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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
I've made a huge mistake. I fell in love with two girls and can only have one. I thought I could drag both relationships out until one was a clear winner but that hasn't happened. I know I'm still young (24) but I'm not the type to date around and I need to pick the one that I think I'd eventually settle down with.
Here's the story:
Girl A. We started dating during junior year of highschool, dated all through college, and have continued to date with 3 breakups in between. I'm the one who did the breaking. We are both 24 now. She was the first girl I ever dated and the one I fell in love with. We grew up together essentially. She's into the outdoors like me and we've always had a great time going hiking, traveling, and backpacking together. After 8 years of dating we have alot of history together. I really like that she has her own hobbies and interests, keeps fit, and eats well. When everything is right, she's happy and fun to be around.
When things aren't completely stress free in her life, she isn't very fun to be around. She doesn't deal with pressure very well and it effects our relationship. Our sex life was never great in my opinion, though I am really attracted to her and how her body reacts to mine. When she would be stressed out from school or something, sex was the last thing she wanted to be bothered with. I told her many times throughout our relationship that sex was important to me. She claimed it was to her, but we've never been quite on the same level.
>1/?
She's somewhat prudish and it takes alot of foreplay and shit to get her clothes off, though there are occasions where she wants me to play with ass. She rarely gives blowjobs and likes to lay down while I do the work. I like doing the work, but I'd want to climb on top on occasion. Outside of sex, she hates talking about sex. Like me, she can be stubborn and hardheaded. I don't have a problem with that except she is easily offended by how I say things sometimes. And then it takes a while for her to let go of whatever I had said. She can get really mean when she's upset, to the point where I've called her a cunt. I don't like the idea of saying that to my wife.
Girl B. I met her on tinder in my home town around thanksgiving of last year while I was still seeing Girl A. I met up with Girl B one night at her house and we quickly got down to having sex. That night lasted close to 5 hours which I had never done with Girl A. We met up again the next night and I really fell for her. While we were having sex, "I love you" slipped out of my mouth. I owned up to it and said that was how I really felt. Thanksgiving was over and I left my hometown to go back to where I worked. After that happened I started to question my relationship with Girl A for the 3rd time. I really felt something for Girl B, so like a big asshole I broke it off with Girl A over text. She came over and cried and cried and I didn't show much love or support. I am greedy. I would meet Girl B every 3-4 weeks. I held off on calling us girlfriend and boyfriend even though she had asked multiple times because I wanted to find a new job close to her.
>2/?
>>17367642
Like clockwork, about a month after not talking to Girl A, my feeling got the best of me and I started having withdrawal. I started talking to her again which included alot of anger and tears. I told her that I'd never do that again. After a few months of job hunting I landed a new gig in the city right next to my hometown. I didn't take the job just because of Girl B, I hated my old job and wanted to jump industries. I took the job and moved in April. Girl B asked again if we were actually dating and I told her yes. I like Girl B because she's easy to be around, doesn't get stressed or offended, is really happy around me, loves having sex with me and nothing is off limits, and very pretty. The thing that mainly bothers me about Girl B is that she doesn't have any real hobbies or interest. She hangs out with her friends and family occasionally, but she has nothing she is is passionate about. She likes some of the same things I do and is down to do whatever, but she doesn't have a drive to do those things on her own.
3/4
>>17367650
Anyways, Girl A moved back to my hometown after her M.S graduation and got a position on the west coast that she was to start about a month later. So during that time I was juggling hanging out with both of them while neither knew. That was stressful. Girl A moved out to the west coast a few weeks ago and I've been hanging out with Girl B alot. It's coming to the point where they both aren't feeling like they can trust me. Girl B found out I was talking to my ex and tried to break it off, but I persuaded her not to. She's upset with right now but she really does love me because she is still here for some reason. I hate living this double life and I feel like I haven't allowed myself to really really fall for Girl B because I still have an attachment to Girl A. At the same time I'm having an extremely difficult time letting go of Girl A because we've had so much time together that she is apart of me. I used to always think about marrying her and still do. Girl B would also be a great wife and mother. Decisions normally come easy to me, but not this. I can't seem to let go of either.
Please ask questions if anything needs explanation.
4/4
Simple rule of thumb: If you love two girls, take the second one. Because if you would really love the first girl, there would be no second.
>>17367667
I usually don't agree with this, but in OPs case I feel like it's true
>>17367667
>>17367673
I think that would apply if I only dated Girl A for a year or so, but I spent 7+ years with her. I went through all of college and then post college with her. I've matured a bit and made some bad choices when it came to how I treated her. I'm not trying to argue with you, but I just want to make it known that I really care about her and do love her. There's alot of baggage but that is mostly caused by me breaking up with multiple times after being frustrated at the quality of our sex life.
She has explained to me that she felt like when we are together all I want to do is hang out with her and shun going out with friends and doing social things, which she is correct about. She didn't like that I wanted to hole us up in our house on Friday/Saturday night instead of doing social things which I now I understand why that's a problem. I feel like I didn't give her a fair chance in that regard.
Girl A imo, Girl B is inferior
In the future don't cheat like this
Just fuck both of them, and whoever does it best stays. Can't believe you had to make THAT many post for such a petty case, c'mon man.
Fuck bitches, get money.
>>17368607
Why do you say that ?
>>17368650
Girl B fucks way better and we fuck all the time. With Girl A we hardly make it out of missionary, but I cum so fast with her I don't know why.
Girl a. But you don't deserve any of them
Sounds like your relationship with Girl A has been rocky and doesn't look like it will be getting better in the foreseeable future. Go for B with a little more commitment and enthusiasm. You've been stuck on A for years and you should try having a real relationship with someone else before you decide the first girl you dated is the one you want to marry. Don't settle for her when you guys have so many issues.
>>17367622
If you truly loved the first one, you wouldn't fall in love with the second one.
You don't deserve girl A, leave her alone if you truly "love" her (you don't you narcissistic piece of shit). You don't deserve girl B either for that matter. You'll be a disappointment to either because you're a self-absorbed short-sighted fuck who's proven himself to be bad husband material. I feel bad for the girl who settles for you.
Girl A is the way she is because she's comfortable with you. She doesn't have to be a rock star in bed.
Girl B wants to ramp things up because she's still in pursuit. Give it a few years and Girl B will be "Miss Missionary" just like girl A.
So outside of sex, who would you want to be with?
>>17367622
> can only have one.
Why?
Bring both women over to your house. Tell them that you embrace the polyamorous lifestyle, you have been seeing both of them, and that you would like to continue a relationship with both.
Honesty is the best policy. Drama comes not from sleeping with both, but in feeling that you have to lie about it.
Didn't read all your garbage justifications. It doesn't really matter what girl A or what girl B likes, it's upto you as a human being to decide whether you'd like it if a girl was stringing you along while she slept with Jonathan on the side.
It is clearly a problem and you need to make up your mind ASAP.
Thanks for all the opinions even the harsh ones, I know I deserve it. Something is obviously disfunctional inside me. I still don't know why I'm going to do, but I need make a decision ASAP. For all those who said go with Girl A, I'd like to know your reason.
It's strange, with her we argue more than I'd like to and it leaves me frustrated, but we've done it so long that being with Girl B and arguing makes it feel like something is missing. Like I get some kind of fulfillment off of that disagreement.
Well OP, here's my two cents. I was in a relationship like the one with your girl A. We were together on and off for about eight years. When it was good it was amazing, when it wasn't it sucked. Around two years ago now I broke it off for good and have never regretted it. Looking back, I just don't think on/off relationships work out, and I encourage everyone to get themselves out of those situations. There's a reason you keep breaking up.
I think you need to let girl a go and let the both of you move on with your lives once and for all. As for girl b, I don't think it will work out with her either, but I think it's more likely than the other.
>>17370063
Appreciate the insight. Can you describe your 8 year relationship a little more? It scares the hell out of me that the history we have will suddenly stop. It's like having someone you care about die, because your lives will never intersect again.
