so, I really need your opinions, me and my gf have been dating for about a year a few months now, and I need some opinions on things. My gf says im too protective and manipulative, but i dont think i am. Shes starting to make me feel like im manipulating her and shes making me feel like shit for saying how i feel. for instance, heres a scenario thats happening now
>me and gf chilling at my house, midnight, shes exhausted and is barely staying awake
>she was supposed to go over some guys hose at 11 to study
>not really okay with this, but i trust her and i dont make a fuss about it
>i tell her to just go home since shes so tired and she has work tommorow, shes also been working 6 days a week, so i was trying to tell her she needs her sleep
>she says shes gonna go home and go to bed
>she gets home, tells me shes going over this guys house to study and all
>i say no, you need your sleep (we had a similar sitiatuion to this a few months ago where i was pulling long hours at work and she told me to stay home a few nights and i did) so i didnt think this would go much differently
>she says she needs to get this work done, but shell leave in an hour and message me while shes there
>an hour goes by, no message
>call her to see if shes okay
>gets upset with me, tells me she needs to get this assigment done
Weve had stuff like this happen before, where she wants to do something stupid and i tell her she shouldnt or i just flat out tell her no , like one time she wanted to get trashed and go to another city to see some concert, which i said no to. am i being overprotective here? Im just trying to look out for her, shes awful at taking care of herself and i want to try and help her. im not trying to be controlling, i just trying to care for her. she does similar things to me too, and i listen to her, but when i do it back to her she always says im acting controlling or manipulative, and its tearing me apart. I dont think im controlling or anything, pic not related
shes just twisting my brain around, she makes me feel like shit for getting upset at things like this. i dont think shes manipulative, but i dont know. i just need some opinions here on what you all think. you guys normally set me straight on these kinds of things.
Who the fuck studies at midnight? The only thing she's been studying is that guy's anatomy m8. Girls these days have figured out that they can make guys keep their suspicions to themselves or get rid often completely by trying to turn things around and make you out to be a 'jealous' boyfriend, or emotionally abusuve etc. Her story is suspicious as fuck, and any sane man that cares about someone would also have concerns
>>17364972
>9
thats what im really worred about man, i think it was more to do some assigments or something, and her and this guy have the same class.but i told her to not go several times, and she just went anyway.
>>17364977
didnt mean to put that 9 there, im exhasuted m8
You two sound ill matched. She sounds wild and care free and you sound serious and cautious. Your idea of justified concern is overbearing to her, not at any fault to either of you, just the way you are.
Maybe I'm all wrong but from what you've said that's what I see.
>>17364983
i can agree with that, shes not wild i dont tihnk, just immature, and im very serious about this. i want a long term relationship with her, but idk man. shes tearing me apart, cuase i love her so much and im trying so hard here, but idk man.
From what you said it sounds like you have tried to make decisions for her. I understand that you love her and do things only in her best interest (and yours) . But you can't just say 'no', if she asks you what you think tell her your opininion and if she still wants to do it then let her. Saying no (if that is what you did as in the example with the concert) is exactly what you shouldn't do if you want to appear protective or manipulative, after all you aren't really going to stop her are you? Rather just sway her your way.
No, of course this is only based on my interpretation yada yada , i could be wrong but i think you need to let her make her own decision.
probably thinks your being over protective and clingy by checking up on her, i can see her side there.
But her story seems fishy, like she was tired as at your place then legs it to study with some dude at midnight and didnt seem to care about your opinion. Do you think she'd be okay with you having a study sesh at midnight with another girl? obviously dont go and plan some shit like that just to get on her nerves.
>>17364961
Bro, no lie. girl use to tell her boyfriend that dumb shit every time she was coming over -.-
Bro just saying ; try to dig in deeper
You trust her but she may be abusing that trust
She seems care free and wild ,so for her ,actions are always justified if it was a decision taken at the whim of the moment
She may have cheated on you ,story sounds fishy af
>>17364961
You have two choices - keep her chained to the bed at home and dressed in a burka outside, or accept that she's at least as mature and independent as you and show her the respect of trusting her judgment and even allowing her to make her own mistakes.
>>17364961
Ditch her if you don't like the idea of her probably screwing someone else, if not now, then soon (as a backup).
Simple solutions for simple problems. Stop trying to control other people and focus on yourself.
>>17364961
what in fuck is wrong with men? leaving to go study with a guy at midnight, are you idiots to believe this shit? Just because she is fucking you does not mean she isn't fucking other men. She tells you one story and tells them another and both of you believe she wants you more. Well played
>>17364961
If you start ignoring it and stop caring about so much, she will take notice. Drop off the radar or let her drop off for a while, let her do her thing, go do something for yourself and don't argue if she brings it up. Make yourself feel good first always, she will behave how she wants and she is free to do that, but she might be cheating you never know. Don't stress over her life and her decisions, let her take responsibility for herself and take a step back and reflect on yourself. Have a drink dude, if thats your thing, take a load off and stop listening to her decision making.
Sounds like she is fucking this other guy.
>>17364961
The only things that happen after 11pm are drug deals and sex
She said one thing then did another, you shouldn't be faulted for wanting to preserve your relationship.
Smarten up, you're upset and confused because you know you're right but she's making you out to be the fool when really you should trust your instincts.
Going to study at midnight with her male friend? Bull fucking shit, leave her and find out how to be a man again OP.
>>17364961
it's not enough for your girl to want to fuck and be with this other guy she has to make you a fool doing it right under you nose. What kind of twisted high does she get from this shit?
Bro she is fucking the other guy, no doubt about it. I'm sorry but you should dump the bitch and find someone better
>>17364961
through the wonders of technology no one needs to be in the same physical space to get a project done. Hell I collaborate everyday with coworkers around the globe I have never met in person. She is with him at midnight because she wants to be with him and wants you to leave her alone. You realize that is where she will spend the night?
Telling someone what they can and cannot do is controlling, full stop.
Sounds like the two of you really aren't right for each other. You don't trust her judgement, you don't trust her ability to make good decisions and to take care of herself. That won't work long term.
Just so you know, that going to another guys house at midnight is disrespectful behavior in a relationship and no one should impose that on a partner. With that said, she is 100% cheating on you dude, if my girl tried to pull that shit on me I knew it was over at that point and drop her.
>>17364961
Going to another guy's house to "study" at 11pm? Seriously?
Sounds like she is guilting you into letting her go fuck- I mean "study" with her classmates Chad.
Dump her m8, if she isn't already fucking that guy then she eventually to it.
>>17364961
Here's the deal:
-If she is fucking the guy, she is actually the manipulator here. A fucking Class V Manipulator. And by calling you manipulative, it confuses you, distracts you, and makes you feel guilt because she knows you're onto her. She knows that calling you manipulative throws you off and helps her get her way.
-If by a slight chance she isn't cheating on you, then she's still a manipulative cunt because she isn't taking into account how she looks to you going to another man's house at midnight or your feelings. That's just straight up disrespectful.
I'd dump her for either one of these. Manipulation is the biggest red flag out there. Imagine being married to that?
>having an opinion and sharing it openly is "manipulative" now
Jesus fuck i despair when i think about how everything gets twisted up nowadays.
>>17364961
lets be real here OP. People don't go to work on a project at midnight, they go to fuck. I never once "studied" with any girl alone at that hours but did use "studying" as a pretext to get together. She knew it and I knew it.
>>17364961
Hi OP, you need ground rules, but it is a bit late to implement them in a relationship as mature as yours.
Tell her you aren't comfortable with her studying at another guy's house, tell her you aren't comfortable with other guys being in her room, whatever bothers you, make it known early on in the relationship, or in your case, as soon as possible.
If she is stopping you from doing things, but you have no say in her life, then it is pretty one sided.
I'd say it could be a shit test, but I don't know of many women who would go to another guy's house to study when they are tired and have work in the morning, unless of course she is fucking him and stopping over there feeling safe in the arms of a man who isn't spineless.
>>17364961
my fucking god. she spent the night OP. Your gf of a year spent the night at another guys house. Fuck. Doesn't sound like you are very successful if you were manipulating her but she did a great job manipulating you
