Love and " Real love" is a fiction. You'll get there. It's better to control. Start by stalking because that's normal. Striking up a conversation is weird and creepy.

>>16581285
you don't need to cut contact with them unless you're obsessed. obsession is never healthy, and people overestimate its qualifications. but you sound obsessed and i can't see how that wouldn't be the case. i'm not here to judge you, only to help. i want you to be okay, but you won't be okay unless you find a way to get over that obsession even if it's removing that person from your life.

p.s. i was like you, the reason no one understands is because anyone who was gets several years down the road and realizes they were wrong. you're either going to have to force yourself to trust me here or learn the hard way and suffer and potentially miss out on meeting someone great. somewhere deep down you know this is true but you have too many thoughts. try meditating on this a couple times every day if you can't find to understand me yet

>>16581316
I "was" pretty much obsessed, yeah. The relationship ended and I was treated really bad, but because I didn't want to lose everything, I kept trying to "go back to how everything was" while on their side it was just "I dont care, whatever happened, happened."
This situation turned us pretty much into strangers now, I'm probably hated for being "clingy and creepy" and even though I'm the one who was fucked over I'm still thinking about it and hoping we could still be friends in the future.
I now know that we can't even be friends the way it was before, when the relationship ended all the interest on me also ended, so as "friends" it was pretty much some boring chit-chat, which made me feel depressed, but I still want to somehow be connected, to be able to say happy birthday, congratulate on something good that happened, wish a merry christmas and happy new year, etc.
I think I can be strong enough to not expect the same friendship I had before but at the same time I don't know if I will be considered a sick person for trying to have a conversation now, I dont know.

>>16581344
it sounds like she doesn't want to do that too though, right? it's certainly not anything as involved as it was to wish happy holidays or congratulations but if she doesn't want to work for that too forcing it will just make you more depressed and her unhappy. you can still love and care for someone while knowing that letting go is for the best and taking pride in that as well as finding happiness

>>16581354
Tbh I don't know, before, even though I was getting a very cold treatment the phrase was always "of course I will be happy to be friends, of course, talk to me". But after our fight months ago I don't even know if any kind of connections would work, probably would think that I'm still trying to make things be the way they were before, or "forcing anything".
I wanted things to be the way they were, and because I saw zero interest I tried "forcing" it to work out through discussions, arguments, and it probably removed all of his patience.
If I talk to him now, he could either think I'm still obsessed and want to avoid the same old discussions happening again, with me "forcing friendship", or maybe it could work, but I dont really know.
Maybe I should wait some time, maybe a year, to let things cool down a bit?

>>16581411
i think when the feelings come up for you, you should respond to them. it's not right to sit on something. you could just apologize for your part of the fight and say how you don't want to come across as trying to force things again because you have no desire to but your friendship still means enough to you to want to at least stay in touch even if it's not frequently and you'd like to know how he felt

You sound co-dependent. I was in my last relationship too. That intense love that you think you have is not actually a very healthy love and not fulfilling for you. True love DOES fulfill you.
Before any type of love you need to have a good relationship with yourself full of self-love and self-care. Co-dependents rarely have this and instead externalize on their partners thinking if they can make them happy, they will be happy.
You are the only one that has the power to make yourself happy, not anyone else.
There are plenty of good books, like Codependent No More, you can look into to help overcome this damaging way of thinking. You'll feel so much better when you do, trust me.

Girls are empty. They view shit like this as great drama. Gives them emotions and feelings. Soulless creatures.

>>16581441
In reality I'm working on this problem now but depending on people or not I think that someone dear to me shouldn't be forgotten, I'm the type of person that forgives and forgets problems but remembers good moments, I want the people I like around me, that's the thing.

Moving on doesn't mean you have to stop loving someone.

>>16581460
That's part of the control dynamic a lot of Co-dependents have though. You can't control whether this person wants you as a part of their life and ultimately respecting that decision is valuing their separateness from you which is scary but nessecary to heal.