tl;dr: Bf doesn't like the way I fuck but won't give me details as to why. He also wants to have sex more but knowing he doesn't like how I fuck makes me REALLY anxious to do it.
>Bf and i get drunk together the day before he's going away for the holidays
>next day I wake up super nauseous, combination of period and hangover
>he asks me to give him a BJ since he's leaving soon and we won't be able to do anything for a while
>I say no because I feel sick
>He goes into the bedroom to do his thing
>A few minutes later I go vomit
>He hears me and after asking if I"m okay, says "Jeez, first you wouldn't go down on me, and then your vomit noises almost made me not be able to cum"
>My feelings are kind of hurt but I just brush it off as him trying to be funny/getting out a little frustration
However, it gets worse. As we're showering together, he asks me why we never have sex anymore. He's right, we don't do it that frequently. He asks me why I never initiate it. This is where it gets complicated.
((CONTINUED...)))
A big reason why I don't come on to him is because for about 2 months every time I asked him if he wanted to do anything, he turned me down, and he refused to talk about why he never wanted to have sex anymore. However, I knew if I told him that, he'd say "You're just trying to blame this on me", so I had to pick reasons that had nothing to do with him. I told him that having sex made me self-conscience about my body, to which he just said "Okay" as in "Yeah right, whatever". We stopped talking about it for a while. Then around the same time we both brought up different sides of the same issue.
ME: Well, there's also the issue that I kind of have performance anxiety, I worry that you're not satisfied with me sexually..
HIM: Oh, and when we DO have sex, you're...really awkward sometimes
I tell him that now it feels like my worst fears have been confirmed and ask him what to do to be less awkward.
HIM: I don't know, I feel like that's just something everyone has to learn on their own.
I have no idea what to do with that. The only tangible advice he gave me was "You just lie there when we're fucking"
but that's not true at all. I'm on top half the time and when he's on top I'm doing the same kind of shit he does when I'm on top...scratching his back, kissing his neck, etc.
It's like he has no actual concrete advice/criticism to give me besides that he's not happy. And now knowing that he's not happy makes me want to have sex even less....
Why do girls do this
All these fucking words
I'm not reading this
>sex before marriage
He's a punk.
>>16598210
It has nothing to do with sex. Your boyfriend gives zero shits about you. Express this. Then move on, or see if the relationship will patch up. I usually go for option 1 because people are less likely to change even when they're the core suspect and problem because they have to WANT to change, and if they don't give a shit about you, they won't.
>your vomit noises almost made me not cum
Yeah, he loves you a whole lot.
>>16598263
To be fair after our conversation he apologized and said he didn't mean to make me feel bad and that he just wanted to talk about t because it had been bothering him. But he went about ti in a really shitty way, he even said "I've never had this kind of problem in a relationship before" like thanks for comparing our sex life to the sex lives with all your exes..
Ayway if I told him he didnt care about me he would deny it or make up excuses or turn it around on me. that's what happens any time i call him out on being an asshole.
In a long-term relationship, there will be many disgusting moments. One or both of you will be sick and barf, accidentally let out farts, fall asleep on the couch and drool all over the place, etc. There will also be times when sex isn't good for either of you.
Get over it. The way he's treated you, however, speaks volumes about his character (about personality traits that cannot be "fixed"). He's not a good guy. Not only does he put you down, but he offers to constructive suggestions on how to change that. What a fucking asshole.
>>16598374
offers no* constructive suggestions
He's an immature and inconsiderate asshole. Here's what you do: you get the fuck out of that disgusting "relationship"
>>16598337
He makes you feel like shit, and when you let him know he's doing it, he deflects the conversation or turns it around on you. That is not a good relationship. And like you're saying, it's kind of hard to have good sex if you feel like you're being judged and evaluated the whole time.
Your relationship will go nowhere if you can't communicate about shit like this.
>>16598743
>>16598728
>>16598374
yep, don't put up with this shit, OP! anons are giving you good advice here, listen to them.
>>16598337
>To be fair after our conversation he apologized and said he didn't mean to make me feel bad
Yeah, sure. Either he really is that oblivious to how his inconsiderate and non-constructive actions/words impact you, or he doesn't give half a damn to think about it. He has no idea how to communicate what he wants and thinks it's up to YOU to read his mind and figure it out.
If all these confidence issues you have stem from him and this relationship, that should be a HUGE red flag right there.
Based on what you've told us, he doesn't care about communication EXCEPT where it gets him what he wants. And even there, he seems kind of inept and unwilling to learn or change. At best, he's a lazy partner. It's possible he's just using you. Get out of the relationship.
>>16598263
Fuck people like you. Your number one solution is to break up for essentially every problem. You sound like a bitter asshole, and the world could do with fewer of your sort.
>>16598762
I jsut tried to talk to him about it again and it somehow got turned around on me again with some kind of vague acceptance to be nicer on his part....he told me that I was being petty for getting so upset about him being rude to me and started to talk about my alcohol problem and blamed me being upset on having drank a glass of wine...I probably wouldn't have had the courage to say anything without it but I was upset regardless of alcohol. Although I should have approached it more levelheadedly ibguess.
I couldn't even bring up this particular incident because I was too afraid of mean things he might say about me sexually...I stuck to other recent assholish things. I tried to break up with him but somehow he made me feel guilty for doing so, and kept telling me I was a bad girlfriend. Idk what to believe or do.
a man knows what he wants. hes a boy. dump him
>>16598921
>he's trying to guilt trip you for being a "bad girlfriend"
>being a massive cockmongler
>he still hasn't broken up with you even though you're so "inferior"
textbook manipulation
pretty big red flag lady
if i was a pretty xx-chromosome i'd slap a bitch and move to greener pastures
or just not be in a relationship for a little while and save it for someone who's confirmed worth it
fuck it what do i know, i'm not a female
