I have memories from when I was 5 years old (or somewhere around that age) of my brother (9 years older than me) waking me up in the middle of the night and telling me to come sleep in his bed. I also remember him telling me that I shouldn't tell mom and dad that he was making me do this. I blacked out anything else that happened, if anything did happen.
Now I am 28 and have deep emotional issues, especially regarding sex.
Is it possible my brother was molesting me?
Is there any way to find out? The accusation is so drastic, it's not like I could just bring it up to him and ask.
Totally possible. Sounds like your brain blocked it. Are you a virgin OP?
>>16614710
It's completely possible that you could have undergone something traumatic like your brother molesting you and your brain, unable to deal with it, blocked it out. I would try maybe seeing a therapist of some sort and getting yourself into some intense therapy to really try and break down the barriers to see if anything's there (which it definitely sounds like something's there). Don't go to your brother about this. Like you said, that's a very dramatic accusation and of course he'll probably say no, get mad, and storm off. If you get into some kind of therapy, you and and your therapist will work towards confrontation later.
It's quite possible but there is no certain way to know. It could be that at some point you regain memories, but basically all therapy aimed at actively recovering memories gained a bad reputation for causing fictional memories. The human brain is extremely sensitive to suggestion and our memory is very much fallible. We usually just don't realize how much detail in our memories is incorrect. I am sure pretty much everyone has that one vivid memory that they factually know cannot be what truly happened... those are rare cases in which you realize that it is a reconstruction of the past and not a matter of just retrieving data or something.
That's not to say that I think this particular memory is false. It is obviously a spontaneous one and most often what is off about memories is details, not an entire drastic thing happening that never happened. I just think it is more fruitful to focus on the issues you mentioned having now, than become too focused on what exactly happened.
>>16614753
>>16614786
Thank you for the responses.
>>16614736
No, I've slept with dozens of women, hooked up with hundreds. I use sex as a weapon.
>>16614799
Well if you use sex as a weapon, that might tie into some of your issues as well..
>>16614799
Also wanted to add/correct that in case you do decide to get therapy (and if you do, make sure you have an excellent therapist... there are a lot of horror stories but given that the whole method relies on human to human coaching, the person involved and how well they understand you and how good your dynamic is matters more than anything else), you can dig into how you feel about your brother now or how he made you feel as a child. Just because you don't know the full details of what went down, doesn't mean you cannot do anything with it at all.
What everyone else says: In therapy you can try and visit these repressed memories. But really, is that useful? You'd only get the answer to whether your brother is the culprit of your current sexual repression or not. I think it would be more important to deal with the latter rather than, as other anons mentioned, sail into the waters of obscurity when it comes down to recovering repressed memories.
Nonetheless, I would look into talking to a therapist simply to solve your more practical issues considering sex. And how you're afraid your brother might have molested you. But really, any good therapist would say the same proceed similarly.
>>16614813
I feel like the reason I do this steams from past trauma, that's why I'm trying to figure out if anything happened to me.
I don't remember much from why I was 5, but why do I remember my brother asking me to go to bed with him?
It could be totally innocent, but if so, i don't understand why I remember it.
