'It'.
>>16544446
i cant trust people anymore. people are too good at hiding their instability or ill intent. a few have proven to be good friends. but anyone ive ever been romantically involved with has only gotten into it for personal gain, and if im the one to break things off, they lose their shit and do their best to fuck my life up. im not rich by any means, but i do alright and im fairly prominent socially. and people (see:grills) think they can get what i have (material things, social status) if they pretend to have affection for me. i have been a fool and allowed this to happen. i have been blinded by sex and the illusion that someone cares about me. i am writing this to remind myself that while there is indeed hope of finding a legitimate partner, the odds are very slim. i need to focus on myself. and i either need to buy a fleshlight or start patronizing the services of prostitutes. or go back to being a slut that fucks grills and then never calls (but i stopped doing that for a reason, so i think im going to go with the former).
Just want a girlfriend, someone to love, even if an online relationship.. or a new friend. I need to get out more. but it just feels like "fuck the world and everything in it" (can go to hell)
>>16544446
I am actually depressed but I dont have the balls to tell anyone (and who do I have to tell anyways?), instead I secretly wallow in my misery until I cry myself to sleep. I have nothing positive to say that I have done, zero accomplishments, nothing. I act happy around family and have zero friends as they all cut contact woth me, I dont have a life, I dont have good social skills.
At least im not suicidal..
I spent five years suppressing your memory. Then you came back, promised me forever, and then vanished in six weeks. I needed you. And I still do. Now I'm stuck in a loveless relationship because I have nowhere else to go. He wants so badly for me to love him back, even though he knows I don't. He knows I am still in love with you. How much longer do I have to live like this? I guess you didn't love me after all.
I usually fap like twice a day. once in the morning and once at night before i go to bed but recently the head of dick fucking hurts right after and its painful after i fap. have i damaged my dick? should i no fap for a week or two to let it heal? its really red. btw im uncut if that makes a difference.
>>16544582
Change it then desu
Grilled beef is the greatest! Vegans are fags with their bacon flavored soy. Seriously, Grilled beef! And chicken and pork and fish and shrimp and other animals. I really don't know why anyone would hate to eat animal?
I really don't understand how anyone would be attracted to men. We smell like shit! I could understand a lesbian though, the female figure is simply beautiful. Even in the unconventional body types.
There's no better comfort than taking a shit in your own toilet. Even more when you've been holding it.
Someday, I hope my beautiful wife will be taking massive shits in our home after I've grilled a feast for our family. It's a perfect turf, the kind that you don't need to wipe, but you do because safe is better than sorry. It's the beginning of fall and the kids decide to sleep over at their cousins. We have wine and snuggle to sleep after massages. We wake up to Have rough sex with morning breath tongue kisses. We then lay in the nude and bask in each other
It's really heart-breaking that you seem happiest when you compare your life and your work to other people who are facing some resistance there. Taking genuine delight and seeing satisfaction in seeing others struggle is pathetic, honestly. You're not "achievement-oriented" - you're insecure and sad and your failure to access these feelings has left you petty and honestly a bit of a bully.
I don't see an ounce of passion in your efforts. You put in the minimum to sit pretty in the middle of the pack and then have the audacity to snicker at people who are willing to sweat.
I'm willing to accept your word when you say you were abused and subjected to years of gas-lighting as a child, but what steps are you taking to be a healthy adult? You're all talk. You need to forgive your mother, not because either you or I condone what she did, nor will it undo anything, but because being caged by victim-hood has left you so emotionally stunted that you think life is scored by points.
Your project is uninspired garbage. The world doesn't need another dimly-lit, procedural generated, virtual reality horror game with some gimmicky and uncomfortable control scheme. You keep on sitting in your comfort zone and wonder why you plateau. Sure, I'm being a bit of a shit-bag hypocrite here, but at least I'm anonymously casting shade on 4chan instead of fucking Facebook.
I just want to get drunk and argue over history with anyone, really.
>>16544446
I'm scared to focus on making positive changes in my life so I focus on others non existent problems. I project my negativity Onto them so I could bring them down to my level of toxicity. I'm sorry for being such a shitty person. I'm glad you have moved onto a better place. Sorry for my shit posts anywhere.
_J
>>16544446
I was just really jealous that you could express yourself so freely without restraint. I'm so miserable that I thought by messing with you I would distract myself but the truth is I've been a terrible influence in anyone in my life. I can't escape from that fact so I try to bring you down by pretending to be you online. I do this to all my friends but now you made me feel shitty. I'm an idiot and I'm just going to shut my narcissistic ass from now on.
ACN
Having depression sucks. I want out.
Everyday I go to school dreading it. I wish I could isolate myself from everyone for the rest of my life. I smell bad but I don't think it is my fault. I wash my body thoroughly every night in the shower and I wear washed and dried clothes like every other normal person but they don't don't smell bad. My mom thinks it is a joke and when I try to tell her confidential and personal things about me she tells her friends. I can't even trust my own mom. I have looked up reasons for smelling bad and there is a disease that causes you to smell bad but I don't have symptoms of it. I fucking hate everything right now. I sit at the vorner in every classroom so I can be as far away as possible from everyone. I never walk in between desks where people sit and when I do I feel like I have to throw up. I can't pass algebra 2 either because my teacher is bat shit dumb and does not know how to teach us. I have horrible self-esteem about myself. I always have people ask me "did you shit yourself". If there really is a god, why would he put me through this. To test my faith or something? If so, I fucking hate you god. Why would you put me through this? What did I do to deserve it? On the topic of god, my mom always forced me to go to church with her. I could never think for myself and had to believe that god/jesus(whatwver the fuck you want to call them) were perfect people who loved everyone and had a plan for everyone. So does that mean that gods plan for me was to live a shir life feeling like im judged on how i smell and be dforced to go to church. Are you purposely trying to make me hate you?
>>16544782
i was just thinking this earlier. i've been dealing with depression my whole life and it's terrible. for the past several months, i haven't been as severely depressed in the sense i don't necessarily feel down and defeated all the time. but you know what hasn't gone away? the chronic fatigue. i never have any physical energy. i either never sleep or i sleep all day. it is not normal to live like this. my doctor was unable to offer me a solution.
i feel for u. may the universe have mercy on both our souls.
>>16544446
Armchair psychologists and projection addicts in these threads sure do not know anything about who or what they're talking about. Reminds me of a guy named blue and his blue cohorts from effiel 65. Yes it was a catchy song but it also covered depression and projection as well. Over all I would recommend this song to armchair psychologists and projection addicts worldwide.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc
"Psychological projection, also known as blame shifting, is a theory in psychology in which humans defend themselves against their own unpleasant impulses by denying their existence while attributing them to others. For example, a person who is rude may constantly accuse other people of being rude."
Im going to try acid. My gf says that she will break up with me if i do. She wants me to flush it down the toilet.
Problem is, I've already bought it. And it costed me around 100$. What should i do?
>>16544829
give the acid to me. keep ur gf
>>16544446
Literal Neighbor,
Just waiting for the day I can really get all this evidence down. We will be asking everyone. Keep it up.
I don't care if you've never been in a relationship or have dated anyone. I want you. You're so fucking handsome and cool.
I want to fuck nearly every girl I meet and my fetishes are consuming me. I don't like this.
Ho hum.
There is a woman at my school literally clucking her boyfriend by going out with a manblimp. Poor fucker even had a kid with her, but nope, manblimp's better. Sad thing is, I find it entertaining, like Melrose Place or some shit. Guy didn't deserve it, but it's just interesting.
I just want to get high and go camping for the rest of my life
I feel like I've fucked up my social development beyond repair by acting like a standoffish prick to everyone around me since middleschool. Always rejecting or making fun of the kids who would try to cling to me instead of just being their friend and growing from that possible experience. I'm 21 now and I've alienated every non-online friend I have and feel suffocated by this lonesomeness.
I try to trick myself into thinking things like "I'm not a bully or anything, I just can't be dishonest with people." and "I'll find relationships when I find them, no need to seek anything out.", but that mindset is slipping away rapidly. I try to make up for it with my career as an EMT, but it seems to be making me a more bitter and aloof person.
When I talk to people online about that stuff, they just don't get it and it just ends up making me feel more disconnected to them. They know me too well as the stable funny guy that talks shit about everyone and it throws them off-guard whenever I try to be sentimental.
>>16544981
I feel you bro
Quit smoking pot 4 months ago now.
Keep convincing myself I'm better than stoners and that I've grown up.
Truth is I would love to roll a blunt and hot box my apt.
Just gotta keep on truckin.
I was so happy for such a long time and it's just gone away. I keep such a happy demeanor so nobody thinks poorly of me but if the house were empty right now I'd probably be having some sort of episode. Mental illness is so shitty.
>>16544991
I do understand the feels of you but i dont actually feel depressed... And when i do i just turn off the PC and id do some hobby. Im that teenage guy that is a bit geeky in private, one of those guys that is straight A's and never studies,fucking 2 meters tall and atletic as fuck...
And i didnt get here by quite standing in the PC all day(just 3 hours a day though XD).
But what im trying to say is for you to go that magic thing called google and search a hobby you may like.... I found a really nice girl im in love with in a shooting club(though im 15 i can shoot bows and damn i love the curves on the recurve :D)
If you feel depressed just go out and be a goofy person...
I want to die so much, but what if my life eventually gets better? I can't afford to trash that chance
When will you finally admit I was right, and reach out to me?
It does not have to be like this.
Fucking slut
>>16545153
As if from my own mouth
Why do you think your in love with me, I have no money, weak as fuck, bad back, still live at home, when you see what I am, you'll leave and break my heart more than you already have. I need to break this off before it kills us both
>>16545154
kekarooni
I had a wet dream about my best friend last night. Now as we lay no more than six feet away from each other I want to fuck her soo bad. Her fiancé is sleeping right next to her. Fuck.
>>16544556
I've boarded a train
when I disembark, the world will be upside-down.
In the meantime I'm a common clown, doing my rounds,
punching tickets and checking bags.
Bunch of fucking hags
in their musty woolen coats and
staring at their Pinterest apps.
I'm done trying to catch this connection--
the clocks are out of sync--
I'll just think of their wretched bosoms while I fap.
>>16544574
Fuck the world and everyone in it
Why can't I find a friend?
Is it that no one has developed a taste for my particular blend
Of aggression and wit?
i love my wife more than i want to breathe. there has never been and will never be anything or any person that fulfills me or makes me feel happier than she does. she's perfect. we don't fight or scream or argue. she's my best friend and i'm so incredibly lucky to have her. i tell her i love you a thousand times a day and she does the same.
i have an addiction to other women that has haunted me in each relationship prior. i'm a cheater. i have always been a cheater. i love the attention i get from women and i actively seek it. while i was dating my wife, i fucked four different women and she never knew. we married, and i told myself that life was behind me. i've held physically strong, but recently, i've taken to cybering women that i meet in chat rooms and online forums.
i want to stop this so badly.
>>16544654
There is nothing for me to reimagine here. Beautiful.
![[Crying king].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/mJqZcqO.jpg "[Crying king].jpg")
I just found out one of my colleagues has cancer.
Since she's a colleague, I never had any personal feelings towards her until now, probably because I know what it feels like to hear something similar since my father died from cancer when I was 17.
It hurts so much right now, and its not helping my depression either.
The only thing I can do now is cry and hope the pain will go away.
>>16544593
Five years of sitting on the trunk and forcing it to stay closed
and now the hinges are broken, the top's all caved in.
This broken hunk of carpentry will never again constrain
the secrets it was hiding.
Our stained linens
are presiding
on my new bed.
people suck, fuck y'all imma do me
bitchasses
>>16544785
Every day I go to school dreading
the moment I have to walk between desks.
People have professed
that I have a lingering odor
and the thought just won't move over.
My mom and her friends
taught me about a Messiah
who wouldn't have thought like this.
Dear God, why do I have to exist?
You've trapped a unit
of infinite information potential
in a smelly meatsack.
Please, let me grab my backpack
I'm ready to go.
I feel fucking awful knowing that I can't afford to get my parents anything for Christmas.
I hate shit
Oh boy, here we go. I thought I can be friends with you but it turns out I was wrong. I'm sorry. And yes, I will be silent and I won't message you, and I won't allow you to cajole me into a conversation. Sorry about that too. Sorry in general, I know I'm a shitty friend for, it's a good thing you have many other friends, I hope they don't suck like I do.
Also, have a nice date (:
R
I know you post on this board.
You flat out told me you are no where close to being over her and resisted me for so long. I started that fwb thing anyway and I never do that. I want more but I'll take you how I can get you. You know all this.
You've overcome a lot, you're great in bed, you have a future and and just thinking about you turns me on. You are also funny as fuck, a great listener, and actually know how to talk. All of this and she doesn't want you back. I want you and you have no idea how badly. I don't care if you're not over her.
Your roommate is trash. Don't let him drag you back down. I can't believe no one warned you.
>>16545458
I could have so much fun with this due to that R, but...
To start, he isn't over her. He tells you this, straight up. Depending on the length of their relationship, God knows how long that could take, as men never take LTRs ending well.
Flip side. What if she isn't over him? It usually takes women a year, or longer, sometimes much longer, to realize what is missing from their life, him. He would probably leave you in a heartbeat, if this happens.
It sounds like this guy was honest from the start. Until he is ready for something more, it is nothing but an exercise in futility, as you are a rebound, something to help him cope.
You never truly become serious about a rebound. You just lie to yourself, until you realize it. Stubborn people can waste years on this stage, and that could be the best you get.
If you haven't scared him off, if he sees this, you should back off a little.
>>16545202
just make me feel worse
it's the only thing that works
>>16545202
Try playing dating sims like a regular person m8.
>>16545212
man, cancer is not a death sentence. Got one myself and I'm still living up and smoking to this day
>>16545220
Who ARE you?
I hate that people like my shitty posts
The more popular I feel
The more I hate myself
I don't like other people
But I want them to like me
Why
>>16545541
I know you're right. I just think I can help him get over her if he is with me. Yeah that sounds crazy. Hes said the same about rebounds but said he didn't want to hurt me. That was his reasoning and I don't think he'd fall for that rebound trap.
We don't just sleep together. We spend tons of time together and sex doesn't always come into it. He's really relaxed about stuff in general. I noticed he does distance himself when we get really close on an emotional level. I don't know if this matters.
He told me even if we ever got serious he wasn't interested in marriage or kids. I know there is a chance for more but not if he was serious about this or just trying to scare me off.
I want him and I'm confused as shit. He already saw and sent me a text saying we would talk. Great.
>>16545720
Self-pityingly pathetic.
I'd like to say I'm eclectic?
aiming for reflective.
I'm the moment when you drop a deck of cards
and both of the Jokers land on your shoes.
Competing, like a shipwreck with the ocean,
making Bards out of tokers
potent as scissors through silk.
I'd pick something--
else?
if the Universe would let me choose.
Am I a coward if I don't want to hurt a person even in self defense?
>>16545770
I wish I knew you. You're very good. Are you a boy or a girl?
Back in 3rd or 4th grade there was this kid named Christian in my class. During quiet reading time, we could go to any part in the classroom to read our book. We all got up and moved around, and I was near Christian's desk. I took a paperclip out of it, twisted it around, fucked it up, put it in my pocket for fun. Who gives a shit. Later he freaked the out, crying that "SOMEBODY STOLE MY PAPERCLIP WHO IS IT WHERE IS IT?!" The teacher had to calm him down and questioned everyone in the class about it but I didn't say a word. I used to feel guilty about it but nowadays I just think, what a weirdo for freaking out about a paperclip, I wonder where that guy is now.
>>16544598
just try to stay off fapping for a while to see if it helps, if it doesn't help in a few days or a week or so then you should probably seek medical assistance.
>>16544981
i feel you
>>16545832
Do you use Skype?
>>16544446
I want to kill myself but im too much of a coward to do it.
I want to join the military but saw getting treated for asthma after 13 is automatically disqualifying. I didn't even need the fucking inhaler, I was misdiagnosed. Never had an attack, all the out of breath shit was because I was fat and have allergies, but my mom loves to overreact. Now shit might come back to fuck up my dreams.
>>16546040
Try and talk to a recruiter and say you might have been misdiagnosed..
Maybe you can get a Dr to back up your claim.
I can relate I wanted to join the air force, but I have a chronic illness.
I'm very, very scared.
My heart is pounding in my ribcage and I feel like vomiting.
Never fucking send a messenger to me again, scum.
Talk to me you fucking ass before you lose me
You were lost long ago
>>16546147
initials?
I've had a bit of a hiatus with my gf who's the best woman I've known so far due to her traveling, studying abroad and us both being extremely busy.
She hasn't had anyone else over the time, neither have I.
I've expressed vague interest in getting back together now, that she's back home permanently.
She's expressed it back.
I'm slightly anxious about this.
Alright, I'm somewhat very anxious about his and I've been thinking about it so much lately.
I think I'll ask her out to a Christmas party sometime soon.
But damn.
>>16545762
I said what I could.
He seems like a decent guy. Let me know how that talk goes.
I wish mexican/white girls would like me. Why I have to be asian? No one like asian.
>>16546119
(cont). Great, now I also impulsively cut myself.
>>16546236
There's a heart stopping clarity
wondering if seeing your own blood
is going to be less of a rarity.
These letters forming words
can't possibly be heard
over the rushing in your ears.
Is this really worse
than facing your fears?
>>16544556
I know the feeling i feel like i'm constantly just being used by people while just sit here and suffer the results of all these failed connections whereas they just move on like nothing and that hurts. I'm just tired of being the rotating door for people to walk in and out of my life and i'm the one trying to keep them from leaving, i just want someone that will fight to keep me in their's
>>16546255
Your poetry is terrible
Like a suburbanite
Trying to erudite
My only fears
That you cannot hear
The sincerity of our jeers
Get it together, tripfag.
>>16544996
Good job anon, i don't have anything against drugs until it becomes a life stlye and so many people live like that so just not messing with it is better, props to you
>>16546279
Ok thank you for the cc
>>16546255
Do you know any other schemes?
Perhaps longer stanzas with poignant inquiries?
Do you read the masters? Have you heard of a slant rhyme?
Don't bother if you don't know these things,
the best will speak to the heart and mind
Sorry dad but I just do not want to continue going to college. It's not like my major will even give me a job that will make up for the student debt im heading to acquire. Id much rather learn by myself and not give a lot of my time away to school
I keep telling myself I'll quit masturbating, but I was only successful for barely a week.
>>16546299
Die, you fucking fag
Kill yourself and leave no trace
Set the rope and go
A haiku for you, dear tripfriend!
oh jesus fucking christ i'm sorry.
It's like a grip that i slowly let go - i knew i would cheat again and it happened.
we haven't even been going out that long, at least the other times it kind of made sense - i did it out of boredom or lack of interest.
this was literally just because i could, and i hope to god i get away with it. part of me thinks i just enjoy the self loathing that comes afterwards - a form of self harm.
it wasn't even worth it, couldn't get hard because as drunk as i was i still knew it was fucked up. hopefully there's some morals developing in me.
this was a fucking stupid decision.
needless.
found a nice girl, one that i wanted to do things right with. fuck
>>16544446
I'm an artist, I'm a performance artist. I'm hired by people to fulfill their fantasies, their deep dark fantasies. I was gonna be a movie star y'know, modeling and acting. After a couple of additions and small parts I decided y'know I had enough, Then I got in to Escort world. The client requests contain a lot of fetishes, so I just decided to go y'know... full Master and change my entire house into a dungeon... Dungeon Master now with a full dungeon in my house and It's been going really well. My specialty is Fisting which is 300 bucks and usually the client is pretty much hard on pop to get really relaxed y'know and I have this long latex glove that goes all the way up to my armpit and then I put on a surgical latex glove up to my wrist and just lube it up and it's a long process y'know to get your whole arm up there but it's an intense feeling for the other person I think for myself too, you go in places that even though it's physical with your hand but for some reason it's also more emotional it's more psychological too and we both get you know to the same place it's really strange at the same time and I find sessions like that really exhausting.I don't know but I feel kinda naked because I am looking at myself for the first time, well not myself but this aspect of my life for the first time and it's been harsh... three to five years already? I never thought about it... I feel kinda sad right now and I don't know why...
i want nothing more than to stop dreaming of you and thinking about you
my brain won't let you go
>>16544446
I'm a dumb faggot and my only existence is to copy anyone here who made any sense. I'm unoriginal and my shitty poems are a reflection of my toxic mind. If you know me you know my gay fantasies. I'm just mad at everyone so now I'm making shitty poems with a trip fag name to make myself feel better.
Aaron
Aka
AJ
Aka
Bri
ACN
I'm way too open about everything, to a point where it puts people off. People constantly take advantage of me because I let them. I'm just average at almost everything. Nobody takes me seriously at all, people don't trust me with anything because they think I'll spread shit.
I hate my job. I hate my life. All i want is someone to care about me. I feel so alone.
>>16546438
How do you know they don't trust you with anything? If they didn't trust you to spread shit you wouldn't hear anything. Right?
>>16546433
Holy shit, knew one of those assholes. Don't trust them with anything.
>>16545858
No I haven't
>>16545838
I'm reading this as a parable - a Christian parable
>>16546442
Also i don't think I'm good at anything. I constantly feel like a piece of shit.
Feeling an anxiety attack coming and slightly panicking over the feel of it being on the way.
I think I'm in Limbo. I'm not dead or alive. I'm just waiting for something to happen.
What the fuck are you doing with that asshole, he's a fucking white trash piece of shit, everytime i see you two together i want to fucking strangle someone. god i hate myself for being such a pussy for the past three years and never asking you out, and now it's too fucking late and i'm not even alpha enough to get you despite being way fucking better than this guy. just break up with the fucker and i can drive you home instead we'd be such a fucking great couple god damn
(help me edit this into something i can actually send to her, i'm sick of being such a pussy)
You left me with no good feeling at all. I still feel ashamed of having anything to do with you. And the worst thing is that I know you have "friends" practically everywhere I go. God knows what you've told them about me. This was all so unnecessary. Why even fuck with me? I'd never even look at you, and then I'd be free of this bad feeling.
I don't know how to feel. I'm so excited to get in touch with you, but I don't know if I want to go back on my word and get back on social media just for the sake of getting back in touch. I promised myself this would be for the better, but meeting you and G last night after you graduated, I can tell we all want to touch base with each other. I want you and G into my life so much, B. When you both let me hug you, I felt as if everything in my world was right.
I want to hang out and get closer to the both of you. Should I compromise and use my backup account? I really want to talk to you just for the sake of talking to you. I've had thoughts of losing my virginity in a threesome, but I want to make sure you both are comfortable with it. I just don't know how. I want to listen to 2 1 8 4 with you two and laugh, lay around and talk about everything we never had the chance to in high school.
How many people have you fucked since me?
10-20?
For me it's been two, and maybe after tonight 3.
>>16546496
Nice feels.
Is he/she a single parent?
Fucking can't stop thinking about my ex today, I'm fucking miserable right now. I wish I could go back in time and do some things differently. It's not coming back to life though. Man, when you're as lonely, unconfident, and inexperienced as I am, being with someone who is unattractive in so many ways feels like the best I can do. And I wonder if I'll ever be in another relationship too.
Honestly I've just been thinking about killing myself. Not because I miss her but because I've been miserable for so long. Even in our relationship I was miserable. I don't see things working out for me in the future. A good job seems out of reach, gonna have to slave away at some shit job just to have my own place, grills gonna be repulsed... Why bother, I'm just going to be miserable
>>16546485
This. So much.
J - You've made me afraid to go out by myself again. I feel I need reinforcements around me just to prove that I'm not the toxic psycho whore you take me for.
I've been talking to my oneitis/ex girlfriend a ton recently. I moved across the planet and didn't talk to her for a while but we've recently regained contact. For the first few months, it was really good. We would talk for hours on end. Even flirted. Then, seemingly overnight, she just started acting really distant. Last week, I got sick of it and asked her what was going on. She said she's been busy, and also frustrated because she has feelings for me. I didn't know what to say, but for the next couple days things went back to normal. Everything was great again. Then it just went back to the shitter. So I bring it up again. She starts blaming it all on me. Saying I've been acting like I don't give a shit even though I've been the one trying to maintain my closeness with her for the past couple weeks. Then she throws the bombshell that "she doesn't think this is gonna work out anymore".
We've been close for a few years now. And she's thrown it all away like this. I'm beyond angry.
But I still fucking love this girl... And I don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. And if I have she definitely hasn't told me. She's just gone cold all of a sudden.
>>16546438
Bait faggot.
>>16546526
J
Histrionics and paranoia.
-J
Im so tired of being in this misserable state.
Again and again i feel heart broken because noone loves me and because im phatetic and will probably be stuck like this for eternety as far as my existence is concerned.
I don't want to be like this anymore, but im in no state for making changes.
Worst thing is, i know this is bullshit, it shouldn't affect me as much as it does. It shouldn't be so heavy. It shouldn't rip you apart, but it does.
I should be able to live a good life anyway. There is nothing physically wrong with me, besides the fact that im having troulbe sleeping.
I keep listening to K-Pop and I keep being depresset
When will these armchair paychologists learn
My dream since I was 9 was to go into the air force after college so it would be a lot easier to get commissioned and be a pilot, do that for 20 years, then go into CHP. I'm almost 23, fucked up in college 4 times, have 1 years worth of credits. I'm thinking of joining the Marines for a few years then be a cop. Or just be a cop. I'm still living with my parents and just lost my job. I don't know what to do with my life.
>>16546686
And just lost my gf of 4 years
I don't understand this girl I've met about 4 months ago. Back then I talked to her everyday at the end of the day, walking with her, talking with her. I even switched classes just to have extra time with this girl and she asked me multiple times if I'm interested in her and I said YES! Thing is, she hasn't done nothing, I mean it's not like she isn't interested and walks off or doesn't talk to me, she still does. It's just she never brings up anything about togetherness and dating! GOD HELP ME!
There's this woman we know and we always have walk on eggshells around her. Everytime we say something she either interprets it as an attack and she starts crying or she thinks we are talking about her when we're talking about someone else. It's hard to work with her, she keeps getting away with because she's moerately attractive. We all want her fired soon.
What is wrong with you? Why would you do something like this? First you lie to me, then you shut me down and ignore me completely when I find out and now you basically make me go see you tomorrow? Don't you know I need to fucking study? I could not concentrate good enough for the past few days because of you, and now I have to leave the house all afternoon. I'm going to fail my classes. I bet you never put yourself in my place, not once. You have no idea of what you're doing to me because you don't give a shit. Why the fuck did you turn off your phone, now I can't tell you to fuck yourself because I'm not going tomorrow. Why are you such a lying piece of shit? I don't fucking get it. And I bet that if I go and see you you will just pretend like nothing happened, you won't explain anything to me and won't let me leave in piece. I hate this shit you've become.
>>16546746
Knew too many like this it sucks.
>>16544446
This is fucking retarded but I'd secretly be psyched if I lost an arm and a leg.
I have no idea why. I use my hands for a living (writing/drawing/music), my life would be over if I lost them. People with missing limbs have pretty tough lives in general desu and it's ridiculously sheltered of me to admire that kind of difficulty
but holy fuck if I got paid like 250,000$ a limb or something I'd totally totally take it.
I feel as though I'm being lead along by this chick I know at first it was me trying to get close and get with her but then I do get close after a year and she tells me some serious shit about her but then about five months later some shit happened (by that I mean we didn't talk as much) and now it's the opposite and I'm basically getting the cold shoulder and don't know what I should do. Just wanted to get that off my chest
>>16546746
This pretty much describes me, it's Borderline Personality disorder. I have close relationships I'm married have children but I understand why people hate me. I hate myself for being this way. Everything hurts me. Some people just cant stand me and I see it and I wish I could be normal. I hate myself. I wish I was dead most of the time.
>>16546746
Hate these types of bitches at work. I usually just ignore them but they still find a way to start shit at work. I got one fired a long time ago, turns out she slept with the boss and his son. I was with management and he literally was laughing when he told me they fucked in the hallway. Word spread out and she started claiming sexual harassment and assault against them. She got fired fast no one believed her.
I've been coming to this site for a couple of weeks.
I feel terrible about myself.
>>16546187
she caught feels and just ruined it if dude saw that shit kek
>>16546842
Wow. That's a lot of hate for a co-worker. At least people with BPD are entertaining!
>>16546855
She was alright and no one knew she had an issue until months showed who she truly was. A co worker starting shit in the workplace is not entertaining unless you work with morons. Everyone sighed relief when that drama queen left. Keep your crazy to yourself is what we keep mumbling.
I've noticed that these hippie hipster types are snotty bitches who wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire.
>>16546869
So she claimed assault when she just fucked them? That's fucked up maybe she just was a cray bitch
So this is my senior year and last year was honestly the best year in school I've ever had so I thought it would continue to this year but it turns out that isn't the case and now I've become the guy people constantly cut off and am now am the punchline of any joke
>>16546876
She was manipulative enough to pull that card out against management. Nope didn't fly not even with H&R. We were all friends and everyone just had enough of her after 5 months. Really don't know anyone until you start working with them.
I'm sad that we can't just talk about it.
>>16546746
Never work with people like this. They only want it their way and will eventually make your life hell. Glad you got her fired.
>>16546920
Why is that?
>>16546920
Why don't you fucking text them or call them? Dummies on these boards. Life isn't complicated and nothing is going to be handed to you on a silver platter.
I looked in the mirror earlier and wasn't disgusted with what I saw. In fact, I thought I didn't look ugly at all. I wish I had friends or a girlfriend to share this good feeling with
>>16546944
they left the conversation in limbo. Not really on me this time.
>>16546987
You should pull it out of limbo so you can get your answer or closure, one or the other. Just say "I really want to talk about this," and speak your piece, followed by something like, "and if you don't reply, I'll talk silence as your answer."
I found out that one of the managers at my work is a pedophile. He's on the registry and everything. Back in 2000, he raped over 20 young girls. They called him the "Pied Piper of Meriden" because he lured them into his head shop with drugs like ecstasy, marijuana and cocaine, then he got them fucked up and raped them. He was supposed to serve 201 years, but got it bargained down to 20, and served only 10 years. Now he's my supervisor.
I just found this out yesterday, and today I found myself acting very closed and cold to him. I guess I just can't stand to think that I'm associated with someone so sick and demented. He asked me what's wrong, and I said nothing and avoided him all day, but I don't know what to do with the rest of my time working here. Do I confront him about it? What would i even say?
>>16546887
I tend to think that offices become families-by-proxy sometimes. And that can be good in some ways, bad in others because all families are disfunctional.
>>16544446
I don't like being friends with insecure people. They keep projecting their insecurities onto everyone and overall creating a toxic environment I don't want to be a part of. Found out insecure people are possesive as well and treat other like toys they could just put on display and brag about. Mostly hollow and judgemental. I feel ill when I am around them.
I cut all contact and severed ties but we still sometimes share contact through old friends. I have a new life I enjoy with new awesome people but I do not share any good news or want anyone to know. Just like any normal person I know.
I know some of them browse this board. It's sad what's happened to them. They even attack reative people and rhetorics out of spite.
>>16546726
That's just how some chicks work
>>16547035
I don't like being friends with people who've been to prison.
>>16547107
Me neither, I've never been to one. But respect people nonetheless.
>>16547134
I don't like being friends with holier-than-thou judgemental little snots. I do not respect them.
>>16544446
every problem I think I have is based on my lack of will.
I want to lose weight.
I want to be a gentler person. less moody.
I want to study more, to know more things and to be better at what I do.
But my mind won't let me, It's like I fabricate excuses for everything and I don't know how to battle it and I'm going crazy with it. Every time I see a shimer of hope and I start doing the efforts to do everything right I start making up excuses and I let myself follow the devil.
I don't know what's wrong with me, It's not like I haven't lost hope, but every time I try I lose a piece of It. I don't understand why It's so difficult to do things right and why do I expect everything to be so fast. I don't know if I'm broken or If I was born conditioned this way. that's my worst fear. the anxiety creeps on me slowly and it stays until I cry it all away and have to start from the bottom of my efforts again.
Just why am I so useless? why am I so scared of the future and not accomplishing what I want?
>>16547147
You're just disrespectful in general. No point wasting time trying to argue with a waste of time who replies to anons getting things of their chest. My letter probably hit too close to home and you're in denial. No problem.
>>16547171
What are your dreams, anon?
>>16547171
The fact that you're on here probably means you're lazy. Lazy people fight with themselves to do anything and just give up. Lazy people are like cattle or sheep they have to be lead. Otherwise they'll just keep grazing, fattening themselves up until they get slaughtered. Don't be slaughtered anon.
>>16547224
my dream is to be able to bring beauty to the world and myself with art that can be appreciated and can be used for video game companies and comics and movies and anything in general. just like pic related
>>16547248
I don't want to be slaughtered. I won't be slaughtered. I try every day, but it's hard when I don't have anyone who I can share my feelings with, I wish I had friends, but I was bullied in high school.
I'm 20 now and I know that's not an excuse.
I want to be better and I know It will take a lot of effort from my part, I just feel lost
i truly do wonder if anyone would miss me if i died.
like yeah, they would miss me
but i feel like i'd be forgotten within a matter of months
i have been so forgettable my entire life
i've always had so much love to give but no one has given it back to me
some days i wonder if it's really worth keeping on like i have. most days i think i'm lying to myself
I juggle men who want me but can't have me because I can't have the man that I want. One day I'll grow up and end all the bullshit.
I slash my wrists the wrong way for attention.
You're all dicks and I hate you all
I didn't take enough pills to OD
I won't have sex with my gf because im paranoid of having a kid.
She really wants it too, and as far as birth control goes she takes the shot, and the pill, we would use a condom, spermicide, and I would pull out, but im still too much of a beta faggot.
I want to kill myself but I was too distracted with him to do it.
Another persons happiness is another persons misery.
I want to kill myself because people are happy.
Why did you go back to her? Anyone in their right mind would have dropped that nutcase she moment she cheated. Don't you realize how stupid you're being? I don't understand why you keep putting yourself through her crazy shit. We click so well, we're so obviously on the same wavelength, yet now I feel like our connection is slowly fading the more wrapped up you get in your dysfunctional trainwreck of a relationship. It's just frustrating. I know I'm being a self-centered asshole, but this is how I feel every time you bring up some new episode of bullshit she's putting you through. I'm starting to think you secretly love it, and in that case maybe you're not as cool as I thought you were.
I know nothing but I talk about others like I do.
Eh ehm .. FUCK
Gonna be a fag and quote a song lyric.
How am I the lucky one? I didn't deserve to wait around forever when you were there first.
Passive agressive faggots in here lol.
I don't understand why my friends like me and the way I've been damaging myself is surely going to make it so they don't anymore
I think I've been trying to make cries for help but at the same time I want nothing less than to burden my friends
I don't really know what to do except that I've gotta stop drinking before I end up even more alone
I just wish I knew how I got this way
>tfw still too scared to fully explore the damage I've done to my life after my last binge
>>16544446
>get dumped as the toxic person they are
>d-don't you dare do a-anything
>irrelevant past that was toxic thanks to their presence
Good riddance.
it's okay. hurt me until i can't feel anymore. hurt me to the point where i'll never make the same mistake ever again
>>16544991
that is exactly what I'm afraid my future will be. Get close to someone who doesn't mind being told the truth.
why the fuck did you do it? We were close. So close. I held your hand, I looked into your eyes and smiled, we danced, you rested your head on my shoulder and told me not to worry, and now you tell me you did it to make me happy and didn't mean any of it. Now you won't look at me or talk to me. Now you're sorry? Why? How can you do that to me?
We broke up, yeah I'll let "distance" be a valid excuse. But I know it's not the real reason. "I still love you, you should come back for me when we finish our studies", no bitch, I still love you, and yeah I hate fucking talking with you still, being supportive and thinking we'll get back together. You're perhaps the stupidest girl on the planet. You talk to random strangers and say they bug you after you somehow "unintentionally" gave them your social media info. What the fuck is wrong with you!? And yet you still get mad when I try and tell you that what you're doing is stupid. I know you're plane stupid and easy to attract. I hope when I'm done with my "studies" I become the exact man you want, and I'll come back to you and let you know how much I love you, and how much I want us to be together and when you accept the invitation, I'll take it back and let you know that I would gladly allow you back in my life, if it were not for my (future) girlfriend that will be by my side on that day.
>long distance relationship w rare weekend dates (2 or 3 times a year)
>break up with him because I felt neglected
I thought he was cheating
And I was chubby, poor, had a crap job, and didn't have anything to offer in a relationship at the time
I didn't want to burden him
4 years later
>I'm in college, lost a ton of weight, paid car, live in beautiful fucking house, do web design/seo so money rolls in whether I work or not, run long distance races, lift weights like a boss, finally learned how to swim (childhood drowning by dad messed me up), got scuba diving certified, go out of country 2 weeks out of the year to somewhere new
He goes on dates with other chicks and I text him every few months to catch up
I want to marry him one day when I have a business and I'm at my peak, but I'm not anywhere near there.
He doesn't know but I'm head over heels for him.
I love you, Michael. You saved me. I try to better myself everyday so I can be a wife you deserve. If it doesn't happen and you meet someone else, I'll still be there for you and be thankful we're alive.
I just want my friend back. He had an energy about him. We had fun. We always did wild shit together. We planned trips together. He left in silence months ago and my life has never been the same. He never said why he didn't want to talk anymore. He changed over night. The last time we saw each other in person was Sept 12th. His attitude changed over night. These days I hear that he has been calling me an asshole. I want to know why he says this but he wont answer me. All of this happened so suddenly and without warning. I want to know what changed. I only wanted to make him laugh.
I need to set myself a schedule and live by it
if I could
>get up early, preferably at 4 am
>meditate
>shower, clean my room, wash my clothes, etc.
>excercise
>go to class
>prepare to work
>eat
>work
>go to afternoon class
>hax
>go to sleep early
I feel I need to dispose of a lot of stuff that's constraining me, what the fuck is it? aghhhh I hate it my mind is becoming too much a burden. I should meditate, why don't I? I've been meaning to get up and fucking do it but my mind keeps wandering to the pc. fufufufuck
The shadows on the ground tell me the hour is sunset... but the sky is not yet lit up in vibrant color.
I miss you K. It couldn't work, it didn't the second time because of me and it didn't the first because of you. When it was my fault we both knew that you loved me partly because I couldn't be with you. I wish you had known how much I loved you from the start. But more than that I wish you knew how much it hurt to be away from you. I tried telling you but I don't think you really understood.
We had something really special. You knew I'd never leave you, knew I would never stop loving you. And I know it hurt you too. When you saw me break you had no idea how deep it ran. I think you do now and I know you regret it. I wish I could tell you that I'm getting better finally. It took nearly a decade but I'm almost back to where I used to be. The thing we never had has healed me. I hope you're doing better too.
I miss my friend. Yes we were great lovers and I doubt we could be just friends but I miss that most. You were the only one I could really talk to. You listened to me and respected my ambitions. You saw more than anyone what I could be.
I miss you K. And I love you.
I get annoyed when people find me attractive. I believe I am objectively unattractive at this time, and when people try to hit on me, or take notice of me at all, I get irritated with them for having such shitty standards. This will probably go away when I lose some of this weight and maybe get a haircut, but right now, I want to blend into a crowd. I'm not flattered by these people, I'm embarrassed for them.
I know that's a very uncommon reaction, and one that's probably not acceptable socially. I wonder if it has much to do with my diagnosed mental illness, or if I have something new going on. Hopefully I can get my body back on track, and this will no longer be an issue.
T
You have truly become one hell of a stupid bitch. Everyone you know knows who you are.
L
>>16545154
Lol so relevant
L
I feel like you have only two more months with me and then I'm gone. That's what I feel like what's going to happen.
Sorry.
>>16547724
>>16547746
so much animosity
>>16547786
why such a little time frame? be sure to keep in touch.
>>16544446
I like-a noodle!
A noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle!!!!!
I like-a noodle!
A noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle!!!!!
I like-a slurpa noodle
Itsa warma meaty vegie noodle!
I like-a noodle!
A noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle-noodle!!!!!
>>16547792
>keep in touch
I'm so sorry.
>>16547177
Didn't you just "waste time" by answering my posts? You're a fucking moron. 'I don't like being around insecure people." You make me sick, you prissy bitch.
>>16547596
God, this sounds exactly like the asshole who fucked with me!
>>16547808
What did I do to make you stop wanting to talk to me?
>>16546187
He's a great guy.
He told me he's okay with it being a real relationship but wants to go real slow.
He seemed real sad though...
>>16547792
>animosity
Lived with this bitch for a while. Kept asking for money then say things like if you don't ill kill myself or Ill kill you. She goes to these threads I know and I'm warning everyone about you T.
L
>>16547826
It's nothing you did, I promise. There were just problems I had before I met you.
It's not your fault, I hope you remember that.
>>16547840
>thinking you know who you are talking to here
And you're Melissa Theareu
>>16547840
initials ;-;?
>>16547846
shhh fuck off
>>16547591
You need to tell him this now. Before you lose any more time, together.
Life is ephemeral. Either of you could be simply crossing the street, and it could be over, just like that. He may never know how you truly feel.
feeling alright.
went for a long drive with the top down tonight, forgot what it felt like to be a potential in the world, not shut in doing damage control and stressing. weird how something little like that can make me feel so much, think thoughts people turn their noses up at. "what're you talking about? the fuck is wrong with you" its so simple though, the metaphor is so clear to me, so full of feeling.
It feels like waking up, the hangover is real. who, what, and where am I? the fuck did you all do and why was I so worried about it? who's sadness is this left by the door? where's it going? I don't know and I don't think you do either.
it feels like some sort of life voyeurism, like I never really did belong here but I got caught up and loved it, so I became it... suddenly not so much. feels like I'm back at a bland default, excess ambition, energy, ideas... but no real defining characteristics now, no real defined direction. clearly though, I'm back on some path after spending an extended time in a scarcely wooded clearing slightly to the left over there.
what to do, what to do, the hangover is real.
Is there a chance our story is not truly over?
Do I have a reason, any, to hope?
>>16544446
Fuck, why not. I'm looking into making myself a better person, maybe this will help.
I've started jogging. Sometimes, I run full out, sometimes I just walk around, but I make sure to get a good sweat going before I go home. Occasionally, I drop down and push out some twenty or so pushups. I'm hoping it helps me to get fit before I start suffering in basic military training this coming Jan, but it feels like I'm going nowhere fast. I quit my job to focus on this stuff, but instead I've been playing vidya and guitar, and occasionally helping my family out around the house and such.
It's not that I have anything to complain about, but... I'm worried, y'know? This was a big life choice, and am I even getting the first part of this down right? Should I have started earlier so I could establish the habits, or am I just not doing this shit right? Did I make the right choice signing up at all?
Oh... also, I've got tons and tons of 2D porn on my laptop. I might have an issue there, but from the look of this thread, maybe I've been dodging a bullet...
i wanted to know how it felt to have a broken heart
to need something that I couldn't have back
to play a game that I can never win
with a hand that only folds, a deck that never deals, a problem that never solves
where failure peeks from every corner, sadness seeps from every crevice
so when the darkness arrives i'll just sit still
until the man in the closet appears
with woeful hands he'll reach and drag me in
long have I gazed into the abyss, its really not so bad
when you've seen the blackest of black, things appear brighter
where I'll go there's no more twitching, no more thinking, no more feeling
the only thing i'll ever miss is you
I'd like to have a gf who enjoys cuddling, being spanked, and having her armpits licked, is that too much to ask for?
Boy am I both sad and horny.
>>16547900
This is perfect
I have an incurable infatuation with emilia clarke which I don't know how to get rid of. She is just too fucking perfect, but I'm hopeless desu
>>16547935
Same
>>16547840
initialss
>>16547855
No you fuck off retard.
>>16547957
hmmm
>>16547979
No you fuck off retard.
I hate myself so fucking much but that is okay. I will no longer be a slave to my mother. She is responsible for fixing her own issues. It is time for me and my cat to move on. Only when I have moved on can I face my problems without being bogged down my yours, mother.
>>16547991
Why don't you keep sobbing about your sad pathetic ass on here. Over and over again.
>>16547991
dumb slut retard
A couple days ago I had a dream that's really clawing at me. I'm a sophomore in college, and I'm the dream I was at a small birthday party for a friend in my dorm. I don't remember who's birthday we were celebrating, but I distinctly remember seeing three girls in this order.
The first was a girl I've been friends with since last year. I had a bit of a crush on her when we first met but I can confidently say that I don't feel anything for her now. The only thing I can really say that's even unique about her in my memory is that she was the first attractive girl I met that asked for my number instead of it being the other way around. No idea why she's relevant though.
The second was a girl I've known since last year, but haven't really been friends with until this year. My friends and I are pretty sure she has a huge crush on me but I don't really feel anything for her. Things have gotten a bit awkward between us lately because of this and I'm just not really sure how to deal with it because I'm extremely non-confrontational and don't like taking about emotions. I completely understand why she might be in a dream though.
The third is the one that's really fucking with me. It's a girl I met freshman year of high school (well, technically a little before that at an event for incoming freshmen in the summer) but haven't seen since a mutual friend's funeral about a year ago, and I haven't even seriously thought about her since graduation. Over the course of the first couple months of the year and for a lot of freshman year I really liked this girl. Part of me thinks she liked me too, but I was too nervous to do anything about it. She was my best friend for that first year and a half. We would talk every day, take the bus together, and text pretty often, but sophomore year we started to drift apart. We reconnected for a brief bit junior year, but it didn't last too long. It got to the point where we would see each other around and not even make eye contact.
(1/2)
>>16547996
Uhm, obviously I have been silly. Why don't you properly apply your observations?
>>16548009
You hust reminded me of a degenerate feminist nazi I despised a lot. Disgusting person overall and was proud of it. Hid a lot anonymously to shelter her fragile ego. Really stupid and disgusting in person.
>>16548027
disgusted me just reading about this femanon.
>>16548027
>her
Assumptions can ruin your whole point.
Anyways, you sound SUPER bitter. Hope you feel better.
>>16548036
Don't matter how you want to deflect anything. I just said you reminded me of such a person. Gender doesn't matter.
>>16548036
Oh right /lgbt/ exists. Forgot I don't associate with fags until I realized this.
I feel better now. I'll do this more often
Tomorrow I get my NEETbox back!!!
I still feel bad about my behavior towards shifu. I guess I'll have to give it my best and let it fade over time.
What I really need is to discipline myself
I wanted to be dependable yet I failed. And I failed because I indulged to apathy, or what was it really? I felt physically weak. Was it really indulgence?
It was probably my eating habits. too much flour I guess.
I need to set aside some time to cook
I don't like that kitchen.
I don't like being exposed to my normie roomies. Especially my renter's bitchy gf. It sincerely bothers me that she doesn't even say hello when she sees me. Is it too fucking much to have a little education? God damn it she's fucking living there too.
I need to keep my room clean. And the kitchen. I need to fucking relax and stop being in a hurry all the time. Why do I even go all the way downtown every morning? Why do I feel the urge to go and work before it's time?
I mean, it's not even my information addiction really, it's the fact that I'm always hurrying.
I don't even have anything to do downtown after class, I just stay out because I like the night. I could just take a walk and go back home, hax a bit and go to sleep so I can get up early for morning class.
I wish I could keep blogging and venting but this shitty IB has max wordcount.
I would choose Bulbasaur for a starter its just that Venusaur looks so FUCKING STUPID! Life is so hard.
>>16548047
now you're assuming >>16547840 is a male. >>16547840 could be female. It's the situation that fits. I hope your bitterness dwindles.
Im in love with my best friend of 3 years. She has a boyfriend and I may just have fuck it up 5 min ago by not telling her, but giving her a lot of clues. Fucking hate to think I may loose her friendship or she will stop being the same after this.
>>16548008
So today I'm sitting in bed wondering, what would have happened if I would have just asked her out? I know it's pretty mentally cancerous to engage thoughts like that, but it won't leave me alone. I also really don't wanna make it seem like I'm mistaking her kindness for romantic affection because it was more than kindness. She had a boyfriend when I met her, but I think she would have left him if I would have made a move. When school dances were coming up she would always joke about how she could see us going together and having a great time, but then again whenever there was a "girls ask guys" dance, she never asked me, so I could be reading into that too much. I know it sounds dumb but just the way she looked at me and smiled at me and talked to me reminds me of the way girls that were confirmed interested in me did those things.
I think the reason the question is haunting me right now is because freshman year of high school is where I see I sort of started setting myself up for failure. Even if she rejected me, I would have at least asked a girl out and gotten over that fear of rejection so much earlier. And if she said yes, I probably would have avoided years of low self-esteem. Even if we only dated once or twice, knowing that at least one girl found me attractive and likeable enough to go on a date with me and have a decent time would have meant the world to me. I have have avoided the beginning of the self-pity feedback loop where no girl wants to date me because I'm not worth dating because no girl wants to date me...Plus if I had my first kiss back when no one knew what they were doing I wouldn't be so nervous about kissing now since I would have had a bit of practice.
I'm not saying I would have married this girl or that we would have even lasted long, I'm just saying she was the start of a long line of cute girls who were possibly into me but I could have been happy with. And I know that's kinda pathetic. And that kinda kills me.
(2/2)
>>16548008
>>16548066
Oh, and in addition to all this, another thought that's really bumming me out is that I won't get a decent chance to tell her how much she meant to me even as a friend. High school was not a good time for me, but just having her there really always being positive and encouraging me helped a lot. It's my fault that our friendship sort of died and I should have tried harder to keep her.
>>16545154
You knew that from the beginning love ;)
>>16548060
>anon is one person
>what, who, where
I hope your retardation never ends. Great geriatrics for someone who browses 4chan. It's all my fault for arguing with retards. They do beat you with experience. Not bitter just laughing at this stupidity.
I graduated from HighSchool last year. Looking back I missed so many opportunities to be happy in High School. I wish I could go back so bad. Tell that girl how I felt, help that friend out when he need me, try harder in class. Now that I'm not forced to socialize I don't...and now I just feel so lonely
This has been the worst semester of my life and I can't stop thinking about killing myself
>>16547991
Fuck off retard.
If I could make myself save money instead of spending every bit of profit I get I wouldn't get in these situations. I will try that idea I had about producing half the product every day and just chill, visit people and forget about pooters while I take a couple strolls through my usual selling spots. I need not stress about selling all 25~30 units if I just have 10 or 15. I hope that works out, the whole thing was working out until I started stressing about cold weather. If I make 10 I can afford to lose a day.... I just hope I don't indulge in too many days off per week. I guess at most two: mondays and tuesdays. Which I should use to do chores, go to the city for the prime matter, and so on.
I'm not sure I should drink that much when I go out. That seriously drains my energy. Weed too. Weed is great for excercising though.
Oh well.
I too hope it all goes well with that grill. It probably won't, I'm already used to it.
Why am I stressing over so many things? I was gonna focus on 3 things.
I have fucked up speech. Its not an accent its me not learning how to speak properly. I sound like a fucking retard who is barely understandable. On top of that I have that pigeon chest shit so its looks like I have a retard's body. I feel like an autistic retard who people put up with
>>16544446
I'm sick of fucking panic attacks. I'm sick of going into the ER sperging out because I think I'm dying because the symptoms are different. Every. Single. Time. I'm sick of delving into the rabbit hole to overcome my fears. I'm sick of my body and my brain chemistry betraying me when everyone else is normal. I'm sick of worrying if I'm good enough to be around people. I just want to be normal again. The fuck. I miss my ex but I'm in love with a man who I barely know. I miss the 17 family members who died in the last 4 years. I work 50+hr weeks. Why can't I just get my shit together? I get matches on tinder but never follow through. I'm sick of being strong and alone. I just want someone to hold me and say it'll be okay..
I crashed my car and every laughed at me like a retard. Was selling drugs at my usual street. Saw my parents trailing me and I booked it. I was so scared of the consequences that I almost killed a child on the street. Then friend from highschool called me and said he was in jail again. I just graduated and these dumbshits can't stop smoking weed and fucking their lives up. I want to pistol whip these faggots for even existing but I don't have a pistol. Tired of these faggot crew I have, all I have is this thread and how I shit on people better than me.
Not to mention, how I'm broke have no future, stuck in debt, no property and no real friends except ones I cling onto for dear life. I feel so tired and insecure. I'm sick of this autism and how I repel everyone who is actually a decent person away from my life. I always think I'm superior when in reality I'm just autistic. I don't even lrove it to anyone I just hide behind friends and gossip a lot. Until it all comes back to me as misfortune. I deserve this.
Do you know you make me feel the most repulsive person on Earth? I really don't know what you felt about me during these last years anymore.
Going from being the most important person in your life to actively being avoided, even after you left on your own accord, really hurts after all these years. Thanks for feeding my insecurities and trust issues, bitch.
I'm really just pissed I joined this MLM group all this misfortune wouldn't happen if it wasn't for this. I could have been a doctor or someone reputable now I just shit all my friends who bettered themselves. They all left me. I deserve this. I can't get out of this MLM.
>>16548152
You were a vile human being when no one is looking and I'm glad I found out sooner than later. You will never change slut.
I meet someone cool on craigslist.
Seems we have a lot of the same taste.
We're both just looking for a friend. She's a girl I'm a boy.
It's I'm too nervous to email her. What can I do to help?
>>16548155
>MLM
I have bad news for you buddy.
>>16548181
Get her kik, skype or whatever you both use. Go google how to get rid of your girl anxiety.
>>16548214
I mean I could take xannax. I'm not to shy of girls I'm in a relationship.
I don't know what to say or how to say hi really. But I really wanna talk to her
>>16548271
Everyone is scared to be judged or rejected. You'll be more comfortable if you just say hi, how are you, how was your day and get to know each other respectfully and gradually. Try to be honest with who you are, what quirks you have and so on. The key is be genuinely curious about things you share. Be thoughtful once in a while when you think of them and say hi.
But everyone is different so your wit style is up to you. Just be comfortable with who you are, many of girls out there anon kun.
I've been seeing you in my dreams every night for some three weeks now.
>>16548159
>slut
Nah m8, think you got the wrong person
>>16548318
ur fukken slut m8. you slept all the barnyard animals, a statue and a dying cobra. i projected the film in slo mo for everyone to see m8.
>>16548327
Shiet that anon is a slut.
I wish I had it in me to give up a lot of my dreams for you.
I wish you had it in you to really picture a future for us.
I am scared this will really be the one that got away that I will regret, but my our hands are tied in so many ways.
U a slut
Set this place ablaze on grounds of witchery.
>>16544446
I've gotta quit watching shows like The Voice. My parents and my sister were eating dinner in the living room and had it on. I can't stand that shit, they have absolutely nothing to do with singers and music. It's a massive popularity contest completely devoid of anything worth listening to. My sister just spent the whole show swooning over the first contender. Guy didn't sing bad, he just didn't do anything to wow me. He pretty much just sat in the middle of his range, was kinda hard to hear and somehow he's one of the last people left. And of course I, being the way that I am, criticized the entire thing. Of course my sister backed him up because he's cut, then told me that how all my favorite bands are emo and full of ugly people. She's 13 but I can't help myself sometimes. I asked her to name one band that I listen to. She said The Wonder Years. I asked if she knew what any of them look like. She didn't. My step mom always makes these dumb ass comments about how one day my sister is going to kick my ass. Every time she says that, I want to stick my sister in a full nelson just she'll quit it with that shit. But I tell her that if she was going to kick my ass she'd have done it already. Later my sister went on and on about all the things she wanted for Christmas. About how she just wanted all new stuff. She went on, and on, and on, and on about it. Eventually I just told her to chill out with it. Then she got mad at the dogs for begging for food. We bicker a lot when I get stressed out. Or when she starts being a drama queen, which happens every now and then. I'm just happy she's not coming home from Mom's house crying about Mom's boyfriend Neal. That whole thing is a really shitty situation. Mom's never been much of a "romantic partner" as I'm going to call it. Even when she was married to dad it seemed more like they were roommates than Husband and Wife. So Mom and Neal, from what I've seen, acknowledge each others presence and that's about it.
David.
I'm acting like its all cool.
But I will never forget.
You betrayed my loyalties and I shall never forgive it.
You lost me that day.
I think you know that deep down.
But thank you for that.
Now I am free to surpass you
And when I do I will destroy you.
>>16548415
Surpass your own autism
>>16544446
Only destruction you will witness
Is yourself, from your vindictiveness
I have left as a witness, and elevated
Veils of hypocrisy and secrecy unraveled
Through the cracks in the mirror
Lies, deception, chiseled in stone
When it all shatters, it was written
Your fate, was written on the wall
So don't blame David or Goliath
It's your fault, you made that call
You can't destroy the writings
The writings on the wall
>>16548407
I hate the bastard myself. He got drunk one night when I was still living with mom and went ape shit. He broke Mom's phone and did god knows what else. I was just in the other room and heard the whole thing. Then she gets back together with him because he's told her he quit drinking. On thanksgiving, he just invited his son and watched a game. Mom invited a few family members over. We don't have much left on her side of the family. Most either died in the last few years or moved off. Probably to get away from her. She isn't exactly the easiest person to be around. She goes crazy seemingly without reason. She did it a lot after her and dad split up. She'd accuse me of lying about everything except what my name was. She'd make a big deal about my acne, got an appointment at the dermatologist and even they said it really wasn't that bad. I'm convinced by the way the acted, that she painted a picture for them that my eyes were closing up my pores were so swollen. She snapped at me one day after she thought I said something mean to my sister. I tried to get up and walk away but she charged at me, grabbed me by my throat, and pined me to the wall. The apology I got, "I'm sorry that you think that's what I did." It's hard to just imagine you throat being closed up by someone's hand. She'd call me stupid, tell me that all my friends were going to leave me. You know, that kinda stuff.
Fuck you, mom.
You sat there getting high and moping while I grew up, made fun of me every time I trusted you and now blame me for all of your problems. I remembered every single holiday, called at least once a week, visited when I could, and even got you gifts. In the last year you un-invited me to Christmas dinner and lied to me about it, forgot to get me any presents even though I got you things, ignored my birthday entirely, never visited even once, and called all of five times the entire year: twice because you wanted something, twice to tell me how horrible I am and how much I neglect you, and once to disown me. Guess what? When you disowned me it was the best day of my life.
I have stopped bothering to call you since you disowned me because you're not worth it. I would love to never talk to you again. I'm dreading seeing you ever again even if it's just for a few minutes. In fact, I'm thinking that I just may never bother with you again after Christmas is over.
Yes, I bought obligatory presents a couple months before you disowned me. I bet you didn't even think to get me anything... again. Second year in a row, I'll put money on it. I bet I'm not invited to Christmas Dinner or New Years, either.
Look: a relationship is a two-way street. I tried to be your son. You didn't try to be my mom. From now on I'm treating you as you treated me.
Goodbye. I won't miss you.
>>16548457
Wew
>>16548294
Alright, thanks anon I got this
>>16548421
No, but, really is there one person on /adv/ who is posting the same autism sling in each thread or has everyone just taken to this?
>>16548493
I believe in you anon.
>>16548381
You assholes that find love, let alone love that fucking strong, and just let it fucking go without fighting tooth and nail for it...
You compromise and sacrifice and never fucking give up on it.
You don't deserve to be happy, to have that person in your life, celebrating all of that with you. Have fun looking back after these accomplishments and realizing you are a shell of what you could have been and they aren't there.
>>16548499
It's been a thing for a long time.
>>16548503
>I'm bitter and don't know how to be a positive person
>I'm bitter and don't know how to be a positive person
>I don't understand why I can't get love
>I'm bitter and resentful but I just want care and affection
Stop posting here.
>>16548459
After she got back together with Neal, she got a house in a town 20 minutes away from where I grew up. I still went to dad's house. He'd drive My sister and I to school, we'd stay at his house on the weekends and when I got home from school for an hour until mom got home. Dad worked mid-nights as a cop and when he took us to school an 8, he'd be exhausted because he had been up since 10 that night. I'm 7 years older than my sister so when she went to the elementary school, I went to the Jr. High. On the ride there after we dropped my sister off, he'd unload all the worlds problems on me and if I ever tried to change the subject, he'd just get mad and tell me to, "just let me vent for a while." He'd guilt trip me into listening to his problems. He'd almost always end it with, "people are stupid!" And I'd go into school after hearing all that. It never became an issue at school, I'd see my friends, one of them would say something funny and I'd forget about it just a little bit. A lot of them were going through some of the same stuff so I never felt completely alone. Dad would pick me up, and he'd either be in a better mood because he had slept well, or in a really shitty mood because he didn't sleep at all. Sleep was almost all he could ever talk about. And if anything came between him and his sleep, he'd flip his shit. If he was in a good mood, he's spend the whole time trying too probe me for information on girls in my class so he could embarrass and tease me. He got all his women by going to the ER while he was on the job. The ER would usually be dead at those hours so he would just stroll in and talk to the women in their late 30's. And because of this, he thought of himself as some kinda modern day Don Juan. And on good days he'd tell me what he did to get women, trying to give fatherly advice and all. So basically, I learned in Jr. High how to pick up high strung women in their 30's who were probably just happy he wasn't an alcoholic.
