>>17369036
>What if just thinking about this depresses you even further?
There is no "what if" about this. It is a certainty. It affects everybody.

There is a name for this feeling: it is fear. The fear keeps you shyt in, and makes you believe that there is no way out, and that trapped feeling in turn, depresses you.

The only way out of the cage is to smash it outright. And the only way to do that is to face your fear. I'm sorry, but nothing else works. Never has. Never will.

This doesn't mean you have to act rashly. No one ever cured arachnophobia by sticking his hand in a bucket of spiders. You can, and probably should, take it in small doses. Expose yourself to social situations bit by bit, pushing yourself a little bit outside your comfort zone each time, adjusting as your comfort zone stretches. This is still not easy, and it is not comfortable. You will still have to face your fear head-on, even if only a little bit at a time. But it IS a little easier. I'm afraid that's all the break you get.

I'm sorry. I wish there were a way that was easier than facing one's fears. People make it sound so much easier than it really is. But there is no other way.

Courage isn't when you're not scared. It's when you ARE scared, but you do it anyway. Be brave.

I work in IT
I did not get a degree, I graduated from a self-paced class at a tech college. I was being trained to take the Cisco certification tests, the low level ones. I took them 3 times and failed each time, probably because I simply could correctly commit subnetting to my memory, no matter how many times I tried. Therefore, I am stuck at the bottom tier of IT until I decide to further my education, but furthering my education in any direction in IT means passing certification tests, which means learning subnetting, which I seem incapable of.

I internally refuse to go back to college ( I tried and dropped out 2 times before hanging my head in shame and going to tech college) because of how much time I would waste taking and probably failing General Ed. classes before I ever got to the major classes.

I managed to land a job with my own office making $16.50 hourly with paid vacation and holidays, but only because this company doesn't know what they're doing. If they hired smarter managers, I would probably be replaced my a machine or by a high school student.

I smoke weed everyday. I have been doing it since I was 19. I only stop when I have to take a drug test, and that is not very often at all. If I run out of weed and get off work with nothing to smoke, I get irritable and start trying to buy some as soon as possible, even if it would be more expensive or less effective. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, have been doing this since I was 18.

I'm basically useless to society. I'm not procreating, I'm not doing meaningful work.

I guess what I'm coming here to ask is, has anyone in my position had any luck joining an armed forces branch? I figure this might be the only way that someone like me could be useful.

>>17369036
when I'm feeling down again, I'm in your exact position. I'm just as old as you are and male, too. idk I don't really there is anything besides going outside. just setting myself hilarious goals like ordering coffee at a restaurant I'm not familiar with sometimes boosts my confidence to infinity (at the end of the day, there's not actually much that could go wrong ordering a coffee).
on the other hand, what always helps me is working out. so try that if you don't already.

>>17369077

I have a specific mode of operations or just a personality that I fall back on when I have to behave socially acceptable, but it seems old, or that it just doesn't mesh well with everyone's "authentic" personalities. That's how it honestly feels: like I'm trying to use a fake personality to interact with real people, where all of my interactions seem like I'm "acting" or playing a part. Is this a disorder?