Break Up
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hey guys. I can't sleep
Sob story inbound.
My first girlfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. We hung out on a Tuesday. Watched a movie. And made plans to go to the beach that Saturday. Thursday rolls around though and she wouldn't hardly look at me when I saw her at church. She told me it was just something with her. Saturday rolls around but instead of the beach, I get a phone call saying we have too many differences. I barely got a word in because she said another call was coming in and she had to take it.
What hurts the most is I've known her since I was 14 (I'm 21 now.) We got close over the past 2-3 years. I asked her out one time but she said she wanted to be friends. We didn't talk for a while after but started texting again. One thing led to another and I told her my feelings never died for her. And she said the same thing. We dated for 4 and a half months.
I can't reconcile all the things that happened and were said between us. She said we communicated so well. We got together on Valentine's day, no plan of mine. Lots of our friends said we could make it to marriage. She waited until 4 months in before she said, "I love you." Because she didn't want it to be fake.
I just don't understand. Was our time a lie? Does she even care about me? Did she ever?
I don't know how you can say those things and then one day just decide it's over. I just don't understand.
So yeah. It hurts a lot. I just want her back in my life.
Thanks for reading. Take care :)
Sorry op but it sounds like it is time to move on.
Maybe she felt something for you when you first got together but maybe she realized over time you liked her more than she liked you, i doubt it was a wake up one day and she didn't want to be together feeling.
You are young and will probably have this feeling more than once in your life, just learn to let things go and don't let it eat you up.
>>17365276
Sorry man, but it looks like you just managed to claw your way out of the friendzone, but if it ended after just four months she probably never had the same feelings for you
It might not be what you want to hear, but "getting her back" is not an option. At least not in a romantic way.
Just look at it as valuable experience and try to move on. Dwelling on it will only hurt you
Whatever you do, no matter how much it hurts, don't try to get back together and don't try to be her friend. This will just end with you getting hurt more. It's time for you to move on.
I can't answer your questions and probably she can't, either.
Watch this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5motuzyLXIk
>>17365276
Sorry to hear that, OP. It has happened to every man at some point at his life that what he thought was love turned out to be a little different.
Basically, I'm not going to tell you what you should do regarding her, because that's over. Don't be her friend, and don't try to win her over and get her back because that will not work.
I am going to tell you what you can do for yourself.
Give yourself a week to grieve. Let the anger and sadness flow through you. Be mad, be sad, even cry if you need to (because sometimes you need to do that).
After a week, it's time to start rebuilding, and learn from what you did wrong. I'm not saying that this is your fault, but you can learn from what happened, and make sure that it doesn't happen again.
1. Never put stock in someone who isn't yourself. Basically, you let her define who you are, even if it was only for those few months. Don't do this again. You need to be a solid rock.
2. Confessing your undying love for a oneitis is a risky, bold move. And it worked for you, one time. This is ALWAYS an uphill battle, and I for one am glad that it worked for you this time.
It won't work again. Especially now that you've reached your early 20's, you need to learn that this is not how you get women. This is not how you get a girlfriend. Confessing your love to someone is admitting that they're better.
3. Women are fickle. Like, fickle to the point of omg wtf. Let the blows flow over you rather than shake you to your core. That takes some steel, but everyone has it in them.
Sorry for the novel but we've all been there.
>>17365276
Hmmm, almost sounds like she cheated on you and got a guilty conscince.... (It's more common than you think)
My advice would be: Move on, and be the best you can be.
Be happy. Make new friends. Meet people. Connect with old friends, etc.
The pain will fade
>>17365734
>she cheated on you and got a guilty conscince
yep she fucking someone else
>>17365276
It sounds like she gave you a chance and it didn't work out.
On the plus side, you got the girl you pined for.
On the down side, you were overly attached to her before you even dated and will use the experience as a reason to hang around women who aren't interested in you.
Cut your losses, it isn't the end of your life, use the experience to improve yourself and move on.
>>17365276
Are you me OP?
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate it.
I talked with someone who has known her for a long time. They told me that she's scared of commitment and growing up. So she panicked and pushed me away.
And I think you are also right when you say friendship probably won't be a thing. The last text after the breakup did not sound hopefully or futuristic. It seems like she's numb to the pain of it all. She'll probably move on quicker than me.
So I'm going to chill with friends. I got a gym membership and I'm hitting the weights. I'm going to press forward.
The hardest part for me will be, what to do with the box of everything that happened between us. And everything that was said.
>>17367076
Good for you op don't go back to her no mater what not good for you. As for the box lock it away maybe one day you can look back at it
I feel the same way as you OP, I feel miserable..
