I have a lot of issues with insecurity, and I snooped on my boyfriend's (of 2 yrs) "notes" in his phone : ( I found something there that said that "4 of the most beautiful people he worked with" had asked him out in the past week. A couple weeks later, asked him if anyone ever asks him out, he said no. What do I do? I want to come clean about the snooping.
>I have a lot of issues with insecurity
yeah you and everyone else on the planet. But the rest of us just don't roll around in it like a dog who finds shit on the ground. Insecurity is not a reason to be an asshole, which is what you are being.
Who knows what the note is even referencing?
If it's really about him, it said nothing about him accepting the interest, or you'd have said that.
and, if you're really insecure, I sure as fuck wouldn't tell you things you didn't need to know over which I had no control. People are going to be attracted to your boyfriend (if he's attractive) any time any place, he can't control what other people feel and you're a complete asshole for letting your insecurity violate the boundaries of your relationship.
He should dump you, but apparently he loves you enough to put up with all this dumb bullshit so count your fucking blessings you selfish cunt.
>>16550837
Yes, I know this. I'm just wondering why he didn't tell me?
I do know it was about it him- it listed their names and the way they asked him out. Ie "kate came up to me and asked me if I was still seeing x and asked if I'd like to go see a movie together"...
Should I tell him I snooped? I feel like I should. Even if not to confront him about this white lie, which is essentially harmless- though I am a bit confused about marrying someone who wouldn't tell me something like that...
Anyone have some perspective about why he might not tell me? He doesn't want to make me feel bad or something? I would really like him to tell me those kinds of things, not out of jealousy, but yeah, just as conversation, I tell him if people ask me out. Idk.
He just feels flattered that girls are still into him even after being taken off the market and didn't want to make it an issue.
You need to relax OP and just get this idea that your boyfriend is a cheater out of your head.
>>16550853
Fair enough, thanks for the perspective! I don't really think he is a cheater actually, but I am bothered that he wouldn't tell me when I asked him if people ask him out. It's probably because he doesn't want to make me feel bad. But still bothers me. *shrug*
>>16550820
>writing in your phone that you were asked out
I cannot fathom a legitimate reason for doing this
>>16550863
Lol me neither, I guess he just wanted to tell someone... so... himself? Or maybe it was a trap for me? But seriously no idea, I think he got a lot more attractive in the past 3 years, so is surprised at the attention. I wish he felt comfortable to talk to be about kinda stuff because desu I think it's great : P I mean, I've dealt with jealousy but I've also done polyamory in the past for 5+ years, so...
Anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
>>16550861
>I don't really think he is a cheater
>I am bothered that he wouldn't tell me when I asked him if people ask him out
>because he doesn't want to make me feel bad
>but it still bothers me
you realize how paranoid you sound, right?
>>16550891
No... so should I not tell him I snooped? I won't do it again.
I already asked him if he could come online so we could talk about something when he is done work... Haha, I am such a piece of shit. I am trying really hard to recover from an abusive relationship in the past that kind of left me in shambles about what appropriate is or not. It's not an excuse, but I think I deserve love and stuff and I treat him like gold.
I'm going to come clean and tell him but not ask him about those texts... I guess.
he knows you're insecure so he didn't want to say anything/talk about it with you. There's nothing worse than having to get defensive about some bullshit that the fevered mind of your insecure significant other won't let go of.
I wouldn't tell him you snooped, desu. He has to trust you and the way you deal with your own insecurity just as much as you have to trust him not to fuck other people. But idk, maybe you guys are capable of talking about it like normal adults.
>>16550875
>did poly
>is super insecure about cheating
w-w-what?
>>16550926
Truth, thanks. I already asked him if we could talk, so I feel like I might as well do it and see what happens. It's feels just like a slip up for me when I've been managing pretty well I think. I'm making an appointment with my councellor to talk about it also. I really want to over come insecurity, it's a really powerful and annoying force.
>>16550930
Yeah, I know, but this is my first time not being poly. I'm used to having a relationship where ppl can just talk about their attractions/hookups, but now it doesn't happen, and it feels weird that he doesn't talk about it, but I guess most monogamous people aren't socialized to talk about their attraction to other people? idk
>>16550846
Yeah, that's kinda weird IMO.
>>16550954
What's weird? That i'm weirded out or that he wouldn't tell me?
