Don't know what happened to the other one.
>>16606668
It died because it had reached the bumb limit.
Anyways, I saw my cousins agian today. The girls loved the Christmas presents I had bought for them. Seeing them gush about them was so adorable, and heart warming. Especially when the younger one ran to me and gave me a big hug after opening her presents.
I spent few hours by just being with them, watching them play with their presents, and just enjoying their company.
So many hugs, and cuddles.
I love those girls so damn much.
i dont know why you think its ok to put me through so much shit
this is NOT how any relationship should be
and yet you use your aspergers as an excuse for not understanding that you put me through so much fucking anxiety and self-hatred
you troll me so much its seriously boy who cried wolf and i can never understand what you really mean
like you have mood swings and seem to break up with me every single night and act like everythings cool the next day
ive told you time and time again you are the one girl for me but you dont believe me
that i would never find another girl that is this compatible with me because i didnt even think someone like you existed
yeah ok i fucked up at the beginning but you constantly hold it over my head like a cloud every single day whether you're joking or not idk
you were scared i was just a player using you and then i had to tell you I was a fucking loser in HS and completely self-conscious of myself
so i never actually had an idea what i was doing
and yet you think im lying when i say that is the reason ive now found i have an ejaculation problem in actual sex from all the porn i watched to cope all this time
and you say oh ive never heard of that like im the only guy this has ever been affected by this as if I would ever make up something so embarrassing only cause your ONE other ex didnt have a problem
so now you take it personally as if your the reason i cant as if you're unattractive or that i cant when that is absolutely ridiculous
and even after ALL this i am still in love with you because you are the type of woman ive always wanted and would put up with anything for you
but i dont know how much more i can take of this every single night before i implode and kill myself
http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/16600585/#16604762
I'm a 19 year old male and I love to play with my ass. I dream of having a prostate orgasm and getting fucked. I'm still into women but I just really want to get pounded. I'm starting to get sad that i can't make myself cum from assplay.
Too much to try and get off of my chest i have had an emotional roller coaster of a year. I wish i was a guy... Is it different. Like is it easier less effort, and shit? Because being a female has its tolls, and has its really fucked moments .-.
>>16606735
All depends if you start on easy mode
>good genetics
>high test strong jawline
>good lookings
>having your dad who own a store ex: a butchery
Then you just have to work your ass off during 15/20 years and then you live on your savings
>easy mode
>>16606729
Ask your gf if you have one to stick her finger in there during sex
AND WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THE YOUNG FOLKS
TALKIN' BOUT THE YOUNG STYLE
I didn't know my body would protect itself. I assumed being raped would hurt the entire time, therefore if it stopped hurting, I wanted it.
Fuck you Ruby, ya fuckin whore. I actually loved you and pampered your fucking ass. Cheating fucking bitch I'll fuck you up if you smirk at me again you cheating slag. Should have listened to my friends and never have asked you out. Oh well, I fucked your mom after I found out about you and "Brendan".
Cried all night last night...
>>16606848
Cross post :^)
>>16606679
I wish you'd stop posting and get help.
Please, get help.
Dude I'm sorry if I only would've accepted it earlier and not gone after a popular girl I could've asked her out before you are planning on doing it and I'm sure you know I would but I don't want to cause any problems
I love you, I love you, I love you
>>16606696
You have a porn problem and "fucked up" (assuming cheated?) Yet...you are playing the victim? lol
You should probably let her go and be with someone who is healthy, it sounds like you've already fucked her up a little bit. Maybe someone else can help fix her again.
>tfw I know someone who has a bf like you and we all wish she would leave that clown
Boxing day, wasted.
Is it the drunk, or is it me?
Goddamn I'm drunk,
But goddamn if I don't feel safe when I'm lonely.
Am i more honest now, or am I simple homely?
Pathetic of honest? Confidence, or woe is me?
Fuck it, I don't care, I just like being wasted, not like I get the chance anymore, might as well make the most of it.
>Nobody will like me unless I'm perfect
How do I stop believing this...
>>16606668
so... a week ago we were discussing our plans for new years eve
2 days after that you tell me you se no future with us and you want to end it
your christmas present had a card saying "i really like you" and "i'll see you yoon"
and today you're writing with me as if nothing happened??
WTF
Here we go again...
>I will do whatever I want and you will be ok with this after I argue to the death
>You will do whatever I want because I don't know what promises mean or integrity for that matter.
Not this time.
I don't quite remember what happened last night. Woke up still drunk, really hungover and with a chipped front tooth.
I think I'm just going to go back to bed. I know it isn't healthy but fuck if I have the energy to go through the rest of today.
>>16606696
>>16607099
She's probably a major cunt with borderline personality disorder. This reads exactly like a guy I know who has a borderline for a girlfriend. He probably is saying he fucked up because in her eyes everything he does is wrong. Hell, this could be him for all I know, but I don't think he even uses 4chan much.
Since this is a rant thread..The woman I'm talking about is allegedly my best friend but couldn't even get on Skype for 2 seconds to wish me a happy birthday. If I did that to her on her birthday she'd fucking flip. All in all she's drained so much of my energy I don't know if I can keep going like this. Shit may hit the fan soon. I care about her but I'm tired of being excessively criticized and being not having room to breathe.. the pushing makes me pull away. This isn't what friendship should be and it's gotten so much worse the last two years.
>>16607146
Na this woman doesn't have borderline but with a bf like hers, I can see how he would drive her to be crazy.
I'm sick of this fucking degenerate society where all people care about is making themselves cum. These sickos with their increasingly disgusting fetishes because they've worked up a tolerance to anything normal since they've spent so much time looking at porn. Ohhh goddd I gotta cum. These creatures of apelike intelligence who place orgasms at the top of their priority list sicken me. What happened to decency
i think we should break up cause you're not good for me, you bring me down and makes me feel like im not enough
but at the same time i dont want to just give up like i always do
>>16607108
Has anyone really been far as decided to use even go want to do look more like? You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that?
>>16607179
Dyslexic much? What are you saying?
>>16607246
Hello, it's me.
I still come back here, to this shitty motherfucking hole of a site, after four years. I come and I look until I find one of these threads. And I write about you. To you.
Because you showed me this site. You showed me what it meant to love and lose. And now you're gone. So this is me bringing flowers to the grave of my memories of you. This is me letting go of a balloon outside. This is me taking my allotted 1 hour of time out of the year to remember you, miss you, cherish and curse you, and hope to god I ever fall in love again.
I miss you so much d.r. swenski.
>>16607323
damn anon, your words really got me. best wishes man
Can't do it anymore. No matter what I do, no matter what I become, it fizzles out and life robs me of it.
I can barely form coherent thoughts. Trigeminal neuralgia pain. I'm having some kind of panic attack. I want to be able to kill myself. Every single day is shit.
I had it. I lost it. I rebuilt. I lost it. No, I will not live some Sisyphus-esque shit. If I can't find an exit soon I'm going to drown myself.
Fuck people.
Fuck this gay planet.
I'd rather be something else, somewhere else.
I'm about to have a threesome with a milf and my boyfriend in a few days and I'm so exciteeeed! But Im 19 so I can't tell any of my friends without getting judged so I'm sharing it here
i used to not give a shit when i would see pictures of my girl friends being happy and in love or at their wedding or stupid shit like that but now it just sucks. no one will ever love me that way. i'm going to die alone.
I think the playlist I made for her is complete. Kinda bad transitions at certain points, but I'm proud of the outcome.
THINGS I DO FOR LURV
>>16607323
I know many of these feels.
Godspeed, Anon.
I don't wanna get better
What's the use?
I don't wanna get better
Just crazier with you
"What was your reason? Why won't you tell me? I did, it was really, really obvious. Why would I be okay with your circumstances with an ex you claim hits you and yet you trust him more than you could ever trust me? Why would I be okay with you doing whatever he feels like and you telling me you can't do x because he doesn't want to, instead of you focusing on yourself every now and then? And why woild I be okay with you complaining about me focusing on my sister for a bit when you and he spend hours upon hours with each other? You claim you didn't want to bother me on Christmas Eve but then told me about all the time you spent with him and still told him instead of just telling me you "kinda" wanted to do something?
You knew my reasons for breaking up, no I am not okay with that. If he makes you happier then I will walk away with no ill feelings. Just stop acting like you were suddenly abandoned.
>>16608016
Right in the feels
>>16606668
Caroline im sorry but I don't love you like I used to, goodbye
I'm crying but I'm also laughing at how dumb I am for crying. I'm just a stressed, emotional wreck right now, senpai.
Broke up with my gf of over a year yesterday. She and her family hates me and she's claiming that her period is late to try and trap me in. I just want to fucking kill myself. The cunt put me through a bunch of fucked up shit but this is the worst. My life is pretty much over now. She's going to ruin my chances at a decent life and ruin my reputation.
I hate myself for falling in love with you.
I'm sure I'll get over it eventually, but right now it hurts.
If only you weren't on the other side of the world.
youre a lazy stupid selfish bitch and the fact that you think so lowly of me makes me want to prove you right and i keep vacillating between wanting to spit in your damaged empty face and killing myself in a way that looks like an accident. i havent dont anything to hurt you. the person you think of me as is fucking dead, if they even existed. stay stuck in your head. see where it gets you.
I made a mistake the other week and fucked up, bad. Now I think I'm going to pay for it and it's making me stress so badly.
Just lonely. I hate feeling this way because nobody know's me and I don't make an effort to know anybody. I feel bad for feeling bad.
>>16608173
That feel
I know it
>>16608194
Well you should stop acting like the scum you were then.
Any time I have the opportunity to fuck a girl (and sometimes simply hang out with a girl), I get nervous and puke. I am my own cockblock.
>>16608252
Eat raw cocoa beans. Some component of them blocks the release of epinephrine and cortisol, which is what is causing your problem.
It also does some other stuff that is good as an anxiolytic. Really though, like you said, you and your attitudes are the actual problem. Might as well approach it by pharmacologically brute forcing yourself into the right state though.
I feel I could easily lose both of you in an instant and it's stressing me out. Thankfully I'm just a paranoid faggot most of the time so it'll probably be ok
Anybody else.hate it when someone can't be bothered to reply to texts about making plans when the other person asked to hang out but they are posting on facebook?
You're my best friend and I love you. And I'll tell you this soon.
You really fucking hurt my feelings tonight when you yelled at me, saying I was making this all about me. It was my fucking birthday. The one day I'm allowed to. And my golden birthday, to boot. So of course I'm upset.
And you know, you are the one who always gets the attention. Our bartender? Yeah, he has a thing for you and only tolerates me because of you. You get the attention first, and when they find out you're married, then they hit me up. And I don't want to be second best.
There is one guy you can't take from me, but I'm not sure he even wants me. You don't know how this feels. I literally feel like garbage, no one's treasure, even though I know people care. Because you pull stupid shit like this and just hurt my stupid feelings.
I love you, but I love myself too, and this can't go on. Seriously, it was MY day. How can you tell someone, on her birthday, that she's making it all about her?! That was the point!!! No one ever does!!!
I guess I'll cry into my pizza now.
>>16608147
Don't fuck her again. Don't fall into her trap. Think if you were safe and condoms were used. Don't let it fuck you. Get a paternity test if she has a kid. Don't trust.
And if she has a kid that turns out, some fucking how, to be yours, don't feel like you're trapped. You didn't give her a ring and sign papers, you're still free, my dear.
>>16606679
can you just stop posting please
>>16607123
Stop caring about such minute things and live your life
god damn it I want to fuck you tight body so bad
usually I convince myself the girl that wants me is not that attractive but fuck it feels so good for the feeling to be mutual for once
i actually wouldn't be embarrassed to fuck you and tell my friends and that makes me so happy
but fuck i have to get over myself and this fucking skin problem i have until then im fucked and can't do anything
anyway don't lose interest brb just gotta go see a derm
>>16607123
might not help (hell it might actually make it worse) but lsd
I'm not sure if I can deal with all your issues. You're overweight, but don't want to do anything about it, you still smoke cigs, and you're bipolar and that puts a strain on me... I do look at other women and sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to just cuddle with them. You want to have sex, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find you attractive. I don't want a relationship based on sex, but I still want to be attracted to you.
>>16608484
Rewrite this in a sweet way and send her. Seriously.
Dammit porn, I have a girl who's actually legit into me and tries to feel me up every time we hang out. She's not a hambeast and she has somehow managed to outnerd me. I've known her from volunteer work for a cause we both care about for like 6 years now and know we get along. But noooo, you have to have me fucking addicted to 9+/10 women wearing extreme makeup and kinky outfits that I can't even develop feelings for this chick that's on my level in a lot of ways and wants to save my 29 year old KV ass.
>>16606735
Life is based on events not on gender. And my year was pretty bad as well, buy still, things will get better. They always do.
Everyone but me is a fucking moron
>>16608596
Must feel bad, man.
>>16608596
I feel the same way. This world ain't big enough for the two of us.
Bitch.
>>16607169
>stupid women #notallmen!
>marriage is stupid because women never give up the pussy and steal all my money QQ
>pussy pussy pussy
This is what men all boil down to even when they're pretending to be persecuted figures of honor and virtue. Like crying about family courts when statistic show that they don't give a flying fuck about their own children. They're all about shooting their semen all over the place.
It's just more apparent now because hedonism is the thing in times of plenty
Once life starts requiring a little more effort this nonsense will start to disappear. the elliot rodgers and adam lanzas will be culled off in wars, and it's sink or swim for the rest of them. The soft, 2D obsessed, unmotivated cry baby beta males will have to harden up and try to compete in an effort to adapt to their environment.
>>16608630
>men all
You already blew it.
Yes, it's easy to form broad heuristics and iterate over time, but that's all they are. I'm guilty of it too, though. Just the other day I was talking to someone (female), who was complaining about the typical tendency for women to go after men other women show interest in, or are with. She said "the world today". Without thinking I returned "women have always been whores." And if you net it all out, I'm probably not wrong. I didn't say men weren't garbage either.
Humans are just very complex machines, and you will see clustering of behaviors across populations, and even across very different environments. But it isn't as simple as you've put forward, and doesn't accurately describe my own drives nor the actions of a good deal of people I've met.
Grow up. Hypocritical as it sounds, don't just take the path of least resistance. Your perfect truth is more self delusion than anything else.
Typical (presumed) female, can't even handle knowing her own mind and negating her emotions. :^) ALL WOMEN R SO DUM LOL OMG, -insert half baked self serving evolutionary theory here-.
Ignored again. They say a man should keep going at it till he finds one. But its depressing to be honest I find it really heart wrenching accepting the reality that the women that you are interested in want nothing to do with you. Makes me feel so worthless.
>>16608630
>Once life starts requiring a little more effort this nonsense will start to disappear. the elliot rodgers and adam lanzas will be culled off in wars, and it's sink or swim for the rest of them. The soft, 2D obsessed, unmotivated cry baby beta males will have to harden up and try to compete in an effort to adapt to their environment.
So 2/3 of the male population will be gone once scarcity rears its head in our society again, but all women will survive because the ones that can't will just join harems of the remaining third for free room and board in exchange for unlimited sex. Those women will logically be the only ones to have children, as the independent women will have literally no choice but to decide between joining their harems or dying childless. I wonder what the generation after will look like.
>>16608668
Like muslims, eventually. I think that's what happens when you eliminate aspects of female power or sexual selection. Bloodthirstiness is easily instilled alongside a culture engineered for it.
And I say that quite deliberately. Whoever engineered their religion was very clever, and very sick of the human race. We've been at this for quite some time.
I am freaking out right now. The wind outside my house sounds like it's fucking howling, I don't know, or it sounds kinda like a big truck running, or a train or something. I don't live by a train and there are no severe weather alerts. I've never heard anything like this and I'm honestly such a little bitch, I'm so fucking scared, what if I'm hallucinating or dying or something? What am I hearing? God I feel so stupid but I really don't know what this horrible noise is
>Oh Anon, you are so sweet and awkward, I don't care if you're autistic, I love you no matter what.
Where is the girl who'd say that?
I'm checking Facebook every five minutes, in the hopes she answers it.
I know, I know, I'm being weak and childish, but as long as she doesn't know it, I do not fucking care!
I keep saying Ill become better. i wanna be the best person I can be. But what the fuck do I do? I do the barest necessary. My intellectual laziness restricts my ability to grow. How am I ever going to be proud of my art If i stay frozen in skill. If I don't achieve this goal what will become of me? And will it be my fault? for not being determined enough, for not having to strength, the will to see it through.
And then there's you babe. I don't know what to do. i feel especially far away from you now. I miss you. I talk to you everyday but its not the same as being with you. I hope this summer youre able to succeed in moving out. I wish I could provide for you and take you in. But im poor and certainly not getting any richer. I just hope we can live together someday.
I love you pumpkin.
I'm just going to repost this from another thread, in the context of virginity.
Feel like I missed the boat. It's a typical sentiment, but at 22 why even bother.
I'm not built to manage that sense of relative deficiency out in the open, or have the awkwardness of "first time" bullshit. I know how my psyche works by now. I hate being patronized, and I hate imposing that on someone else.
There is no exit. They all open to a cliff.
What does my reasoning look like? I'm sure chronic pain and myriad health problems is real sexy, real cute. And with little doubt, real pitiable to someone who doesn't understand.
>>16607039
I'm seeing a psychiatrist.
>>16608455
No.
>>16608747
Why not? Don't you feel bothered that people literally hate you for posting this shit?
If you're wondering why I didn't text you after I stayed at your house last, it isn't because you're a stripper. It isn't because you've got a habit. It isn't because we did drugs that weekend. It is because you were a fucking bitch to me. You seemed to hate everything about me- my clothes, the suburb I live in, my line of work, my bass guitar, the rugby ball in my room, my accent... every fucking thing yet you slept with me again and again ... would ignore me for a while then invite me over to stay with you.
That's why I never texted you back. I hope you realize you were a fucking bitch to me and I don't too much give a fuck about sticking around somebody who treats me like something on the bottom of their shoe.
If you ever want to try that whole thing again, because it seemed like we had so much potential, call me and this time don't be a rude bitch.
>>16608747
You need therapy way more than you need medicine.
>>16608720
That's just the sound heavy winter wind makes. My windows are rattling and the wind is loud, howling a tiny bit, but we have a winter storm warning now.
Unless you're in one of the areas that was recently hit by tornadoes, don't worry.
>>16608777
Why would I feel bothered by that?
It's just text on an anonymous chinese woodcarving forum.
Besides, it seems that most people in these threads are entirely indifferent to me, with only few people who bother to "hate" on me every time I post.
>>16608790
Oh, I mixed terms. I meant that I am seeing a psychologist, or a therapist or whatever you call them, in addition to taking anti-depressants.
>>16608828
>in addition to taking anti-depressants.
Found your problem anon.
>>16608835
I have been getting over my depression though. I am in way better mental state than I was last year, largely due to the combination of therapy, and medicine. I no longer feel like total shit constantly, or think about killing myself, which is wonderful.
>>16608839
I guess. Just hope you identify and try to reconcile the things that were actually causing it, if possible.
Lot of people get on that, become dependent, then stay on it seemingly indefinitely.
My life is successful but kind of boring and I feel like I've missed out on things just by luck and circumstances.
Like, I've never had to live in a sharehouse, or dorm, but everyone else has, and I feel like that's a part of growing up that just never happened to me. It sounds stupid, I know.
>>16608841
That's what I have been working on with my therapist during this year.
I know you have a past, and, although I was a virgin when me met, I thought I was cool with it. However, as I begin to piece together the extent of your past, and when you project your bad experiences onto our relationship, and myself, I am afraid I am not so cool. Insecurity, a slow and insidious killer, is destroying me from within. I want to feel like I'm the best you've ever had, physically and emotionally, but whereas you know for certain that you're my best, I am plagued with doubt. I don't understand why you're so worried about me leaving you all the time. I wish I could talk to you about these feelings, but it'd just seem like I'm trying to guilt-trip you, and I don't want that. So stop prying when I seem the slightest bit down.
p.s. Yeah, we don't have enough sex anymore. I agree that marathons 2-3 times a day interfered with our responsibilities. We set the bar pretty high and I knew it wouldn't last. But goddamn, if we can find 2-3 hours a day for Netflix surely we can find at least 20 minutes for love-making more than twice a fucking week (if even!).
>>16606696
sup "loser in highschool who developed ejaculation problems due to deathgrip"-bro. I quit watching porn and stopped jerking off and eventually the problem went away. The downside is you can't last forever anymore. This is exacerbated when your girlfriend's libido takes a nosedive and your dick becomes really sensitive from inattention.
feel awful that i drove off home when my gf stormed out of the car.
- she was drunk as shit
- mad that all of the people that knew me and said the obligated hello at some stupid bar (asshole faces from high school) didn't introduce themselves to her
- she wrote that off as shitty sexist "oh fuck this woman" sentiment
- got mad at me for something/fuckboys i have no control over or care about
- argument stems out of that
- I try to explain they're just dumb/intimidated by someone they're not familiar with or just doing the obligated home for the holidays 'hey' but instead says i'm trying to tell her that her feelings are wrong.
- she punches me and my car and runs away.
- expects me to follow her that whole shit
- i'm pissed, but want to give her her space and drive home
- she calls her mom @ 1 am to pick her up.
- calls me to tell me insensitive and stupid all night.
- asks me how could i do this? the day before her granddads gravestone unveiling.
all of this is getting to me right now. i feel awful. as i type this i feel that i'm trying to validate that i'm right or sound like a whiny douche. am i?
i'm a shithead/terrible person too.
>>16608873
she punched you? that's not okay. that's not love.
>>16608876
she punched me in the shoulder and jaw 'out of frustration' as she stormed out
they didn't hurt obviously but still....
Can't do it, not even if sober. Can't get that engine turned over.
No, no, not even sober. CAN'T GET THAT ENGINE TURNED OVER.
I CAN'T DO IT. NOT EVEN IF SOBER.
Another winterbreak spent alone. I'm tired of it. I got no family. Nor am I willing to spend another new years eve watching the fireworks alone while wandering through the city.
I'll just go sleep early that upcoming night, but it made me realize something. All I'm doing is focusing on my university 'career'. I do not socialize, so it is my own fault for ending up alone everytime. But at the same time I cannot find the time or energy for it. And then the loneliness hits hard when you finally got some time off. But where do you find girls that aren't interested in going out and partying all night? Girls who'd rather go for a midnight stroll, stare at the ocean for a while, discuss a book or philosophy? Most girls I ever hanged out with consider that boring unfortunately.
But I guess I'm simply that, boring.
>>16608229
If you ask me, it's god, or the universe, or just our mind or heart telling us that we need to get out more and meet some real people instead of just being on the internet all day.
My birthday is today, and although I'm happy to spend time with family, it feels more like a reminder that time is passing me up than a celebration of my existence. I don't have a job, a girlfriend, or friends for that matter. 22 years of life have gone by and I've done nothing but mooch and coast my way through life, never worrying about anything social because it didn't mean anything to me until I was in my late teens. Now I'm alone and too socially awkward to even know where to start. The path to wizardry is going to be full of empty faps and depression, isn't it?
I just remembered that New Year's Eve in which you asked me to dox your former best friend. That took all of twenty minutes, eh?
Jesus, the foolish things I did for you.
>>16608439
What about paying child support for 25 years if she keeps it? Then I'm fucked. I'll have to work some shitty 9-5 grind job and not be able to do anything good with my life.
>>16608899
but cheer up anon, you got triple dubs
>>16608730
my fiancé was literally in special needs until middle school
his mom told me she thought he'd never move out or start a family
>tfw
>>16609336
Dude, I bet she isn't pregnant. She's how late on her period? Buy her a test. How many times did you go raw? Just take a deep breath and calm down.
As far as I know, child support is usually a reasonable percentage of your check, so unless you're cutting out multiple checks for random kids (please don't, I really hope you learn from this) you shouldn't be completely screwed. And just ask yourself, which is gonna be better? Living without her and passing off a chunk of your wages for 18 years, or living with her and paying God knows how much on all the expenses for possibly more than 18 years.
Having a kid together doesn't mean you stay together. Really hope, for your sake, she's not pregnant and just doing this in a desperate measure to trap you.
>>16609336
And where are you that you'd pay 25 years? Did they change it or what? Cause when my mom got child support, it was until I was 18, because "adulthood"
>>16609336
"with great pleasure comes great responsibility"
don't fuck bitches 'til your ready to raise lil parasitic doucehbags
she's prolly not preggo tho,
stress can cause periods to be skipped or delayed, and both the holidays and break-ups are stressful
I wonder if there's a post death re-roll option
If I blew my brains out, would I wake up next to you in a different universe?
>>16608639
get a load this pretentious asshole
I bet you don't even understand half of what you wrote. Just say that I hit a nerve. I only pointed out what will most likely happen and you busted out some hare-brained tangent about fluff that's completely irrelevant to what I said.
When you're done acting intelligent, perhaps you could actually break down what I said and refute each point properly.
>>16608668
probably. that's life.
I just aquired the perfect bf. Life is fucking awesome!
Also: we had sex 6 times last night
>>16609057
How did you get a personal army to work?
I hate myself and I don't know what friends I can trust or even like me or if I like them. Some days I think I'm just delusional and other days I feel profoundly alone. I don't know whether it's my fault or the fact I was falsely diagnosed with aspergers when I was younger and how I got treated like shit but my peers and like a retard by adults so I have this lingering emotional baggage and inferiority complex. I'm so scared I'm going to be a failure.
I really, REALLY want to die. I don't enjoy life. I've had enough. It's been over a decade since the last time I've felt happy at all. It's been so long that I'm beginning to doubt that this thing called happiness ever even existed, at least in my life.
I'm amazed that I haven't killed myself yet. What the FUCK am I waiting for?
>>16609624
I feel exactly the same. No matter how much I seem to be fitting in, I always think people dislike me. And let's face it, they probably do.
>>16609699
I know my friends don't hate me it's just I'll get in moods where I'll hate myself and be convinced no one likes me.
I think there really is a monster living inside of me
>meet pretty cool girl
>has good taste in games, movies, literature etc...
>of course she has a boyfriend but whatever, wouldn't mind being friends
>manage to sheepishly ask for her number
>I'm too fucking awkward to ask if she wants to hang out sometime
What's wrong with me? Is making friends supposed to be this hard in the adult world?
>>16606668
I´m 22 and i got diagnosed with a cyste in the back of my head-skull, telling me i could die literally every fucking second...thanks god.... i fucking hate you and this fucking world, hopefully, when i finished writing this it will explode and let me die. No money to pay the OP, no way to get the money without hurting someone else, so fuck youn and the human race, you all literally fucked it up. Fuck you.
>>16609057
this sounds a little familiar...
how long ago was this?
>>16608194
You haven't done anything to hurt me? We've been hurting each other and it needs to stop. I may be lazy and self absorbed but you're needy, mean-spirited, and selfish. Those things have always been true for both of us but they're getting worse. I've been wanting to prove you right, too. You're getting meaner and I'm getting colder. I don't wish bad on you, I care, but I don't want to be around you anymore. It's not fun. When I'm about to hang out with you I've been prepared to get shit on in some way and it always happens. That's why it seems like I don't want to be with you, because lately I don't. I feel bad when the good parts of yourself shine through but that person IS mostly dead. If you don't stop treating everyone you love like shit they'll all leave. Your BF is too pussywhipped to and that's a shame for him. Your other only friend left for a reason. Your mother wanted to kill herself because of you. I feel sorry for you and I care about you but you need a wake up call and some therapy. I can't do it anymore. My home life is negative enough so I don't need more bullshit. It's turning me into someone I don't want to be.
I still have my eating disorder, been faking recovery for a year now. It's exhausting, but I'm happier than I ever have been. I'm losing weight like I've always wanted to, currently at my lowest. Family and friends can't tell because I wear baggy clothing. Sometimes I feel a bit bad, but overall I'm almost proud. Am I a bad person?
>>16610088
>>16608194
Realizing this could actually be you having read what I wrote makes me sad. I don't want you to feel bad or be hurt and I don't want to be so angry towards you. I do love you. We used to be so close. But at this point what are we doing? We just hurt each other and make each other sad and angry. I can admit I've fucked up, but you've been fucking up too. Blame doesn't matter though, this just isn't working out. We've both changed for the worse. I've been trying to be less distant but you haven't been trying to treat me like a human being. That makes me more distant.
>>16610089
>Am I a bad person?
No, but you aren't doing yourself any favors in the long run. Do you want to look like fat chick who melted or do you want to look fit?
>>16609620
By being awesome.
>>16610066
I want to say four years ago, but I'm terrible with time; give or take a year.
If I don't get a girlfriend soon enough I think I'll seriously rape someone before I end my life. I know it's wrong as hell, but I have no other option.
My cousins just asked me to come see them sometime next week.
It feels so nice to know that they miss me, and wish me to come to see them.
>>16608899
This whole university system is a sham and we should be reforming the system take it less miserable
I feel better. Really. Thanks for caring.
>when the snow hits
>>16610266
Rape is harder than you think, if you're doing it the way I think. Just build up your nerve and ask a girl out for drinks. Easy.
>>16609938
play it honest and say something along the lines of "im a bit awkward with asking chicks to hang out with friends so i need to clarify this: i really enjoyed hanging out with you and our talks. wanna hang out sometime? not trying to get into your pants" or whatever. it works for me and im a mega sperg
the (implied) possibility to be fwb with a hot as fuck cool girl from uni is tantalizing as shit but ill never do it cause im in a relationship and i dont roll like that. probably all in my head anyway
I'm 21 yo. Socially, I wasted my entire adolescence. No friends, no experiences with girls. But I wasn't a fat autistic neckbeard who never had a chance. I'm above average looking, and have a likable personality. I could have been just as popular as anybody. Girls showed interest in me, guys invited me to hangout. But I just can't open up to people and connect with them. I can't get beyond small talk. People figure this out and give up on developing a relationship with me.
I may have some social anxiety, but I think my main issue is an extreme fear of intimacy. A feeling that if someone gets to know me, they'll hate me and reject me. It just sucks when you know you had the potential to do all the typical teenage things, but you blew all the easy opportunities you had.
>>16610236
was this bitch asian?
only reason remembering this is cause nye and pretty vicious. it was great btw.
I really don't know what to say anymore, I just want to die right now what's the point in trying to explain my pain? I am lonely inside with my thoughts how can someone possibly know how I actual feel fuck I don't even know how I feel myself, I just feel empty I want it to end I feel like everyone is out to get me I think someone is always watching me
>>16610278
Be honest, have you ever EVER touched them inappropriately?
I really like you and you know it (I don't need to say it, I'm sure you can tell).
I just don't know if I should go after you. The thing I liked about you was that you were the person who resembled me the most. I don't know if it is still the case today.
I mean, I don't know if I'm spending so much time with you because I love you, because of habit or simply because I love the idea of a girl wanting to spend time with me.
I fear that we would rapidly bore each other if we spent more time together: we don't have that many interests in common any more and we have very different views on many subjects. Notably, I am starting to feel like you are very materialistic and it worries me a bit. Not that I think that you should not like expensive things (on the contrary, it is fun to have someone to do that stuff with) but we could spend more time just talking.
>>16609669
Obviously something.
If you really feel that way. I suppose nothing matters to you right now. Use that to your advantage.
Do something new. Travel or whatever. Do something spontanious. Life is beutiful. Best of luck
You know, you really fucking suck. When we met I was totally ok with being just fuck buddies with no feelings. All I wanted was a hook up or two before moving on as I usually do but you wanted to take me out so I let you. You wanted to invite me over your house and show me things that made you who you were and I let you. You wanted me to open up to you and I did. You wanted me to stay over and cuddle all night as we slept so I did. Then when I was confused and asked what you wanted from me you told me not to get invested and pulled away.
Instead of getting those "hey beautiful" or what's up buttercup" texts from you, I find myself staring at my phone debating whether to text you just to feel like you'd rather pull your teeth to talk to me. Instead of sending you cute snaps during the day, I'm posting stories hoping you'll look at them.
I never asked for any of this, but I guess you just wanted me to fall for you, and unfortunately for me I did
>>16610579
She is.
I am kind of surprised you remember that. I know it was fairly brutal, and hilarious, but we stopped posting after the ban. Drunken New Year's Eve sex, and all.
Any chance you remember the aftermath?
Puppy chased his tail not thinking he'd catch it
(1/?)
Old friend, I read this entire thread in hopes that you posted. Some strange little hope, an eagerness to hear from you. A pipe dream.
I'm more than sorry, the kind of sorry you pay for with your life. Even though we couldn't see them, several things occurred during our years together. I drained you of your energy. I wanted more and more of you. I had intense separation anxiety. I cut you off from your friends. I made your life hell sometimes. I never meant to: I only just wanted to be with you. A lot.
I need to figure out how to work a gun. My dad has three in the house so far. But I am scared. Perhaps that means I don't want to die. You're right. I don't. But it's more of something I HAVE TO DO rather than want to.
I dunno where to start honestly.
Maybe it's the fact that I never got to know my Great Grandparents before they died, never got to hear thier stories, and now I'm afraid that the same thing will happen with my closer relatives, and I'm afraid of asking something too personal, or worse forgetting it.
Or the fact that I'm scared that my parents will put themsleves back into debt in order to get me a new PC so I can actually do work on my course at Uni. I don't want them to do that, I can never ask them to do that, and yet every time I send out applications I'm always passed over, and usually without a "No", so I blindly hold onto the hope that they'll call me back.
Or the things I feel about a friend, who I wish I were sercure enough to ask her to be more than that.
I dunno, most days it feels like finding a one-way ticket to buttfuck nowhere, siberia and clocking out of this person and becoming a new one would be better.
I dunno /adv/, I dunno.
(2/?)
Hey Big Guy,
This isn't what you want to hear. I am so sorry old friend, more than sorry -- the word doesn't even begin to scratch the surface on how ashamed & sad I am -- to even think about this, write this message to you. I can imagine your smile fading on your handsome bearded face as you hold this sorry message. The way your mustache contours your soft, gentle lips that kissed me so many times. I can imagine the light fading from your big, beautiful blue eyes, the very same eyes that locked their gaze with mine so many times. I can maybe imagine your hands quivering as you are overcome with sadness or rage (or both), the same hands that securely held my hands all those many times, our fingers naturally intertwining each awesome time that happened. I always loved how everything about you was so big and gentle and warm. You really were the most handsome man in the world to me, inside and out.
I'm so sorry to do this to you: leave this giant mess to clean up, leave unpaid bills, loose ends to tie up, and just general havoc. Not to mention the emotional damage you'll sustain, and the repercussions you'll feel from this. But I had a lot of problems: I may not smoke, drink, pierce myself, tattoo myself, dye my hair, or party, but I am severely mentally fucked up. Always felt like I was nothing, like I didn't matter. I felt like everything was always my fault. At first, for years I struggled to be a good person. And then I had a chilling realization: I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough. No matter what or how hard I tried. I am a failure at literally everything. A fat, crippled, ugly, stupid, and smelly failure. I was told from early on that I would never amount to anything and they were right.
(3/?)
The few things I could do right were menial, such as making you feel really loved, giving awesome hugs, and making a real good bacon-egg-and-toast breakfast sammich. I just felt like such a loser that I couldn't bear to burden you with my presence anymore. I don't know whatever you saw in me Danny, but I clearly didn't see it in myself. I hated my own guts. I hated myself so much. In all I was just doomed and broken from the start. I'm sorry you got involved with such a shitty person such as me just because you couldn't find anyone else better. I am a shitty girlfriend. I don't want to go into detail about that because you already know. Either way, I never had harmful intentions but I always came out the bad guy, the failure, the one at fault, and the one in immense pain.
Anyway if by some miracle I come to my senses, or just be a really big pussy, you know where to find me. I don't want you to force yourself to care about me. I am nothing. Please don't care about me too hard, I don't deserve one bit of it.
I want to fuck you.
I am a disgusting whore.
>>16611199
go back to how you felt when you wrote http://archive.4plebs.org/adv/thread/15160348/#15160376
p.s. nice dubs
Alicia, you are my favourite person in the universe and i will always love you.
Thats it
>>16611216
Holy shit that was exactly a year ago. The feels. How did you even find that? Wow. Anyway sorry anon I'm at the end of the line
>>16611273
Fuck you for making me sad. I realized I wrote "he's coming to visit in summer 2015" did I really say that? Holy shit what a load of shit. A pipe dream. My how times have changed. There is no gameplan. No hope....
Not sure if carbon monoxide or just tired and headache
Bri, I love you so much. You're stunningly beautiful, very smart, and the most kind, humble, and selfless person I've ever met. I want you to know that I'll wait however long I need to so that you can sort things out. It's quite noble what you're doing, even though I wish we could be together right away. I hope that you can say all the same about me, and know that I'm doing the same because I love you
>>16611286
What the heck is going on with you?
>>16611314
Sads. Filter me if you want. Plus I literally and figuratively have no one whatsoever to speak to. Not even an animal.
>>16606668
I'm dying and I couldn't be happier.
My brain's trashed due to child abuse, forced medication and pre-existing learning disabilities. There's nothing I could've been, realistically. I think that's why I'm excited.
When you're young you feel your future crashing down onto your shoulders. It's terrifying. Then, when you're old all you can do is look back knowing your environment made your choices, not you. Your life never belonged to you, but you’re still left feeling responsible. Knowing what could've been done or said is lost in time forever can drive you crazy.
I’m free of that. Because I have no future I get to cling to the hope that I might’ve been something. A life is an ever-dying tree with each branch spanning outward into somewhere and even someone new. Without that my life is strangely hopeful.
There’s no expectations, just an imagined future. Someone I could’ve been but never will be. I’ve never felt so hopeful.
>>16610984
we wanted moar delivery but the thread disappeared. a couple people made threads and kept the raid going.
dont remember to much of the story but it was fucking rage inducing. respect anon.
Holy shit, I want to open up my wrists so fucking bad right now. I feel like everything is falling apart.
Destroyed my academic standing and most of my friendships (including ones with people I love and who I wanted to grow old with) because it turns out I've got schizophrenia. I had a psychotic episode and I was delusional for about eight weeks after being sent home from the hospital. I want to kill myself. I know it won't solve anything but I still want to kill myself. The things I said and did were horrible and I can't forgive myself for them.
I'm staying on my medication and I won't make a suicide attempt but I wish killing myself could somehow atone for my actions. I don't think I deserve forgiveness for anything, I just hate myself.
While I was recovering an old friend became my gf, she stood by me and talked me through it and she likes me. She's willing to accept me as I am because she genuinely believes in me. I don't deserve this kind of support.
I'm too anxious to even try to apologize to the people I hurt. I want to, but I feel unforgivable.
>>16611542
You'll forgive yourself someday. And your friends will forgive you too. That's what love is, you love them and they love you. It'll all be okay. Stay strong.
Crying at 3:40am, brilliant. This whole thing got me wrecked
Here's a fun one, girl left me for her ex-boyfriend a few days before Christmas because she still had feelings for him
I swear sometimes I feel like I'm fucking cursed
>>16606668
... I broke recently with my gf, well, she started to behave distant and agressive, and i told her everything. We ended on taking things easy and that the word "boyfriends" tended to affect us negatively. But theres another girl, friend of mine since i started and in the same course as i, so is my exgf, and both girls are friends... i have such a wonderful relaitonship with the other girl, but at the same time doesnt seem to go more than just friendship, though i could say its way more likely and a lot easier that i get to intimate(sex) with my friend than my exgf, even if we come back....feel extremely bad bc i know its wrong, but i dont know what to do
4 sleepless nights. In 5 days, I've slept 3 hours.
I can't live like this.
I don't get why people need support or need to be with each other. I don't get why people cheat.
>>16606668
I hate my life and want to die. I'm always depressed no matter what good thing happens in my life and always feel/look like shit. I know I will never be able to maintain a decent relationship because my depression and bad attitude and lack of motivation will ruin it...which is the reason the person I'm with broke up with their ex in the first place. I don't understand why I can't ever just be happy. It's bullshit that mindset changes it but IT DOESN'T. I'm always fucking miserable and toxic person and want everyone around me to know it and feel the same. I'm planning on killing myself by 31 or so (maybe less if things turn to absolute shit)/
>>16611685
Are you bipolar?
>>16611662
thank you...
I'll do my best ;_;
>>16611813
No. I used to be depressed, but I'm making a great recovery (after years, mind you). Insomnia is my only problem right now.
I wanna be famous and get the girl.
often do I need /vent/ thread like this so I must first of all thank the kind anon who makes this every day, or anons.
Anyway fucking internet it's getting the best of me, I mean, yeah, I managed to install all my juicy software and shit but I am also feeling miserable right now because the internet keeps reminding me that I'm a failure with women I wish I could cry.
And then today teh boipucci I wanna ram messaged me on fb telling me to fuck him and I fucking got excited and said a lot of shit and then he said he was joking and then it turned out it was his gf and he just read it I'm dying of shame I don't even wanna gay nomore. I only have a fancy for boipucci but what I really want is a little lady and I'm too big a loser to get one I always get rejected and make a fool of myself when the fuck will I finally embrace loneliness and go full monk?
I haven't even done my meditation in 3 days since vacation started I need to get back on track else I'll be indulging every time I don't have anyone to respond to and will keep recurring to old habits.
I still love you, and obviously miss you. I know you feel the same, despite how you try to deny it to yourself.
I believed you, when you said you were different, and that we were forever; I would never have taken those risks otherwise. A part of me believes it was a cruel joke, or illusion, and we are nearing the point where I have to accept that this is simply the way it is.
Considering everything we both sacrificed, how hard we fought to be together, all of those years... this does not feel right. Once again, a reality I need to face.
By the time you realize I was right... Well, you have always hated that, and you are stubborn as fuck, so I would probably have to die for you to acknowledge this. I would never commit suicide, calm down.
Our lives could be so much better, happier, or am I wrong?
When are you two going to grow up and leave our parents alone?
I'm asexual garbage
I'm jealous of my two half-sisters. Both are completely gorgeous women and I am attracted to both. Never outside my sexual fantasies did I ever think of them doing anything as
you know I just don't have words for it. They were experimenting or whatever girls call it, together. I know this is terrible and I should be disgusted with myself but I find myself thinking of ways I could watch them. I know if I try I'm sure to get caught and I can't get hentai out of my mind. I think to myself "If I take pictures of them in the act I can make them both my sex slaves" but I know that's not how reality works. Despite this I am, everyday, tempted.
I don't know what to do guys. I'm scared of ruining my life but I feel like of I don't record some evidence of this the opportunity will pass and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. What do I do?
It's been five years and I still couldn't get over my ex ._.
You told me you would be more supportive of me, but you haven't checked up on me in over two weeks. You missed my 13 day clean streak, I was so fucking proud. I guess I can't be too surprised, you never really cared before in the past three years. But I thought after that week, things would be different.
Oh well. It was nice feeling cared for while it lasted.
I don't usually say these things but hey what the he'll here goes. I think you're a lousy mentally retarded piece of shit and I wouldn't give a rat's ads if you died
As s
>>16606668
i spam nothing but gold ammo from my AMX 50 B
Also Alex, I still have your shiny Drifblim from pearl
I wish I didn't find you on on Facebook today.
Now I won't sleep, still worried if I dun goofed not saying you hello or if I do the wise thing waiting until you're back from your travels.
>>16610633
No, I haven't.
Unless you count hugs and cuddling as "inappropriate".
>>16612489
Both could be inappropriate under certain circumstances
>>16612489
And you have been honest to you therapist about how you feel, right?
I'm distancing myself from my best friend and I honestly cannot come up with a rational reason as to why.
It started this past summer when I admitted to him that I had a crush on him since high school (I'm gay). His response was that "I wish you didn't have a crush on me" and pretty much I went through the motions to "not have a crush on someone" How the fuck does that work? I don't know but I think that's a major factor in me distancing myself from him.
I wish it wasn't like this and its been giving me anxiety for a while now.
You changed my life R. I never thought I'd find a source of consistent happiness but then I ran into you. I love partying with you, studying with you, reading with you, fucking you, holding you. I'm madly in love with your personality and I've never met a more attractive genius of a girl. I would move mountains for you with my hands if you wanted me to; one rock at a time. I've always grown bored with the others but not you I don't think I'll ever get over you :) I know I suck at showing affection because I've never had to before. I'm sorry that on the outside I seem uncaring at times. I hope you'll understand someday just how much you mean to me. Whatever you want in this world I'll do my best to provide. I'm going to try really hard, and I hope we can keep this up for whatever the future has to offer...cheers to bringing me back to life inside. I can't wait to be with you again in 2 days staring into your eyes while we lie in bed wasting time, I love you, I miss you.
>woman posts that she likes to have sex
>thread turns into a warzone
>guys posts they're pedophiles
>only a few people actually see a problem in it
This board, I swear.
I check these message boards like he might be here. I waste so much time.
My motivation has been dead for years. I have no urge to work towards the future because part of me really believes it isn't worth my present day time. Tomorrow feels too out of my control to ever build up anything, but ironically I find that I'm setting up a terrible and sad life for myself. I need something to get me started, something to do/work for, where I know that my time won't be wasted, although I know nothing is ever guaranteed.
I think I'm afraid of failure.
>>16612523
Well, I do not think that they have been under such circumstances.
>>16612550
Yes. It has helped me to come to terms and analyze my feelings better.
>>16612610
You got one less hater. You sought out help, and you haven't actually endangered them. Therapy can take a long time to be effective, but many things can speed the process up. I hope you get over your depression too.
>>16612622
I have been getting over my depression, thankfully, and my life is finally moving forward once more (the stagnation I had been in for years was probably one of the causes of my depression.)
Overall, things are turning for the better.
Fuck you Julian.
I hate you, I hate you so fucking much. Why do you make me feel this way?? Everyday I think about you and you must never think about me. I should have never met you I wish I never saw you but yet here we are. It pains me to see you with your friends smiling having fun while im here alone and no one to talk to except think about you. You never bothered to text me back or anything to hang out when I was the one who always talked to you and gave you most attention than anyone ever fucking would. I care about you but you don't care about me. You don't ask how I've been or anything, you're just a selfish cunt always looking for something else don't you? Nothing ever satisfies you and you always get what YOU want.
Even when I want to forget, I dream about you kissing me and it feels so real. I was always nice to you but you always treated me like shit, calling me names and how much you show that you're just a piece of shit aren't you? You flirt with me, tease me and then you walk away and don't say a word. Fuck you.
He's perfect to me. I have a feeling we're going to end up together somehow. I love his mouth.
I think I'll let things reach their critical point tonight. Our friendship died a long time ago. It is pathetic that me and your BF talk about you behind your back. I wish he'd stop initiating it. But it definitely is my fault for engaging. I'm just sick of having something to talk about. You make me feel like shit whenever I'm with you. I miss the version of you who wasn't an angry piece of shit who criticized everything I do.
I'm in love with my best friend and I don't think it's mutual. I've known her for a decade now, she's always been someone I was super protective over even when we were both seeing people and for a little while she disappeared from my life, along with her family that o had grown close to. Years ago we had a drunken fling and it didn't effect our relationship at all but now that she's back in my life I've started to see her in a different light than I once did before. I'm not sure if it's me being more comfortable where I am with my career and being a little older that I see her as someone I genuinely could see myself being with for the rest of my life or it's the fact that we spend so much time together that I've just grown an attachment to her. We both date people and talk about our exploits with one another but whenever I'm with one of them I want to be with her and it's exhausting. There's little hints here and there that make me wonder if she sees me as more than a close friend, like when she plays with my hair or stares at me or tears up when I play with her niece and nephew. She sent me a text the other day from her sister telling her about her nephew telling the barber all about me and how she thought it was adorable and how amazing I am.
I'm rambling and none of this is cohesive but I love this girl and I want to protect her and give her the world but I'm not certain if she would ever let me be more than a friend.
I got friend zoned yesterday. He told me he heard that I had a crush on him, and that he sees me more of a sister. I told him that I only did because so-and-so said he did a while back but not to worry because it was a long time ago. He said he was pansexual but I'm sure he's into nobody.He is an asshole to everyone socially as well, but I "get it". It was just an interesting thing to experience. Don't hope for things that won't happen. He's also my best friend.
>>16610755
>Do something new. Travel or whatever. Do something spontanious. Life is beutiful. Best of luck
This isn't how depression works though. If it were that simple I'd have done all that already.
>>16612850
Do what the rest of us do, then. Drink, have a cry about it, wake up and continue with your depressed life.
protip: keep working. stay employed. one day it will change
Work crush. Noticed how adorable he is again, people we work with are hinting that he likes me. I was talking to another coworker and caught him just staring at me. The two of us working together in our meeting room... Not sure if it was just me who felt the tension. Definitely have missed him during Christmas but don't know what to do. Maybe I'm just imagining things
19 year old guy. In D3 college because I pissed my academic talent away. Easy 4.0 semester and home for a month. Have no friends that I talk to regularly or really any at all. Used to love video games/anime and basically used them for substitute for human interaction. Love my family including my dog but fear their mortality. Kissless virgin. Masturbate frequently. Overweight. Average looking. Comp sci major. Don't want to kill myself but I can't find joy in anything but eating now. Browse Internet and play video games but feel empty/no fun. Grass is not greener.
>>16613075
>protip: keep working. stay employed.
Well I've been doing that at least. Wouldn't be able to survive otherwise.
I can't stop complaining and distracting myself from actually accomplishing anything in life. I'm a lazy piece of shit and I use depression as an excuse to get away with it. I don't even know why, I get everything that I want and I still hate everything. Maybe it's because I'm a woman?
i killed a man in 7th grade. so i tried to cover it up by saying he fell into the wood chipper by accident. But really id pushed him in and laughed as he screamed. he touched me. They caught me cause they found his wallet in my jacket.
I'm losing my mind and having psychotic fantasies. I refuse to get psychiatric help, I'm hoping a man will save me soon. I'm either angry or depressed, it's fucking bullshit. My ex husband is laughing at me and I'm throwing my life away instead of living it. arrrrgh nothing is going my way.
19.
I just quit my wageslave mcjob. Didn't even give 2 week notice, called up before my shift and quit.
First, emotional relief. No stress, smelling like a grease dumpster, getting treated like an idiot.
Second came logic.
Why did I quit? Now I'm stressed again, maybe i AM an idiot. At least I don't smell? I should've sucked it up like all the others do every day.
That was the only job I'd got in all of my searching. I had pride in having a job, as shitty as the job was.
Now I'm back to square one. Sitting at home a year after highschool, searching for entry level jobs but lacking 5+ years in entry level experience, no income, can't afford higher education, friendless so I can't distract from this.
Rotting on the computer, while my brother rots similarily and my parents both cheat on each other and argue every night, competing to drown themselves in canned beer first.
I saw my highschool friends hanging out together the day before I quit. Not the first time, either. I think seeing them like that regularily was a subconscious reason why i quit.
They dont contact me since graduation but still hang out regularly. Plans for movies, together on holidays, turning down what plans i do make without fail. Without notice. To hang out with more important friends. I guess.
Im not in their friend circle, and it seems like decision, not accident. My fault somehow, I bet.
Too creepy, quiet, easily depressive, something.
I never truely felt _part_ of them anyway, felt like a lost puppy following others randomly, like I used to be called in middle school.
I should be happy I had them in my senior year rather than being alone, but somehow it doesn't help. It feels like the only people I can depend upon are online, not real. Nobody's showed up to my birthdays in years. I'm not a part of anything.
How do I move past entry level jobs? Keep my friends? I missed the memo.
I hope I'm overreacting being young, but the possibility of this path continuing into later years scares me.
>>16612574
>>woman posts that she likes to have sex
>>thread turns into a warzone
Considering women tend to discourage sex, talk about it in a negative tone etc.
Basically women have reinforced the stereotype that they don't like sex.
That's on them.
>guys posts they're pedophiles
>only a few people actually see a problem in it
You on about cousin-poster... We've tried, but he aint ever gonna stop posting. So we're just ignoring him. Maybe some of us are keeping tabs on his posts hoping he'll reveal a location or something so we can inform people - but until then, he's fuckin' here to stay. Unfortunately.
Look assholes: I know you're about to lay me off. People behave differently when they know they're about to either quit or else be laid off. Some people get angry, while others start playing pranks on one another, while others just start talking shit and letting people know what they really think about them, and so on and so forth. My little "misbehavior" is: I start really pressing hard for a promotion. I send really long emails arguing my case, knowing full well I'm about to get laid off with a bunch of other people all in one swoop. Its my little way of "going for it" because normally pressing for a raise or a promotion can get you soon-laid-off anyhow for showing dissatisfaction with your current job. So now I'm doing that. Just go ahead and promote me already please. Its only going to be a few weeks and I'll get laid off anyhow, so it costs you nothing, but I walk away with a higher-ranking title than before, making it easier for me to make a little more money at my next job. Its a very polite way of sending us off without burning your bridge should you realize later you needed us and shouldn't have let us go.
I told you I love you and things haven't been the same since. I knew things would never go the way I'd like, but I hoped nothing would change, and it has. You're more distant. You've always kept most people at arm's length, including me at times, but now it's like you're afraid of spending much time with me, especially alone. I hope you'll get past it.
Nope, nope, nope, nope. find another man.
I had sex with a prostitute last night. It was fucking awesome and kinky as hell though. I just broke up with my girlfriend a week back. All the things I had imagined doing with my girlfriend, I did it exactly with the hooker. Now it's making me feel sad and I miss her.
Was raised by a single mother but yeah it's fucked up for them in terms of romance.
>>16606668
-Been holding onto my relatives for dear life lately. I don't think I have a future on this earth and my crippling depression is killing me. Everyone has resentented me in their lives at one point and I think it's because they feel sorry for me that they stay in my life. I've ruined many relationships due to my high blood pressure and anger issues that no one knows about. I get a verbal beating every time I'm with my family but I think they're sheep. One day I'll show them my success. That's if I don't die from a heart attack first.
After series of failed relationships I am turning somewhat bitter and misogynistic. I don't want to but I think I'm losing faith. Are women even capable of true love for a man?
>>16611857
Right in the feels.
im always trying to mix 2 aesthetics that have nothing to do with eachother because i dont want to be like everyone else but i just realized thats what everyone else is doing
I'm useless and I'll blame everyone except myself. Love I need it because I'm selfish I'll hate you if you don't give it. Don't you dare call me what I am. Don't call me a stupid bitch. I need that attention rather than being depressed. I'm a fucking idiot of a woman and both genders hate me.
I hate this.
>>16613455
Same anon, same.
>>16610562
Are you me
>>16611273
I searched your trip on the archive
>>16611351
You've got me.
I like you, Anon. Your posts touched me, and I read like 10+ pages of them, so I'm not speaking out my ass. You have a good heart, and you're going to get through this trial.
Take this quote:
>“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” - Jung
And compare it to these:
>I don't want to die. You're right. I don't. But it's more of something I HAVE TO DO rather than want to.
>felt like I was nothing, like I didn't matter
>I am nothing. Please don't care about me too hard, I don't deserve one bit of it.
Childhood/immaturity is about delusions of grandeur, of hope.
Adulthood/maturity is about harsh realism, bordering on paranoia and anxiety...
You're going through a perfectly normal process. You are acknowledging, accepting, and assimilating the Truth that some people spend their lives running from, in every aspect.
When you come out on the other side of this Abyss, this rock-bottom pit of Hellish design, you will be well-equipped to truly begin living.
I believe in you
Well-met and Godspeed
I'm still in shock at the whole situation
at how fucking indifferent you are to how intensely traumatized I am, that you could say those things about him, when I thought he was one of my closest fucking friends
and at the drop of a hat for some attention and some pussy he completely throws our friendship aside and now you two are fucking DATING, after only 3 months, did the last two years mean fucking nothing? how the fuck are you emotionally stable enough to even date again, let alone with a person who I thought of as a best friend, when my life has completely fucking crumbled and literally all I do all day is try to rationalize killing myself
I detest both of you from my core and hope my suicide haunts you
>>16613499
here's the full quote btw
>Flunk first semester of college with a .857 GPA
>Grades on assignments weren't even that bad, just missed a lot of classes and got fucked on attendance
>Parents think it's because I have a drug problem because they know I smoke weed, but that's not the case and I only smoke sparingly on weekends
>Depressed for the past 3-4 months
>Constant thoughts of suicide
>Mom lecturing me on how I wasn't "raised like this" even though my Mom did jack shit to raise me
Don't even know if I'm going to be allowed to re-enroll for the spring semester. Considering just offing myself if I can't. Don't know what I'm really posting here for, just looking to vent. Might join the military, don't even know.
God, I feel like shit. There's this feeling of disgust with myself that appears after almost every social interaction. I feel emotionally drained. Doing almost anything requires huge effort. I feel uncomfortable. I want to isolate myself from everyone I know, to heal, to regain just some part of my inner energy. I'm not sleeping well. I get panic attacks. I'm nauseous too frequently. And most importantly, I'm scared. My thoughts are scattered.
To sum up, I feel like shit. But I've told no-one.
Why did you start ignoring me? Things were great. We just clicked and got along. But you wanted me to come out on Halloween to see you. So I did. I pushed myself to socialize with you and your friends. I reached out. I wanted to change myself for you. I showed up late and just because of that you won't even talk to me? Why'd you even bother? The only reason I haven't been in class is because I can't show my face around you. You're the whole reason I haven't shown up at school entirely for 2 months now. I don't want run into you in the halls. I just missed you terribly that night, and you ruined me for it. Thanks Scarlet.
Fell for a straight guy again. He knows too since we drink together a lot. He's cool with it and sometimes flirts back a little (or a lot). Shit gets draining though. Every time I think I'm over it he does or says something that sparks my interest again. I should probably cut contact but we are too close. I'd feel bad. We hang out about four days a week. Fuck being gay. This happens every time I make male friends.
>>16613699
If you were genuinely interested in what you're studying at college, you wouldn't be failing. Find what you enjoy in life and pursue it.
I love my new job. The pay is great and the benefits will be too, but a lot of my co-workers are huge douche bags who don't care about the position and are just looking for a paycheck. I know you'll find people like that everywhere but I feel like these people aren't considering the opportunities here. The worst part is some of these idiots consider me their friends and I don't know a way of politely saying "Fuck off."
>>16613807
Don't see what could be bothering you on a personal level but would say just look out for nr. 1 and forget about other peoples motivations.
Climb the ladder presented to you or don't and whatever you do, don't create enemies among you're co-workers no matter how bad they are.
Last night me and my friends were driving around at 5 oclock in the morning looking for adult porn stores to go garbage dumbing. We drove all across atlanta and didnt sleep that night. We hit up 3 love shacks and some place called the intervention. We all were supposed to be cat sitting a neighbors cat. car filled with porn by 7 in the morning. we all sleep untill 4 in the afternoon
>>16613319
Sorry.
I am just nearing the point where I cannot do this for much longer, as it has been nearly a year.
She isn't even as old as I was when we met, but she will see, one day. It chafes, knowing this.
Such is my life.
apparently I'm the worst human being ever
I'll never get a gf because obviously I don't deserve one
didn't think curses were real, but seems like I was proven wrong
>>16613906
Nah, don't worry. In the eyes of several, I take claim to that title and they aren't wrong. You'll get your girlfriend one day, anon.
All of my neighbors are fucking insane. this is probably the most fucked up highrise building in downtown. they were rapping to yung lean instrumentals at 5 am. they take pics of naked black girls hanging off their balcony and they are only paying their rent because they sell coke.
>>16614069
i went to the basement by accident once because i pressed the wrong button in the elevator and people were having sex. in the basement.
all kinds of shit happens on the roof, im not even gonna talk about the roof.
>>16613881
>>16611857
>tfw no sexy older guy writing this for me
;_;
>>16614087
How do you know hes sexy?
I really want to start a fake half life 3 rumor
>>16606668
Told my mom I'm graduating from college by spring.
She gives zero fucks...
Ever since I was little, she has hated the idea of women getting an education. I'm not even some psycho femnazi about all this, but getting a career and education is something I have longed to do. Getting this far is amazing. For the past five years of college, my mom has constantly shit on me about getting a degree. Saying it's pointless, worthless, etc.
When I asked her what she'd like me to do instead, she said "You're pretty enough to use your looks to get an easy life. Find a guy, and marry rich." I'm objectively an average looking female with a stubborn and morbid personality. I had little friends growing up, am the opposite of charming and outgoing. People think I am harsh and sarcastic and "intimidating." I wouldn't make a good trophy wife.
Plus, it's not the 1930's anymore. I'm not going to find some rando-rich dude at 23 making a 6 figure income that will take care of me and only me for the rest of his life as long as I birth his babies and make him dinner.
Hurts that my only family left isn't even proud of me. But I'm not going to let that get in the way of being proud of myself.
>>16614254
Just intuition. I could be wrong.
Stop trying to ruin my fantasy!
She said she wants to keep seeing me, despite me being Autismus Optimus Maximus III.
Nothing's wrong yet, but I'm so happy and hopeful for a change, /adv/.
>>16614836
wrong = won*
>>16614836
Good for you, anon. Take care.
i want to delete my fb, break up & kick my gf out, and go on an adventure after finishing my grad school of choice.
I either have too much or too little confidence. Can't find balance.
When I was 15 I stole 2400 dollars from a gas station.
You should edit this a little bit and send it.
I hate saying YOLO, but it is true. What if you're right?
>>16615468
I cannot brain. This was for >>16611857.
I think my bf is going to leave me soon. I feel like he's getting bored of me very quickly and I don't think I'm satisfying him sexually anymore. That, or he just doesn't want to sleep with me for some reason.
>>16614454
I don't know you, and yet I feel proud of you. I mean, you reached this far with no family support? You have some balls, girl.
Look up and aim high. You deserve it.
Charlotte i m fucking caught by you, that innocent smile, that accent when you talk Spanish, how you are able to keep on conversation and never shut up. But fuck I'm such a beta when texting you, I'd just hope I could be able and tell you everything to your face but most of all pass some time next to you.
-YM
My girlfriend cheated on me and I still love her.
Nobody got me anything for Christmas even though I got most of my friends + family presents.
Birthdays are my favorite holiday and my last birthday ruined the magic of holidays for me.
I haven't been able to hold onto a friend for more than 3 years. Not because i'm an ugly or terrible person, but it just happens. Even when I try to stay in contact.
All I want is a close friend or even a girl friend who could also be a best friend and just hug me and talk to me while we play smash bros or something...
T,I am going to knock your old ass out if you keep pushing your opinions where they are not wanted . I scored the killer job with insane overtime , not your dumbass and if I want to spend some of MY money on nice things for myself , it's none of your fucking business .My bills are current and paid . I paid cash for a few things and I'm not saving every dime I make because YOU think I need to . What good is having a huge pile of cash if you never enjoy a portion of it ? None of your business so fuck off . I have heard enough of your control bullshit . I am pissed and gonna hurt you if you don't back off.
>>16614454
You sound awesome and I would become your friend to support you as much as I could.
Pretty sure my bf is talking to a gay guy that nearly ruined our relationship early last year.
But obviously I can't say anything because then I'll be the bad guy. Fuck.
>>16615468
>>16615476
No need, as she is here, lurking.
I know, which is the only reason I am still active on this board, in this thread. That will end in March, as I am only a man.
Thank you though.
>>16615701
These things can't be left unsaid, Anon. She'll be more receptive than you think.
"Daddy".
Lol.
>>16615701
your posts are hitting my feels. why march?
I fuck shit up when it comes to me being in relationships/ friends/ family because I am trying to focus on bettering myself financial wise. Coming up from nothing to now actually being able to have a really nice car/ home I tend to focus on keeping that and shutting out people who want to get with me and those who care for me as friends and family. I keep telling myself that once I feel comfortable financially ( being able to support more than 3 people) I'll start over on making relationships with new people and rekindle friendships that I've messed up by being too distant. It'll be a long ride till I feel like that time is right.
