Hey /adv/ a few months ago me and an ex friend got into a big argument he forced onto me when asking for advice. He later told me he didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
Usually I'd feel very sad about these situations and I'd get very depressed but this one made me more upset and I've noticed after he was gone my life has felt way better in a lot of ways as I go through my first year of college and hang out with friends that really listen and show they care.
I've always have had a tendency of asking questions and being careful with what I do since for the longest time when I was at my first school it felt like my opinion was always treated as the wrong one. I mention more than once in the argument that I was asking advice from a bunch of people and he was on the list, yet he still somehow turned it into general criticism on who I am.
Though I'm basically over all of this I'm actually more curious about people's thoughts on him from the recording that night. Does he sound like a good person? Do you think he might be right? Do you think he actually knows what he's even talking about to any extent? etc. I'd still like to here about anything said also though
The recording is pretty long, about 30 minutes and this was only the end of the forced discussion, you can skim through it if you have to; http://vocaroo.com/i/s10lNe2URTTJ
I knew a guy that sincerely wanted to be friends with everybody. He had good intentions, but he was totally oblivious to how he communicated with other people. There wasn't one single defining action that made him despised by other people. It was just his regular interactions that wore down on the nerves and to make matters worse, he would always try to worm into every situation uninvited. I would phrase it differently if it weren't for the fact that he was always doing this. It was this constant wear that made him a burden to be around. People had to be dodgy to avoid dealing with him. If you confronted him, it'd be met with whining and accusations of being unfair.
Why didn't we just sit and talk with him then? I see you're doing the same thing. "C'mon, man. Just tell me. Give me some advice." Yeah, that happened a few times. It never made any noticeable differences in behavior though. It was as if simply talking about his behavior was enough to satisfy him rather than actually changing it.
It was a fucking nightmare. In our group of friends, we had a chat server set up. He would always be hanging around there like 10 hours a day. If you tried to dodge him, he'd whine. If you told him you wanted a break from him, he'd whine. You couldn't help him become a more enjoyable person because other people can't fucking help you like that. He considered me the closest, and I was the one who put a dagger in his heart when I broke it all off. We couldn't relax as long as he was any way involved with us and there was no way out.
Let me tell you what my major issues with him were that I believe you might also have. My suggestion to you is this... There is a currency in social groups where by primarily obeying the norms, you are permitted to deviate occasionally. We are not perfect and we do get upset, but if your getting upset is too regular, you are doomed. You can openly dislike what other people enjoy as long as you are not constantly whining.
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>>16620668
Continuing... From the skipping around I did in your dialogue, I give you the following suggestions:
1. Appreciate things
If you were to say... Favorite a song on YouTube that a friend sends you, that builds enormous rapport with people. By demonstrating that you liked and appreciated something they did for you, it wins them over. If you're a regular complainer/critic, you're going to have to try really fucking hard to expand your horizons. Critics are the bane of society.
2. Do not ask them for help on your personality
Frankly, you're an adult, right, OP? You are not somebody else's responsibility. If whatever you're doing is losing you favor with others, your immediate response should be to look at whatever behaviors you have to justify. If you find yourself starting a sentence with "Well", you're probably about to attempt to justify a behavior. That behavior is probably detrimental. Overall, just stop making requests from other people to help you with your problems. You will decimate your standing with other people if you ask them explicitly for help and they perceive it as you ignoring them.
3. Watch your attitude/mood and take action to correct it.
If you can't help but get upset over something like video games or conversations, stay away from it. If you can't stay away from it, don't involve others in it. When I play DotA with friends and shit goes wrong, I know I will always get in a shitty mood and ensure that everybody around me knows it. So I don't play DotA anymore. It's not good for me. It gives me nothing. I'm out.
All of these suggestions can be deviated from assuming you regularly obey them. It really is a tit for tat world. In my case, if I'm not enjoying somebody's company, being alone is a step up from being with them. I wouldn't think twice about removing a thorn from my side. An occasional prick is alright though.
