2/2

However, quite a few of her friends have started threating me differently. They don't greet whenever we meet (a lot of them either work at some of my regular pubs, or frequent the same places I do.)
One of them had a talk with me after he saw me make out with a girl the other week, and basically told me that the rumor was that I fucked several other women at the same time as woman in question.
This is only true for the first month, when we hadn't started seeing each other daily yet, and in all practicality SHE was the other woman.
I didn't touch any other women for the last two months I was seeing her, and I haven't fucked anyone else since she broke it off. It's been almost four months.

How do I fix this? Should I talk to her and tell her that I care and that I didn't go behind her back, should I talk to her friends, or should I just give no fucks and live with the fact that people think worse things about me than I deserve?

please bump, /adv/isors

>>17366484
You can't be with her.

Btw ur a fucking whore

Sounds like you don't really care about her and its this other women you really care about.

Let it be. What do you plan on saying? "No you misunderstand, I was simply fucking others until after we got this technicality out of the way"? You know she would still be hurt by it. Besides, who knows, it could very well be that word has gone around of this other woman and it's not just rumors but they know you were with her (just not the timing).

She was in love with you and you wouldn't take the leap. Her friends are never going to like you. Just accept it and move on.

>>17366568
I know. It's unfortunate, but I've accepted it. I might be carved from a different timber than many, and I do believe you can love more than one person at the same time. Doesn't make me a whore, as my sex partner count isn't that high for my age.

>>17366588
I do care. I think about her almost daily, still do, and the reason I didn't talk to her earlier was because I felt that she needed time to get over it.

Of course I care more for the other woman, she's been in my life for six years, and we've connected on levels no other has come close to. She's 5000 miles away though, and I don't want to wait for her. Life's too short, and she doesn't prevent me from loving someone else.

>>17366598
I guess my plan is to make sure she knows that I do care about her. I didn't want to end it, I just wanted to take things slow, and I think she would understand if we had our conversation in more sober conditions. I admire her, and I think she's absolutely amazing, and I'm saddened by the fact that she has walked around for four months thinking I wanted to go behind her back, even if we didn't have any agreements on exclusivity. I want her to know that the reason I hung out at her place as much as I did, was because she was there, not because I wanted to leech on her.

I highly doubt that word has gone around about the other woman, since we've kept our thing a secret from even her closest friends for about three years now, after our official relationship ended.

>>17366754
Look, you can make some big gesture and go to her and tell her you're sorry, you wanted to take things slow, you want to be with her monogamously. It will be hard to believe and she'd be pretty foolish to not take you up on it without at least having some very long, very serious talks.

Or you can leave her alone completely. If she's in love with you and you cannot offer her what she wants, rubbing in her face that she was nonetheless almost there is just selfish and cruel. It's easy to say that you just wanted to take things slow, but she's not obliged to accept any kind of relationship that you have in mind. She laid her cards down and in a way you absolutely rejected her. It might not look like that to you, but she made herself vulnerable, she had to get drunk to get herself to express to you that this was what she wanted, and you basically said that you couldn't imagine wanting to fuck just her. That your feelings for her weren't strong enough to push past doubt and the temptation of being with other people. That hurt her.

I think you should leave her alone. Telling her these things would have more to do with easing your conscience and/or hoping she'll come around than with respecting her choice or "helping" her.

>>17366831
I get that, and it's the reason I've let her be all this time. It would be real easy for me to bump into her 'on accident', as she works literally next door to my business. I'm moving out of there these days, and tomorrow I'm gathering some friends to help me pack and throw stuff in a dumpster that sits in the back yard shared by both our businesses. There's a high chance I'll see her during the day, and also I still got something that belongs to her. When I type it out like that is sounds creepy as hell, but I never gave it back because I felt she needed as much distance as possible.

I know it would be selfish to talk to her only to feel better myself. I can see myself in a relationship with this woman, but I'm pretty sure the ship has sailed, so I wouldn't reach out in order to get her back in that sense. I'd like for us to be friends, or at least for her to stand being around me, as it's a small city and we know A LOT of the same people. Also, I'd rather be a coward who wasn't ready for a relationship with her, than a cheater.

She was too much of a good thing for me, and the reason I didn't fall in love was because I want to spare people from getting too much involved in my fucked up life

>>17366868
If you must say something, practice something short and sweet. Along the lines of "I want you to know that when I told you that we were exclusive, we were. I do not regret not saying yes to you wanting a real relationship, because I wasn't ready, but I want you to know that you made a big impression on me and I care for you a lot. I wish you the best."
Or whatever you want/wish, but something finite and relatively short like that.

>>17366484

1. You shouldn't give a fuck, just do your thing, but if a girl wants to be exclusive in the future, don't lead her on

2. You kinda do deserve it

>>17366896
I never did tell her that we were exclusive though. I was even reluctant admitting that what we had going on was considered dating. In hindsight this was a scumbag move that most likely just made her more insecure.

I guess I just want to tell her that I regret not being honest with her from the beginning, but I never lied to her.

I've actually written a two page letter with everything I want her to hear, but I don't know whether that's something she'd want to read, even if I'm writing it with as much humbleness as I can muster.

>>17366963

Don't write a letter to girls

Speaking from personal experience (firsthand and secondhand) it never goes well. Ever

>>17366953
1. This is the first time I haven't told the woman I'm seeing that I'm open to dating more people at the same time. The reason was that I kind of believed that she also was looking for something casual, and she never expressed any need to have a relationship talk, which I think is odd after that long time.

2. I deserve to be called whatever for doing what I did (not do,) but I don't deserve that people are ignoring me because I cheated on her, because I didn't. I only happened to already be involved with someone when I met her, and there was some overlapping, and not after we started to see each other regularly.

>>17366969
I know, kinda. Like I said, not something she would want to read.

Its things like this that make people not believe in lifetime monogamy.

>>17367050
That's the point. I don't believe in lifelong monogamy.

At least not fulfilling and happily.
Call it archaic nostalgia. Deep inside I'm a neolithic man waiting for mushroom orgies to get its revival. I think we should raise our children collectively, not in families. Families fuck you up. My parents are still married btw.

>"can see myself in a relationship with this woman"
>"I just wanted to take things slow"
>"I care more for the other woman"
Slow to what? Dude, you don't have to lie to kick it, but get real. You would drop any other girl you were dating at the time to fuck this other long distance chick any time she got within probably a 500 mile radius of you, at least from what I can tell from your babbling about "muh deep connection". Even when you were haning out with her, she was your second choice and I think she probably subconciously picked up on that. You have one foot out the door at all times to begin with, so just open with that in all of your dates. You'll save yourself a lot of trouble in the future by just sticking to absolute casual things where the girl is also dating two or three other guys.

As far as this girl goes, just leave her alone. Who cares what her friends think of you, unless you are all bummed about not being able to fish for poon from her pool of friends or something. For someone who's all up into polyamory you have an awfully thin skin.

>>17367583
/thread

>>17367583
You're not completely wrong, but this is such an interconnected city though. It's hard not to bump into people, no matter whether I'm fishing.

The other woman comes with a scarcity factor. She's only here a couple of weeks, months tops, every year. Left on February and the next time she'll be around is possibly May next year, and yeah I do love her, but not doing the LDR thing again.

>>17367583
Furthermore, no at first I didn't think this thing would last. I'm not a one night stand kind of guy, I believe there's something real to be gained from every person I'm intimate with, and this thing with the woman in question turned out to suit me very well. It wasn't strictly casual, but I'm old enough to differentiate between love and infatuation, and to be frank, so is she. I was wrong about her, she's much more insecure and vulnerable than she leads people to believe. There were other factors that prevented me from falling in love with her, but for the last two months I told myself and my own friends that come summer, I could very well be there - it was just a matter of getting to know each other better. I was attending a wedding in late June, and she was the one I was planning on bringing. This I thought in February, so claiming that I would drop her at any news of my lover coming back, is a bit rich. Last year I went no contact for ten months with her, she just happened to stumble back into my life for a few months, and that happened to overlap with meeting someone that turned out to mean more to me than I felt I was ready for when I first brought her home with me. There's never any guarantee that I'll be with the significant ever again, so I'm not going to pretend that no other person can't take her place. But I need to go slow, not rush into things, in order to know that it's real.