our coworkers
>also first time my work crush and I actually get to hang out
>I meet her bf and he's a cool guy, we get along great and he calls me his "bro" as we drink beers and battle it out in beer pong
>my gf is not impressed with the place or my coworkers, especially my crush
>she leaves early and even though I'm upset she tells me to stay and let her go home
>my coworker tells me this should be a red flag
>around this time her bf disappears
>she starts talking about what a disaster he is
>she's a little drunk as she says it and he overhears
>they have a huge spat in front of everyone, leaving her crying as he runs off to who knows where
>I agree to grab him for her while other coworkers console her
>he tells me "trusts me" and says he just wants some time alone
>>16636782
>I find my crush and we end up talking for what feels like hours as we walk around outside, share a cigarette, and sober up
>she tells me she isn't happy
>her bf puts his hands on her and says mean things to her to boss her around
>she feels distant from him and everyone else, and is now too embarrassed to rejoin the party
>we literally spend the next hour sitting under the stars talking about our relationships, our lives, and what we want
>she gets closer and I put my arm around her
>we end up just getting real quiet, holding each other
>she starts telling me that she knows this is "it" for us, that after tonight we probably won't see each other again because the office changed her position to a different department
>I feel my heart and stomach sink, tell her that that can't be true I will find a way to hang out with her
>she then tells me that she is happy with one thing
>says she knows what she wants now, and it's a relationship with a guy who supports her and makes her feel special, somebody who's stable and can always make her smile
>she then puts her hand in my lap and tells me it's me, and has always been me
>she knows the way I look at her, the way we talk and how we flirt
>she knows I want it too and wants me to say yes so bad
>but she knows I have a gf and although it's not my ideal relationship things seem okay and I shouldn't leave her just because some cute coworker told me to
>I start choking up a little
>I tell her I really like her too, that she's right about everything
>but I can't just leave my gf like that, I can't be "that guy" and what would her bf think?
>she gets serious and then says, "but why are you rubbing my back, anon? why are out here with me, listening and making me the most valuable person to you in this moment? why do you care so much about me if it isn't for this one moment you were hoping I might say I liked you back?"
>>16636787
>I really start choking back tears now
>"I'm so sorry... I want to... I just don't know what the right thing to do is. You're everything I want. I really care about you. I mean it every day when I say you're wonderful or fantastic or hilarious or anything. But I've never done this and I can't just leave my gf like that."
>"Well... she didn't have a problem leaving you, anon. She's not here, but I am."
>"I.. can't..."
>"I understand. You're a good guy. This could be something reallllly good, and I'm excited to have it with you. But I get it. It's scary and uncertain and you hate those things. I do too! You can't just up and leave your gf like that. I couldn't. I'm scared what my bf would think, but here I am..."
>"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry."
>"It's okay, anon. It really is. I'm glad we had this night together."
>after that, we walked her back to her car, had the longest hug good night, and didn't talk again for months
>she switched jobs and moved out of town during this time
>I ended up shooting her a facebook message at her new job to congratulate her
>she wrote back and thanked me, and said she was glad I was "a gentleman" on that night, even if she meant everything she said
>she wished me the best and, since my letter asked if we could get together sometime, she told me she'd love to
>we set a date to hang out and bring our significant others, since they were both still in the picture
>she blew off the date...
>...and is now engaged to the guy
>my gf dumped me a year later over the phone because she met a coworker who asked her to leave me for him on a complete and total whim
>she accepted
>I didn't find out until 6 weeks later
And my friends, family and therapist all ask why I am so bitter at only 29...
Why did you office throw a banger?
I mean really, beer pong at an office party?
>>16636794
Just the nature of the work, I suppose.
That's alright, OP. There's big world out there with lots of girls.
>>16636782
Go after her anon. You love her and she loves you. Go get her before it's too late. The worst thing that could happen is she says no, and you'd be back to where you started. But at least you know you tried. Fucking get her anon, go get her
>>16636885
I love you, anon. You get it.
But I did mention she's engaged now, and we haven't talked in about a year? I'd love to fight for it, but the odds are pretty realistically low. I'm not a pessimist, but it's a far shot.
I don't think so. Leaving your gf for the coworker may have gotten you weird looks, but you would've been happy, and it's not like you would've been cheating. Sounds like the coworker settled as well.
This story makes me sad.
>>16636900
As long as the odds aren't 0, there's hope. Marriage doesn't mean shit anymore. People get married because "it's the thing people do" when really people are just trying to hold on to a dieing tradition. That's just my opinion though.
Regardless you WILL regret not going after her, trust me. It hurts so damn much to see the woman you love marry some other guy. Especially when they divorce a year later. You'll always question yourself and what could have been.
>>16636900
Engaged =/= married.
>>16636791
>my gf dumped me a year later over the phone because she met a coworker who asked her to leave me for him on a complete and total whim
Wow, irony.
I think you did good, anon. It may not feel good, but if she's happy, then it's great.
If they don't work out , go after her. Engagement barely means shit anymore.
Shoot her one more message, say you've been thinking about her. Let her know that you want to start things up with her but you respect her decision if not. She has to be the one to decide now, but give her the chance. At least you can say you tried.
I been there, bro, and I made the same choice as you. But you have to realize that if you stay with someone you're unhappy with because it's "right", you're condemning the both of you. You won't be happy, and your partner won't be able to go find someone who will be happy with them. It feels selfish, but it's also not. You can't effectively support someone if you spend all your time wishing they were someone else.
Just fucking go for it, dude. I know it's a cliche, but what the fuck do you have to lose?
Send her a message. Basically do this.
>>16636942
This is an advice board. If you're looking for us to comfort you and tell you it's okay while you ignore all of our advice, you're in the wrong place. Don't pussy out here. It's NOT okay.
This is why absolute adherence to the principles of monogamy is fucking stupid.
"Oh I don't want to be that guy, I promised myself I would NEVER cheat."
Fucking why?? What good does it do you?? Take this lesson friend, morality isn't black and white and the whole idea of "cheating" shouldn't be either. You should have fucked her under the stars that very night.
