I need help.
I just graduated college and one of my current roommate's and I are planning on moving to NYC when our lease is up at the end of August. Last Friday we visited NYC, found a place we liked, and put down a deposit while we wait to get approved.
And then I immediately started having massive, ceaseless panic attacks. It's now Monday and I haven't stopped having them. I've barely eaten or slept. All of a sudden I realize I really don't think I want to live or work in NYC. It feels so busy and claustrophobic to me. I never liked visiting it as a kid (grew up in NJ). We don't have the apartment yet, but I would feel bad bailing on my friend. She just got dumped, her other potential roommate dicked her over (my ex, by coincidence) and now I would feel very guilty doing the same to her. But I can't help but feel like it's a bad idea for me to move to NYC.
What the fuck do I do? I have no job lined up there. I studied marketing and now I don't even know if I want to do that anymore. I don't want to go to NYC, I don't want to continue living in Boston since all my friends are leaving.
Continued:
I have friends in NYC, but the idea of living there makes me so deeply uncomfortable I don't think I can do it. I've been thinking about killing myself nonstop since signing / putting the deposit down.
I've thought about L.A. since I have a couple of friends out there, but who's to say I won't feel the exact same way once I move out there. Plus, I don't know what I'd do for employment out in L.A. anyway. I feel like I'm stuck with nowhere to go and no options that don't make me want to kill myself.
why would you move to one of the most expensive cities in the country without a job lined up? That's not a plan, its a recipe for ending up on the street. Your savings will be gone in an instant.
is it not possible to move back in with your parents in NJ while you look for a job in the city, then once you're a bit more secure you can move into it.
>>17369569
wow haha, ok I take back what I said
clearly you have deeper problems than just the normal practical ones of money and finding work, you really want to kill yourself over this? THIS? Wtf is wrong with you, get a fucking grip.
stop being such a damn attention whore and drama queen and man the fuck up
>>17369575
>>17369570
Oh I for sure have deeper problems. But like I said I've been having non-stop panic attacks for several days now and I just want it to end. I'm not thinking about actually killing myself, but the thoughts of suicide come in my head involuntarily.
To address your other point, I don't know. I had some promising job things lined up when we originally started planning this but things have fallen through. Now I'm not sure if it's too late to bail on the place. I don't know if we'll get our deposit back.
I could, and probably should, live at home in the mean time. I did not have the foresight to do that before, and now it's a bit too late. I recognize that this is largely my fault and was totally avoidable.
>>17369584
how much money do you have saved up to support yourself during your job search, how much will your apartment cost, and third what is your degree in?
You may just have to back out and eat the loss on this one, but you seriously need to get a grip. If you have panic attacks and stop being able to function with something this minor then you're going to have a lot of problems going forward. Just think rationally.
>>17369595
I've got just shy of $3,000 saved from working throughout college, our apartment is $1125 each a month, and my degree was in marketing communications.
I thought I wanted to work in advertising, but now I feel unsure of that.
>>17369654
holy hell, you thought you could make a go of it on 3 grand? That won't last you more than 2 months, the average job search takes 6 and many people are out of work for a year or more after college before getting their first job.
Look, it doesn't matter anymore how you feel or if this upsets your friend because without a job this plan is simply untenable.
Here is what you need to do
1. call up your parents and explain your situation, tell them that you don't have a job but its going to be your job to find one and until you do you're going to need to live at home for a little while. You have to actually mean it though, and your whole day needs to be about finding a job.
2. Call up your friend, apologize but say that you got ahead of yourself and without a job this just isn't going to work. You still want to live together but it's going to have to be in the future, if you lose your down payment by backing out pay for her share.
Get control and all the anxiety will end.
