>1/2
Why are men so adamant about staying friends with a girl they like?
For almost every guy I've met in my entire adult life, the second things go sour between them and a love interest of theirs -- is the second they believe they have to cut everything off with her.
I have never, EVER been able to understand why staying friends with her would be such a problem. No matter how often I try to debate it with them, whether to call them out on their contentious behavior, or I'm earnestly trying to understand where they're coming from (and failing) -- they're still as stuck up and stubborn as ever.
The way they react is also baffling. When it comes to finalizing whatever it is they need before breaking the news to her that they should keep their distance: some of them are bitter and arrogant; while others are morose, devastated, and act like as if they THINK they have to do cut her off; as if they BELIEVE they no longer have a choice. And strangely, I find the latter worse than the former here; and the more confusing. I don't understand the idea that you absolutely must distance yourself from an ex-lover.
>>16590076
>2/2
And because they seem so conflicted, it implies that they really don't want to go through with it. So I try to appeal to that, and attempt to convince them to just stay friends with her. That's the least they could do, and she's at least entitled to their friendship.
But no, this ends up sparking arguments with even the sweetest, nicest of my guy friends. Hell, I even begged some of them before to at least please, keep her as a friend. I've honestly begged them as deeply and sincerely as I could. Yet not only does this further the arguments, but it has resulted in them cutting *me* off as a friend. Even those who I cared about the most, they still dropped me from the face of the Earth and act like I was never there in the first place.
So why are men so picky and stuck up about staying friends with women? Nothing about this should be so hard and dramatic. Nothing about it is even close to being logical. And yet it's always men overreacting and making such a big deal out women and friendships. A big deal out of something which is really as close to nonexistence as you can get.
>>16590078
Because hanging with other dudes are easier than with the OPPOSITE sex. You don't have to constantly explain yourself. Your bro understands with a simple nod. Kinda like how you can't understand this situation.
Also guys want their own gf/wife, any time they spend with a female who will not be a mate, is time away from finding a mate.
>>16590094
Pretty much this.
>>16590076
Because it's fucking painful being around someone whom you have feelings for and having a constant reminder that they will never ever reciprocate your feelings. While I somewhat agree with you that people should be able to be mature enough to remain friends with someone even though their romantic relationship did not work out. But, I also agree with the other side and completely understand wanting to cut contact.
Human relationships and feeling are complicated and often nonsensical.
I've posted this in reference to break ups, but it applies here as well:
It has to do with the way men and women tend to processes emotional situations.
Women tend to experience things when they experience them and are able to emote them. When they feel like they're dying relationship they whine, they complain, they cry, they talk about it to their friends, they feel everything that they feel, LOONG before the breakup occurs. The deal with it all bit by bit, over a prolonged period of time. Not only that, but she becomes used to the emotional impact and so is better adjusted so when it does happen, no only is it a lesser burden, but she's become used to it.
With men though, we're not really trained to deal with emotional situations. We instead are taught to think logically, to find the least emotional solution, to find the quickest solution that reduces our exposure to the situation, or to outright ignore it and "tough it out". So we try to deal with it all at a once (rip the band-aid off logic)
This means that by the time breakup happens, sometimes there are these cases where when it happens to a woman, she's ALREADY dealt with nearly ALL the emotional baggage that a breakup entails, days/weeks/months in advance, so she's just instantly able to pick up and move on.
But with a guy, maybe he's ignore the ENTIRE thing, and then when it his, he's completely blindsided by the event. On top of that, in some extreme cases, because he's actively tried to limit his exposure to anything emotional, his system just isn't used to dealing with intense emotions and just doesn't know how to respond. And they get overwhelmed, both by the amount of emotional burden, and by the shock of it's newness.
TL;DR:
Women tend to get used to dealing with emotional events, a little at a bit over long periods of time
Men: Tend to try deal with emotional events as one giant block, all at once.
>>16590076
>>16590078
as much as i hate the ' I NEED TO FIND A GF' mentality, i dont blame men for not wanting random chicks for friends.
if a guy was friends wiht every single female that rejected them, they'd have wayyyyy too many friends.
more reasons
>male and female interests dont add up well
a lot of guys who are friends with girls often have to basically go on dates with them, and in many cases end up paying for them. even if not paying for the date, hes still paying for himself, which is money he is losing just to socialize and catch up. with a guy you just go over, grab a beer, grab a controller, and chill.
>conflicting feelings
if the guy wanted you as a gf, and keeps you around, he might develop more feelings. hes sure he cant get you though so its a waste of his time and also forcing himself to feel conflicted. even worse, hes missing out on other girls, cuz he might hold out for the hope of you, or WORSE, he gets another girl, but she has trouble accepting his friendship with you cuz you two are basically dating.
a girl being a guys friend within a social circle of guys and girls is fine, they may even hang out 1 on 1 when others arent available. but hanging out wiht someone as a friend who you met with the intention to date just doesnt work.
im gay, but im not making friends left and right with guys im not into/arent into me. i already got good friends.
I've experienced it the other way around yesterday: i finally expressed my feelings for a girl i really liked and she told me she didn't feel the same way and that she wanted some space between us.
We used to sit next to eachother during class, but after yesterday she doesn't want that anymore.
>>16590078
You need to mind your own damn business, first of all. You've made this into a bigger deal than they have, and it's *you* who should be analyzed here. Clearly you have some abandonment issues to get involved in someone else's breakup so often.
I personally have attempted to be friends with each of my exes. I have kept one of them a friend. The only ex that I succeeded with was someone I just can't actually date due to college and infrequent visits. Breakups just have a way on not working out. That's why it's called being dumped.
>>16590076
I can't speak for anybody but myself of course, but I am currently in a situation, where I've fallen in love with a girl and she doesn't care for me at all.
Of course, I could try to accept that, but no matter how much I would try to feign normality or a friendship, everytime I see her at university, it just tears me apart. It really, really hurts to see her.
That's why I decided a couple of weeks ago to not do anything with her, or talk to her, or the girls she hangs out with.
Might sound selfish, in the sense that I spend only time with someone, if I have a personal reason to do so, but honestly, during that couple of weeks, when I tried to be "friends", everytime after we learned together, I couldn't get done anything afterwards during the whole day, because of the inner turmoil.
And at a certain point you have to ask yourself, if it's worth to ruin your own time and work, for a woman, who doesn't care about you.
>>16590076
>>16590078
I allways cut contact if I'm trying to get in with a girl and she's having none of it. Trying to have a platonic friendship with someone you want to sleep with is like being really hungry, you walk in to a resturaunt, they put a big, juicy t-bone steak in front of you - then the waiter says "Sorry mate, you're not actually allowed to eat that, but you can sit here all night and look at it if you want".
>>16590105
>Because it's fucking painful being around someone whom you have feelings for and having a constant reminder that they will never ever reciprocate your feelings.
This. It takes time and distance to recover from wounds like that, and your constant presence in their lives would only keep reopening those wounds, keeping the paib fresh.
It is unfair to blame you for the initial sting: feels are feels, and if you're not feeling it then you're not feeling it. It would beve unreasonable to ask you to just "turn on" romantic feelings, as though that could be accomplished by flipping a switch. But for the exact same reason, it is unreasonable to ask them to just "turn off". Time and distance are what they need, and you ARE to blame for denying them that by insisting on staying close.
This is not immaturity. It is gried: emotionally and physiologically not much different from mourning for something that died. It borders on heartless to judge people for grieving in the ways that they must.
>>16590094
This, you're just a waste of time if you aren't putting out. Let alone when you're fucking men that aren't us in front of us. You're basically asking why men don't want to be your cucked lapdog. You liked how he made you feel and having someone to confide in and he liked having a girlfriend. If you stop fucking him you aren't his girlfriend. It also hurts to see you with other men. I know the word cuck is overused but in this case that's what you want.
Basically because men have self respect.
