I have 2 sisters, who are allowed to wax their legs and pluck their eyebrows, and ive spoken to them about it, they keep telling me not to worry and that my parents wont notice me plucking my hair, and in fairness they havent so far. But my sisters are getting very annoyed with the fact i keep bringing this up. I've irritated friends with my worrys aswell, and i've been told it's a first world problem, and i should just stop complaining about this but its consuming me adv, i get its just a beard, but still I can't stop thinking about it, I cant shake this feeling of being down. I feel like shit and I don't know what todo. Now its my turn to piss off all of you with my problems.

My religion and culture has also been stressing me out in other ways too, there is a girl I like but she is a muslim, so im not allowed to be with her, even if I was allowed to be with her I doubt she would even like me because of my turban and beard. I also get anxious because I have to have an arranged marriage to a religious sikh girl.

So whats your verdict? am I just a first world problem-er who is just being greedy, am I behaving like someone who thinks the world revolves around me? Or am I actually allowed to feel depressed and anxious like i am?

(2/2)

also pic related is not me, but it how most sikh men look. I don't want this to be me.

You're a grown ass man now. Do what you want

If you did denounce your religion what are the consequences?

Either you cut your hair and tell them you aren't a Sikh or you pretend to be a Sikh forever.

Do you think its worth pretending to be a Sikh for the rest of your life?

>>16606182

I dont know... I should have wrote in the OP, i'm shit scared this is going to break my mom. I'm scared it will make her depressed, or will just destroy her.

I have no idea what this will do to my parents, and if growing a beard means keeping my parents happy then surely i should just grow the beard.

Every time I think of wanting to trim my beard I tell myself "Wouldn't you do anything to keep your parents happy, and mentally healthy?" and then I feel like a bad person.

My parents have funded my education, they paid tuition, rent, they just bought me a new car for £8000...

Well first of all, since you've been living away from home for so long and your parents only saw you in photos, I really doubt your parents will be aware that is not how 'natural sikh bears look'. I mean, surely the Sikh god is not against shampoo and conditioner, hairspray or hair gel, nail polish, eyeliner and other cosmetic products and adornments.

Secondly, if you feel disavowed with the religion and you do not believe it is right for you, you should wait until med school is over, tell your parents that your western education and cultural upbringing does not mesh well with the cultural and spiritual beliefs of your childhood. Then take off your turban, get a haircut, shave your damn beard before going home.

Your parents are not ALLAH AKBAH levels of extremists who would disown you or do other horrible things. They already invested heavily in you by sending you interstate for med school. It is one thing to discipline a young boy they fear is veering into the wrong path of the unknown, it is very very another to try and overrule a grown ass man who has already found their place in the world.

In a way, the fact that you are annoying the shit out of everyone else and the fact that you are so afraid of something-or-other shows that you haven't actually emotionally matured enough to make a conscious decision about your personal spirituality and how much that ties into a traditionalist Sikh point of view. Look, most nonwhite kids go through a sort of self-hating phase, but you should overcome that and even if you may not be the stereotypical race/gender/religious group member, you are at peace with identifying yourself as such. No one else can teach you how to go about that.

>>16606191
>Well first of all, since you've been living away from home for so long and your parents only saw you in photos, I really doubt your parents will be aware that is not how 'natural sikh bears look'. I mean, surely the Sikh god is not against shampoo and conditioner, hairspray or hair gel, nail polish, eyeliner and other cosmetic products and adornments.

JUst so you know, I've only lived away from home during the 36-40 weeks that consist of university term time. I spend the holidays at home.

>In a way, the fact that you are annoying the shit out of everyone else and the fact that you are so afraid of something-or-other shows that you haven't actually emotionally matured enough to make a conscious decision about your personal spirituality and how much that ties into a traditionalist Sikh point of view. Look, most nonwhite kids go through a sort of self-hating phase, but you should overcome that and even if you may not be the stereotypical race/gender/religious group member, you are at peace with identifying yourself as such. No one else can teach you how to go about that.

I spend a large part of my fourth year depressed about my religion and wanted to learn more about its history and philosophy before i turned my back on it. everything I read made me realise more and more that I didn't want to be a sikh, but the problem was that I couldnt carry on learning about sikhism because medical school got more intense.

>>16606206
>I spend the holidays at home
Well, and either so far they have told you that it is not the Sikh way to condition and brush and style your beard or it is so.

Look, at any rate, I really fucking doubt a hospital will allow someone to be a fucking health menace when you get your residency. I am sure large enough hospitals will have policies tailored to Sikhs, but it will probably not be the traditionalist point of view your parents share.

Look, at the end of the day, the fact is, you've lived as a Sikh all your life. Even if you say you don't want to PURSUE the Sikh religion anymore, doesn't mean you haven't lived all your life as a Silk and your worldview is permanently molded into that in many aspects.

All you will be telling your parents is that you do not wish to follow the religion. Just because a Jew eats bacon and sings Christmas carols doesn't mean his penis wasn't circumcized and he didn't have a Bar Mitzvah, or that he will never stop associating beef brisket with Passover and chicken soup for Shabbat.

This is something you just have to come to terms with.

>"Wouldn't you do anything to keep your parents happy, and mentally healthy?"

Not if it had substantial consequences to my own well being.

They're adults, I'm an adult, adults don't try to control other adults lives.

>>16606146
I read your post in an indian accent.

Do your parents live in a Western country? You're free to choose if that is the case.

>>16606243

I was born and raised in england

>>16606146

Shave your shit off

Tell your family you're sorry, but you dont follow the religion. You aren't gonna force them to be atheists so they shouldnt force you to be a sikh.

If they disown you for it, so be it. They chose their beliefs and religion over their own son and you should do the same. You gotta do whats best for you

I'm a Sikh too and I say cut it off. Your mom will get over it but most likely be mad. It's not like hair is that important if it grows back every time. The gurus didn't even write anywhere in the granth sahib to keep it either. Do what you want it's you're life

Stop being a pussy and shave. Your parents will get over. As far as I know Sikh aren't Muslims or Sith so I doubt anyone is going to kill you for breaking some stupid religious rule.
99.9% of the world doesn't give a shit about this stupid rule and neither should you. If you live in the West you have FREEDUMS, use those freedums.

Hi OP.

Please don't feel bad that you have to talk about your problems, if it's getting to you this much then it is something you need to talk about, I'm glad you decided to post.

The important thing to realise about a parent-child relationship is that parents will of course do things they think is in the best interests of their child, and that often translates into facilitating your education, and buying things that you need.

This entitles them to your respect, and your gratitude. However, it doesn't entitle them to anything else.

Your parents made the decision to raise you, but that does not entitle them to dictate how you live your life.

When we care for those we love, we do it because we love them. If you do it because you're expecting something in return, the motivation ceases to be love, and you have no obligation to meet those expectations.

They might be doing this out of your own best interests, they might wholeheartedly believe that raising their son Sikh is essential to raising him to be a good man; but look at what those decisions are doing to you.
Do you think you can be the best man you can be with these problems clouding your judgement and staying your hand from choices you wish to make?

Guilt is a common tactic used in abuse cycles to convince you to do what the other person wants. I am not saying that your parents are abusing you, but I'm drawing a parallel between both situations to illustrate the point that guilt isn't a valid reason for you to do what somebody says you should do. It never is.

>>16606146
You sound like a great song, and I do believe that you need to take this issue to your father, there is absolutely no way that you are the only Sikh to have these issues, and you need to discuss this subject with people who have been where you are now, don't underestimate your fathers love for you - give him a chance to show you.

I think plucking hairs and things like this shows a high level of distress. You need to talk to someone

>>16607467
Son, not song

>>16606146
>It was then I started to reject my religion

children these days...