>be kid
>get abused by parents for having shitty marks and being bad at school in genreal
>start faking signature of parents so I dont have to show them my tests
>start lying
>cheating in tests etc
>still gettin abused
>dad is always away gambling
>losses shit ton of money
>mum is crying all the time
>they both use me to vent out
>have literally no room nor a bed
>dad abuses till Im 14 years old
>he stops bcause "he didnt wanted to hear my "stop screams" anymore"
>sleeping on the couch in the same room with parents for 18 years
>manage to get better in school
>never complain
>never wanted things cuz I knew we havent money
>dad tells me that Im the reason why we dont have any money
>"I wish you never were born"
>we cant finally relocate
>Im 18 at that time
>have finally a bed and a room
>maybe things will be ok
>get a crush on my bff
>he also has a crush on me
>we get together
>but have to keep it a secret because of my panrets
>he complains and whants to breka up because he cant handle the secrecy anymore
>"pls dont"
>tell my mum that I have bf so he doesnt have to break up
>she starts crying "youre a boy not a girl"
>"youre not the anon I know"
>"I want grandchildren"
>"kill yourself anon"
>"ok mum I will stop"
>bf breaks up at the same night
>next day he says he made a mistake
>be together again
>mum doesnt know
>she doesnt allow me to get out and hang out with friends
>she doesnt belive me that I broke up with him and that Im "normal" again
>go out to play vidya with bf
>she calls me tells me to come back home and that I need help and that Im not normal
>I start crying
>few months later
>at friends with bf
>had a fight that day with family
>bf knows
>always stand by my bf
>he walks away
>try to talk with him
>he turns away
>get drunk because I cant handle it anymore
>fall down and cry
>tell bf that I need him
>he tells me that he want to smoke weed and chill
>tell him to dont do it and that he should stay with me because Im sad
cont.
>he refuses
>tell him that I will break up with him if he does smoke weed
>he does
>Im done with everything
>drunk,sad and mad
>punch him while crying
>walk away
>its 4am or something
>Im drunk as fuck
>about 40km away from home
>end up staying at friends
>1 week later end up again with bf
>bf still egotrips me that my actions were shit and that he was right etc
>bf decides to move away because of his uni
>I tell him to take me with him and that I dont want to wait 1 year at home where I get terrorized
>get wasted few nights just because I want to forget
>bf says he will think about it
>ask him few weeks later
>"anon it was always my dream to go to the uni"
>"but you could take me with you"
>"no sorry anon I want to live alone"
>"but you are the only thing that makes me happy anymore"
>he leaves
>we have a ldr
>I switch off my emotions
>cant handle this whole situation anymore
>Im 20
>my parents still are kinda stalking me
>they check my fb
>I had shit like "bi gender, non gender,etc" in my bio
>they start shouting at me
>crying
>I try to tell them that it was sarcasm and I wanted to be funny
>mum makes vomit voices
>I just walk away
>Ive become abusive and agressive over few years
>chocked one guy because he was annoying me
>I always wanted to be better than my parents
>now Im even worse
>bf is away
>bf talks how the poeple there are good looking and super smart
>bf always chats and flirts with a girl
>for 4months
>I ask him if he ever mentioned me to her
cont.
>"no"
>he literally left me down and couldnt protect me or tried
>everyone in my life who should be loving me abandoned me and I feel betrayed
>I cant love and trust anyone anymore
>still get terrorized at home
>dont even know if I love my bf anymore
>he tells me that he wants to relocatoe to nyc or london because of his future job
>he never told me of it
>I dont care/know anymore
so yeah...
Im almost 21 and yeah should I kill myself? I dont think that its worth anymore,I guess some people cant achieve happiness
TLDR:
>My life was shit
>My life is shit
>My life will stay shit
>Should I kill myself? y/n
Is there any hope that my life could be better, if so help is welcome
>>16617698
>i guess some people can't achieve happiness
I'm sorry, i dont think you understand the definition of Achieve. I of course do not know your whole life, and while the stuff you told me is sad, you never made a single point about trying to achieve happiness.
your entire post is
>HOW COME MY BF DIDNT FIX MY LIFE
you didnt tell us about how you tried to get a job, or tried to go to college, or went out to the world and tried to achieve your happiness. you just talk about how you asked your boyfriend to save you and then didndt do anything when he refused.
its not your bfs job to fix your life. its your own. dont get me wrong, it sucks that you were handed so much to fix, but you cant say 'I SHOULD KILL MYSELF CUZ NO ONE WANTS TO FIX LIFE FOR ME'
thats pathetic.
>is there any hope that my life could be better
yes, by actually doing something about it. we all have homophobic parents and shit growing up. your parents dont hate you enough to throw you out of the house, so you have had three years to get a job, save up, and get out.
im sure you have a pile of excuses for why you havent done that yet, but its a big world, and gay people have a bit of an upperhand in getting started.
catch up, you gotta long way to go.
no, don't kill yourself. You've broken yourself and now it's time to rebuild. Stop going on adv though because there are only shitty insecure people here that almost made it with the cool kids, but just never connects with anyone.
>>16617723
speak for yourself.
>>16617717
I got in a Uni but coudlnt take it because my bf wanted me to take a 1 year break so we could move in together after that year. Also Im going to job in april for 10weeks (Ill get 5k €)
But I mean I dont care much about money,my needs arent that big of a deal to be honest.
Everything what I do feels like its in vain, dont know
>>16617733
>my needs arent that big a deal to be honest
happiness is a need. getting away from parents equals happiness. Money equals enough pay to get away from parents. you had three years to jump on that train.
you also decided against going to school because of ur alleged bf again. that ones on you for listening to him.
>>16617733
>>16617717
Also not gay, Bi actually
My mum know that Im bi but handles it like Im gay,or brain damaged
>>16617738
What do you mean 3 years?
I finished school with 20, 6months ago more precisely
>>16617741
>I'm not gay, bi actually
irrelevant really
>my mum knows that im bi but handles it like im gay
cuz there is no real distinction between it. being bi isnt any better or worse than being gay, its all deviancy, and if someone hates gays they are going to hate bi's too.
>brain damaged
sucks to suck but its time to move out.
>>16617749
thought i read that you were 21, which is 3 years after you turn 18, which is legal move out time in most places. either way, its time to get going.
>>16617738
Also I would be in Uni right now if it werent for him, or at least in 2months. Its not like I dont want to go to Uni or job.
Im looking forward to uni to be honest, because then I can get away from home. But Its not like I could "escape" them, because they are still my parents and will now where I am etc.
>>16617753
Yep, try moving out with 18 while you still go to school and have 0 money. Its not very logical
>>16617767
thats what i did. it worked cuz i did what i had to in order to make it work. came to los angeles with 300 bucks and i made a life for myself. wasnt easy, and im not exactly proud of everything that happened. but i know where I am now and compare it to where i was at 18, and im glad i did it, cuz life is great now.
also, my point wasnt that you gotta leave as soon as you turn fucking 18 fuckwad. i said you had 2 (or 3 years as i wrongly believed) to move out. thats two years that you didnt save up the money to get out. why are you even in school at 20 if ur not in uni?
again, if you know you got to get away from your family, you gotta have a plan in motion. most kids i knew even ones with good parents already started wroking out their post highschool plans around 16 years old so they can get their lives going.
>>16617759
>i can never 'escape' them. you can. its easier than you think. and it wont matter, if you arent actually living with them that limits what they can do to you down to whenever you CHOOSE to visit. they cant force their way into your living arrangements.
