So me and my wife have not been able to fuck in months. Live in a small house. Paper thin walls. Have 2 kids and any little noise and they wake the fuck up and are fully awake. It doesn't matter what time it is. We tryed playing to tired them out so we can get some fuck time but as soon there is a tiny moan, bed creaking, even a fucking sneeze and these 2 get up and run to our bed to see whats up. Basically i need help getting my kids to sleep.
Maybe some kind of knock out drug
>>16597220
Why not just soundproof your room?
You guys need to take a vacation together and leave the kids with friends/a babysitter, or just send them off to Grandma's house for a weekend so you and your wife can have the place to yourselves.
Besides that, there's not much you can do. It sounds like they're at that age where they're old enough to ask questions and move around independently, but not yet old enough to understand social boundaries. For a couple more years, it's gonna be pretty much impossible to get laid with everyone in the house together.
Start mastering the art of the "quickie" so you and your wife can take full advantage of any free moments you can get. It's a bit like being a teenager again, and having to sneak around your parents.
>>16597228
Not my house... tight on money
>>16597231
Really difficult to do. I work almost all day, wake up at 0400 and get home around 1900. So basically just play with the kids talk to the wife a bit go to sleep and repeat.....vacation sounds good but tight on money. We have no family nearby. And the couple of friends we have work most of the time and wont have time to look after the kids
Go onto a public bus and fuck
Go to the park fuck in bushes
Go on top of building and fuck
Go to the movies fuck
Go into a bathroom and fuck
Go into the kids room and fuck
Go into the police station and fuck
Go to a restaurant and fuck
Go in your backyard and fuck
Maybe try getting a radio to play lullabies or something, just so they can get used to sleeping with noise. How old are they?
>>16597260
Are they in school yet? do they have friends at school? You can start working out "play-dates" with their parents, trade off so that sometimes you'll host, and sometimes they will. This is generally the best and cheapest way to get your kids out of the house for a night.
>>16597291
3 and 5
>>16597290
I wished. The wife is really timid. She won't do any risqué thing.
>>16597296
Tried that. It didn't work out.
>>16597316
Can't you juste take a bath together?
>>16597316
What is so wrong with getting a cheap babysitter and going to a "movie" (motel to fug) and coming back two hours later?
>>16597220
If you have in-laws or parents have them watch the little rascals so you and your wife can make more.
>>16597319
Why not? The kids are too young to sleep in another person's house without you, or just didn't get along with the kids/parents?
Honestly though, the best thing you can do is just start establishing boundaries. Explain to them that they're not allowed in your room after bedtime, and start locking your bedroom door while you're going at it.
If you really don't want them to hear ANY noises, play music in your bedroom to cover it up, or start getting them used to sleeping with music or a white-noise machine. But really, even though they're young and it's awkward, sex is a normal part of life and you really don't need to go to such great lengths to hide it from them. They'll ask questions, you can answer honestly, and they'll turn out healthier for it in the long run. It's not like you're hosting swinger parties in your living room. You're trying to have a normal sex life with your wife. There's no shame in that whatsoever.
Let them watch a movie/children show. Fuck while they watch it. That's what my parents did..
>>16597320
There that is a good idea a lot better than mine
Holy shit I would smash their faces in.
Like just reading this scenario makes me frustrated as fuck.
>>16597333
This is a good post. You should listen to this man.
shouldnt have had kids then. playtime is over.
>>16597392
>Holy shit I would smash their faces in.
This. What's more important? Two little brats or sex?
Put some rum in their bottles. Seriously. It'll help keep them asleep. Look it up.
>>16597220
Have less noisy sex? 69?
Teach your kids that bedtime is BEDTIME and they can't get out of the bed because of any little noise and if they wake up to just try to go back to sleep. Literally everyone just goes back to sleep. If they disobey and come out of their room anyway, don't coddle them with attention. Tell them to walk themselves back to their fucking room. Keep your bedroom door locked.
My parents used to let me and my sister watch movies as background noise to help us fall asleep, or listen to cassette tapes of Disney soundtracks. You could do something similar.
Have you tried locking your fucking bedroom door... how can you be this fucking stupid and procreate? Never mind, I know its easy to that.
