I live next doors to my grandmother's house. I live with my mom. Until a couple of months ago we lived together with my dad.
Why? Do you ask. He has always been sick. My entire 24 years. He has diabetes and never took care of himself, he ballooned up his weight like a motherfucker, he has high blood pressure and one of his knees blew up when he was in his 20's (he is 64 now) and never took care of it either.
Every now and then he has this huge attacks where we need to hospitalize him. The first one was in 07, the second in 2012 and the third one was this past September. He is at the point of no return. His heart grew up and he can't handle heat or any kind of movement because he has water in his lungs.
He now lives with his mother. Why? Because it was to much for my mother and i. We took care of him all of his life. My mother is in his 60's to, she is in great shape but she can't cope with him any more. My either.
A couple of minutes ago my grandmother comes runnin and saying he is having some sort of "heat stroke" i rush in, he is naked in the bed, he can't get up, i need to help him... He is cursing and moaning and screaming...
I NEVER have had a moment where i saw my dad healthy. It has always been this way.
I'm sure he is going to die soon. If not by next week, maybe next month.
And i hate to say this about my own fucking dad but if this shit keeps going, he needs to die. Its not healthy for any of us.
I help my mother in the family business (a family hardware store that is 60 years old) and work for a paper by night. We are in good financial situation, but the problem is the little to no peace we have with him.
It might sound selfish to you. But we have to put up with this shit for 20+ years. All my life. A life of seeing him waste his life. Breaking the family apart... We always lend him a hand, but he graved the whole arm and always refused to seek help... Even though we talked to him, pay the doctors, pay the drugs...
At this moment i can only ask what did we do to deserve this.
I'm glad i was quick enough to realize and not follow my father's pat. I was fat to, but i got my shit together and i'm at my ideal weight now.
If i learnt something about living with an addict is to not make your children carry a baggage they don't deserve.
If you are having a kid, make sure to be a dad. To be able to play catch, to fill your kid's memories with happy moments. Sure, there might come hard times, but they shouldn't be coming from yourself directly...
Making your son see you naked while you struggle to get up of bed...
Just... Fuck man.
I feel like a piece of shit wanting him to die once and for all...
Are you a piece of shit son and person? Yes.
Is that what you wanted to hear?
>>16578253
>>16578262
You didn't deserve it. He let himself go to shit, at the expense of you and your family. Really you can't be blamed for you feelings, it's only natural. You can learn to forgive and move on though, but that takes time, and I hate to say it, but he sounds too far gone-it's not going to happen while he's still alive.
>>16578262
You just think that if that happens all your troubles will be magically over. They won't. If your parents are in their 60's, your grandma must be at least 80. Help your grandma and show love to your father as well.
>>16578300
I don't hate him... I really don't. But it has been far to many years of this shit...
>>16578303
I do help her. When he started to be useless i became the "man" of the house.
And i did help my father. I took him to doctors, was with him when he needed to get some studies, i helped him get up when he couldn't...
My and my mother did everything we could. But he doesn't have the will... He just doesn't have it.
>>16578316
You should NEVER give up on family, ever. Do you think when your father was a young man he aspired to be this way? Nothing is ever what it could, so long as there are still things that can be done.
You think by abandoning him to your grandma and letting him rot away next door to you until he's gone is a good choice?
if you find yourselves overwhelmed trying to care for him then put him in a nursing home where people with actual medical training will take care of him, its why they exist.
>>16578262
>Making your son see you naked while you struggle to get up of bed...
its actually a lot more common than you think, its just most people don't have to deal with it until their parents are in their 70's 80's when they start to develop severe medical problems like your dad has now.
>>16578336
Its not like we don't go see him. I go every morning, i talk to him about the news, i bring him the newspaper... But one time he is talking great and the next day he is telling me he needs a bucket to vomit because he can't get up.
I have to "move him" in the bed so he can be comfortable...
He was to much to have around the house. I help my mom by day and by night i have my work. We needed some peace.
Countless of times i was working and he started screaming to go downstairs and help him get up.
Countless of times i helped him get up, he fell down and he was in his knees, cursing, screaming...
>>16578253
Listen, I went through this recently. Except I never met my real dad, he was my step dad. And it was pharma (Norco etc) that did to him. He died in July. The difference is my mom we never pulled away.
After he died the thing I regret most is not telling him what a piece of toxic shit he is; an absolute waste of talent and years of his and our time.
I can say that my life and my relationships with my family has gotten better since he died. I'm beginning to understand just how detrimental he was to everyone around him, and my personal/emotional growth. It's bittersweet anyway, because your mom spent so long with this dude for a reason, and he did have all that potential.
Get a visiting nurse.
>>16578352
I understand better now.
All you can really do is just be there. It's hard, depressing and draining. Heros are usually the selfless type. I can somewhat relate to what you're dealing with. You get no down time, always on edge, etc. I don't know if you're a person of faith or not, it helps.
>>16578366
I can't. I simply can't tell him that. Because i am grateful for all the work he did for his family. He never hit me (well, once he did) he made sure we always had food in our table... Its just what you say
Wasted potential. Such wasted potential and life.
>>16578376
> always on edge
exactly. And its been like this for 3 years now.
I don't asociate with any particular religion. I'm a "spiritual" person. But... My mother always told me "jesus will compensate us" she doesn't mean it in a monetary or materealistic way of course.
But every time something like today happens... I can only ask: When is that gonna happen? Why us? Have we been such pieces of shit that we deserve this?
I was thinking in going to church for the first time in years and talk to the priest about my feelings of me wanting my father to die...
>>16578396
>I can only ask: When is that gonna happen? Why us? Have we been such pieces of shit that we deserve this?
you miserable little shit, if its so much trouble to care for your pos dad during his last days then put him in a fucking assisted care facility
>>16578376
His dad wasn't there for him throughout the entirety of his most critical years. Not only was his not invested emotionally, but his dad's physical presence was also detrimental to everyone and the atmosphere around him. Why the fuck should he be there for his dad?
>>16578253
>>16578262
at least you're talking about it instead of trying to murder him
that's good at least
>>16578396
I thought that too, until after he died. Maybe it's different for a real dad, but mine was as real as it got for me.
>>16578399
My mom and i have been taking care of him for more than 10 years now.
Its not like he has been sick for the past year and i want to shake him off.
Seeing what happened today, i might put him in an assisted caring facility.
>>16578396
Everything in life is temporary. Think of this time as a growing experience for you. You're learning and gaining wisdom and hopefully understanding.
>>16578419
>Why the fuck should he be there for his dad?
It's his blood. It's not like his dad molested or starved him, beat him, burned him. Because his father is sickly you think he deserves to be pushed aside?
>>16578253
>Why? Do you ask
No one asked.
>>16578446
he neglected him
OP don`t listen to anyone bringing you down, these people are probably living a sheltered life with a supporting and loving family. We can never put ourselves in your shoes and understand this burden you carry for over 20 years.
>>16578262
You are not a bad person. I understand why you feel this way. I love you, OP.
>>16578253
Is there a question in there somewhere?
To be honest with you OP, it's time to send your dad off to a home.
How fat is he?
We need details.
Post pictures OP
