So somewhere in the back of my head, on some level, I know she doesn't want to bother with me. She's never been the type to put in work in her relationships, and being in an LDR is all the more reason for her not to bother.
Anyway, we've still been talking and when she said she "just wants to be friends" and that she needs a break and to think, she also said that she doesn't love "as much as I love her" and other such things. Needless to say she hasn't changed her mind in 2 weeks and she also hasn't thought about it, because she's not the type, and she has to work 11 hours a day
I've always been the retard type that doesn't give up. I've been very committed to what we've had, when she was talking about moving here next here, moving in with me, about our future, potential marriage, sex, etc, it was great. Now that's gone at the drop of a hat because she can't handle the LDR and work at the same time. She went through an extra busy time during which we didn't talk as much and I guess I was overly clingy or something.
Anyway, point being: how do I do this? can't break contact with her because I still feel there's something there and she just needs someone to stand by and show her that this matters. She was truly happy, and she got excited to hear my voice and stuff like that. I can't believe people tune out on the spot like that.
>wat do
And plus, now I've got the worst case of yellow fever because of her...
Don't break contact. Don't give up. But absolutely date other girls. Tell yourself you are only doing it to make her jealous, to get her to come back to you. But don't shirk your duty to date other girls.
Oh boy. I had to read this shit three times.
>I know she doesn't want to bother with me
Then become a man that she would want to bother with, if you love her so much.
>she needs a break
How often do you talk to her? And how? About other things than the relationship?
>she hasn't changed her mind in 2 weeks
Did you give her the break she needed? You are obviously in denial. This relationship is over, but if you play it right you can start over...
But...
>how do I do this?
>can't break contact with her because I still feel there's something there and she just needs someone to stand by and show her that this matters.
>how do I do this?
No contact. Beginning, middle and end of story. 3-5 weeks, however long it takes until you've changed enough to not be a retard, or until you live in close distance from her again.
Because
>I guess I was overly clingy
Number one reason women become unattracted to men.
The only kind of successful relationship you can have with this girl, is a new relationship. When everything changes, change everything.
>>16558259
I can't even tell if this is sarcasm or serious but
...it took me a year and a half or so until this girl dropped in on me randomly and then we kept talking. Chances are she'll find a guy much much sooner than I will
If you are serious, I know what you're getting at. Replacement is the best way to get over someone; it's just that I'm not all that great in hooking up with random girls.
But yea, anyway. I can't break contact with her just like that in either case. I'm almost willingly prolonging this depressive state I'm in
>might as well bump with /mu/sic feels
>>16558274
>How often do you talk to her? And how? About other things than the relationship?
now-a-days like once every 3 days over a few texts; yes, of course I initiate; we've had 2 skype calls so far, and I tried to get her in a comfy mood talking about other things than us; inevitably it also became about us. We 'should' have another call today, which will be a bit difficult, given the situation with my denied visa request for the US and upcoming 2nd interview which will most like fail as well. She did say she'd like to see me if it does go through
>The only kind of successful relationship you can have with this girl, is a new relationship. When everything changes, change everything.
agree for the most part; I've changed quite a bit since with her. I still think she just wasn't strong enough to put up with the stress of work and inevitable stress that an LDR comes with
however, by the time she moves here (she she'll move anyway, but probably later), she will probably have someone else, or change her mind, or whatever; I feel that's how life works
>I had to read this shit three times
yes, my wording has suffered from the daily afternoon drink I've been having so as to cope
thanks for the advice tho
>>16558259
why not break contact/give up?
>>16558277
I'm serious. You say she is pulling away. You say you can't break contact. What else can you do besides wallow in despair? Oh yeah, date other girls.
Now you say that waited until a girl dropped in on you randomly. You are not an antlion. You are a human. Humans seek out food, shelter and social companionship. Go outside in the real world, find girls and date them.
>>16558277
Look guy, becoming great with women in general is essential if your plan is to end up with the girl in question. It's one of the things you need to change. If you don't, she will just leave you over and over again, no matter how many times to manage to get her back. If you keep up with the contact, you will undoubtedly see you as just a friend.
Maybe you could postpone, and work on getting her back at a time when it's more likely that you will be living close to each other again, but as the other poster said, you should see it as your duty to date other women. For your own sake, for her sake, for the sake of the girls you'll be dating and as a representative of men.
Sit down, write down all the reasons it will be difficult for you to meet and keep other women, then look at your list. It's the list of things you'll need to change.
>>16558299
Well said anon. OP, here is a pic of an antlion. Did you know they are the larval form?
>>16558307
And here is an adult antlion. Do you know what the adult does? It flies around and finds a mate.
>>16558289
And so what if she meets some other dude. It's never too late to steal her away from other guys, as long as you know what you're doing.
Btw, I speak from experience. Been in on-off LDR with a girl who go backpacking for months at a time, I've done no contact three times, she immediately comes running every time I open up again, we broke up before her most recent move, she came back with a new guy, I played the superior man, she told me she still loves me, their relationship became sour and broken, she reached out, I went over to her house without an invitation, been sleeping with her for more than two months now.
It's never too late. And desu, the things she'll be experiencing with other guys will most likely be things I wouldn't be able to provide, and so I won't have to lack in my attempts. Girls have a tendency to seek out what they need to experience in life, but the bond you have can still be more important to her than all the rest. Don't worry about other guys, and especially not if you choose to became a superior man yourself.
Start by waiting until 8 pm before you have the first drink.
Ok, here's what I think is best that I do. I figure out if there's a possibility of me getting there on new year's, like we were initially planning. If I can, I work on that
If I don't, I'll see if she wants to go somewhere together or for her to come here in february, again, like we initially planned.
If she does what I'm expecting and saying that nothing of the sort will happen, I guess I should somehow find a way to break it off. Unfortunately I've fucked up with the girl I was most sure about, but I also get the feeling that the more we talk in this state the more convinced she is I'll be fine as just a friend...even though I told her I have no such interest. It's just so frustrating failing so bad.
there goes another failure; another 4 years to go and then I'm out in one way or another
>>16558307
>>16558311
fucking antlions man
any thoughts on the plan there, anons? you've been helpful so far (odd for /adv/)
last and final bump
