Am I wrong for feeling like I fucked up my life?
>Went to uni at 17 studying computer science.
>Fucked up after the 2nd year, skipped classes. dropped out shortly after, lost interest in cs completely
>worked in warehousing for a while, parent's tell me to move out at 20.
>work whatever shitty job I can to get by, go back to college to study civil engineering.
>that feel when 24 in second last year, living off of student loans and part time jobs, barely any friends, never had a real relationship, live in a basement apartment I rented for cheap, take public transit, buy my groceries on a bicycle.
>family never talks to me, friends slowly lessened contact over time.
>steadily become a daily marijuana smoker, almost always smoke or drink alone.
>occasionally get dates off of dating apps, but never a 2nd
>watching tv and movies is pretty much the only thing I look forward to anymore.
Every single day it's like I can feel myself calling myself a loser. Like I just look at other people's lives and try to avoid thinking about how much of a failure I feel like compared to everyone else. I try to make an effort to tell myself, sometimes out loud, that I'm not a loser and that I'm doing well in life; I think I do it just to try and keep my head on straight. I keep trying to tell myself I'm going to graduate soon and have decent career prospects and that things will improve... at the moment though I just feel old.. like I wasted my youth... I feel immature and stupid for my age. When I was younger people used to tell me I was the smartest person they knew or they expected me to do something amazing with my life. Instead I just became boring and fucked up most of the things I ever tried in life, ruined most of my relationships with people through bad social skills. I once got put in the psych ward by my parents when I was really suicidal. Lately I've been wondering if I should go back to seek therapy or mental help or if I'm just in a rut in life I have to dig out of.
you're at an age where this kind of shit happens.i was in a similar situation but fortunately i had friends. seek therapy but be sure that you're treated by a good therapist, which is hard. if not, try to have a positive attitude and go out, and perhaps you'll meet somebody
>>16559079
Don't blame yourself because your parents forced you to be some sort of child prodigy (assuming that's what happened, or at least they had some role in that, seeing as you went to uni at 17).
Yeah just stop blaming yourself. And as my dad said to me, "no man is an island". You shouldn't think to yourself "this burden is mine and mine alone, I have to deal with it".
You could try contacting your family, surely they would be happy to hear from you. If you want nothing to do with them then you could try contacting old friends I suppose.
I've had times where I didn't even want to talk to my family and was sure they fucking hated me, but then I ended up contacting me and actually they're just happy to hear from me, and then it makes things easier. Family is important, I think. As long as they're alive you should do what you can to get along because some people don't have parents, and yours won't be around for ever, and they shouldn't be taken for granted.
I recommend traveling to get some new perspectives.
Works for me everytime I'm in the dumps.
>>16559207
Travelling or challenging yourself to do something that will make you bigger than what you are atm
>>16559079
It sounds to me like you're just in a rut, your 20s is when stuff like this happens. Make it a goal to have something interesting to do or have happen every day. You can meet people and become more interesting yourself. And if not, at least you'll be really living, you know?
>>16559202
Sometimes I feel like I want to contact my family, but oftentimes I just feel like I'd be ashamed to be around them.
>>16559182
I've definitely had multiple people tell me i should see a therapist
>>16559285
i guess i should do this. just doing the things I need to do usually makes me feel exhausted as it is.
>>16559255
>>16559207
Maybe I'll try this sometime when I actually have some money to spare.
>>16559079
also the bf is a fucking moron, but you're a dick for trying to steal her.
you all suck it sounds like.
>>16560382
thanks for the bump at least
>>16559079
You haven't fucked up your life. You're young, intelligent, have already identified the things that are making you unhappy and from what you've told us you already know how to fix them.
Don't ruminate on things that don't require it. Your relationships, failure to thrive and poor school performance are in the past. You're unhappy because of these things, I know, but ultimately you've become a much better person because you can still learn from those mistakes. You can go out, make relationships, drop the drug habit and become a much happier person just by consciously being aware of this fact.
Don't worry about failure either. Everybody's got a story on failure. Shit happens, that's life. Whether you let your past define your future is entirely up to you though. Peace.
