that was a decent thread
>>16618945
Sure was
>>16617884 #
Actions speak louder than words, so it's not about games. The difference in telling her directly is that sticking his neck out could wake her up... seeing that the end result DOES matter to him, that he isn't content letting whatever they had just slip away, really could sway her. I know if I were the girl in the situation, hearing it from him would change everything for me... but I'm not, so... depends on what it's worth to him, I guess
>>16618253 #
Just seems like then you'd know you did all that you could, and it'd help resolve the issue for you... regardless of the outcome. Honestly, if you know she feels the same, then I don't think you have much to lose at all. You sound like you truly love her, so I'd imagine that realizing a future with her > any rejection you could experience... but that's easy for me to say
I just want her but i never will. i hate my body, i hate my face, i hate my personality, and the only reason i dont kill myself is for my family
I'm in love with my friend and watching him struggle and worry with absolutely petty, tremendously non-important crap makes me ache. I don't know how to help, I also want to distance myself again because muh feelios, but I don't know if/how badly he needs me.
Should have killed myself at sixteen, I swear.
I am insecure i dont believe she truly loves me and afraid she will cheat on me all the time.
I don't know how to do sex. I'm not even awkward or ugly and everyone I've told I'm a virgin was shocked.
Every time I got close I chickened out. A friend of mine wanted to do the sex and I couldn't. We both went down very self destructive paths after this. And now I am in rehab for 3 months where I have to live with 70 other dudes and never have time or the privacy to find a way to not be afraid of sex. I'm still pretty much a kid, I don't give a shit about being a well-adjusted adult I just wanna do the sex with a girl
>>16618953
i was wondering if the people telling him to call was just her...
>>16618996
>do the sex
Seriously though, how old are you?
>>16618996
one time I spent months helping a guy get comfortable in bed
after he finally managed to stay hard for penetration, he came in under 20 seconds, got dressed, went outside, and screamed "WOOHOO WHOOPEEE WOOOOOWZA" etc for much longer than we fucked for
it was a good experience all around
hope someone does that for you
So I have a choice here, I can move to Portland, chase my dreams of becoming an artist there, Ill be with a few friends, who are all the musician artists type, and ill probably have access to a whole bunch of drugs that have honestly on hindered me mentally since graduating high school and hope life pans out well and in my favor.
OR
I can move to boston, where I have a huge amount of family connections, people I genuinely love, and people who genuinely give a shit about me. Problem is I dont have any friends my age up there, my family isnt really into the artsy stuff so they might not be that big of a help, but boston is a huge city and I feel like there would be a lot of opportunity up there for me. I would be ditching everybody I ever knew down here, leaving all my friends behind, etc.
Also cost wise Boston would tear me apart, portland would probably be pretty manageable. I just wish I wasnt so autistic, meeting people would be so much easier, thus making this decision a lot easier to make
In recent years, I've attracted both younger and older girls with daddy issues. I like being their dad although its odd because I'm just an average looking weird 19 year old. Tall kinda skinny and pale. And a computer geek.
I ain't complaining though, these girls are damn good looking
I've wanted to kill my parents since I was a young kid. I moved away for many years to avoid the twrrible feelings. Now I am 28 and temporarily moved in with them to pay off medical bills before I start living in another country.The feels are coming back very strongly.
I've started slamming myself against doors/mirrors when they are out of the room and scraping my body with my nails because the urge to murder them is so intense
>>16619293
portland is really expensive too, don't fool yourself. if you don't want to live amongst the mentally ill and the immigrants you will be shelling out big bucks
avoid "port property management" studios like the plague, i mean literally, they all have bedbugs
you forgot WEED IS LEGAL as a "pro"
Anybody else feel like they really don't know how fucked up they are in the head? I can't tell how normal I am because I don't know how other people think. Like, maybe other people have a lot of the same thoughts and feelings I do and there is really nothing wrong with me. Or maybe most people have much more peace of mind than me and I am seriously fucked up.
I don't have a clue.
>>16618992
How old are you now?
>>16618953
I don't think she ever realized what she truly meant to me; perhaps that is what I have been struggling with? That, and realizing how much we are losing, if what I believe to be true, is.
I'm not worried about rejection. I am worried directly contacting her could hurt her, as I know she has been going through what I have. Maybe she is hurting more, I do not know.
Thank you.
I know you are here. Am I wrong? Tell me.
>>16619363
22 almost 23
I'm not a kid anymore, sadly
I miss you so fucking much and I can never speak to you or see you again
>>16619309
well that's enough internet for me today
>>16619215
Lul how old are u fgt u must be 13 lel
You're acting like your master plan came unexpected. You've forgotten what I'm like, you know? You're attacking me by using regular means when in reality it isn't shocking or particularly hurtful. What hurts the most about this is your lack of creativity and the fact that you seem to barely remember me.
I never deserved you and I'm sorry. Sorry for everything. None of it was your fault, baby bird. I was a crazy fucked up time bomb. You were perfect.
You were the best thing in my life and I didn't see it because I was a fucking idiot. All I want is for you to be happy. I'm no good at making you happy.
I'll never forget you.
>>16619408
Why?
Just got a pack of smokes and a six pack. Going to feel shitty about my life tonight because why not?
>>16619429
Wasn't trying to be a dick. Yeah the "do the sex" thing made me laugh, but I was seriously just inquiring about his age since he said he was still pretty much just a kid.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry about it. On one hand the cockiness you displayed before revealing your hand was a great show and it's nice that you'd care enough to fight back, but on the other you're going about this all wrong. This isn't like you. What's going on?
>>16619431
story?
>>16619444
She told me I was psychotic and abusive and politely asked me never to contact her again.
It was adult onset schizophrenia. I had a long slow decline before the psychosis hit and she stuck by me for two years. The cutting contact with me happened right at the start of the psychotic episode. I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time.
Funny thing was, I started off asking her if she was okay because I wanted to beg her to stay the hell away from me, that something was seriously wrong. She beat me to it.
I didn't want her to feel bad, so all I said was "have a nice life." Then I deleted her contact information from everything I own so that I couldn't fuck things up if I was tempted to. I don't remember much of the rest of the episode but I remember being relieved. That I wouldn't have the opportunity to hurt her.
She was the kindest human being I ever met.
>>16619484
I'm sorry man. At least you're getting your life together.
The good ones come back.
I've always wondered what exactly went down between us all those years ago. We were both 14. So young and naive... Our relationship was cherished time for me, but looking back I don't think I was really clear how I felt. It all ended so suddenly and while I realized I was at fault, I did nothing to help you. I never really put too much thought into what exactly I did wrong at the time, but did reflect on it later. If I could turn back time, I would have preferred to talk things over. Maybe hearing the shit I pushed on you from you yourself would have been the shock treatment my dumb 14 year old self really needed, but alas.
You will never see this, but I'm sorry for how I treated you. I'm sorry for being a self-centered little shit who didn't see you for who you truly were. I'm sorry for pushing you away in little, but collective ways. I'm sorry for bringing you grief. I'm sorry for making it look like I was ashamed of dating you. I could say all day, but these apologies won't bring you back your lost time.
I really hope- know that you moved onto greater things and wish you all the best, C.
You were my first and I will never forget about you. I hope you find someone who treats you with the love, compassion, and respect that you truly deserve.
>>16619454
Ah. Well I'm 21
>>16619509
She's three thousand miles away with someone else now, anon. It's better this way.
I was her first everything and I fucked it all up. Now I'm seeing another girl, she kind of hopped on me the moment I was available and needy. This one's in it for a long haul. I think she had her eye on me for a while - we've known each other for a few years, but I was always with someone else.
I still miss "her" like hell, though. It's better if she never has to think of me again. I'm not greedy enough to try to take her back. I've already done enough damage.
Gotta let go sometimes. Always gonna think of her as my baby bird.
>>16619548
One life man. If you think she'll be happier with this other guy I get that, but wtf are you doing with this girl that wants something serious?
I been there. Won't end well. This girl will never fill that fucking spot in your heart that is just gone. Then again wtf do I know lol.
>>16619381
This bitch doesn't deserve you. I'm a femanon if that matters.
Maybe she let you know shes here just to hurt you.
I hate that I can't let you go.
>>16619644
iktfb
at least you got dubs, though
>>16619573
lol. I've got doubts myself, anon. But the girl I'm with now is a great catch.
I told her upfront that I might never fall out of love with the girl I lost, and she was still down for it. Said she's willing to wait and see how things go. Take it easy, et cetera.
Also told her I didn't know if I'd ever want to fuck her and she was cool with it. (She's very attractive, I'm just a big fucking romantic and on a lot of medication.) Said she'll be happy with whatever I want to give.
She's really got her shit together, and she thinks I'm worth the time and effort, so I'm kind of just... letting it happen.
>>16619649
She died two years ago. I really don't know how I've made it as far as I have in life. Fake it until you make it, I suppose.
>>16619712
My feels are trivial in comparison, then. I wish you peace, anon.
>>16619381
Well, if you're struggling with that, the only way you can be sure she knows what she means is if you lay it all on the line... you're right in believing that the kind of love you share isn't worth losing. I wish I would have fought like hell for my love when I had a chance like yours.
If she's hurting as you are, then you can protect and heal one another... I'm a hopeless romantic, but seriously, please make this happen so I can live vicariously through you
>>16619437
Tell them you're sorry and hope for forgiveness. And, chances are that you can make them happy.
I feel like I want to die for a cause, as if martyrdom would erase my sorry existence until this point.
I've essentially accepted the fact that my life is controlled by the fact that I dedicate myself to hard work that will always go unappreciated, and that all my friends around me will get to have fun and be loved while I will die unknown and unloved. Nobody has ever wanted me, nobody ever will, and I really don't have anything to keep living for. Every time I make myself a better man, every time I reinvent myself, every time I achieve something: nobody notices, nobody cares.
I kind of just live on autopilot at this point, because any time I think about doing something fun, I instantly think about the worst-case scenario, and I just stop in my tracks and keep working. I'll never have any meaningful relationships, and I could probably die and only a handful of old farts I'm related to would attend my funeral.
>>16619959
>>16619953
Fuck, guys. All right. I'll try.
>>16619998
Good for you, man. Best of luck, let us know how it goes.
>>16619998
Do it and post results. Good luck.
I'm just pissed off . I work my ass off , pay my bills and people want to fuck with me because I am successful . Always telling me what to do with my money and why I shouldn't have nice things, save every penny I get and live like a monk . My parents are deceased , it's really none of these people's business as I don't need to explain myself to them . It's making me extremely anti-social . I don't live extravagantly , the only real luxury I have is a really nice car .Why don't they worry about their situation instead of what I'm doing? Fuck off , world ...
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I'm in love with someone else, but I'm not in a position to act on my feelings. What's worse is that the guy I'm in love with has already disappointed me more than once and probably isn't even worth the (massive amount of) head space he takes up. Unfortunately, love isn't logical. I just can't wait to get to that point in my life where I'm able to walk away from this mountain of bullshit and maybe start over with him again. I just wish I didn't have to share my life with someone I don't love in the meantime.
I want to hold hands with someone cute.
>>16618945
I still check up on a girl that I dated off and on for two years. She had major depression that she never got rid of, and deliberately screwed herself over for attention, and also to maintain the depression that got her into the harmful situations. She had a tight hold on my heart for forever, and now I still feel the need to make sure she's doing okay. I will most likely continue to maintain her, to solve her problems. It is an endless cycle, but I've come to terms with it. I don't love her anymore, but I can't help but feel responsible for her.
It hurts to breathe sometimes, because I know that even now she is somewhere, waiting for the "perfect guy," when I was there all along, silently watching her from afar, making sure she was maintaining herself.
It was endless hell with her, but I yearn for the day when I am able to recognize that she was great alive, but better dead. She never deserved this life, and she doesn't deserve hell either, she deserves a silent walk away from life. She deserves some comfortable silence, something she never got.
M will always be suffering on earth, belonging somewhere else that's peaceful. I just try my best to provide that for her, and it will not stop anytime soon.
I know that I will break if I find out she killed herself, but at the same time, I will be at peace knowing that she finally found it herself. When I told her I would never stop helping her, I did not lie...
-J
>>16618945
I'm schizophrenic, paranoid and bipolar. I've been losing it and all this heavy cigs, internet addiction, drugs and alcohol is just distracting me me from the truth. I'm a piece of shif inside that's all I'll ever be. I either go from wanting to kill myself or going online to piss off people who don't care at all anymore. I think they just feel sorry for me despite me having accomplishments.
I think they know rage is the only thing keeping me from crippling depression and that's disturbing.
Doesn't help that I'm only 26 and somewhat autistic. I don't like seeing others bettering themselves without my involvement in it. I'm a narcissistic, psychopathic, controlling and sociopathic. All my tattoos and piercings represent that life is bullshit and I should be able to make you miserable if I want to.
I'm not a crab in a bucket, fuck you too. Enjoy your life without me, you deserve it bro.
>>16619828
I've been trying, brother, but it is literally ripping me apart. I cannot subject myself to this for much longer, it is too much.
I am sure I will probably buckle at some point, call, and it will be ignored, or she answers, and I either upset her, or it comes out all wrong. Even better... what if the number is no longer in service, or her silence here is the answer?
All I want is that, but she is fatalistic in her stubbornness, and clinging to the past. She needs to realize, and acknowledge what she denies, for herself. Either that, or I am wrong, and I can leave this thread.
This place really makes me want to kill myself. Really badly. I'm at my dad's worthless cunt gf house till he's off the road on Thursday and this short butterfaced little cum dumpster asked her son in law of a way to lock me out of the wifi,really?im not doing shit but staying in this god damned room all day to avoid a conflict and that's what she's gonna do?just to spite me huh. Wouldn't it suck did if I "forgot" to turn off the lights and sink?they say when in Rome......
>>16618945
I want to cheat on my girlfriend so fucking bad right now. I just can't stand how she's such a shitty person with all her judgements. I need someone to tell me that cheating on her is just rational and what I need and that all people are shit that deserve nothing better, no compassion. Everybody's just so fucking selfish I hate it. All I want is to get fucking drunk but I got no money to pass the reveillon at some open bar party, it got me pissed. I don't want to be in a one sided relationship, but sometimes that's how it feels. I don't want to be so dedicated anymore, it's killing me. I want to dive in pussy and in liquor while I can, not be a fucking saint. Fuck women.
All women are either attention seeking sluts or I'm mind fucked badly. How to fucking cope, damn... I'll end up like the kind of people I usually avoid.
>>16618945
All I have is seething rage that others have left me alone. It's frightening me to see them gone, out of sight and enjoying life without me. Why am I like this? How did I become so insecure, why did I blame and attack others just living their lives? This isn't right and I feel like an idiot on a leash. I'm just a worthless person inside and the only way to escape this feeling is to manifest my anger as my life purpose.
I don't deserve good friendships, I've been a worthless bully and I'm lucky to be employed in a prestigious position. I'm a sociopath to get what I want and I'll ask my superiors to pretty much suck my dick and all those faggots will do it. I'm a psycho if you look at me, I don't like homos but my son is the biggest homosexual you will ever meet. My wife is concerned about me going to these meetings without me telling her about it.
I've started not to care and I feel like a zombie through the day and night.
It's either this or I drive my car off a bridge or shoot myself in the head. Sooner or later I'll probably die like the piece of shit that I am.
>>16620087
OP, you seem pretty stubborn as well.
For all you NEETs/Shut-ins/friendless losers; your chances end at 23-24. If you haven't made friends by then you never will. You missed out. People your age start disappearing online and from stuff like gaming tournaments and anime conventions. Those that remain are set in their ways and have no interest in you. You start to realize you're too old for stuff. You yourself stop caring as much about stuff, because you change as you age and normal people aren't in the same place at 25 that they were at 19. You will miss out and it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
I'm going to get a lot of "NUT-UH, I'M 23+ AND I DO THAT STUFF AND MY LIFE IS AWESOME" but those people are the exception, not the rule, and you shouldn't listen to them. There IS a time limit. It IS running out.
>>16620143
Losing it on the daily with my son, he has suffered from severe bipolar and is acting out lately. He lives with me with his "girlfriend" it's a fucking homo. He doesn't do shit but make noise and shout at the top of his lungs like a fucking retard. He drives his car that he bought a couple of years ago and he almost killed himself doing all sorts of drugs. I want to beat the shit out of him but I can't due to my position. My wife hasn't been talking to me recently after she got laid off her work. All she does is go to her sisters house and who knows. I've been stressed out and this is just the beginning.
>>16620087
I am a grill, so... I don't know if this makes you feel any better, but I can tell you this is probably just as excruciating for her. I feel for you, I do... and I hope you're able to attain peace of mind one way or the other.
How do you know she's lurking here? I mean, unless you've been including "inside references" within your posts, where she'd know it's meant for her... I don't really think you can take her silence here as any sort of definite answer
My mental illness has made me a liar and now I've dug myself into a pit so deep I can't turn back.
She wasn't real! I imagined her! None of them were real! I made them up because I can't be trusted to discern reality from falsified crap!
I hallucinate often! I can't be trusted!
spent ages 17-22 in a depressed drug induced haze, ive become essentially brain dead, and perma-stoned. I stare into space, my mind wanders from one thought to the next, typically in a wave of violent soul crushing paranoia. Im unattractive and unhealthy. I have talents that I dont expand upon because im unmotivated and unwilling to go the extra mile to educate myself further. I want to do better, I want to succeed. I know I probably need to leave this place, and possibly some of my friends behind. Most of them dropped out or failed school, get high every night and sleep all day. I love them to death, they are fucking awesome people. It just seems like they've all fallen into the stoner slacker mindset and probably wont get out of it. Fuck I wish I was one of those people who could smoke pot every day and still be motivated enough to get shit done.
>>16618945
I'm only 21 and I can't face facts and deal with schizophrenia. This is why I cope with heavy drug use. I've lied to everyone including my parents about this. I can't focus, learn or think anymore. My life isn't real but drugs are so ill waste my life doing it.
>need job
>apply but never get hired
I see people get jobs like it's nothing and quit them whenever they feel like it. Meanwhile I'm desperate for anything. It makes me angry and frustrated. I feel like I'm starving while being forced to watch fat people throw away food.
This isn't true at all. It's significantly harder to make friends than say in university or high school, but there's seriously a fuck ton of people out there.
I may have "missed out" in some ways, but I don't really care. Everyone misses out on something. Regretting shit like that is plain stupid.
>>16620322
Been stuck in a state of denial lately, been crying a lot and just angry in general. Abandonment seems to really grind my gears and I'll do anything to avoid this pain. My father left me and my mother like the piece of shit that he is. I've been hurt ever since. Yeah some say I'm weird and retarded. But my friends who smoke weed are the only friends I need till I'm dead. Anyone who tells me differing opinions is my enemy.
I don't like this and these threads don't help. I better go for a walk. Been feeling useless and I just want to distract myself. I can't anymore.
>>16620322
>>16620350
Poor souls, God bless you all
As happy as I am...
The only reason I don't kill myself is because people ask me not to. I literally don't even feel enough motive to refute my life let alone fight for it. I'd kill myself if no one had use for me anymore.
>>16620350
Stop smoking weed, it's not good for you now and it's probably going to make things worse. It makes you hopeless and negative.
It's weird when old friends get clingy and passive aggressive after I stopped smoking weed with them. I was polite but they took extreme offence.
I realize it was more about their problems and not mine. I was finally feeling clear to move on positively with my life and they were stuck in some coma with weed. I don't have problems with them but that's just sad.
I don't hang around them not because of anything but because we don't share anything in common outside of smoking weed and talking shit. Which I don't really enjoy nowadays.
Everyone has a phase anyway so let it be, it will pass, and they find something or someone else to talk about, it's just the way it is.
I'm 35 now and I don't regret anything, can go travel, make friends and enjoy life with no worries. I don't get being stuck in a group but each to their own survival I guess.
>>16620357
why so blue?
Went through some shit a while back and I'm over it but really wanting people's opinions/reevaluations here on >>16620353 Hoping the thread doesn't fie until New years eve
>>16620382
Like, it's not even that I'm particularily sad. I just can't see a point in continuing my life. I feel like I'm utterly insignificant and that I don't even sufficiently make the people surrounding me happy. And I don't even really do a good job of taking care of myself anyways. It's more, life feels like a waste to me...
>>16620238
>>16620357
>>16620382
Suicide is the only sweet release. If it wasn't for my addiction to weed I would have been dead physically. I'm close to 21 but sometimes I like the idea of just jumping off a really tall building then shooting myself in the head before landing, fuck life, worthless piece of shit that it is. Killing myself brb.
>femanon that's depressed
You're not depressed, you're just probably lazy otherwise you would killed yourself already. You're either attention whoring or have some undisclosed personality disorder.
This applies to everyone shut the fuck up and do something with your life, if you're gonna complain then do us all a favour and kill yourself. Life isn't for the fucking weak and whiny.
Fucking as a fifty year old here I'm disgusted and amused at your teeny fragile emotional psyches. So easily to destroy and manipulate.
I'll go kill myself too, after I spend a million on my next vacation you poor sad smhucks.
>>16620445
Please don't. This too shall pass
>>16620476
Never met a fifty-year-old edgy teen before.
What a world. Every day, something new.
I'm in deep clinical depression and I've never wanted to die more in my whole entire life. I just moved into a new state and its all coming back. I don't like this feeling but I have to cry it out until I get to see my kids again.
I've been attracted to my sister for over 10 years.
There. I said it.
She's 50 and i'm 24, 25 next year.
Noticed that femanon attention whoring with her depression antics here as well. Puts real depressed people to shame.
>I never met etc.
>edgy teen
Kill yourself attention whore. We're all tired of your shit.
I'd rather kill myself than to watch whores like you play victim for the millionth time.
Just because I'm a stupid whore doesn't mean I'm not human. Fuck you.
>>16620424
Well, you make me happy while you live. It's a small something, tho... it make sence.
>>16620445
Bro... don't you really have better things to do in your life rather than to jump off off the roof? Please don't blame Life, it's you who about to live it through. I for example have spent some amount of my own life to learn about your problems and to type something in return. Do positive stuff, weed is ruining your life in a way. Please consider not killing yourself, I can't ask you of much... and it makes me very sad.
>>16620505
please don't die bby ;_;
>>16620535
Fuck you pay me
>>16620588
will fuck you for no price
-another anon-
>>16620514
go confess?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
Barely four weeks ago, you were hysterical because he'd taken the kids and disappeared and his family were calling you a bad mother.
NOW you're back together after a year apart, dating other guys, moving to a new city, getting the boob job you always wanted and said you'd never go back to him, he makes you so disgusted and mad, ect ect.
Now you're fighting with your family because they don't want you with him because they know what an asshole he is and you want them to forgive him.
And you want me to spend time with him and the kids because you're suddenly a "happy family" even though you expressly said to my face you're not together and never would be and you're just moving closer. Your mum told me the truth. Fair enough, you're too embarrassed and know I'd be disappointed in you.
I'm disgusted and ashamed, I don't want to be your best friend anymore. I'm sick of listening to the same shit again, about how he lets you down, is a drug addict and is always off drinking away his money instead of paying for stuff for the kids.
Go fuck yourself.
I need a cure for laziness
>>16620535
Are you a prostitute? Respect.
Are you some random girl who decided to cheat her boyfriend/husband/whatever? Then fuck you, you're below dogs.
You know my whole life revolves around your absence until I can't remember what I do, what I know, or where I go.
A
Please fuck off kindly, have you not learned shit in your life. I'm tired of this and I do not want anything to do with you I'm sorry. I meant what I wrote in that letter. Please don't make it come to that. I was not talking to you.
M
>>16620700
Go work, nigga! I said GO!!!
>>16620804
around me?
>>16620077
last initials?
>>16618945
I don't know what the hell happened to me. I'm just so unmotivated. Nothing seems to be fun to me anymore. There's a bunch of things I want/need to do, but I never do. I need to go sign up for classes at school, and I keep telling myself that I'll do it tomorrow. But what ends up happening is, I go to bed at 10, wake up around 2am, and can't go back to sleep until 6am. I think it's how I've been eating. I need to get a job so I can buy gas instead of relying off of Christmas money or what relatives give me out of the blue. Been wanting a new console too. And I don't think I'll have a problem getting one if I tried, I know sears would take me back in a heart beat. But again, I just don't do anything. I sleep, play vidya or guitar, and fap. I think I'm forgetting what ordinary women look like outside of porn, my face has been getting crazy oily, and I've quit shaving again with no plan on how I'm going to grow it out on my face. I kinda like the way I look with facial hair. It keeps me from looking like I'm 15. Sometimes I have a hard time convincing myself I'm 20. And It seems like everybody is always so much taller than me. I'm 5'11. I don't know. I guess it started at the beginning of the semester, Lowe's laid me off in the most passive aggressive way imaginable, they just quit putting down my hours. And my other job as a lifeguard ended for the season. I made awesome money, but I never had anytime to do anything. I started my classes and half of them were taught by whack jobs. One was a socialist literature instructor teaching English. She pissed me off to the same end she talked about Sanders running for president. Which there wasn't one. Then she'd review y papers and never quit finding new things to nitpick so she wouldn't ever let me turn them in. She'd tell me they were "good" papers, but "doing this will make it a great paper." that's about when I starting feeling like this. I don't know. Maybe it's because my world went form 70 to 20 in a day.
>>16620869
Just did and made 3 grand in one night but I don't tell anyone that. Now fuck off junkie scammer dipshit.
Yet another night thinking about you, L.
Yet another night waiting you from travels, so I can call you and say "let's drink a coffee together".
Yet another night checking Facebook restlessly, thinking on how your weird smile shines like a summer Sun.
Yet another night smiling alone, remembering when you said, "fuck you" in a language you don't know, completely oblivious to the meaning of the word.
Yet another night thinking if you're smiling, if you're happy, if you're safe, if you're thinking about me.
Yet another night wondering how I fell in love with you. Listening to romantic bullshit I never liked because you fucking like it, and those songs reminds me of you, and then they become suddenly beautiful!
I love you. I wish I didn't, but I do love you.
>>16620896
Wow nigga! I'm proud!
>>16620904
*sigh*
You made my day
I'm proud of myself for wasting time being a crab in a bucket! I'm so autistic in my early twenties and oh so tasty! Someone kill me!
>>16620939
If she ever visited 4chan and found all the letters I wrote her, I don't fucking know if she would find them creepy or what else...
I don't remember two weeks being so fucking long.
please don't die
>>16620567
If only I could take that and make it my own, that happiness. I really wish I was strong enough.
The saddest part? I know what I'd write in my suicide note.
"I just didn't have the heart."
I want to kill myself even if I tell people please don't die. im autistic.
>>16620954
your letters are beautiful
>>16620962
Please just don't die
>>16620964
My only pride stems from being used goods and fooling men into thinking I'm who they are looking for. In reality I'm unable to bear children and I just don't see myself being faithful in any relationship I'm in. Im not getting any younger and I'm getting stupider by the day. I hope I find someone who loves me and tolerates my bullshit soon. I'm sure it won't be an intelligent man because they are too smart to not just fuck and dump me. I need a beta rich cockney while I sleep around with my ex and chad on the side.
>>16620962
it's there inside of you. Your heart is there beating...
>>16620987
Heh I feel the same way, I've been a feminist my whole life and it's really making me turn into being a lesbian.
>>16620979
>your letters are beautiful
Thanks...
>>16620979
>>16620992
Perhaps one day I'll be strong enough. Anyways, I won't die just yet. More work to be done, more people who need my services. I can't quit until the job's done.
Only time will tell I suppose
>>16621003
do you like it?
>>16621013
I'm the opposite bozo the scam. I'll laugh as you kill yourself as you run around in circles.
Only way I'll kill myself is when the universe ends with me. I'm sure that's fairly close enough, trust me on this one. I'll be laughing rich.
>>16621013
I'm so happy you've made this decision
All you had to do was board the damn train CJ. Go restart your PS2 nigga.
>>16621031
My business wasn't working out as I wanted it to so I figure I'll just give up. I don't have the heart for legitimacy outside the shady norm of social pressure. Maybe soon I'll kill myself. But they need my services and services make the world go around so yeah.
>>16621009
Write down something more?
>>16621031
Thank you for your consideration.
>>16621040
Posing as other people isn't nice. Assuming their intents is also bad.
>>16621040
never give up!
I just don't want you to be dead
I am an addict. I smoke all night to stay awake.
all morning to get to work. every. single. day.
and no one notices. December alone, I've lost 30 pounds.
I'm changing so much and NO ONE NOTICES ME. still.
so badly I want someone to care enough to ask.
simultaneously, attention is the last thing I want.
I'm a 4th year highschool student who realized they took the wrong math in Grade 10, and because of that, I took the wrong math 11 and 12. The math won't allow me to take math pre-requisites for Medical School despite the fact that my Guidance Counsellors said it was okay.
Fucking bitch. Thanks for wasting months of my life.
>>16621042
Well, she's back only after the New Year's Eve, so you can be sure I'll write a bit more...
>>16621072
>implying she can't read it right now
>>16621066
Quit smoking. I'm asking.
>>16621040
This is what happens when you have ambition and shit on others. You should have just listened stayed in math class and teach math to kids who be medical students with no future jobs except for minimum wage jobs. Have fun paging your debt while high school dropouts and college dropouts are collaborating with genius inventions.
Funny how life works huh.
>>16620904
One simply cannot say "Fuck U" in the language they don't understand xD
I graduated uni and I'm in a duck ton of debt working in mcdonalds while some dropout is making thousands doing jack shit. How the fuck is this possible, life isn't fair.
I better kill myself.
>>16621101
you better don't
>>16621100
>One simply cannot say "Fuck U" in the language they don't understand xD
It's hard to explain, but yes, she did it once. I assume she's clueless about the meaning...
Boy, when you brag about being in someone else's arms, I am not going to suddenly burst into tears like you seem to think. I called it off and my reasons are being proven more every day. People deal with jealousy differently, I am enough of a bitch to outright walk away. That you flaunt it now just shows you're already better off. Thanks for proving me right. Take care, my use ended. Shame you'll never read this, but it's not like I could tell you this directly anyway. We could have gone on as friends after I said we were done. I said we were done because you could never keep your promises because you never trusted me. Yes, we could have been friends, because I wasn't someone you should have had a relationship with. Now that friendship can't happen because you're spending too much time focusing on love before you focus on the bond that lets love come to be. Maybe I am in the wrong to think love isn't meant to be said so easily. If I am wrong, then it just proves we weren't right. Good luck in everything you strive for.
You fucking employed assholes better stop killing yourselves, I work seven hours a day for my boss and barely make minimum on my commission. I don't have time for school and even if I did go back I couldn't learn anything. Why bother, life is hopeless there's no romance there's no hope anyway. Why bother, who cares just get a job and wait to die. Maybe you'll get married and divorced if you're lucky enough. Lose half your stuff to someone who can easily replace you while your life ends at forty. Why learn anything there's no point anyway. Just smoke weed and drink all day.
>>16621110
Actually, you know what? Would you care to tell me the "meaning". It was bothering me for a while. Plz?
>>16621128
The meaning of the word is, literally, "fuck you". It wasn't said in English, or her native language, or the language she assumes I speak natively.
>>16621116
You know what I learned? True Friendship never ends.
I don't fap, drink or smoke and it's strange. I get off on hanging out with people though smart or weird. I just find anything interesting like this. I'll flirt and have a stimulating conversation and remember it the next day. I'll make good decisions and generally be unswayed by negative energy, I tend to see problems and solve them without issues. I feel comfortable with girls, I hang out with bros when we have free time. Spend time alone enjoying learning and trying new things. Workout and practice secret ancient rituals. Maybe transcend into the fourth dimension once in a while.
I don't seem to understand the resistance to do what's inherently good for your own self preservation. Each to their own after all, nobody's perfect.
Also I want to kill myself. I want to go up top Everest and die with my perky man nips. Maybe after my cutie wife dies or something.
>>16621141
I cannot even imagine actualy, WHAT IS WRONG with being "fucked".
>>16621152
Nevermind. I cannot explain the whole thing because it would threat her privacy.
>>16621151
some things doesn't change...
just don't ending up being dead
>>16621158
can you tell what was the language? I'm asking because of reasons.
I met the love of my life over summer. She was my everything. She was not very kind though. She would not say anything to her friends about me, she would not post about me on social media, would not acknowledge me over social media, it hurt, but I was getting by. She'd post very provocative instagram pictures and it felt wrong. She said she wanted to feel empowered. She started to get very distant the week we broke up. No responding to texts, no skyping every night, I stayed up for hours waiting for a message from her. She would never just say if we couldn't Skype and let me sleep. She never appreciated me and I poured my heart and soul to make long distance between us work. I would've given it all.
She called me on Skype one night and said she couldn't do it anymore. She didn't want to be friends, didn't want to talk to me anymore, and that I need to give her time. We werent just lovers though, we were best friends. We were our everything. Did her every I love you, you mean the world to me, I'll never stop loving you mean nothing? I long for the day she'll text me, but I know that day will never come. She treated me like trash, yet I still love the girl who broke my heart.
>>16621087
thank you, really.
>>16621164
Jokes on you I'm already dead. How do you think I got so good at being a spooky skelly. You know how many hours I spent on roller coaster tycoon and the first sims? Loads, loads wasted on that screen. There's no going back all those dead kids on the screen. But it shaped me into the skelly that I am now.
Also I want to marry Arianna she is perfect. I am big boned ty. Also killing myself now bye.
>>16621171
girls can be cold
>>16621175
No problem xoxo *winksmile*
>>16621179
"Sans plz, I'm Pacifist!"
>>16621145
In this case a friendship ended because I broke up with him. So I guess it wasn't right for us to be friends, either. It's a shame, I really did want to be with him but my reasons are what they are. 2015 seems to have taught me a lot
I have 200k in debt, I want to die with a smile on my face!
>>16621184
Very. She went to her dance with a guy that liked her a week after we broke up, started talking to a guy that HATED me for God knows why, and I found out she was chatting with another guy weeks before we broke up.. it hurts very much.
>>16621116
Get over yourself, I would have forgotten about you if you just didn't share the same mental space to be honest. It was all a mistake just like us being friends in the first place. We weren't friends this was a vampiric relationship that I don't want a part of.
Probably not you but I'll say it here anyway.
I wanted to celebrate New Year so badly, but now I don't have the strength to get out of bed. Fuck New Year, nothing's going to change, just another year of fuck ups.
I'm in 100k debt and I want to kill myself!
>>16621195
what did you learn?
When people say something like "It's a shame", "I'm sorry", "it wasn't meant for us to last" it's just sound so unbelievably cheesy. They just don't want to work through it for an excuse.
>>16621203
r you a boy?
>>16621220
Are you asking if I'm male? Because yes, I am.
>>16621198
>>16621215
consider paying your debt
>>16621213
Celebrate it with a smile on your face Buddy!
I used to celebrate alone and fuck up a lot and now I'm invited everywhere and want to spend it alone. Im just introverted but it's good, you can't have success without others and it sure is close for us haha.
If you cut off all your negative crab friends or kill your old self, you'll be fine anon
Cheers.
>>16621229
Thanks anon that gives me hope in my situation too. Good luck with your projects.
I'll go kill myself now.
>>16621224
you're not alone in this shit. It happens more likely with males. It depends on age, but it's there for you to learn better.
>>16621236
No! Don't kill yourself just yet!
I'd honestly just rather move with you both, there's nothing here for me anyway.
>>16621237
I'm unsure what to learn from this though. I tried my best and she left me after what seems to be cheating..
>>16621241
I thought you were going to kill yourself first tho. I know you would be dead without these threads so I thought I would keep you on dopamine and adrenaline cpr.
We like our guinea pigs alive too. Like you.
Brb killing myself.
Thanks anon, this thread is my life even if Its nothing now but a glorified Skinner box. I wonder what happens when the feed pellets stop coming in.
God help the dopamine in U.S. All.
>>16621248
Lesson: Cheating happens. Be careful next time and good luck!
are you
average looking?
poor?
an introvert?
a social beta?
"good guy"?
>>16621216
Work through what? You don't work through someone putting the L word before everything that gives rise to it. When there's a problem, how do you work through it if he doesn't even tell you, but does trust his ex enough to tell them, who then tells you. Then repeat this four times despite him promising to say if there's an issue. If that can keep going, surely there is a trust issue. Earning trust is fine, but that is meant to come before a relationship, not after, surely. And like I said before, the fact he is now showing how happy someone else is making him shows that breaking up with him was the best course of action.
>>16621252
Deadpool? Is that you?
>>16621263
>typical words used by a narcissistic bitch
Look in the mirror cumdumpster.
>>16621266
Yes, I'm a handsome devil.
>>16621269
I am
>>16621263
I'd say I'm attractive but not very tall, 5'7
Rich, but I tend to keep all of it under wraps and only purchase things I need, nothing flashy. I am very social and tend to party a lot, I can easily make friends, but I also enjoy sitting in my room playing video games or browsing the web alone for days on end. I'd say I'm a whacky guy who can come across as an asshole some times, but my intentions are pure and if there is any trouble or somebody is emotionally or physically hurt, I will always be there to help. I love helping and I love listening.
>>16621269
>69
JUST
fUCK
hER RIGHT IN THE PUSSY
Hotdogs down hallways
Snakes on planes
Hotdogs in space
Roasties getting toasties
Anal virginity
Nipples in rivers
Black mamba size 14s
Air jordans for excellent grip
Viagra for Python
9 inches on a rainy day
10 on a sunny day
Three hotdogs in a clit
Autism when she takes a shit
>>16621229
Well, maybe you are right. Maybe tomorrow NYs mood will be back.
>>16621264
L as in Love?
Love is kinda an inner feeling.
How you work through a problem? You ask him about it. Ask him why he isn't telling. Maybe he was lying to you, because he had a secret better plans for your Ship. Some boys just fuck one girl and dealing up with another girl. Courting? Trust is easy. Like I trust you from the beginning. How one would even "earn" trust?
Did you like the fact of breaking up?
>>16621283
Personally who gives a shit, do what you want to do as long your happy. Hopefully someone else can possibly be happy around you too. Work on being happy so you can party on nye.
>>16621276
You shouldn't worry in that case. Another love of your life is waiting out there, somewhere. Don't be afraid. Feel for you.
>>16621301
Thank you, friend <3.
>>16621289
Yes I spoke about why he wouldn't trust me enough but he had no problem telling his ex who would then tell me. Like I said, that's several times the same thing occurred. Trust is meant to be there before you tell someone you love them, I don't see why someone would say they love you but show tgat they don't trust you. Trust is something earned over time, and I'd have been fine no matter how long it would take. Just that we shouldn't be together until he could trust me.
Am I okay with the breakup? No, of course I am sad but he should be with someone he can trust rather than how things ended up, and the fact a friendship burned out alongside it, while he's happier now is why I say this was the best course of action.
Must be funny to be such a negative presence everywhere you are.
You can't teach lessons from a place of insecurity. Especially when you are dead wrong.
Rich and successful do not have these problems, if you are scared of nice guys vs puas, that doesn't matter. What matters in an understanding.
There is a core principle of being a decent human being until the other person proves you wrong. Then they do not deserve your kindness after that. You can be on both sides of this but the most important part is that you learn and move on. If you don't learn you will never be able to move on.
Hope that sets you free.
Goodbye.
>>16621310
I don't know. I'm just upset about your situation. They say they "love you" I think because they don't know it themselves for sure if they love you or not yet (childish?) and hope that things will work out like themselves. I can't even imagine a reason why one would "ditch" a person or a friend. It's so sad.
>>16621304
NP, friend! ~<3
I feel like we have nothing in common. We have nothing to talk about, it bores me to try.
No one ditches friends they just move on with their lives. If you're there great if you aren't great. Friends have their own things they do and if you're friend is ditching you then I don't think you are friends in the first place. Either that or something bad happened and forgetting must happen.
>>16621328
"Sans, plz. I can't bear it anymore!"
>>16618977
Just think about it. You know this isn't the truth. If you were really willing to kill yourself, you wouldn't give two shits about your family. Not because you don't love them or because you're not selfish, but because once you die, you die. There are no worries anymore, nothing can touch you. Nothing can harm you. Once you accept that truth, the only thing keeping you alive is yourself. And if you're keeping yourself alive it's because you want to live. It's because deep down inside of you there is a force that keeps you going. I know cause I've been there, bro. Hell, I'm "there" every now and then again. Find something that you love to do (I know there is something) and try to do it your best. Try to live your life not giving a shit about the results, but about what you do. Don't try to live in the past or in the future. Live now and have fun. If everything goes wrong, and I mean EVERYTHING, you still got to see amazing things this world provides us humans by the mere fact that we're alive and conscious. The only reason to kill yourself is fear. Fear of being a failure. Of being a fuck up. Of never having anyone to love. And it is truly terrifying. I'm a brazillian dude whose dream is to become a movie director. Now, how many movies from Brazil have you ever seen? Exactly. It's fucking hard. And if I'm being reallistic, I'll most probably never gonna achieve it. But even if I never achieve anything, even if everybody looks at me as a complete failure, I know that I got to live an incredible life. And I'll have no regrets, because I did what I could. I was alive and I fighted. We, in the present, get to live as kings and queens from the past could only dream of. Don't give up just yet, bro. There might be something there around the corner that will make it worth it.
I miss you Thor. It's been seven years since I've seen you. You were my first brother. Every day since you've left I always take a quick look around just on the off chance that I'll see you. You couldn't have gone that far, right? I still look around for you, every day, everywhere I go, and I hope that when I finally do see you you'll be happy with a great family around you. You slept with me every night, and I was at the clinic every hour when you got sick when you were little. I really hope there is a Heaven, because right now the only reason I believe is on the off chance that one day I'll see you up there, and we'll get to wrestle or chase after each other again. Your sister is still with us, she's doing great. I wish I had more pictures of you, but it's fine. We'll see each other again little buddy. I love you and I hope you're safe and looked after.
~Brady
>>16621356
Opinions aren't truth and everyone has their own perspective on life and death. Ignorance is bliss in certain cases as it allows you experience truth. Experience is truth, life is about experience and death is an experience as well. Life is all about perceptions so be careful to how you interpret the world you perceive for yourself because it sure as hell will affect how you react to to it. The consequences change your reality so be careful as its only you that has control of your reality unless you allow others to do so.
Not even high bro, though I should maybe on New Years. Anyways I better sleep too much tin foil stuff tonight. Get prepped so look good for the ladies y'know? Damn I'm a solid 6 skelly.
I'm getting real sick of the pretentious assholes on this board. I hope for everyone's sake you're not actually trying to give someone advice.
>>16621418
its just a joke bro
>>16621418
Psychological projection, also known as blame shifting, is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude.
There's your advice now go to sleep kiddo.
I wish something nice would happen. Not necessarily to me. I really hope you'll get better. Stay strong.
Here's a heartwarming anecdote: when I was coming home, I saw an elderly man getting out of his car, from his garden, apparently, as he had a basket full of apples. He then ran into a little girl, his neighbour, and cheerfully offered her some apples, urging her to take as many as she can carry. She was very grateful.
It's these little moments that warm my pessimistic heart. I wish you could notice such moments too. Get well, oh, get well.
>>16621609
initials?
It's cold outside, I think I'll skip my daily walk today, it's just a waste of time anyway. At least my video games are actually fun. Just going for a walk isn't gonna make me find a gf anyway, so what's the point?
Fuck you you stupid bitch we were supposed to be going to Norway together.
>>16621614
Initials don't matter. If thinking I might be the person who cares for you makes you just a little bit happier, then, by all means, I might be that person.
>>16621622
Awww... If it was really that person I would be very happy.
>>16618945
Have you told your husband we were fucking for a year, sexting non stop as well as an emotional affair? Did you tell him what you told me; that you had never been in love with anyone like you are with me before? Does he know how you liked me making you cum again and again? Does he know I licked your ass?
Or y'all just going to keep putting on this big charade forever? That's why I dumped you... although I was desperately in love with you and thought we had a future together, evidently we really didn't if you're so insincere you can't leave your sham marriage for somebody you supposedly loved more than anything. It's always the path of least resistance for you.
So many guys after me now, single, married, younger or older... I'm sick of being a sexual object, trying to get some self respect but it's easy for me to fall with sweet nothingness. I'm lonely and needy as fuck. Time to raise some self respect and self esteem to be in a worthy and stable relationship.
I'm so mad at my bf but I can't vent why on here because he'll probably see it. Just great.
>>16618995
Basically exactly how I feel about my bf. Except he has cheated on me. Multiple times.
But I still love him even though it breaks my heart every fucking day.
I think he's worth it though. I guess only time will tell.
>>16619215
He didn't mean "have sex" you fucking retard.
>not understanding basic english vernacular
the counter strike bots are my only friends
I really startubg to become bitter towards women. I don't want to, but so many of you are utter shit.
I think I should blame myself for picking such trash.
>>16621770
I feel the same about men so yeah
humans are trash, neither gender is superior
>>16620125
Initials?
They never accept me. Always alone. I don't belong anywhere.
I sometimes think something might be wrong with me. But it's what I've always known. I don't trust people and have always been let down or taken advantage of by them. I have very few tangible friendships or relationships and even then I have trouble expressing myself or relating to them. My intimate relationships either consisted of being sexually assaulted, fighting rapists and being cheated on by someone I somewhat tolerated in order to make me feel jealous.
You're an amazing person and I am so happy I found you. I wish I could see you more, but absence makes the heart grow fonder it seems. I'm too scared to tell you I love you for fear you will be scared away. It gets harder and harder each time you're around. I know soon I'll have to break down and tell you or risk going nuts. But you deserve to have a hot girlfriend to match your awesomeness. So when I lose the weight and am finally happy with myself, I will tell you. I hope I have mustered up the courage by then.
>fucking waffles captcha undermining my shit
>>16621605
I think that's really amusing because you're doing that exact thing right now.
Not to mention embarrassing yourself by pretending to be 3 or 4 people in that other thread. Stay salty about it you pretentious pile of trash.
Take your time. I'm waiting.
Our conversations make me so happy, but they're slowing down and I'm terrified that you'll lose interest before we get a chance to see each other again.
I've been depressed my entire life and absolutely nothing has helped. I've been in therapy for over 5 years and they keep upping my pill dosage, but nothing fucking works. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just better off dead at this point, since happiness is clearly unattainable for me.
>>16620904
I'm also L. What is your native language? I mean, the one you said your girl thinks is your native language.
That doesn't sound very good, does it?
shit
>>16620164
I didn't start this thread.
I am, no doubt, but that does not mean I am wrong. I am just that confident in what I believe.
>>16620238
I'll never be the same, and it seems you've been in a similar situation. You probably know exactly what I'm talking about.
I know, as she broke No Contact in this thread a few weeks ago. I posted saying I was done here, and that was the catalyst for this, as it only reinforced what I already knew. If she needed more to identify me, there it is.
So, I decided to stay, and try, one final time. For everything we have sacrificed, how hard we fought to be together, and everything we could still have... I am only a man, and can only take, and do, so much.
Thank you, again, as it is actually helping somewhat.
I wish I could invite you over and make you dinner, and we could play videogames and talk about life.. especially everything we've been wanting to say in person. We could watch the shows we watch and the movies on our list, or even have take out of any place we crave.
Why do you have to be so far away? I feel like such an idiot for having this affect me but it really does. I know you can't control that right now, and I know you dislike the city, and I know you have it good over there.
I'm too much trouble right now anyway.. and maybe one day when we're both in better places we will find a way.. but if not, all I care about is you being happy and someone being good to you. If it's not me, that's okay.. but time tells all.
I love who you are. Please don't give up on me even though I'm so distant and fucking annoying sometimes with my actions/words and choices.. I really don't know any better at this time. I'll be better one day and I promise you I will make it up to you if you stay around.
Dear call whore,
I am sick of your fucking whiny shit everyday, thinking that your fuckboy will make it better. Well to bad all you did is whine this, whine that, why can't you make your own decisions without asking us what the hell you're going to do?
Thanks to you, you bitch stole my only fucking friends and they won't talk to me anymore...or at least less when you're not around, but still. You think you are ALWAYS THE CENTER of fucking attention in the call? What about me? Is my existence not gud enuf to be with everyone else? Your drawings (and others) get a whole lotta attention, but not mine? It hurts me. A LOT.
Enjoy those years of being an attention whore, cus it will be gone as you age. I will still listen to your annoying shit and sarcastically answer without telling that it's sarcasm I'm doing all along.
Bitch.
Yours truly,
Anon
Bout to go drink whisky and paint under a bridge. Work in a few hours.
The world is burning
>>16622046
Oh look it's projecting again.
I am pretty sure I have undiagnosed autism. When I was young, instead of them testing me for autism they assumed I had depression/ADD and fed me Prozac. Looking back I can see that I was just an autistic teenager unable to adjust to the new social environment of high school and dating girls. I became a zombie, unable to feel anything. When I was 18 I got off the Prozac. I am now 24 and have awesome girlfriend, but I can't hold down a job because I am completely inept when it comes to dealing with conflict. I had a severe anxiety attack at my last temp job and they treated me with the typical stigma, they "let me go" the next day after having paramedics take me to the hospital because my heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. This happened because the boss there is an intimidating large male, and since I was abused by an alcoholic father, I literally freeze up and can't produce words when men like this yell at me.
I think about suicide every day. The older I get the more I see how much I am falling behind my girlfriend. I love her so much, but I don't want to be this person being dragged behind her. I have no idea how to fix my brain. In August I realized I have severe body dysmorphia and just never consciously thought about why I have spent hundreds of hours in my youth staring at myself in the mirror and going over every detail of my body. After realizing this, I started to obsess over my body even more, and I had a mental breakdown in front of my girlfriend and held a knife to my own throat.
I'm on unemployment benefits right now after working a landscape job. I can't go back to it in the summer, I work with tough guys and I have literally no idea how to interact with them. A lot of awkward moments. As I get older it becomes more evident by observing people in my age group that I am severely emotionally underdeveloped. It seems that my only option is suicide.
>>16622763
Cross post from anons new letter thread.
>>16618945
I mostly switch between passive aggressiveness and depression nowadays. My anger issues are consuming me and I feel like my tasks are so mundane and useless. I'm bored most of the time and start fights online instead of living a positive life. Wait positivity makes me sick, it makes me puke, no one got anywhere in life by being positive anyway. Some days I redirect my anger at everyone around except myself. I did that before and I became depressed. I never want to do that again. Fuck you for making me feel bad about my choices in life. Fuck you for saying that I'm a narcissist, a psychopath and a sociopath thanks to my business. Fuck you that you made others see that I had no redeeming qualities except arguing.
I just want to go back when I was a kid but even then was traumatizing. My parents divorced all hell broke loose and that stuck with me throughout my life. Some call me a homosexual but I'm straight, I have a girlfriend but I guess I tend to act like a woman. I have a high pitched voice that screams anxiety and even though I smoke weed everyday, it just seems to fuel my paranoia and bipolar issues.
The more I think about it the more I fell apart. I'm only in my early twenties and this shit stresses me out.
>>16621320
In the end this is how it was meant to be. He's just fine now, happy and better off. I'll just leave it as my use being over and now he can find his happiness. He was a rather depressed guy, so I was probably just someone who could give him affection. He's enjoying himself now so I'm happy for him. Thanks for the kind exchange, anon. This really was the best for him, whether I would have liked things to have worked out or not.
>>16618945
I'm in love with you, stupid!
m
oh god im so in love with you i wish i could either stop thinking of you or be around you
s
>>16622675
Why would you get off medication if you suffer from severe anxiety attacks?
>>16622435
You're not wrong. Call.
>>16622945
>>16618945
I feel the tug of the light side when I wish I didn't
Someone help me master the dark side
I fucking hate niggers. Sand niggers too.
I need to nap before work in an hour... But god dammit I think I'll watch another episode of Peep Show
>>16618945
i am tired of being Mr. nice guy. I want to focus on my own needs before others, its not natural for me. Im tirred of being used, and my "Yes man" self, i need to say NO alot more.
Im tirred of my parrents censoring me our in conversations.
I want to experience my life as i want it, i want to be free.
I know you wont read this, but boy it felt great getting it out.
>>16622516
I wish we could do that too... Hopefully someday! I'll always be around, I love who you are too.
I'm feeling so incredibly grateful for everything right now, I have no idea why am I in such a negative place.
I've been able to pull myself out of depression before, why can't I do it now? Its starting to feel like it's too late.
Don't start your hostility, dude. I don't exist, so don't waste the effort. You just go smile, I want my rest
>>16623234
This is pretty normal. Depression often comes back worse once we beat it. But it's possible to do it again, anon. I hope you can hold on long enough. The second time took me 6 years...
I can take pics of my dick at angles where it looks big, although it's simply average.
This girl's about to be let down when we hang out
When the fuck did i become like this? I used to love to hang out with my friends and do stupid shit with them, i used to love doing sports and going outside, i used to have drive to do shit and learn new things, i used to want to be somebody. Now when i hang with my friends, all i can think is "i could be at home watching something' " or "fuck im bored, i should go home. Now i sit at home and do nothing all day after work, just go home watch TV and browse all day, then sleep wake up and repeat. When did it all change? Why did it all change? Is there anyway to change it back? or am i just done with it all?
>>16623211
You aren't her, can you go away?
>>16623317
No I love you anon. I'll never go away senpai! I love you! I love you! I love you! Die!
>>16623317
I guess you aren't my person either, then :c
>>16623326
>love
L
O
N
D
O
N
>>16623327
:(
What you doing for nye anon?
>>16623334
Playing video games and drinking vodka. Might hang out with a friend for a while. What about you?
I'm gonna see my cousins again tomorrow.
We will be shooting fireworks!
>>16623339
Videogames and tequila.....
>>16623345
Fun... You really sound like my person now :/ Enjoy yourself, though! I hope you have a great 2016, by the way.
Yesterday:
– Get scholarship for excellent results
– Fuckload of money
– Teacher want to use my research paper to improve the classes
– Get offered an internship at one of the most prestigious agencies out there
Today:
– Granma wants me to give up my career and proceed to become a doctor instead, Parents wants this too
– Granpa is the only creative in the family and tells me to run before they swallow me whole with their negativity
– Dad is drunk and verbally abusive to me and mother
– Mother is fed up and probably would commit suicide if it wasn't for her children
– Rapidly building up towards having an anxiety/panic attack
– Haven't had suicide thoughts in 5 years but today I've already went through the options of how I can kill myself 3 times over in my head.
>>16623362
>enjoy myself
>have a great 2016
>>16623368
Just remind yourself, every new year is a step closer to making your waifu real
>>16623368
lol true. Same... But 2016 could be a great year. Idk man, I'm just staying optimistic that 2016 will be okay.
I will not tell the other girl he claimed not to be dating while dating me that he is incredibly abusive. that he will use all of your fears and things you love against you when he's mad. that he is manipulative. he will isolate you from every one of your male friends, but will not fill the void he so thoughtfully created. he will try to give you insecurities, by repeatedly throwing the ones he dislikes in your face. he will tell you that you are beneath most girls, and constantly tell you that you're not his type. he lies about being cheated on to make you feel something for him, make you trust him that much more. but its a complete and total fabrication of what actually happened.
he will lie about literally everything. he will lie and make up stories to make you jealous. he will lie about where he lives, who he lives with. he will lie about his friends, how many he has, who he is close to, who has a boyfriend, who doesnt. all of it, LIES.
he is the biggest hypocrite as well. he will continue to act single. post on r4r multiple times a day. he will harass tons of girls on social media, to the point that makes you cringe. he gets so thirsty for attention or to make it seem like he knows someone famous that all pride goes out the window. he doesnt bother trying to hide any of it because he knows that you being jealous means he has a hold on you. and thats all he cares about.
not only is he hypocritical in his actions, but in his thought process as well. you see, he can only get off by thinking you're two timing him. he is a cuck, but the worst kind. because once you make him jealous enough to get off, he will then turn around and be mad at you for it. he will call you names and threaten to leave you and ignore you for hours.
he will do anything he can to prevent you from being just like him, including threatening to send pictures he swore he deleted, or telling my family LIES about what i do for a living.
he will never give you closure.
he will never tell the truth.
>>16623383
This shit is so mundane
>>16623381
You don't deserve a waifu.
>>16623394
>deserve
You know nothing John Snow
>>16621622
That is beautiful, thank you
>>16623388
>>16623388
and you're a useless waste of space :)
