It was a mistake to reach out to her.
But it is one we who have been in love make.
I do wish you the best but i cant help bit feel this is going to end up with you hurt again.

>>16563998
>Can I win her back? Is there anything I can do to turn this around?
No and no. She loves you and feels a great deal for you, but the trust between you is broken. She cannot trust you with her feelings.

>Did she actually love me? Does she still? Is it pointless to keep holding on and trying?
Yes, yes and yes. Again, if she can't trust you, she will never be able to have a healthy relationship with you. She will always remember the past, think about how much of a mess you were, and resent you.

Just leave her alone. You're making this so much harder than it needs to be.

>>16564032
Surely theres a way to build trust with her again? Or talk her around to trying? Or even build a friendship? I miss her so much, and I know she misses me.. surely theres something I can do?

>>16564072
>Surely theres a way to build trust with her again?
It's possible, in some situations, but she has to be willing to trust you enough to go back to that and give you a chance. But again, even if trust is regained, you can't get rid of that building resentment.

>Or talk her around to trying?
Look, you've already tried. You're just selfishly fucking with her, not caring about how she feels, at this point.

>Or even build a friendship?
There's a reason why most people stop talking to ex-partners, and she has made it abundantly clear that she's unable to be friends with you. It hurts too much.

>I miss her so much, and I know she misses me.. surely theres something I can do?
That doesn't mean you'd be good together. Stop being so selfish.

>>16564105
But I know we would be good together.. it was only when things fucked up that we weren't.. we're both in very different situations now and I'd never be that fucked up again.. If I was given a chance I'd be able to make it better then before.. And yeh its selfish, but I just can't seem to be able to let it go.

I understand resentment can't just be let go of, but it does fade with time..

So what you're basically saying is I should just completely leave it alone? And just forget about ever salvaging anything from something so important to me?

>>16564105
I just want to find a way to be with her again, possibly, or just be friends.. I don't want to completely lose someone who meant so much to me.

Also you seem to know this situation quite well? Personal experience?

And, I don't want to just give up.. not if I think I can somehow change the situation somehow.. surely not all hope is lost?

>>16564124

OP...

ITS

OVER!

This relationship is fated to fail anyway, don't listen to >>16564032

She doesn't love you, you cannot simply ignore a person who you love, just move on.

>>16564124
>I understand resentment can't just be let go of, but it does fade with time..
Not always, no.

>So what you're basically saying is I should just completely leave it alone? And just forget about ever salvaging anything from something so important to me?
If you really care about her, and what this is doing to her, then yes.

>>16564164
>I just want to find a way to be with her again, possibly, or just be friends.. I don't want to completely lose someone who meant so much to me.
She already made it clear that she can't just be friends, because it's painful. You're trying to force her into choosing between two very unhappy and uncomfortable scenarios.

>Also you seem to know this situation quite well? Personal experience?
Built up resentment and lost trust? Yeah. I have a pretty fucked up family and a mentally abusive ex. I cut ties with people that aren't good to me, and I'm better off for it.

>And, I don't want to just give up.. not if I think I can somehow change the situation somehow.. surely not all hope is lost?
Can you build a time machine?

>>16564218
she hasn't just ignored me.. shes been in some contact with me.. but is doing her best to completely ignore me.

How do you just move on? I'm in love with her.. and if I get her to see me I know we'd be back together soon enough.. I just don't know how Id manage to get her to see me if she refuses and ignores me so much..

>>16564218
>This relationship is fated to fail anyway, don't listen to >>16564032 (You)
Huh? I pretty much said it was going to fail, please pay attention.


>She doesn't love you, you cannot simply ignore a person who you love, just move on.
Do you not have much experience with abusive/dead-end relationships? Because you can. That doesn't mean it isn't painful or that you won't dwell on it for years. But you have to choose what's best for both people in the situation, not just one.

>>16564225
>How do you just move on?
You have to completely cut all contact and then give it time. It may take years.

>and if I get her to see me I know we'd be back together soon enough..
Again, this won't matter if there's built up resentment. You can't go back in time and change the past. She will not be able to forgive you, for whatever it is that you've done, and she'll just be miserable with you. How good you are to her now won't matter one bit.

>>16564225

well then, just keep on denial, just do not come back here again and do another shit thread when she finds someone who actually makes her happy and dump you definitely from her life.

>>16564221
how do you know that I'm hurting her? She said we wouldn't be friends because we couldn't be.. and that if we were, we'd probably end up together again, but she couldn't be in a relationship which had what happened to us again.. but that wouldn't happen again.. it was a brief dark episode in my life, which unfortunately she was caught up in.. I'm better now, my lifes on tract and our relationship would be completely different from what it ones was?

But maybe you're right.. maybe its a completely lost cause and I should give up.. but it hurts so much to know I'll lose her completely, I don't want to hurt her or make this harder but I can't seem to stop myself from trying to change it all.. I'm broken again, and its all a stupid phone call which brought back everything I thought was going away. Why is it fine for her to call me when she wants attention and not ok for me? Why is it she can happily ignore me while I'm just trying to build at least a friendship with her.. literally fuck people.

>>16564252
|I'm not trying to argue with you here, more just fish out answers to questions I can't let go of from myself..

>>16564262

You already have your answer and you knew it before coming here

You are just here hoping for somebody to say the opposite and give you hope

not going to happen

>>16564256
>how do you know that I'm hurting her?
Again, you don't seem to understand at all what you're putting her through. Repeated contact with you is painful. Being your friend is painful. Being your partner is painful.

>but that wouldn't happen again.. it was a brief dark episode in my life, which unfortunately she was caught up in.. I'm better now, my lifes on tract and our relationship would be completely different from what it ones was?
I've already said this. What you do now doesn't take away from what you've done to her in the past. In the back of her mind, she'll always resent and hate you for it. You said something about forgiving her for the shit she did to you, but she can't do that. Maybe that's why it's not getting through to you.

>Why is it fine for her to call me when she wants attention and not ok for me?
She broke down, probably because ignoring you is painful. This is why you shouldn't be contacting her in the first place. Every time she starts to get better, you fucking show up in some form and set her back.

>Why is it she can happily ignore me while I'm just trying to build at least a friendship with her..
You honestly think ignoring someone you care for is easy, and that she's happy? You're jerking her emotions around and that's probably why she drunk called you. She wants to let go and leave the past behind, but you keep dredging it up by contacting her.

I stopped contacting her for ages before she contacted me.. I didn't talk to her, I did send a message about being friends, but that was like 3 weeks before hand.. She told me she contacted me because she wanted attention from someone.. I obviously was the easiest person to get it from..

>>16564271
And yeh, maybe..

>>16564402 this was for>>

>>16564287